Addiction Survivors

Notices

Reply
Unread 04-09-2011, 12:35 AM   #1
Dopeless Hope Fiend
Senior Member
 
Dopeless Hope Fiend's Avatar
 
Posts: 210
Default WTF

I don't even have a title for this thread.

I am so spent.

My daughter is GONE. She chose to go back and live with her abusive, drug-addicted father.

My uncle died.

My sister is moving clear across the country.

I confuse my son, whom I'm schooling at home. We spend several hours a day working, and are falling further and further behind.

Yesterday, I found out a dear friend has 30 days to live.

We're a financial mess. My husband's truck required $7K worth of repairs this week. The tax refund that we planned to use to catch up will have to sustain us until...?

Ugh. The house is a mess, the lawns need mowed, the mower is broke and I don't know how to fix it.

Piss and moan is what I'm doing, and I know full well I have much to be grateful for...

Next month, I'll actually have 9 years clean.

Not sure how I've done it...

Positive I won't use over ANY of this.

-DHF
Dopeless Hope Fiend is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 04-09-2011, 12:43 PM   #2
AbbyNormal
Senior Member
 
AbbyNormal's Avatar
 
Posts: 278
Default

DHF,

It's no wonder no one posted you back on this. What is there to say? Your life is in turmoil right now and all you can really do is just stay the course and hope for the best.

We have all been through terrible events in our lives, and yours seems to be hitting all at once. Hopefully, a year from now you can look back and wonder how you got through it all.

There really are no words to comfort you, except to say that we do care and wish you the best.

It's good to hear you won't use over this. Great attitude!

AN
__________________

AbbyNormal is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 04-10-2011, 12:57 PM   #3
CarlyO
Moderator
 
CarlyO's Avatar
 
Posts: 2,566
Default

Dear DHF,
I am sorry about your daughter ( and your dear friend - sending prayers to both ) and that sounds like the tip of the iceberg.
Re: your daughter - would it have something , anything to do with having more freedom not being accountable? I know you are a great parent, this is so sad that it will be her loss and I know on TOP of everything you worry about her safety and welfare with her dad. UGHH is right !

I fear the recession is not over - again ughh- back when we hit our rough time, I thought we would lose our minds! But then I had relapsed and it compounded our troubles 10 fold ! IMO- do what you can and I am so glad to see you will not pick up over this, anyone who knows your story, knows you have overcome so much and made it through to the other side- tap into your inner strength, take it a day at time, it will get better.

Has anyone in the know offered ideas about homeschooling? I hand it to you, I don't know if I could do it, but understood your reasons why you chose to- for us - just homework and projects require min. 3-hours a day !!
This new school is NOT playing around! Which is good in the long run.

I know it is cliche butHang in there and know we are all pulling for you and the family , keep us posted ( if you have time ) .
Take care, Carly
__________________
Important disclaimer: Any information in this post is not and does not constitute medical advice under any circumstances. Addiction Survivors, Inc. does not warranty or guarantee the accurateness, completeness, adequacy or currency of the information contained in or linked to the Site. Your use of information on the Site or materials linked to the Site is entirely at your own risk. NEVER take any online advice over that of a qualified healthcare provider. Any information contained on AddictionSurvivors.org should only serve to inspire further investigation with credible, verifiable references sources such as your physician or therapist.

Last edited by CarlyO; 04-10-2011 at 01:01 PM..
CarlyO is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 04-11-2011, 10:42 AM   #4
MaJaBe
Senior Member
 
MaJaBe's Avatar
 
Posts: 1,206
Default

Hey DHF,
WOW. When it rains it pours, seems like. I'm so sorry that all this is going on. The thing with your daughter really must feel like a knife with a twist.

You know that you're doing the best you can with your son, and your best is awesome. Circumstances beyond your control have really thrown you for a loop, understandably. You're holding up better than most would (me included).
The fact that you're worried about your son and falling behind at a time like this shows determination and also shows that you're going to push through this, just like you always have with everything else.
OUCH about the truck, and I'm so sorry for your friend and Uncle.
I remember when you first started the homeschooling, and how happy you were that you were able to go at HIS pace, so he wouldn't feel bad about not being where everyone else is at. Remember that now, that he's going at his pace and it is OK!! That's part of the benefit of it.

One last thing, this is something I tell myself (and others) when it just gets overwhelming:
"I'm just the one person, with just the two hands, and they're attached to me"

It will get better, don't forget to breathe.
I'm here if you need me.
Best,
J
MaJaBe is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 04-11-2011, 05:50 PM   #5
NancyB
Administrator
 
Posts: 25,466
Default

Hi DHF, sorry to hear about your uncle, my sympathies. That is so sad about your friend, again, I'm so sorry. About everything that is going on.

Except for your NINE YEARS next month! You've been through so much, you will get through this. You're stronger than you may think right now. Vent to us, scream, holler, we're here for you.

WHEN you have a minute, let us know how you're holding up.

Nancy
__________________
Important disclaimer: Any information in this post is not and does not constitute medical advice under any circumstances. Addiction Survivors, Inc. does not warranty or guarantee the accurateness, completeness, adequacy or currency of the information contained in or linked to the Site. Your use of information on the Site or materials linked to the Site is entirely at your own risk. NEVER take any online advice over that of a qualified healthcare provider. Any information contained on AddictionSurvivors.org should only serve to inspire further investigation with credible, verifiable references sources such as your physician or therapist.
NancyB is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 04-18-2011, 04:50 AM   #6
CarlyO
Moderator
 
CarlyO's Avatar
 
Posts: 2,566
Default

Dear DHF,

Been thinking of you and am sorry I forget to send my condolences about your Uncle.

I imagine you are busy, but any update on your daughter? When you have time post an update. 9 years DHF, So proud!!! Again, hang in there with the life issues and take care, Carly
__________________
Important disclaimer: Any information in this post is not and does not constitute medical advice under any circumstances. Addiction Survivors, Inc. does not warranty or guarantee the accurateness, completeness, adequacy or currency of the information contained in or linked to the Site. Your use of information on the Site or materials linked to the Site is entirely at your own risk. NEVER take any online advice over that of a qualified healthcare provider. Any information contained on AddictionSurvivors.org should only serve to inspire further investigation with credible, verifiable references sources such as your physician or therapist.
CarlyO is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 05-04-2011, 02:25 AM   #7
Dopeless Hope Fiend
Senior Member
 
Dopeless Hope Fiend's Avatar
 
Posts: 210
Default Update of sorts...

Hey y'all,

It's been a while since I went off on here; and being that it's 5/4....my clean day...it wouldn't be the same if I didn't post something.

Regarding my daughter...I've heard nothing from her. Nothing. Not sure what's going on; perhaps she is angry at me, or maybe waiting for me to call her. I don't know. One thing I do know is that the people who know me best, the people who love me most...they are all adamant that I don't phone her. I'm confused, but I trust my friends and family members. So I haven't called my daughter...and every time the phone rings, my heart sinks a little bit more when I see it's not her calling.

It just occurred to me that she could very well check this site and see what I'm up to. When she was home with me, she'd go on this laptop and check her Facebook or watch YouTube videos. I usually have a bunch of tabs open; she could have easily peeked at my posts here. Probably not, though.

Speaking of FB, she "unfriended" my husband and I...which I may have already mentioned. FB is a great way to keep in touch or find old friends. But it's an incredibly painful way to be shut-out of my daughter's life.

I feel some tears welling up, so I'll try to move on...

God, how I love my kids. I wish I hadn't f'd-up so badly with my first two. Crap. Now the tears are falling. I hate crying. I always end up with a massive headache.

My oldest son; he's good. He calls me every now-and-then. He's surrounded by a great, big family of really good people. I couldn't do better for him, so I've never tried to coerce him to be with me. That would be wrong. I miss him and would love to be closer and more involved with him. He knows it and wants to spend the summer with us. That may or may not happen...still have to work it out with his dad.

My little guy...he's amazing! There is something about this boy that I can't quite define...a quality about him that leads me to believe he is going to do something which would have an audience...some type of performer maybe; I'm not sure. I feel very driven to find what his "talent" is...whether it be sports, arts, etc. Lately, he's been singing a lot...Linkin Park is his current fave. Perhaps we have a budding Chester Bennington. Who knows...


Nine years...wild. I suppose the time may come when I'll stop counting the years. Today, I got confused and spent the day thinking I'll have ten years. I don't know why. I'm not so sure that time really matters anymore. What I suppose matters most is how I'm spending it. Today, I spent over five hours on one math lesson with my little guy. It really is amazing to watch him process information and draw his own conclusions. He goes about the math in his own way...I may explain how to work a problem one way, but he will work it out differently. I find that very interesting. Sometimes, when I perceive that he's slacking, I find out he's partially solved the problem. I call him out on the "slacking" only to find out I've interrupted his process, so he has to start over again. Oops, my bad.

My husband and I...we're good. I never imagined in my whole life that there would be a man out there as awesome as him that would love me and my baggage! I am so blessed to be loved by a man who truly loves and respects me. How'd I get so lucky...

Life is good. But the world is strange...at least through my eyes. I've never spent clean time with anyone who is dying, and spending time with my friend who is dying, well, I'm a bit perplexed. On the one hand, really, we're all dying. Nobody is going to live forever, at least in this world. In an odd way, maybe knowing how much time one has left, along with knowledge of how one is going to die is a good thing. On the other hand, I think he has an inner wisdom that can only be attributed to his spiritual condition and his limited time...just my perspective. However, the basic fact remains...cancer is spreading in his brain. Maybe that's why he seems so insightful. Mentally, he is as sharp as ever. It's truly amazing.

I overheard him tell my husband he doesn't believe in heaven or hell. That made me feel bad for him. And a bit guilty. As a Christian, I feel I should have said something. But, like I said, I overheard him. He wasn't talking to me. He also gave my husband a stern warning about saving money. From his view, the economy is going to be in very bad shape...worse than it is now...by the end of 2011.

Maybe I'm just over-tired, or over-exposed to way too much news...but I find it really creepy that my nine years clean is bookmarked by September 11th and the killing of Osama bin Laden. Eww.

Wow, I've been composing this post for over an hour. It would really suck if I go to post it and get timed out.

Thanks to all who've checked on me. Sorry I've been such a dud. My focus has been on schooling my son and trying to maintain the house...I'll try to be around more.

Have an awesome dopeless day,

-DHF
Dopeless Hope Fiend is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 05-04-2011, 03:33 AM   #8
CarlyO
Moderator
 
CarlyO's Avatar
 
Posts: 2,566
Default HI DHF

Dear DHF,
First CONGRATS on your B-Day!
I read your post the highs and lows and thought how bittersweet it all is- I admire you for DOING your best to keep such a positive attitude. You are truly an inspiration!

One idea I had about daughter's FB- if you wanted- could you friend someone she knows OR are you able to see anyone she is Friends with on FB?
I had a friend who was able to see what her ex- BF was up to by doing this. I was thinking at least you might be able to see how she is doing. I hope she has a change of heart soon. While her decision to leave is heartbreaking, I get the feeling you are trying to be accepting of this and all situations in order to maintain your recovery. Still, I know it hurts when it involves our children and loved ones.

To end a lighter note, glad things are going well with Husb.
Good news with Home Schooling and your Lil Guy is happy. Mine has been singing too! So much that the songs get stuck in my head.

So glad you posted and again- Happy B-Day may you continue on your journey , be well and Take care DHF : ) Carly
__________________
Important disclaimer: Any information in this post is not and does not constitute medical advice under any circumstances. Addiction Survivors, Inc. does not warranty or guarantee the accurateness, completeness, adequacy or currency of the information contained in or linked to the Site. Your use of information on the Site or materials linked to the Site is entirely at your own risk. NEVER take any online advice over that of a qualified healthcare provider. Any information contained on AddictionSurvivors.org should only serve to inspire further investigation with credible, verifiable references sources such as your physician or therapist.
CarlyO is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 05-05-2011, 10:35 AM   #9
NancyB
Administrator
 
Posts: 25,466
Default

Hi DHF, congrats on 9 years!

I hope that your daughter has a change of heart soon. But you did say maybe she's waiting for you to call her? Do you, in your heart, think that might be the case? Do you think she's embarrassed to call or doesn't know where to begin? Obviously, you and your family and friends know more than I do, but just wanted to throw those ideas out to you and your friends and family.

Fingers crossed that you can work out something to have your son with you this summer. It's good that he's surrounded by good people. That's great that he and your little guy are doing well. That is interesting what you're learning from him and his processing of the math problems.

I think that's wonderful that your friend is talking about things about him and his limited time left and about things in the future for you and your husband. Don't feel guilty about not saying anything to him about his beliefs. Some people are just very spiritual but do not believe in religious beliefs. It may be that he has reconciled all of this knowing his time is limited or it could be the result of questioning why he has cancer. Recently, my aunt passed away from cancer. She was very much doubting her religion and belief in god because she was wondering why her. I don't know if your friend believed before, but it just might something he's going through. Or if he never did believe, nothing will change his mind now. But, I guess I'm trying to say, don't you feel guilty about it.

You haven't been a dud. You have your life and your family to focus on. It's always great to 'see' you. But only when you have time, ok?

Nancy
__________________
Important disclaimer: Any information in this post is not and does not constitute medical advice under any circumstances. Addiction Survivors, Inc. does not warranty or guarantee the accurateness, completeness, adequacy or currency of the information contained in or linked to the Site. Your use of information on the Site or materials linked to the Site is entirely at your own risk. NEVER take any online advice over that of a qualified healthcare provider. Any information contained on AddictionSurvivors.org should only serve to inspire further investigation with credible, verifiable references sources such as your physician or therapist.
NancyB is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 05-30-2011, 12:13 AM   #10
CarlyO
Moderator
 
CarlyO's Avatar
 
Posts: 2,566
Default

HI DHF - How are you ??? Hope all is well - miss you : ) Carly
__________________
Important disclaimer: Any information in this post is not and does not constitute medical advice under any circumstances. Addiction Survivors, Inc. does not warranty or guarantee the accurateness, completeness, adequacy or currency of the information contained in or linked to the Site. Your use of information on the Site or materials linked to the Site is entirely at your own risk. NEVER take any online advice over that of a qualified healthcare provider. Any information contained on AddictionSurvivors.org should only serve to inspire further investigation with credible, verifiable references sources such as your physician or therapist.
CarlyO is offline   Reply With Quote
One User Says Thank You to CarlyO For This Useful Post:
Thank You (08-12-2011)
Unread 08-12-2011, 01:19 AM   #11
Dopeless Hope Fiend
Senior Member
 
Dopeless Hope Fiend's Avatar
 
Posts: 210
Smile

Hi Carly! All is well...nothing is perfect, but nothing is terribly wrong.

I've missed you guys much! Been SO busy these past few months...

Hope to chat with you all soon!

-DHF
Dopeless Hope Fiend is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off




All times are GMT -4. The time now is 05:50 PM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2019, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
© 2014 Addiction Survivors