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Unread 08-28-2016, 08:59 AM   #1
Savanna
Junior Member
 
Posts: 1
Default Please Help advice greatly needed!!

I don't even know where to start, it's all so complicated. Ive been a recover addict for 15 yrs clean from h, but on methadone, nvr had a craving since the day I fell pregnant with my daughter, but I am still enslaved to opiates. the 1st time I did one as a teen I felt anxiety free for the first time in my entires life and I fell in love.

I've recently came to America, with our 4 children to be with my husband, my clinic gave me 4 weeks supply June 8th, 60mls daily. Things didn't quite work out like promised this side and I'm now in a rly hard situation. For the last 2 months it's been a struggle, and I'm already breaking point. I had to do herion again (I tried so hard but it got the better of me) which didn't even seem to hold me, feel like I've been strung out for months, but I'm still here in America no insurance or access to a clinic or dr that will help me.

So I turned to st drugs, one of his family members is an addict, sometimes he got me me methadone but I weaned down to 20 mls, then the supply stopped, that was another struggle. His dad stepped in trying to help me and found a supply of suboxen off a friend, I messed up the induction and I honestly think if it weren't for my kids I wouldn't be here, I went into participated withdrawal, I was suicidal all night. So I'm back trying suboxen again, I didn't have any methadone in my system for 5 days, but about 2 bags of h a day (which was barley holding me)

I waited 26 hours started slow and worked up 2mg every few hrs till I hit 8mg. I was scared but it went ok, I was 50/50.. But it hasn't gotten at better this is day 5 and I'm still 50/50. I've tried taking more by working up y taking a full 8mg strip yesterday and that did help slightly, but I'm still struggling.

Racing heart beat, high anxiety, insomnia (slept few hrs in 5 days) and alll the while I've to to care for 4 little children that have no clue what they're mother rly is, it's heartbreaking and bringing me to my knees. Like my mother always said, I don't do things by half measures, winging life getting myself into these situations. This is all my doing. I long to be clean and free of all drugs for my kids, I want to set a better example and I feel strong but there's only so much you can't take you know?

I'm very emotional, sobbing while typing this, slightly feeling insane and broken. My husband has only ever smoked weed, his advice is be stronger and deal with it. I have no support system here I just need to hear from ppl that know what I'm going through. Will it get better? I am waiting to be put on my husbands insurance and I've found a walk in suboxen clinic and hour away. I want to do this right, I hate doing it like this. my house is a mess I nvr have energy, kids are demanding... It's hard.

I'm so sry I'm not a good writer and it ended up being way longer than I wanted it to. Please help. Right now I only have enough to do one 8mg strip per day, but steady supply till I get to a Dr xxxx

Last edited by Savanna; 08-28-2016 at 09:07 AM..
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Unread 08-28-2016, 09:54 AM   #2
NancyB
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Posts: 25,466
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Hi Savanna, welcome. Unfortunately methadone is one of the more difficult transitions - even when waiting as long as you did. And if the heroin was cut with fentanyl, that brings in another set of issues. You may have needed more medication at least in the beginning to get your levels up more quickly. To try to get as much absorption from the film as possible, try not to smoke or have anything with caffeine in it for at least 30 minutes before taking the film. Both those can constrict the blood vessels that the medication is absorb through. You can also try rinsing your mouth out with as warm water as you can stand - the could open those same blood vessels for better absorption.

Even though you don't feel like it, please try to exercise. That will help get your natural endorphins going. Getting support from a group like one of these could also help since you don't seem to have much support at home.

Celebrate Recovery
Christian-based recovery meetings.
http://www.celebraterecovery.com/

LifeRing
A non-religious self-help recovery organization for individuals who seek group support to achieve abstinence from alcohol and other addictive drugs.
http://lifering.org/

Smart Recovery
Self Management and Recovery Training. Based on ever-evolving scientific knowledge.
http://www.smartrecovery.org/

Secular Organizations for Sobriety
Self-empowerment approach to recovery.
http://www.cfiwest.org/sos/index.htm

Women for Sobriety
Peer support for helping women overcome alcohol dependence and other addictions.
http://www.womenforsobriety.org/

AA
http://www.aa.org/

NA
https://www.na.org/

Also try to take some time for yourself to do something just for YOU. I realize with 4 kids, that may be difficult. But even it if it's 10 minutes to just rest or meditate, it could help.

Be kind to yourself. You're going through a lot but you will get through this.

Nancy
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Unread 08-28-2016, 02:17 PM   #3
Sam Bailey
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Posts: 1,630
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Hey Savanna!

You're going to be okay. Really, you are.

Nancy is right though, Methadone is a really tough drug to get off, or transition from. I did 4.5 years on Methadone Maintenance, at varying doses, and there were times that I (also) went into some withdrawals before the clinic opened next day. It totally sucked. The day I broke free of methadone was a good, good day.

Suboxone was SO much better for me. And I bet for you too. Nancy is again correct, I think, that you might need a tad more Sub than a couple mgs...at least for a while.

However, Savanna? Once you stabilize on the Sub, you can, pretty easily, taper yourself down to 2mgs a day. Most people find that getting down to that 2mgs spot is pretty easy. Tapering down from that is less easy...but if you can take it real slow, tapering down and off is not uncomfortable at all. Well, 90% not uncomfortable. A little sleep problem, but not much more.

Anyway. Do what you can to get into a good Suboxone/Subutex program. Also, it is super important to get Group Support. That has helped me incredibly. There are several different support groups, as Nancy mentioned. For me, AA/NA was the best.

Lastly, you say,"it's...bringing me to my knees."

Believe it or not, this is NOT a bad thing. We ALL have to get sick and tired of living the life of an Active Addict. Sounds to me like you've finally arrived at that conclusion. It's all UP from here. Really, Savanna, it can be!

Oh, you also say that your kids don't know who you really are. Well, lemme tell you. You're a Mom, most probably a loving Mom.....and you're an addict. NO shame in that. It's a problem, a condition, a disease...call it what you will. The shame, if there's any at all, is not doing anything about it.

You are not a bad person. Least I doubt that you are. You are, however, sick. Not bad, just ill.

But you do NOT have to stay sick!

Welcome to the Forum, Savanna.

best,

sam
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