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Unread 12-09-2011, 01:43 AM   #1
meems
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Posts: 2
Default xanax free for 8 months

Hello to you all! I am meems and I am a grateful recovering benzo addict. I used and abused any and all benzos for 9 years of my life. I finally got clean back in April. It has not been easy, but it has been the BEST decision I have ever made.
I am also a recovering alcoholic and opiate addict.
Started using Valium when I was 22 after I had a monster panic attack. I found that I became very anxious/nervous and panicky after a night of heavy drinking (which was evernight for me at the time), and that Valium damn near took away the nervousness, anxiety.
I had to use more and more Valium to keep me in a lethargic state.
I taking up to 50-100mg a day.
Then when I was 24, I moved back to my home town and found something better...
Xanax!
I would buy it on the street, I doctor shopped, at one point was selling them, trading them, had 2 different docs for them.
I absolutely could not function without them.
They "cured" me.
I started having episodes of insomnia when I started using painkillers, Xanax put me to sleep after being high all day on Oxys.
I new that I needed to get off the benzos, but that it was going to be a bitch to go through...
Opiates I could kick in a few days, however , benzos could take up to 6 months to kick.
I hit a significant bottom with all 3 of my addictions.
I was suicidal.
I was broke.
Couldn't hold down a job.
Couldn't sleep.
Thought my life was over, completely...
I was 31.

I admitted myself to a treatment center in Lubbock Texas. I was in detox for 4 days, and the 30 days in actual treatment. I did ok with the withdrawals from the Oxy's and the booze...
But let me tell you something about a rapid taper off of benzos:
Lets put it this way... I didn't feel right the entire time I was in rehab. I felt like I was walking on a boat. It was awful.
That's all I'm gonna say about that shit.

After treatment I started going to meetings everyday. Almost did 90 meetings in 90 days, I slacked a little...
I had a small relapse on painkillers 2 weeks after treatment and it woke my ass up.
Made me realize I cannot control this addiction.
It was right then that I became "convinced" that I am an addict.
I got me a Sponsor and we started working the Steps.
I got a 30 day chip.
Then a 60 day.
Then a 90 day...

It took me 5 months to work all 12 Steps.
And the Steps are what keep me sober today.
I no longer need benzos to function. I now work on my anxiety with a therapist. Works much better than swallowing a pill.
I have good days and bad days.
But I know today that I have people that love me and will always support me in Recovery.
I Sponsor.
I am currently enrolled in school again.
I'm going to study to become an LCDC.
Who woulda thunk?!

Recovery is awesome, just hang in there, keep doing the deal, and KEEP COMING BACK, IT WORKS IF YOU WORK IT!
It works, it really does.
Thanks ya'll for my Sobriety!
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Unread 12-09-2011, 05:25 PM   #2
AbbyNormal
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Meems,

It was so nice to read a story of recovery. I have heard that the w/d off Benzo's was the worst there is. That is probably why I have such a respect for them, they scare the heck out of me!

Congratulations on your much deserved sobriety! And before I forget:

WELCOME to the forum!

TomD
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Unread 12-09-2011, 05:42 PM   #3
meems
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Posts: 2
Default Thank you!

Thank you so much! Yes, benzo withdrawal is not good. I think its scary more than anything. I almost convinced myself that I had damaged my neurology for good...
But it does finally wear off, I think it depends on your brain chemistry and how much you were taking.
I'm glad I could share my story!
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Unread 01-17-2012, 04:32 PM   #4
Layna
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Wow your story sounds exactly like what i am going through. Benzo withdrawal is the most agonizing withdrawal mentally because it takes so long. Add that with an opiate addiction and a drinking problem and it all fees so hopeless. I'm so glad you shared your story it helps me not feel so alone. Congratulations and i pray to god one day i can achieve all you have.
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