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Unread 01-31-2015, 06:14 PM   #51
Tryntryagain
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Good evening Secret Tiger. Bright blessings to you.

How are you getting along? I have times during my weekly life where i make sure i have time to catch up. It is important to try and stay in touch with those that touch me.

You helped me so much on my journey of late, and as i am in the manor, i had to pop by your place and ask.

I have dodged a fair few bullets in my time, but now i hold the gun. I have only just realised i was holding it all the time.

Be peaceful, let us know how you are getting along, and be strong. Loveness to you Secret Tiger.
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Unread 02-01-2015, 08:19 AM   #52
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Tryn, thanks for asking.

Three weeks today and feeling good. Well, feeling good today. Friday was another story. It wasn't so much a tap on the shoulder as a full-on assault. Every part of me seemed to be screaming to get drunk and I don't mind admitting it was very scary.

There I was looking forward to three weeks if sobriety when - WHAM - I got a pretty stern reminder that I shouldn't be cocky and I should be taking it one day at a time. On Friday I was taking it one second at a time, but I got through it without drinking or smoking. The weekend then went a lot better.

I hope everybody is well and had/is having a great weekend.
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Unread 02-01-2015, 11:39 AM   #53
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SecretTiger, Great job. Yes at times it is 1 moment at a time. Keep it up. You are worth it.

Congratulations on 3 weeks.
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Unread 02-01-2015, 11:47 AM   #54
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drinking is all around it is ok, keep going.
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Unread 02-03-2015, 11:29 AM   #55
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All we can do is recognize that those moments will come and plan how we will attack them. I keep a list of all the bad things alcohol did to me that I can pull out at any time and review. It's called aversive conditioning. It works for me. It reminds me that I don't want to go back there.

We each deal in our own way. Doesn't it feel empowering to know that you don't "have" to drink? You beat it then; you can do it again. Congratulations!

Love, Susie
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Unread 02-10-2015, 01:19 AM   #56
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Secrettiger,
How are you? We haven't heard from you in a little while. Let us know how things are for you when you have a moment.

Take care,
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Unread 02-10-2015, 09:44 AM   #57
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Sorry I haven't posted for a while, I've just been crazily busy. I do check in every day to see how everybody is, and I'm sorry I haven't contributed anything.

I'm happy to report I celebrated a month of sobriety the other day. Some days are harder than others, especially as my life is in a bit of turmoil recently. Ah...if only I'd saved the money I spent on booze over the years...

Hindsight is a wonderful thing although its problem is that it's looking back. Despite the uncertainty and worry, I prefer to look forward, and it's much nicer doing that with a clear head.

I'll try to write more often. I hope everybody is well. Take care.
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Unread 02-10-2015, 10:57 AM   #58
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SecretTiger, Congratulations on staying sober. Thanks for checking in.
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Unread 02-10-2015, 01:38 PM   #59
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Congratulations SecretTiger..on one month...

I know some days could be harder, but trust me it gets better as time goes by...playing it one day at a time helps...

Have a great day...
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Unread 02-10-2015, 01:58 PM   #60
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way to go SecretTiger!
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Unread 02-10-2015, 03:11 PM   #61
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Good evening Secret Tiger. Bright blessings to you.

So good to hear from you. I am so glad sobriety is working for you. Don't forget we always want to know how you are.

Be peaceful, keep your strength. Loveness to you Secret Tiger.
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Unread 02-10-2015, 04:22 PM   #62
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SecretTiger,
That's awesome! Congrats on 1 month sober!! I hear you about looking back but I will say this. Take responsibility for it, forgive yourself for it, most importantly learn from it, then move on. If we're stuck in the past we can't move forward. Thank you so much for checking in.

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Unread 02-27-2015, 09:23 AM   #63
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How are you, keep posting as you can, hope you are doing well SecretTiger.
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Unread 02-27-2015, 04:55 PM   #64
Tryntryagain
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Good evening Secret Tiger. Bright blessings to you.

Don't be a "Secret" Tiger. Our thoughts are with you.

Keep thinking, keep wanting. Loveness to you Secret Tiger
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Unread 03-01-2015, 08:23 AM   #65
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Hello, sorry and thanks for the messages!

Wow, time flies! I'm doing well, thanks in very large part to the great people here. Sorry I haven't been checking in much, I've been so busy with work that I haven't ben doing much else. Luckily I am finding some time to spend with my family, to exercise, and to be productive.

I do have a confession, though. Last week I had to attend a small conference with some people I used to drink with. I got myself a sparkling water and found that somebody I knew had switched it for a beer as a 'joke' (I haven't told many people I'm not drinking). I took a couple of mouthfuls then patted my stomach saying 'that's enough for me - I'm working on a healthier six-pack.'

I felt the craving to get drunk, which I think is good because it made me realize I have no interest in trying controlled drinking. I can't control it, which is why I'm here. I guess after a few weeks it's easy to think 'I've got this far, maybe now I can just have one or two.'

Long-term sobriety is for me. I just have to keep working at it one day at a time.

Take care, all. You're in my thoughts and thank you for keeping me in yours.
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Unread 03-01-2015, 09:31 AM   #66
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I have somewhat of a similar situation, Secret Tiger. Because I can and have "managed" my drinking over the years, I am guarding against any feeling that I can be a "controlled drinker." That might work for me sometimes, but I'm not interested in a part-time healthy lifestyle for that's NOT a healthy lifestyle at all, and I would only be lying to myself if I believed that. I know I cannot take that first drink, for there is the real danger it will not stop there. So I salute your ability to not yield to temptation, ST. Stay strong, be well and happy. And continue your healthy journey! I also find that being part of this wonderful group of caring individuals helps me enormously! Sharing, for me, has made a world of difference. I haven't communicated with everyone very much, but knowing everyone is there and cares touches my spirit.
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Unread 03-01-2015, 09:57 AM   #67
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Congrats on your efforts....I feel inspired by you and DianeC...

thank you...and have a great day ...stay sober and stay safe my friend...
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Unread 03-01-2015, 10:17 AM   #68
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Keep up the good work! What wonderful words of wisdom from SecretTiger and DianeC.
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Unread 03-01-2015, 12:00 PM   #69
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SecretTiger, I have to avoid people, places & things where drinking is involved. If I am in a situation where drinking is involved I have to know no one has had possession of my drink to avoid what happened to your drink.

Thanks for checking in.
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Unread 03-01-2015, 03:49 PM   #70
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Good to hear from you, Secret Tiger! Also good for for you for stopping what could have been the beginning of something that you just don't want. Take care! Jenm
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Unread 03-01-2015, 09:59 PM   #71
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Hi, SecretTiger. Good for you for recognizing your reaction to the situation and stopping. I don't yet have the confidence to know I'd do the same. You are inspirational indeed.
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Unread 03-02-2015, 11:00 AM   #72
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I think you did great in your response to the drink SecretTiger, I'm going to start exercising after I type. Glad you are doing well.
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Unread 03-02-2015, 11:30 AM   #73
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Good afternoon Secert Tiger. Bright blessings to you.

So lovely to hear from you and to hear of your sustained focus. As alcoholics that endeavour to enjoy sustained sobriety there will always be challenges with that, and others along our way.

You made a decision and took a choice, i am sure many here will feel like me in saying that gives me inspiration, and that i am proud in you for your chosen pathway.

Be peaceful, be healthy, keep that focus and be strong. Loveness to you Secret Tiger
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Unread 03-13-2015, 11:15 AM   #74
SecretTiger
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Hi all,

Well...

I had a drink. I can make all sorts of excuses about being busy and stressed recently, but they're just excuses. We all know why I drank.

So now it's back to working on not letting it happen again. I didn't get totally smashed, but neither did I only have the one.

But I promised to focus on positives.

The positives are that I didn't enjoy it in the slightest. As I said in my last post, I've no interest in "controlled drinking". I'm all or nothing with alcohol - either too much or none at all. Having been the too much route for way too long, nothing sounds like a lifesaver, figuratively and literally.

The other positive was recognizing quickly that this can't become a habit again. I don't want to excuse it happening once or twice because I know it will escalate into every day if I'm not vigilant.

It's also brought me back here. I was scared, to be honest. But then I read through the threads again and was reminded of what a great place this is and what wonderful people you all are. And we're all in it together. We know what it's like.

So, although I've spent a few days beating myself up, I haven't been drinking again and it's back to seeking sobriety and staying positive.

I hope everybody is well and thanks for reading.
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Unread 03-13-2015, 11:20 AM   #75
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we can keep going forward and that's what we have to do, blessings to you and much support
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Unread 03-13-2015, 11:32 AM   #76
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SecretTiger, I am so glad you are back!! lostdog is right, look forward and be thankful that you have learned from what happened. But, look, here you are and are ready to move on in a positive way. The path will not always be smooth but when you are willing to work for the good then you will be able to navigate those bumps. The key is, you are here again and are back on "track". Yippee!

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Unread 03-13-2015, 12:24 PM   #77
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SeceretTiger

I am as scared as you are...I worry about slipping...but in my mind I am doing this one day at a time...I am glad you are back...As humans we are not perfect, the good idea is to manage the perfection...not necessary that it has to be perfect.

have a great day friend...
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Unread 03-13-2015, 01:58 PM   #78
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SecretTiger, Glad that you came back. Continue to look forward. Getting sober even for a short time sure can ruin that next drunk. Think through that next urge to drink.
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Unread 03-13-2015, 05:13 PM   #79
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Good luck on this run for sobriety. There is no shame in slipping up. The only shame is in continuing to drink. Take advantage of the support here. Keep us posted!
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Unread 03-13-2015, 08:16 PM   #80
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Good evening Secret Tiger. Bright blessings to you.

So good to have you back.

I took a drink, what.... 3 weeks ago now. I had enjoyed sobriety for 39 weeks. I made a mistake. Events, oh goodness "stuff overcame me", and i took a choice i wish i hadnt.

I thought i had thrown away my effort and hard work, i had thrown away my hopes of sobriety"....nonsense, i just felt like shit. Physically because that is what the stuff makes you feel, but all turned upside down inside as to why.

Of course i have been here time and time again. Tried sobriety, but could not sustain it. But hold on...i'm a big boy now, i should know better....surely? 3 weeks ago when i took that drink i came online here and simply said, "i am drunk". I had nothing else i could possibly say. Never in my life have i had a place to go...you know that time when you have taken the drink, and now you really wish you hadn't?, ever before to say "help" there and then. There is not a sausage my dear friends across the pond can do but be there. Whether we are struggling or not, if we are committed to becoming or sustaining sobriety, "being there" is actually the whole wide world in dark moments when we can feel ever so alone.

By now i have come to learn that everyone here has been where i have been. I have asked on so many occassions here..."why?" R Lee and Saint will tell you, it is because we are alcoholics. Even though i readily admit i am an alcoholic, it is so hard to understand.

1 last thing Secret Tiger, i think i may have found a trick.

You say you have "spent a few days beating yourself up". That is so very dangerous. It is the vicious cycle of continued and sustained drinking in my opinion. I do not know why, (but i can hazzard a guess), i wrote here when i had taken a drink on the same night. I am sure it was because if i didnt "tell on myself", i would beat myself until i did. Of all the people i have known in my life who have lost their lives to alcohol, it has generally been in the "beating up stage". I am back, a day at a time, enjoying sobriety each day, but i have learnt that if in the future alcohol visits me again, i am going to tell!

I can't quite remember where i heard this, but someone once told me, "think through the first drink".

Great to have you back!

Be peaceful, be healthy and be strong. Loveness to you Secret Tiger
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Unread 03-14-2015, 09:40 AM   #81
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SecretTiger,

Welcome back!!! You have already ready such great advice and I am glad you are done beating yourself up about drinking. Remember, we didn't become alcoholic overnight so we shouldn't expect sobriety overnight. Let this be a learning experience for you. Examine the root cause, identify your trigger to drink and formulate a plan for the future. Use your supports here and as RLee and others mentioned think through that first drink, it works!

Continue to learn about addiction, research it, and in the process learn about yourself. Be kind to yourself, accept who you are and keep working it. You have a great attitude. Keep moving forward. Mountain s are climbed one step at a time. So glad you are back. Yayyyyy!

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Unread 03-14-2015, 07:58 PM   #82
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Thanks for the messages, everyone!

I can see where I slipped up in a number of ways. First, I started feeling sorry for myself and started blaming other people for how I was feeling. Work's not great, so it's somebody's fault; I don't have time to exercise, so that's somebody's fault; people aren't talking to me as much, so that's their fault, etc.

I can now see very clearly that I started the cycle. I think I've shared this before, but it's one of my favorite quotes: "It's not what happens to you, but how you react to it that matters."

Thankfully I'm getting back to being positive and seeking sobriety. My friend, who knows I love running, made a great analogy: "Don't try to sprint a marathon"

One day at a time and, when needed, one moment at a time.

Thanks again for your support and I hope you're all well!
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Unread 03-14-2015, 10:08 PM   #83
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SecretTiger, See how we can set ourselves up long before we take that 1st drink. It is called stinking thinking. We need to get out of ourselves & live life on life's terms.
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Unread 03-17-2015, 10:50 AM   #84
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RLee, thank you. That's so true!

I'm back to focusing on the positives again. I'm ridiculously busy at the moment, but I'm getting paid, keeping a roof over my family's head and doing a job that I enjoy for the most part - so there's little to complain about there!

Exercise helps as always. I can't believe how much better I feel after going for a run, going to the gym, doing some climbing or riding my bike! Sometimes I don't feel like it, but I always feel way better after doing it.

I hope everybody is well and I hope you all have a wonderful day.
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Unread 03-17-2015, 11:39 AM   #85
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SecretTiger, You are welcome. Think through that next urge to drink. Thank you for all the support you have taken the time for to support others here. I help get us out of ourselves.
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Unread 03-17-2015, 12:04 PM   #86
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Secrettiger...good luck with 25K run...great job! keep it up...I wish i had stamina like you...
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Unread 03-17-2015, 03:29 PM   #87
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Keeping busy can be a good thing sometimes... and you are so right about exercising! It's great to hear you're focusing on the positives. That is so very, very important.

And iamtrying, everyone has stamina. It just has to be worked up to gradually.
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Unread 03-17-2015, 07:25 PM   #88
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I am an exercise nut and it helps, although somedays I rest. Have a nice day.
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Unread 03-18-2015, 09:07 AM   #89
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Today started off brilliantly then sunk into shittiness, then ended on a great note. So all in all, it was a great day.

Iamtrying, when I started running in 2009 I could barely make it until the end of my road without wanting to reach for an oxygen tank. I think that for a lot of things, running included, the mental is equal to the physical.

You'd be surprised how much stamina and strength you have, and you're showing a huge amount of it on a daily basis here.

I was struck by how strong people can be when I experienced a very big natural disaster a few years back. I had to walk for over nine hours to get home, and that showed me that when push comes to shove, we're a lot stronger than we think.

I'm trying to apply that thinking to getting over a few hurdles right now, and reading how everybody in this great group is dealing with similar things is a great source of strength and inspiration. Thank you all.
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Unread 03-18-2015, 10:40 AM   #90
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Good afternoon Secret Tiger. Bright blessings to you.

I made a bit of a error in that i misread yours and I Am Trying posts and mixed you up! I have just told I Am Trying im going to hit him on the toe with an inswinging yorker! Poor I Am Trying....what on earth will he think!

I think your awareness around capabilities and personal strength is so uplifting. I find as you say indeed we all have tremndous strengths within us, and in the past i feel we have called upon these strengths in crisis. Sobriety enables a place where strengths can be recognised within us, and we have the consistency to "put what we are in joined up", and go out and give.

It is a fine line, and a fine balance, between tripping over the line of "too much", and keeping those prioritys for you as an individual always in the right place.

As Fred Dibnah once said about building steam engines, "it is tiring and hard, hard work. But the rewards are why and what we are"....priceless.

If it would help to share a bit more about specific hurdles that are facing you right now make sure you know you can do it here.

Be peaceful, keep that wonderfully energetic focus, be strong. Loveness to you Secret Tiger.
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Unread 03-18-2015, 03:30 PM   #91
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Good job secrettiger..my days have roller coaster too and most of the time...I am fire fighting issues at work that somebody else created or screwed up...you can imagine how frustrating it can be...I always draw a line in my mind and push all the frustration to the other side and imagine myself on this side of line and move forward...that helps..

Tyrn ...I am in love with Cricket..I would like to talk more on that..I am cool with it no worries..I have no problem if you want to put yorker on my toe...I have strong toes ...Check on me with Cricket questions next time..I will be prepared...

Thanks Mille and secret tiger...hope to get that stamina one day...

Have a great day! stay sober and stay safe friend...
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Unread 03-24-2015, 07:36 PM   #92
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SecretTiger How are you doing? just checking and hoping you are doing well and having a fabulous day.
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Unread 03-25-2015, 10:03 AM   #93
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Thanks for the messages. I'm good, just really busy.

Things are a bit in limbo work-wise, but all being well a couple of side projects will start paying off this year. They're a load of fun to work on, but I've been allowing things to get in top of me for a while which took the fun out of them. That's part of what led me here.

That said, I had a brilliant day today working in one of them. I haven't laughed so much in a long time, and it's surprising how much you can miss the laughter of those close to you.

Don't forget to laugh and smile - it's a great tonic!

Keep well, keep positive, and keep smiling all! Again, thanks to all for your kind words, messages and support. I may not check in every day but your in my thoughts and I truly appreciate the support.
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Unread 03-25-2015, 10:06 AM   #94
R. Lee
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SecretTiger, Glad you are doing well.
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Unread 03-25-2015, 10:31 AM   #95
lostdog
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laughter is the best medicine. We had such a fun day at work with the girls laughing and trying to get some work done. I'm so glad you are doing well.
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Unread 03-25-2015, 10:46 AM   #96
gmasusie
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Secret Tiger,

That positive attitude will see you through! It affects all of us here for the better. Thanks, Susie
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Unread 03-25-2015, 03:05 PM   #97
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I love reading the posts of positivity and those that say folks are doing well! It makes my day...!
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Unread 03-29-2015, 08:07 AM   #98
SecretTiger
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Hi everybody,

Just a quick check-in to let everybody know I'm fine and doing well. Staying positive, eating healthily and exercising regularly.

I spent the day watching the Hong Kong Rugby Sevens - the first time I've done so without getting drunk - and thoroughly enjoyed it! It's rare that I get the chance to spend a day watching sport, so I took full advantage of it.
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Unread 03-29-2015, 11:51 AM   #99
R. Lee
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SecretTiger, Glad you are doing well. You are reaping some of the rewards of sobriety. Keep it up.
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Unread 03-30-2015, 03:25 AM   #100
Perkinstein
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way to go secrettiger, congratulation on your sober days. keep it up. good luck
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