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Unread 11-15-2014, 11:25 AM   #51
lostdog
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I think the weather has a lot to do with moods sometime and you just have to do something or get out and talk to people to get you going. It helps me a lot to chat with nice people about everyday things. Public speaking has never been easy for me, so I will take your advice, and listen for a while until I'm ready, thanks for the help.
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Unread 11-15-2014, 02:01 PM   #52
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lostdog, It does help to get out & talk to people of dark dreary days. Meeting help me a lot.
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Unread 11-15-2014, 08:52 PM   #53
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RLee is right. Support group meetings and libraries are peaceful (mostly) places to find people to say, "Hello," and just brighten an otherwise dreary day. They also gradually get to recognize you and initiate the greeting!

Love, Susie
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Unread 11-21-2014, 08:35 AM   #54
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I have been working on my issues and why I chose to drink to hide my problems and numb them. When things get rough for me, I know that the alcohol will not help anything. My brain seems to be healing more now, but my anxiety surfaces frequently and then I have to slowly calm myself down. I was on meds years ago, but they made me dizzy for anxiety and depression. Just sharing a little about me. Hoping your journey is peaceful today too.
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Unread 11-21-2014, 08:43 AM   #55
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Lostdog,

Check the internet for "Mindfulness Meditation." My cardiac rehab (after double bypass) introduced it to me for anxiety and depression. It has sure helped me. I know we're not supposed to give medical advice, so do some research.

My day will be greeting 13 and 16-year-old grandchildren, daughter and son-in-law after 6 long months! I don't think peaceful is the word for it! However, it will be exciting and good to get out of the RV after 8 days on the road.

Peace to you today. I know you are dealing with tough issues. We are here for you.
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Unread 11-21-2014, 10:39 AM   #56
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lostdog, Many of us have anxiety & depression issues. I deal with mine with a professional person. I also take meds. Meds are not for everyone. I also have a support group of recovering alcoholics a sponsor to call if I get into trouble.

The important thing today is not pick up a drink.
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Unread 11-21-2014, 06:24 PM   #57
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Lostdog. I have days when I feel everyone is out to get me too. It used to be much worse. For me, I found the source of that thought to be a painful past filled with rejection. I had been rejected so I always planned on being rejected. It was a hard vicious cycle to break, and it took alot of soul seeking and finding myself. Over time I learned to love myself enough to appreciate those who accept me, and show the ones who don't where the door is. You deserve happiness, fulfillment, and acceptance. Thanks for your honesty and transparency, you helped me stay sober today.

Michael
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Unread 11-22-2014, 02:26 PM   #58
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thanks R.Lee, Susie, and Michael. Michael, I'm so glad I helped you, too.
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Unread 11-28-2014, 12:58 PM   #59
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Good evening Lost Dog. Bright blessings to you.

Happy thanksgiving to you. A time for me to thank you for the support you have given me on my journey.

Re anxiety, stuff going on in the head/brain, the heart trying to have a shout, the whole marlarky, as an extremely...hmmm...shall we say, reactive?, i find the "body check" works on me.

10 mins. Sit, and in your head .....start at your head, and focus on the part of you, you are focussing on. As you do, something may not be right, something may feel good. Do not try and change anything. It is a simple awareness of yourself.

My anxiety makes me confused and coffuddled, that usually leads to trouble for me. If i can find those 10 mins and actually do it, it does just bring a sense of myself back into the equasion. Of course there's always the piano!

Thank you so much for your experience and support on my journey.

Happy thanksgiving. Loveness to you Lost Dog.
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Unread 11-30-2014, 02:46 PM   #60
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Thank you for your support Tryn, you have so much going on, your spirit is tremendous. You are so kind. All the sons have left and the house is as it was. Holidays are wonderful, but sometimes past memories surface and I have to get back to the present quickly. I am going to work on the awareness exercise today. Peace to you always.
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Unread 12-04-2014, 09:59 AM   #61
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Lostdog,

There is always a letdown after a holiday. Just remind yourself that it is normal (especially when you have bad memories to deal with) and will fade away.

Thanks, Tryn, for the reminder about the "mindfulness" exercise. I need to work on it, too.

I feel like I've been away for way too long. I have, however, been following your threads when I can, and thinking of you. Stay with us, Lostdog. By now you know we care.

Love, Susie
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Unread 12-04-2014, 10:22 AM   #62
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thank you Susie, yes I know you care and it is a wonderful feeling. I get down a lot with things at home and the support here is very valuable for me. Hope your day and days ahead are filed with love and peace.
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Unread 12-04-2014, 10:34 PM   #63
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lostdog, Stay strong. I can't WE can!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Unread 12-05-2014, 09:09 AM   #64
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So true. Have you thought about counseling to address some of those issues at home?
As RLee says, we can't do it all alone.

Love, Susie
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Unread 12-05-2014, 12:25 PM   #65
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Yes, I used to go to counseling a while back, but never told her I drank. My bad. She counseled me , gave me some tools on building self esteem and then dismissed me. I didn't feel real comfortable with her. Now, I will have to go and face the issues head on with family issues etc.
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Unread 12-05-2014, 01:18 PM   #66
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Good evening Lost Dog. Bright blessings to you.

I have been reading through your posts, and if i may would like to share some thoughts with you around the issues you raise.

I believe that any of our journeys will all be different but they all need the same components. All of us will be better at some and no so good at others but it who we are. The travels through support groups for me was about building a real confidence, not a confidence i am adept at "putting on". Through that very real confidence came little steps of courage and self belief and to be fair i never arrived at a place one morning where i said "i can do life{", i just a day at a time found my sobriety and all the reasons i had used alcohol became apparent. Support was, and has been vital for me, and folks can reach out in so many different ways. Ways inwhich they can feel relatively comfortable with, and ways that work for them. I suggest you are on a path of discovery that at times is a really scary place to be.

I can remember when i found this family i am sure there were many times i would implore that there must be something wrong with me........(now i am sober i know there is!!!).....there is nothing wrong with Tryn that isn't wrong with anyone else, it's how i see it and deal with it. I have spent all my life in fear of something i never put my finger on. Sobriety taught me that my heart was indeed trying to say there was a threat, it turned out to be me. Once i could look at me honestly, i put all i thought i was into 1 metaphorical bag, and what i thought i wasn't into the other. I can not tell you how many times i have learnt of myself what i thought i was....i wasn't....and what i thought i couldn't....i could.

I do think it is so very imortant for you to natter with others whenever you can. We have a saying in Blighty, "better out than in", (usually refering to dodgy burger outlets!), and so, that is what i believe. If it's in there, and you don't want it, tell on it.

My thoughts and loveness to you Lost Dog
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Unread 12-05-2014, 08:38 PM   #67
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very grateful for your support and insight, yes it is I who has trouble with myself, as they say " you are what you think" and trying to recircuit the brain to positive thoughts is a challenge. But I can say that staying sober, has reduced my anxiety every morning. I can now wake up and say Oh I didn't drink, haaah and it feels so nice now. I will write more soon.
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Unread 12-06-2014, 11:46 AM   #68
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lostdog, So happy to see your progress. Some things take more time to turn around.
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Unread 12-07-2014, 06:56 PM   #69
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R. Lee it will take time, posting helps and your helpfulness is certainly noticed and appreciated and yes "WE CAN" together stay sober, strong, and happy. Hope you are doing well also.
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Unread 12-07-2014, 08:20 PM   #70
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Thank you lostdog. I have to give back to keep mine. You coming in to help others teaches me not to sit back.
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Unread 12-08-2014, 08:02 AM   #71
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Good afternoon Lost Dog. Bright blessings to you.

I just want to pick on your post that said "it will take time".

Time is a wonderous thing. You know the saying "time and tide wait for no man?", how true. When we open our eyes in the morning time is all around us. We look to see, catch the news, run for the bus, cook the children their dinner at that time, go to bed at that time, wake up at that time. Have a bath at that time, see my friends at that time.

Time, time, time.

I once thought....you know that saying, "poor me, poor me, pour me another?"....i saw time in the same way. Time....and time....and time again. Time was not my friend.

Now in sobriety time is so very valuable. It is one of the few things in life i think is "ok" to manipulate, you can make it work for you. Time is a healer for sure.

As all of us in this dear, dear family, time is on our side if we use it to our advantage.

Try to rewire the brain? ....In this family are the best electricians you'll ever find!

Be positive, peaceful and gentle with yourself. Loveness to you Lost Dog
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Unread 12-08-2014, 08:10 AM   #72
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(I meant to say "pick up on"...not pick on!!)
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Unread 12-10-2014, 08:05 AM   #73
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What a new look on time now, very positive and perceptive. Had a tough last few days. very ashamed of myself, but I learned from it. Getting an appointment soon.
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Unread 12-10-2014, 12:44 PM   #74
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Good evening Lost Dog. Bright blessings to you.

I hear you when you say you have had a tough few days. There is absolutely no need, or point, in feeling ashamed of being a human being. Life can be truly tough at times and not one of us deals with it in a way that is a complete science. That is why life at times is so difficult. Once you have worked out where the dodgy bend is in the road of life, and therefore adapt to avoid it.......it moves. It is a game of chess. Sometimes we win, sometimes we lose.

Folk like us in this family are winners, simply because we share. Never forget it is the desire to be sober this family is about. Journeys have there ups and downs. Together we can fill the void that is filled with shame, with love, understanding, experience and positivity.

Chin up Lost Dog. Keep talking and sharing. Reaching out will enable you to reach in.

My thoughts, strength and loveness to you Lost Dog
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Unread 12-10-2014, 01:01 PM   #75
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lostdog, What are you ashamed of? No one here will throw you to the wolves.

I'm glad that you learning from it.
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Unread 12-10-2014, 04:38 PM   #76
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I was kinda afraid of those wolves, but feel better today. That was kinda funny and made me laugh, thanks R. Lee. Also, Tryn, you helped lift me up today, thanks!
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Unread 12-10-2014, 06:15 PM   #77
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Lostdog,

The images/thoughts in our minds are often worse than reality. Forgive yourself and move forward. Don't beat yourself up. Why? It keeps us from moving forward. It's all about progress. Push your comfort zone and be accountable.

Hang in there. We're here for you. No need to struggle alone.

Peace,
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Unread 12-11-2014, 10:11 AM   #78
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I have heard that before and it helps to hear it again, because I haven't heard it in a long time. Very grateful for your support Saint.
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Unread 12-11-2014, 10:15 AM   #79
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lostdog, We can't be a secret. Forgive yourself & move on like Saint said. Learn from your experience.

You can do it. Think through that 1st action.
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Unread 12-11-2014, 10:25 AM   #80
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Lostdog,

We are all human, with strengths and weaknesses. Your thoughtfulness and compassion are truly strengths. I wonder if someone in your life has encouraged you to think less of yourself?

It's hard to pull out of insecurity and depression. Keep looking for your good qualities and concentrate on those. We here see them.

Love, Susie
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Unread 12-11-2014, 09:39 PM   #81
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Great insight R.Lee once again and will think through the first action. You are a rock to me. Susie, it has always been a struggle for me behind my mom's skirt when I was little and so scared to go to school on Monday's that I would get panic attacks on Sunday. So over time, with this process and my dad's problems, you kind of ignore yourself and hide stuff. I do appreciate your inept observation of me and your very kind thoughts and support. Blessings and support to you all.
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Unread 12-15-2014, 09:57 AM   #82
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Good afternoon Lost Dog. Bright blessings to you.

I find myself often relating to your anxiety, and the timidity that can be a part of us. Confidence, self esteem, appreciating who and what we are for ourselves, can be a difficult process indeed.

From time to time the support given on the journey needs to ground itself on its foundations. Lost Dog, on my journey i have seen your insight, i have felt your wisdom, learnt from your words and compassion and felt strength from you at times i was feeling desperately weak myself.

Thus, who you are, and what you think you are, are at times a tad different. A lack of self esteem and confidence chips away at our very foundations. Essentially we are chipping away at ourselves. However, i believe you can use the very same skills to build.

You have a great deal to build on.

Be peaceful and kind to yourself. Loveness to you Lost Dog.
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Unread 12-15-2014, 02:17 PM   #83
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Yes, Tryn we can relate with the anxiety and so glad to pick you up when you were down. My life has been spent helping others and I enjoy it a lot and I am slowly learning that I do have something to give. I can't expect the most out of me, but a little for others is something I can give.
I have not had the surfacing of fear lately, that is a good thing. That little bit of anxiety that appears and says " I'm here again" and you go "ugh".I am meditating more and found a lady on this TV show that eased me the other day, I had an epiphany. Her whole statement when she was talking to this addict female, was that she needed to learn congruence in her thoughts, words to others, actions,and feelings about herself. She would have no desire to seek other substances. It sounds easy and hopeful. I need to express myself more outwardly at work, home , and family situations without hiding secrets.
Yes, the lack of self confidence chips and those thoughts are not congruent with the person I am truly seeking to be. Thank you again.
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Unread 12-17-2014, 09:05 AM   #84
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Well just posting because R.Lee's constant statement of think through the first drink saved me yesterday, thank you! The congruence thing is making me a little mixed up so I will work on that.
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Unread 12-17-2014, 01:02 PM   #85
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lostdog, Way to go. It is such a simple message but so hard to do. You made my day!!!!
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Unread 12-20-2014, 07:38 AM   #86
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Good afternoon Lost Dog. Bright blessings to you.

It has just turned in5to the afternoon here in Blighty, and as dear Larry is asleep i have had a chance to turn my attentions elsewhere and catch up with those that i care about.

You are a valuable part of my journey and your support enables me so much in my life. I have been reading your recent thread, and i can feel yur anxiety. What that looks like to me is that it is not what worrys and anxietys you have in your life, i feel like me, it is almost a natural state. I honestly think it is a strong component and a driver behind your drinking.

I could win the lottery tomorrow, Larry could be miraculously cured, my children would be paid a decent wage, (!) and i would be so very happy, BUT, i would still have the same issues with anxiety and worry. I do not know if this will help, but for me i see my anxiety issues as a "condition" and try to approach it as such. My early journey contained alot of physical survival, so now i have no boundaries or etiquette around my feelings. I can be in a meeting, say my piece, and look at a room full of open mouths with a genuine feeling of "what?".

Whoever we are, whatever our drivers, awareness for me is the key. For the most part of life i never planned, i just dealt with consequences. Now i'm growing up, much of my life is taken up with planning ahead. I can not predict the future, (boy how i can not do that!), but i know it is coming 1 way or another, and so if i accept i have these troubles with my anxiety and temper sometimes, (work poli..tics.....tics me off somewhat) and my passions overwhelm me.

Overwhelmed. This is massive to all of us in this family. R Lee has said to me on more than 1 occaision in the last few months, try not to be overwhelmed. That is so useful on so many levels. I suspect like me, what ever the current landscape i can find myself overwhelming myself with worry. I find that i have no emotional energy or motivation to fight those negative feelings, because the intrinsic and instinctive thoughts of myself as "no good" and "deserving of all i get", just fuel to these feelings of negativity about myself. However even on that journey i found places within it that i could placate myself, alcohol. It never worked, it hurt me so deeply as each drink i took only reinforced how utterly dreadful i felt about myself and life, and when this family lent me courage when i needed it and i found sobriety a day at a time, actually my anxieties got quite alot worse. But i had swapped alcohol for self belief with support and courage.

So now i am absolutely convinced that my eating issues are a direct result of my anxiety, and i am aware of that. I work on it almost hourly at the mo. I do know if i pop alcohol into the mix, i would lose me, those i love, my love of life and those i adore.

Your support for me on my journey is something i recognise i am privileged to have. Your sensitivity and insight not only helps me and many others on our journeys, it can, and will help you.

If you met you, you would like you alot.

Be peaceful, be gentle and breathe. Loveness to you Lost Dog
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Unread 12-20-2014, 08:55 AM   #87
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Awesome! Such an important thing and so simple but effective as Lee mentioned. Coming here regularly also reminds me I am alcoholic, reminding me it is always that first drink that got me in the past and will bring me down in the future.

Stay vigilant and use your 'tools' as needed.

Peace,
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Unread 12-20-2014, 03:08 PM   #88
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thanks Saint and Tryn for the support, Tryn I can related to the anxiety feeling that you post, social situations, in public areas, or being alone.
I'm not as anxious today, but angrier. I think once I heard about being congruent (your thoughts, words, and feelings should be in align) from that TV show and trying to live it, I am unable to achieve it now. If my thoughts matched my words, I'm going to be a B.... and I'm not really like that, so I'm thinking I better vent more and get it out? Yesterday, I didn't get this job I interviewed for, blah blah blah, and was angry at myself. Hurt, that I haven't got the last three interview either before that. Anyway, just had to get that out, I am trying to accept things I can't change. Thanks for listening.
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Unread 12-20-2014, 09:32 PM   #89
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lostdog, Just accept life on life's terms. It was not meant to be. You will be OK.
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Unread 12-21-2014, 07:01 AM   #90
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Good morning Lost Dog. Bright blessings to you.

I hear you around the job interviews. As R Lee says, it simply was not meant to be. I had the same situation a few months ago and R Lee said the same. In the end it actually has worked out for me as it created other opportunites that i had not even seen.

I have a problem with rejection. We all do i suppose, but i can find rejection when it doesn't actually exist. I do so because i am expecting it. My sobriety is enabling me to pull back from that and recognise i am but a small fish in a big pond, and with growing sobriety so grows my confidence, and so this little fish might start to show his colours and so be noticed. Patience is not something that comes easily to me, although i think it is a must for me and perhaps you can see that helping you?

Please don't feel to down. I felt like, well i didnt feel to clever when i was turned down, but hey....always another day.

Be peaceful and kind to yourself. Loveness to you Lost Dog
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Unread 12-21-2014, 01:43 PM   #91
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some nice posts to my issues that flare up and I appreciate them so much Tryn and R.Lee. Some days are just times to get things out. Today I went to a beautiful yoga flow class with an excellent teacher, she made my day with her calm approach and positive attitude. It is so nice for the spirit. I am relaxed today. As the holiday approaches, I'm traveling like a mad woman and with a passive aggressive m in law. I'm planning now what to say, and then find myself like please release this and know it is her issue not yours. I am at peace now with the task before me. thanks again.
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Unread 12-21-2014, 07:12 PM   #92
R. Lee
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lostdog, Let them out. I'm glad you found some serenity at your yoga class. Glad you know it is your mother in law's issues not yours.
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Unread 12-22-2014, 10:37 AM   #93
gmasusie
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Lostdog,

We went to an enormous holiday party, full of booze and people I had not seen in perhaps 5 years. I had a real panic attack, locked myself in the bathroom for a while, and felt totally intimidated. When I got home and analyzed my behavior, I realized that for 90 days sobriety, that was a real test. Because I was not my old party self, people were polite, and then moved on. I came home, starting to feel rejected, and then realized, these were not people that I cared to connect with anyway. Besides, surviving that party without drinking was a real boost to my confidence. I do not choose to test myself in that way. I am grateful that I was not even tempted to drink.

As far as congruence is concerned, I don't believe you have to tell everyone exactly what you think, especially of them, at all times to maintain integrity. Share with us or someone you trust. Total honesty is not always necessary or prudent or kind to others. Honesty with ourselves is what builds that congruence and shows in how we treat others, I believe.

Lostdog, congratulations in your pursuit of sobriety and serenity. Sharing with us helps all of us as well as you.

Merry Christmas to all of this caring family!

Love, Susie
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Unread 12-22-2014, 05:16 PM   #94
lostdog
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Susie, so glad you made it through that party, I know it is hard, but know it is ok and you did it! very nice to hear. I like your statement about congruence and honesty. Yes, I think I have to tone things down when speaking, or I would regret what I would say. I read where it's very important during this season to set your boundaries or we would get in the same frame of mind as when we were drinking. I'm working on being assertive in a tactful way. my motto lately is "I'm doing the best I can". Your clarification, insight, and direction for me is really valuable to me. Hugs!! and much support to you, also. May you and your family have the best this season.
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Thank You (12-24-2014)
Unread 12-23-2014, 12:57 PM   #95
R. Lee
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Susie, I have to stay away from certain people, places & things. You will find the longer you are sober the less you will want to be around drinking.
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Thank You (12-24-2014)
Unread 12-24-2014, 10:13 AM   #96
gmasusie
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Thanks, Lostdog and RLee.

Tonight is the annual family Xmas Eve party: normal drinkers, and only one of a few times each year I get to see nieces and nephews and their spouses and children.

I'm not worried about drinking, but a little worried about the anxiety I experienced last week.

RLee, I hear you. Keep me in your thoughts.

Love, Susie
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Unread 12-24-2014, 04:13 PM   #97
R. Lee
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Susie, You can do it. Look at what you have written down to remind yourself why we can not drink.
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Unread 12-24-2014, 04:42 PM   #98
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You are right! Thanks. Have a good one. Love, Susie
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Unread 12-24-2014, 11:03 PM   #99
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Believe in yourself Susie. Step away if you need to. Enjoy your family.

Merry Christmas,
Saint
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Unread 12-25-2014, 12:38 PM   #100
Tryntryagain
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Good afternoon Lost Dog. Bright blessings to you.

I know this is a difficult time for you and i just wanted to pop in and say Happy Christmas to you, and that you are in my thoughts and my strength is with you.

Be peaceful, gentle and calm with yourself. Loveness to you Lost Dog.
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