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Unread 10-25-2012, 12:54 PM   #1
stressedsoccermom
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Default Falling softly

Meeting myself again.
Ok here goes, I have never spoken to anyone about my addictions. I am a mom of 2 girls 12 and 9 and have been with my husband for 10 years. Prior to being pregnant with my oldest I was a party girl, a clubbing drinking waitress in college. It was the time of my life. I got so trashed one night that I walked away from a bar after a fight with a friend and followed and attacked by a man, can't remember much thank god I was drunk. I waked 3 miles with a bloody face to a payphone and called 911. Went to the hospital, guy was never found. After that I was drank a lot, and partied even more. November 1999 found out I was pregnant. Stopped drinking but smoked cigarettes occasionally, I had to kick her dad out because he was partying to much, so I was pregnant and alone. Fast forward 3 years met my husband and started a family life. Since 1999 I have not really drank at all, maybe a sip at Christmas, but I hate it so I don't drink. 2003 i asked my doctor for depression meds and and have been on zoloft ever since.2004 I started have really bad tooth pain, needs lots of root canals and work, tooth pain is the worst.... Got medication from the dentist to dull the pain, got some pain pills from my mom and a friend. Was a legit situation, my mouth always hurt and my head hurt. So for about 4 years I was on and off pain pills for that. 2006 I had a surprise ua from my job and was fired for opiates and no prescription ( a pill from my mom tooth related). Started a sales career in 2006. 2009 started realizing things are easier when I am on lortabs, more energy, happier, easier to deal with clients and my kids. I have spent the last 3 years on constant lortabs, either giving excuses to the doctor about migraines, asking my mom, stealing from friends, family, strangers. My numbers would vary 1 day could be 1 pill another day 10. I have a high stress job, in 2010 I was breaking out in hives and my blood pressure was up so my doc put me on Xanax. I am a soccer mom, I have always been overly involved with my kids. My business requires constant attention, i deal with clients more than my husband. i. closed a 2.2 million dollar deal in August and I was high. I would be out with clients and be so high that I could not remember their names. My memory was so bad I had to write everything down, or else I would forget. I would be considered a functioning addict, I could fake it to make it on any deal. I would show up to pick my kids up, I am PTA secretary, home room mom, and I sold more this year than anyone in my office. I did not think I had a problem, because I wasn't sleeping all day, or screwing up deals. I started noticing that I needed lortabs to deal with the stress, not waking up needing 5 pills to get out of bed, but when I would get a bad phone call or my kids friends were at my house, or I had to meet clients, I needed the lortabs to make me handle the situation better. I would get nervous when I did not have over 20 pills, so I would spend a day getting more. Not buying them, I have never purchased pills from a dealer/ person. I just found ways to get them. I am trying to be honest but I can't tell you where I get them. If I wanted to I could get them right now. I had my last opiate on Sunday, I have had 4 days with none which is the longest in 4 years. I am trying to reorganize my life, fix my business, and my job as a mom by staying busy. I have not let myself sit and think about lortabs. Last friday i crushed a lortab up to see whatnit would be like to snort it and did, my daughter knocked on my office door while i was doing it. i think after that my mind decided that i would never want my kids to see that. as I sit here I think about a Halloween party we had last year we had 12 girls spend the night and I took 15 lortabs 10s in a 2 hour period so I could deal with them. I am a smart person, I have become dingy, forgetful, and unreliable. No one in my life knows this story but all of you. Right now I am staying busy, I have had a constant headache, but i take aleve, I will not get more pills, I will not go to jail, have my girls taken from me, lose my license in my business. These are things that could happen. I found this site because I felt I have to tell someone, all addicts are not homeless, hookers. They are moms trying to be superwoman with a career and dinner on the table too. I had nights where I took so many different pills I thought I will not wake up. I can't have this life anymore. I don't know anything about the subs or methidone you guys are talking about on this site, I really do not want to replace one addiction for another. At this point I am taking ambian, to sleep, Zoloft, and Xanax maybe 2 times a day. I hope and pray this works for me. Ok there is my secret.
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Unread 10-28-2012, 06:58 PM   #2
CarlyO
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Default WELCOME

Dear Stressedoutmom,
Thank you for sharing your story and I am so sorry I missed it. First off, you are not alone and there is a way out of this.
You are taking the first steps by admitting what is going on. I posted the link to opiate forum click and you will see that there a hundreds of people who have been able to put their disease into remission. I say disease because addiction is a disease and the progression you have explained is what happens, most of us started out just like you. There are many treatment options out there. Would you consider a support group and/or counseling ? I will post the links for you but you can go to the opiate forum too.
The subs that you mentioned - if you can do this without medication therapy DO IT ! But if you keep trying and keep going back as in have difficulty with withdrawals,cravings, cannot stay stopped, there is a medication called Suboxone, aka sub - a certified doctor prescribes it, you take it at home, private.
You can use the Treatment locator and find a doctor to Rx it.
My experience was it took away my cravings while controlling the withdrawals so that I could catch my breath long enough to work on my issues. Again, if you can do it without medication do it- just saying suboxone is an option.
I hope you will post again, that you are ok, I will post the links for you. Educate yourself about this disease and the options for support.
Congrats on taking the first steps, it is difficult juggling everything because eventually, it can be totally exhausting.
Again, welcome, take care, Carly


http://www.addictionsurvivors.org/vb...splay.php?f=81
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Unread 10-28-2012, 07:20 PM   #3
CarlyO
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Default More Info

Dear StressedoutMom,
I noticed you posted on the opiate forum but you posted on the My Thread forum which people probably did not see. Normally if you post on the Introduce Yourself page. You Do NOT have to be taking Suboxone to post - just copy and paste what you wrote here or how whatever you need to say. This site is anonymous and the opiate forum is usually busy 24-7 and you will have peer support while you trying to get through withdrawals. Trying to re-organize your life as you posted. They also have live chat Mon and Thur. The link I posted should get you started if you have any questions please ask.
Just curious if you would have support from your husband, other loved one or a friend, sometimes, imo- this is tough to go through alone. Take care, Carly

Chat:
Monday & Thursday
7:30 - 9:30 pm
Eastern Time


Links from the Opiate Forum
http://www.addictionsurvivors.org/vb...ad.php?t=21609
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Important disclaimer: Any information in this post is not and does not constitute medical advice under any circumstances. Addiction Survivors, Inc. does not warranty or guarantee the accurateness, completeness, adequacy or currency of the information contained in or linked to the Site. Your use of information on the Site or materials linked to the Site is entirely at your own risk. NEVER take any online advice over that of a qualified healthcare provider. Any information contained on AddictionSurvivors.org should only serve to inspire further investigation with credible, verifiable references sources such as your physician or therapist.

Last edited by CarlyO; 10-28-2012 at 07:48 PM.. Reason: spelling
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Unread 10-29-2012, 01:33 AM   #4
CarlyO
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Dear Stressedmom,
Just wanted to check and see if you had posted before I log off for the night- I will be continue to check on you, hope you are doing well- Take care , be safe, Carly
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Important disclaimer: Any information in this post is not and does not constitute medical advice under any circumstances. Addiction Survivors, Inc. does not warranty or guarantee the accurateness, completeness, adequacy or currency of the information contained in or linked to the Site. Your use of information on the Site or materials linked to the Site is entirely at your own risk. NEVER take any online advice over that of a qualified healthcare provider. Any information contained on AddictionSurvivors.org should only serve to inspire further investigation with credible, verifiable references sources such as your physician or therapist.
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Unread 11-02-2012, 10:26 PM   #5
CarlyO
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Just checking to see if you have been back - Hope you are doing well, take care, Carly
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Important disclaimer: Any information in this post is not and does not constitute medical advice under any circumstances. Addiction Survivors, Inc. does not warranty or guarantee the accurateness, completeness, adequacy or currency of the information contained in or linked to the Site. Your use of information on the Site or materials linked to the Site is entirely at your own risk. NEVER take any online advice over that of a qualified healthcare provider. Any information contained on AddictionSurvivors.org should only serve to inspire further investigation with credible, verifiable references sources such as your physician or therapist.
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