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Unread 04-15-2015, 04:12 PM   #1
saffire29
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Hi Everyone,
I apologize in advance if this is redundant. I am 33 and I've thought several times throughout my adult life questioning whether I might have an issue with alcohol. I've always been extremely reserved, had social anxiety and "shyness". When I was 19 I discovered that alcohol made me less anxious in social settings and (I thought) it made me more stimulating to be around, instead of the shy person who didn't say much, I thought I was funny and outgoing.
I don't drink every single day, but when I do I drink a lot. Over the years it's occurred to me how many times I've woken up in the morning with intense feelings of shame or regret over things that I've said or my behavior from the night before. I've hurt a lot of people with my words, and there have been times where I've drank to make myself feel less depressed, and had that depression exasperated by the alcohol and felt like I wanted to harm myself physically or "give up."
The drinking is something that I know has been an issue, but until now I haven't wanted to talk about it because I didn't want to think of myself as an "addict" because that word scares me. I lie to the doctor whenever they ask how many drinks I consume in a typical week. To be honest, I think it actually is pretty much every day, except on days where I am too hungover or sick from the night before, or days when I have work or family obligations that don't present the opportunity for me to drink.
My biggest concern, aside from obvious health risks, and in person running of my mouth, is the tendency to text friends, loved ones, my boss, and facebooking while under the influence and waking up in the morning in a cold sweat looking panicked and embarrassed about what I've said that I have no memory of saying and figuring out what damage control is needed. So far the damage has not caught up with me but I know that this is a disaster waiting to happen and it's just a matter of time before I do or say something that will be irreparable or affect my friendships or livelihood.
I am here because I want to open up about this finally and get an understanding of 1.) AM I an addict? 2.) I don't want to feel ashamed or hurt because of things I've said to people I love while intoxicated that has hurt their feelings, and I don't want to use alcohol as a way to hide my introversion anymore. I just want to be me.

Thank you for listening,
Brandi

Last edited by saffire29; 04-15-2015 at 04:36 PM..
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Unread 04-15-2015, 04:48 PM   #2
lostdog
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Welcome Brandi! You do sound a lot like me and this place is a good support for us shy people. There are lots of eloquent writers and simple help to get you on the right track where you desire to be. Read and post and I'm always around to help you.
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Unread 04-15-2015, 05:00 PM   #3
Millie
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Hi Brandi, welcome. Sounds like you have a similar pattern to mine. I don't use the word "addict" for myself (I just don't like labels) but I do know it is a problem -- a big problem -- and that there is one sure way to avoid it. You're among some really great folks here, with lots of good advice and insight.
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Unread 04-15-2015, 05:00 PM   #4
Tryntryagain
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Good evening Saffire. Bright blessings to you.

Welcome, welcome.

That was such a heartfelt post, it must have been building up for quite awhile. Saffire, there are folk like us that use alcohol. It helps us feel more confident, it enables us, if we are naturally quiet and reserved, "to let our hair down".

Well that never works, although at first, it really feel like it does.

Saffire, you finished your brave post with, "i just want to be me".

You just have done and been.

Welcome, keep sharing, it's a really good way forward.

Be peaceful, be healthy and be strong. Loveness to you Saffire
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Unread 04-15-2015, 05:02 PM   #5
R. Lee
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Brandi, welcome to this site. i am a recovering alcoholic.

If you question your drinking you probably have a problem. It is not how much we drink but what we do when we drink. I had some of the same problems as you when I drank. I thought that I could say anything to someone & they should understand & not be upset with me. That worked with me until when sober I heard what I had said to upset some one.

I am a alcoholic & I will always be one no matter how long I stay away from drinking. I cant tell you you are a alcoholic or addict, but you seem to meet the qualifications.

Do you want to quit drinking? I wanted to quit for a long time before I did. I just could not believe that I could remain sober because I had failed so many time before. I now work a program where I wake in the mornings & make a decision that I will not drink that day. It works for me so far. I break it down in 24 hour segments.
That way it seems manageable rather than worrying about staying sober for the rest of my life.

It took a lot of guts to come in here & say what you have. It took a lot of thinking & soul searching on your part. Now you can act on it. You are worth it.
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Unread 04-16-2015, 01:47 AM   #6
gmasusie
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"What's in a name? That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet." Shakespeare knew how important labels are or are not. Don't worry about it. If you think you might possibly have a bit of a problem with alcohol, you have come to the right place.

When you have a few hours, go back and read some of our stories from the beginning. We are all different, but we all have the same problem.

Being an extrovert, I am jealous of you folks who don't feel obligated to join every Tom, Dick (sorry, RLee), and Harry who wants you to drink with them!

Welcome, Saffire. You are among friends.

Susie
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Unread 04-16-2015, 09:13 AM   #7
jenm
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Welcome, Saffire!

Your story sounds a lot like mine, and quite frankly, a lot like many of us around here. You are in a safe place. Like R Lee said, if you think you have a problem with drinking, you probably do. There are many reasons why we drank, I am not shy, but I thought it made me funnier, happier, the list goes on. That is the lie that alcohol wants us to believe. I know what you mean, I have been the one who has said, "I want my life back!" but first I had to realize that I was the one who had given it up. Take care and keep posting! Jenm
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Unread 04-16-2015, 10:32 AM   #8
Saint
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Saffire,

Welcome! You've come to a great place if you would like to stop drinking and get your life back. Everybody here has a problem with alcohol and we all share sobriety as our goal. Please know you are not alone in this. Addiction can be an isolating disease, making us feel like know one else will understand what we are going through but we do understand because we have been where you find yourself today.

Keep posting, read through the other threads and know there are many ways to get sober. We are here for you!

Regards,
Saint
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Unread 04-18-2015, 11:57 PM   #9
gmasusie
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Saffire,

We haven't heard back from you. Did we scare you off? Let us know how you are doing.
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Unread 04-19-2015, 07:46 AM   #10
Tryntryagain
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Good afternoon Brandi. Bright blessings to you.

How are you getting along?

I don't mean to be pushy and whatnot....but.....HOW ARE YOU BRANDI?

On my journey i got "waves" of , "ooppss i got a big problem here".....right through to, "nah.....i'm fine".

Eventually i got lucky, got through, and now with the support of others who understand my journey because they have had theirs, share with me when i post having just found myself standing on my head and wondering how on earth i got there!

Here i get the love and support to help me turn the right way up again, and stand on my feet.

It would be great to know how you are getting along, good or bad, we are all here.

Be peaceful, be healthy and be strong. Loveness to you Brandi
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