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Unread 09-13-2012, 08:32 PM   #1
Finally getting it
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Default Maybe I'm not crazy after all?

Hi all. I found this forum last night when randomly doing a google search on cocaine and relationships. It helped me!

I ended a 5 year relationship with my boyfriend who only once admitted to taking coke. But many, many people told me repeatedly that he did it. He also told me once that he went to rehab for it, lthough he has since denied ever saying that.

I lived with him and spent a lot of the time trying to understand why he behaved the way he did. Obviously I was not perfect in the relationship but he lied to me about so many things, for example he would go out, tell me he would text if he was going to be late and then roll in at 5 am telling me he hadn't wanted to disturb me. He knew I had my phone on silent but would still insist this was why he hadn't sent a message... I assumed it was that he just didn't give a damn, but I'm thinking now it was that he was so out of it sending a message, keeping his promise, hadn't even occurred t him.

That sounds small compared to some of the stories on these posts but I have felt at times that I was going mad, he would tell me things then deny ever saying them, he went through his money like crazy, he would be out all night and not come home until morning, then skip work the next day and be in bed all day. He was angry, violent, aggressive and moody. He blamed me for things and was paranoid that I was sleeping around (never ever have I done that) and would make up things I had done with other men.

I read your posts and thought perhaps I wasn't going mad.

I ended the relationship and made him move out and have since had no contact with him but I am missing him and I am sad, probably more for the idea of the relationship than the reality. Reading everything here last night made me realise I don't want to be around this behaviour any more.

Even though he never stole from me or did anything as awful as some have experienced I truly feel like I've been in a relationship with an addict; one where I was living a relationship based on lies and tales he made up. How could it work with that basis?

If he wasn't using it as much as I believe, he was just an arsehole. But I think he was. It explains so much.

Thanks for sharing your experiences, folks. They helped.
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Unread 09-14-2012, 10:38 AM   #2
NancyB
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Hi Finally getting it, welcome. I'm glad you had the strength to get out of that destructive relationship and realized you weren't going crazy. Oftentimes, people in active addiction will do anything to try to 'hide' the addiction, even lashing out at the ones who love and care about them.

I'm glad that other people's experiences have helped you realize that there is nothing that you could have done to change him. That has to come from within him. You did the right thing for YOU. I believe that there's a much more stable, better relationship waiting out there for you. Then YOU can enjoy yourself instead of always being on guard.

My best wishes.

Nancy
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Unread 09-16-2012, 01:41 AM   #3
CarlyO
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Dear Finally getting It,
Welcome and glad you found us! I agree with Nancy, congrats on mustering your strength and getting out of that relationship. There are many forums on the site that have posts about all types of experiences- opiate, alcohol , reason I say this is that addiction is addiction and loved ones struggle and suffer no matter what the substance. If you need more insight check them out. It sounds like you are going through the grieving process, imo, it is natural, Heartache is just that, ache, it hurts but in time it will get better, you may have great days and days where you miss him. It would be helpful to reach out to friends, supports and of course you can always vent here.

Stay strong and take care of yourself, Carly
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Important disclaimer: Any information in this post is not and does not constitute medical advice under any circumstances. Addiction Survivors, Inc. does not warranty or guarantee the accurateness, completeness, adequacy or currency of the information contained in or linked to the Site. Your use of information on the Site or materials linked to the Site is entirely at your own risk. NEVER take any online advice over that of a qualified healthcare provider. Any information contained on AddictionSurvivors.org should only serve to inspire further investigation with credible, verifiable references sources such as your physician or therapist.
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