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Unread 02-02-2009, 08:28 PM   #1
aries girll
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Default Going around in circles

Hi everyone,

I am brand new to this site and found it on google. I need some support and help with drinking. I am not getting it from family or friends and i have been an alcholic since my ten year relationship broke off when I was 25 and had a lot of seperational anxiety. I have a high level of anxiety and use wine to calm me down. Let me begin,
For five years since my break up i have been in the dating circle which involves a lot of wine. I was with a marine for two years and starting to drink a lot when he went to war and even more wine when he came home and sexually and mentally abused me. I started not to care for men and used them for wine and dinner and there was a lot of black outs and waking up with a stranger in my bed. It started to get worse when my family split apart. My father who is a very bad alcholic and mother divorced. My brother became a drunk on top of ambien and coke and zanax. My mother got addicted to pills for weight loss. We'll here is when I hit rock bottom and I need a hand to pull me up. Last summer I found out that my best friend had sex with my ten year relationship and one night very drunk do not remember what I said, but apparently I threatened her. I got a phone charge. I remember when I found out because that day I had just bought a new car and my brother came over to my house and hit me very hard and assaulted me. The police came and I found out that I had a warrent for my arrest. I pressed charges for my brother. At that time, my mother since she takes sides with my brother began to make my life hell and she would call the cops on me for no reason, but I was still drinking wine a bottle a night and the cops would come and see i was not doing anything and it was embarrassing and anxiety ridden drank more. Next my mother who I was living with kicked me out and made me live with my father, a 6am to whenever you pass out drinker. I had to live with him for three months and clean after his mess. He caught the apartment on fire and then two weeks later he put a loaded gun to my head because oh he was drunk. Mean while I am here shouting to my family I need help and no one wants to help. I lost a lot of friends because of my family problems and drinking. Lost my job from the court and family mess and drinking. I went to AA and a man hit on me all night and I am scared to go back. I do not have money for a phycologist, nor when you are working 50 hours do you have time to. My boyfriend will not help. My friends just want me to be like I was ten years ago without facing what I have been through. I am attending church.
One more thing,
My doctor put me on zanax for IBS and anxiety and then on prozack for depression when I was an alcholic. I told him I did not want to be on this and I was drinking. The day after my brother beat the crap out of me he wanted me to go on anti-siesser sp sorry medication. We'll it made me have one and I gained five pounds of water weight in a day. I stopped all medication and found a new doctor.
Any advice would be great. Thank you reading this long message.
ariesgirl
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Unread 02-03-2009, 06:27 PM   #2
dave53190
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Hi ariesgirl,

Hope you are having a good day! Every single problem I had when I was drinking slowly disappeared after I quit drinking. I'm not saying that they all disappeared the minute I stopped drinking, but, in time, they all went away. Today I have a life I never thouight would be possible for me. I wish this for you.
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Unread 02-03-2009, 08:08 PM   #3
CarlyO
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Default Hi and welcome AriesGirl

Thanks for sharing a bit of your story. IMO- When we are in our disease, alcohol misuse, etc... chaos seems to be the order of the day. I am not making light of your situation, at all, in fact if you read some of the stories here, you will see that the insanity is far too common than not. I remember what it was like and there comes a point where it stops being remotely fun, especially when we are legal issues.

You mention that you do not have the support of your family, I know it seems like it would be easier to have them behind you, but you can do this on your own. I am not sure why your BF would not support you , if he cares imo - he would want you to be happy and healthy, yes?
My family cut me off- it was such a lonely feeling, but they did what they had to do for their own sanity, I was draining them, crisis after crisis.

Regardless, You have made the first steps, admitting there are problems related to alcohol and a desire to change, to stop the insanity- so congrats on that !

The next step is to figure out a plan, I am not sure why the doctor did not try to help you when you confided in him that you were drinking?? Did he offer to give you referrals, help with alcohol withdrawal?
there are other options, even if you do not have insurance/money for private counseling, you can go to your local MH/SA clinic, they have counselors, psychologists, doctors, all on a income based sliding fee charge.

I hate that you had that experience at AA, but I can promise that most meetings are not like that, from my experience. If you wanted to give that another try, maybe choose a women's meeting. There is also rational recovery and other 12 step support meetings. I hope you will explore some of these support systems, the important thing, imo- is to keep trying until you find what works for you.

Please seek medical assistance before attempting to stop alcohol as it can be very dangerous depending on how much/how often you drink.

The links for educational material , withdrawal, etc.. and our matching system are provided on the right hand side of this page, just enter your zip code and it will show some of the options in your area. Let us know if you have any questions.

Good luck,keep us posted, and take care, Carly
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Unread 02-03-2009, 08:16 PM   #4
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Hi Aries girl

Welcome to the site!

I hope you've had time to browse around and do some research. If not, here are some links I think should be of interest:

With your long history of alcohol misuse I can only safely suggest in-patient treatment to safely detox from the alcohol initially.

http://www.alcoholanswers.org/treatm...-treatment.cfm

Alcohol withdrawals can be a life threatening ordeal and should not be taken lightly.

http://www.alcoholanswers.org/alcoho...withdrawal.cfm

Medical intervention/assistance for the acute withdrawal is the safest route. Once the initial detox has been done, you have many more options on how to proceed from there. In fact, try and read up on many of the treatment options here.

http://www.alcoholanswers.org/treatm...ns/default.cfm

You have a long and complicated story and it'll take years to undo the 'damage' both mentally and physically. Don't let that daunt you but know it's not going to be overnight. You just have to take the first step.....

You are young and have a long life ahead of you. It's a very do-able thing when you are committed to it.

SLynn
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Unread 02-04-2009, 05:09 PM   #5
aries girll
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Thanks so much! How did you deal with your family not being there and is there an AA class just for women?
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Unread 02-04-2009, 05:55 PM   #6
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Hi AriesGirl,
did you read the links and info that Slynn gave you ? Esp about detoxing from alcohol safely? That is the most important thing when you decide to stop drinking - to do it under medical supervision.

To answer your questions - I dealt with it by doing what was suggested by my counselors, AA group - I had to learn how to deal with my life, my legal issues, on my own, but I never was really alone, because I always had people in my meetings to call. I became stronger in the process, and it is a process. I never thought I could have fun without drink/drug but I did - and my life became more managable.
Cutting me off was the best thing that my family did for me- it forced me to Grow Up basically. If I had an issue, I always had people to talk to, now, years later - I have a good relationship with my family.

Re: Women's AA meetings, click this link to get the contact number in your area - then ask them about women's meetings, I am sure they will be helpful.

http://www.aa.org/lang/en/meeting_fi...fm?origpage=29

I hope this helps Aries, how are you doing ? Take care, Carly
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Unread 02-05-2009, 02:42 PM   #7
aries girll
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Hey, thanks for the advise. I am doing well. I went to a north star meeting at church last night and it was about Alchol. The problem was that they all were the victoms of an addict and I was the only one who was an addict. It hurt a lot because now I see what I did to others. But the funny thing was no one ever let me speak when I raised my hand on why alcholics do what they do. They just went in circles for an hour when I so much wanted to give them a responce. I am going to a AA meeting soon. I just got a new job today. Its starts on Feb 17th and I am so excited. Problem boyfriend. He thinks I took a job working the later shift so I could drink when in actuality, I want to find a job I am happy with and finially get the weekends off. He is a huge problem with me and actually caused me to stress out and to drink and that is not good. Have you ever been with someone who wants you to stop and yells at you with a beer in there hand? I mean seriously if my boyfriend wants me stop he does not know how hard its going to be and we are never going to parties and bars anymore until I am strong enough. Its hard because I need that support group like you talked about to call when I weak and to do things like movies and shopping without alchol being there. Hope you are doing well Have a great night.
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Unread 02-05-2009, 02:48 PM   #8
aries girll
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Slynn,

I have a couple of questions about medically taking drugs while detoxing. First of all, I am really bad on medication. I throw up and at times get sleepy and don't know what is going on. If I have an addictive personality wouldn't I get addicted to anti-anxiety drugs? I am afraid of cross addiction. What type of medication do they put you on and the physical and mental effects do they have? Thanks
Cindy
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Unread 02-05-2009, 07:11 PM   #9
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Hi Cindy,

I am sure Slynn will be by soon, but just in case- you really need to speak to a medical professional about stopping alcohol safely.
Do you drink daily and if so how much?
Not giving out medical advice here, just some examples... They will not want you to risk getting addicted to the medications they may give you to detox, so that is why inpatient is best if you can do it.
Is that a real possibility for you ?

If not then being supervised and monitored closely by a medical professional is your next option. For example, members here have posted that they were given librium to detox with. You can read their experiences on the forum.

Ahh, the BF - sounds like he is sending 2 conflicting messages to you, that is something you will need to explore further. IMO he would have to /want to
respect what you need to do for your recovery, if he loves you, he will do it,
do you worry he will not support your efforts? Again that needs to be dealt with - first imo you need to figure out how you want to go about stopping safely. Did you use the matching system yet? I am sure there is a clinic - did you find out anything yet?

I have got to leave for a few hours - but I will be back tonight and will be around tomorrow and all weekend. Hang in there, Cindy : ) Take care, Carly
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Unread 02-09-2009, 03:11 PM   #10
aries girll
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Hey Carly,

Thanks for some advise. The option of going to an inbound treatment program is a no go. I have no money for it and family would not give me any. I have looked and asked around. Plus with my new job I would not be able to make it. I asked my doctor what Librium was and he would not put me on it because its a form of anxiety medication that I used to be addicted to and gave up last summer. I am going to a AA meeting this Wednesday with a guy friend who used to be my neighbor and has similiar issues. Problem again, Boyfriend. He thinks I am going on a date or something with this guy friend who I have known since I was 8. What do I do? He thinks I am just doing this for attention when its not. I have a problem and want to stop. Any IMO on this?
Thanks
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Unread 02-09-2009, 04:42 PM   #11
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Hi Cindy,

I was wondering if you explained everything to your doctor. Did you tell him you wanted to stop drinking ? Did he do an assessment on your alcohol consumption?
Do you drink daily , weekly ? If so how much ?

Now that you mentioned that you were dependent on benzos, it makes sense- as sometimes, we put down one substance - only to pick another to replace it, does this sound like it could be the case ?
I am really concerned about how you can safely stop alcohol, I cannot give out medical advice, but normally what happens when people are monitored by a medical professional they are given a short course of medication enough to safely get through the alcohol withdrawals. While I understand your doctor's concern about it being in the benzo family, but given the right supervision, it is a safe alternative to cold turkey- from what I know personally and otherwise.

Are you still drinking? If so how much? I would suggest trying your local clinics- it is usually under County Services " MH/SA services, they would only charge what you can pay, that is what it is for. They do an assessment, refer you to a doctor/clinic, as well as support groups, counseling.

I am not sure why BF would think you are doing this for attention? Is it a control issue with him? Maybe he likes things the way they are? If you change your life, maybe he feels threatened by this?
I think it is great you have reached out to another who is in the program, BF may not be able to see past the "guy" thing, I say go to the meeting, ask for help.
There is a lot of info here for friends/family - maybe it would help BF to read some of it, when someone loves you they want you to be healthy and happy, imo .

I hope this helps, let us know how you are doing, take care, Carly
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Unread 02-09-2009, 07:01 PM   #12
aries girll
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Hey Carly,

As I am drinking a glass of wine, i usually have a bottle a night with Tynoal pm sp sorry, to sleep. My father drinks about 2 bottles of vocka a night and they are the medium size ones and my brother drinks about 2-3 bottles of wine a weekend night. He starts at 4pm and ends at 4am and if he has to work its usually 2 bottles with a ambien to pass out. Mother has a glass of wine a night. Doctor knows my family history and how addictive we are. To be honest I don't drink as much as long as I keep busy with work and social life, but my social life is crap. But again that is no excuse. I am hurt tonight because I am losing my boyfriend bc he is controlling and does not care about my well-being. He says he will not live with me until I am not an addict, but threatens to break up with me when I say I am going with a male friend to AA. I don't want to end up drinking wine by myself all night and having no friends or relationship. In a wierd way, I think the controlling relationship i am in can hinder movement to being sober when I am constantly yelled at by my actions. I so wish I had a support group now to call instead of drinking two bottles of wine and crying all night because of my non-helping boyfriend and end to my two year relationship. Sorry for being depressed. Thank you for all your help.
Oh one more thing, Your post earlier , When you go on an interview IMO, the breaks in jobs I do not know how big they are but I would get a feel for the person you are interviewing with. If they seem superficial, hide it. But if they are generous and seem down to earth, say it. You can always say you had to attend to family at that time and know one can say anything. And if you said personal reasons, they can't say anything either. Don't stress it because you want to be happy and confident in your interview and bringing the past may seem to keep your confidence down. I am sure you are much more happy now so ride on it girl and you'll get the job.
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Unread 02-09-2009, 07:32 PM   #13
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Hi Cindy,

Thanks for sharing, I know it seems so difficult now- with the BF, family members who are struggling with their own issues, new job.
Maybe try to focus on things you can do right now, - like finding a way to get off of the alcohol safely. I know it is not as simple as saying if BF does not like it, then that is his choice, you do have 2 years invested in the relationship and the end of a relationship is definitely a another thing to deal with.
Please check out your options for affordable counseling, medical care and then AA is free, try to connect with some women there, they will give you honest feedback and support. I will bet your friend knows women in the rooms who would be there for you.

When I first stopped all substances /went into recovery, my BF was not on board, I was a liability to him, his family. To add to my family cutting me out of their lives, until I got help, I dealt with the break up but I got through it. Looking back, I am so grateful, it is funny how life turns out, not saying life is always perfect, but I found my soul mate.
Anything is doable, if you have the sincere desire to want help and are willing to do some work. In the meantime - hang in there - Carly
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Unread 02-12-2009, 07:18 PM   #14
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Hi Cindy, Just checking in with you : ) hope all is well, Carly
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Unread 02-14-2009, 03:19 PM   #15
aries girll
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Hey Carly,
Happy Valentines Day. Not so good. My boyfriend would not let me go with my guy friend to AA and took me to a bar for Valentines Day when I told him not too or at least advised him that a bar environment is not good for me weeks ago so he could watch the race and that was last night. Today we are broken up. On Valentines day.
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Unread 02-15-2009, 10:19 PM   #16
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HI Cindy,
Yuck, I am sure that was not pleasant to break up on V Day.

How are you handling the break up , was it amicable or not nice ? Are you ok ?

I really think he has no clue about what you are trying to accomplish, that or he is trying to sabotage your efforts.

You know you will be fine, maybe even better without his drinking around you, you can concentrate on helping yourself .

Hang in there and take care, Carly
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Unread 02-20-2009, 12:24 PM   #17
aries girll
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Hey Carly,

I am doing a little better today. You are so right about being myself and looking at myself now more than ever for some help with my addiction. I think the one biggest thing i am facing right now is lonely times and I really need to get involved in some groups to get me up and doing things. I did drink to much last weekend. And last night as well. He wanted to continue with the relationship after valentines but last night I made up my mind and finished it. I will go see a doctor when I get insurance. In the mean time, people tell me not to cut it cold turkey so what do I do. It will be about a month before I have insurance and right now I am broke?
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Unread 02-20-2009, 12:26 PM   #18
aries girll
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Sorry one more thing, this is bothering me, if I can't stop drinking when i want to because of bad withdraw possible effects, it really stresses me out. Especially when I
have a drink in my hand and want to put it away.
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Unread 02-21-2009, 12:01 AM   #19
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Hi Cindy,

Good for you making the decision to end it with him, don't you think it would be more of the same if you had resumed the relatioship?
IMO - when we are under the influence we may accept behavior from others , like Boyfriends that we look back on once we have a clear mind and say what was I thinking? I had many experiences like that and I hope you will never settle for less than what you deserve when the time comes for you to date again.
But first, imo it would be helpful to get to know yourself without substances, learn how to be happy with you - then when you meet the right person you have a better chance at a healthy relationship, being with someone worthy of you.

Yes, withdrawal is NOT something to be done without professional help, is there not any clinic in your area ? Did you try the matching system? I was a social worker and every county is supposed to have treatment available for everyone, regardless of lack of insurance/money. My advice would be to keep calling until you speak to someone willing to find that help with detox. The squeaky wheel and all of that. : )
I still am baffled why your family doctor would not oversee your detox- even if you misused benzos in the past - imo that is no reason to NOT treat you. Please keep looking, there are doctors who can do this if you cannot go inpatient.
Another option is to cut down on your drinking- I know easier said than done!
Lonliness is the pits - it stinks, but you do not have to be alone- that is why group support is so helpful, because it connects us with others.
Now that BF is not preventing, discouraging you from going to AA ,you can go ,right ? - even if you are still drinking - the Only requirement is a desire to stop drinking. No one goes walks in those rooms having it all together.

Examples- When I had a relapse on opiates & benzos, I was so ashamed, depressed , lonely - I knew I needed help so I kept going to meetings until I could get help with detox. I have known people who for whatever reasons were still drinking and attending AA. It is not the perfect scenario, but something is better than nothing. They eventually realized that putting their disease in remission was something that they wanted, that AA can work- And the fellowship of the group gave them courage and strength to take it to the next level. happened - the support from others gave them strength, made them realize it was not like a cult or other ideas they had of AA/support groups.
I got my foundation in AA and the one thing I know for me was that it was amazing to finally be among people who "get me" - I mean it was these are my Peeps.
I am sure it is the same with other support groups as well, I realize that some people may not want to go the AA route- I am just sharing what worked for me, getting that foundation in AA taught me how to live without substances, how to cope with life issues as I was clueless.

Call your friend to take you to a meeting, keep busy, avoid staying home alone since that is a trigger to drink. Call your local MH/SA clinics, try the matching system- I truly hope you can find help soon.
Most important don;t give up- realizing you need help and asking for it are huge steps, you should be very proud of yourself ! Please keep us posted and take care , I hope you have a good weekend ! Carly
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Unread 02-28-2009, 02:10 PM   #20
aries girll
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Hey Carly,

I need to vent. This past week was different and really frustrating. I live with my mother and she is not the typical mom. She constantly verbally abuses me and it has effected my self esteem in so many levels that it brings me to drink. She went away this week for two days and i felt better and did not drink and listened to music and was up on the computer. I felt that I could do whatever without getting yelled at. I even cooked and I don't cook. I went to my general doctor and confronted him about drinking and that I had been off for two days. He would not give me anything. I felt horrible because I can't sleep at all. He called it TP or TB under his breath. So my mom comes back and yells about everything I did to make myself happy and I start drinking again. Why? How am I going to get off this when I do not sleep at all. I get insomnia. I even told my doctor this. Last night I was so disgusted in myself because I was getting ready for a date and he was an hour late to pick me up. I have decided to start dieting and whoops a starving stomach and a bottle of wine. I am drunk. It was horrible and when he picked me up we were supposed to go to dinner but it was 9:30 and where I live the good restraunts close at that time. He did not want to go and I yelled at him to take me home. I don't think I am ready to date people at this time. I was very mean to him. But then again a first date an hour and some time late and skipping dinner too. Not a good impression on me.
So here is what I am frustrated with. How am I going to be able to live with my mother and ignore her while I try to do things other than drinking at the house. Like listen to music, write, or just dance goofy in your room. How am I going to get to sleep? I even took five tynal pm one night and it did not even make me yawn.
Thanks
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Unread 02-28-2009, 05:09 PM   #21
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Hi Cindy,

Is there any way to find another doctor who will actually listen and treat you ? I know it can be frustrating starting over with someone new but a doctor is supposed to treat you with dignity and treat your medical issues seriously, alcohol withdrawal is a serious medical condition.

I am not excusing your mother's behavior, it sounds like she has issues of her own? I think you mentioned your family has a history .
But keep in mind, even going through mild alcohol withdrawals, the lack of sleep , can make you very irritable. If you have been drinking on a daily basis - agian it is suggested to find a professional to treat you or go to the emergency room if your symptoms worsen.

Are you in a situation where you need to stay at your Mom's house- financially ? Times are tough, so if this is the case then imo- do the best you can to stay out of her way, it is not ideal, but you have your work , maybe connect with a support group, you mentioned you have a church you go to to stay busy. Everyone likes to have their own space, I know I do, so maybe make that your goal to eventually find a an apartment or roomate situation
( preferably one who does not party ; ) just so you won't have to deal with tempation early on.

I think until you sort your life out dating may not be the wisest option, you mentioned you attend a church - maybe going out with a group for a while will keep your social calendar full until you have some sobriety under your belt.
Taking time out to work on you now will pay off later by choosing healthier relationships. I actaully did not date for an entire year, but it was not that difficult because I had a good group of friends. When I did start dating again , I was more mature emotionally, it was kind of cool - learning how to date sober( because I had always been under the influence of substances), so at 27 I felt like I was 16 again !
About the weight, many people lose weight when they stop drinking, it adds up to empty calories and little desire to excercise, so that may just work itself out once you stop.

It sounds like you are definitely trying - you went back to your doctor, you are reaching out for help, have the desire to stop drinking, just do not give up, I hope you can find a good doctor and/or counselor asap to help you navigate this. I know this is not the perfect scenario, but your efforts will pay off in the long run : ) hang in there and take care, Carly
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Unread 03-03-2009, 07:31 PM   #22
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Hey Carly,

I think I am going to an aa meeting on Wednesday. What is it like? And can I still be drinking when I go? I know that is bad but I need some sort of sleep medication to be without alchol for awhile. I don't have a craving for alchol when I am without, I just can not sleep. Before I was an addict I was on anxiety medication because I had seperational anxiety after my boyfriend of ten years broke away from me. Its helped me sleep and with the panic attacks. In some ways I think I used alchol to self medicate the anxiety I had? Do people do that? I think I just will feel bad when I go sober to aa and then drink at night to sleep. That is really bad don't you think? We'll how are you and I hope all is well. Have you found a job? Hope all is well. Miss ya
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Unread 03-03-2009, 08:23 PM   #23
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Hi Cindy,

Good for you going to a meeting, the only requirement to attend is a Desire to Stop drinking, no one goes in there with all of the answers. Meetings are where you can learn how to stop and stay stopped, many people do not go to traditional rehab , yet have a great recovery program through AA and/or other support programs. Do not feel guilty- guilt, remorse will keep you drinking, never trying staying in that cycle.
My best advice is to go and listen, keep an open mind, if you are shy, not ready to talk, you are not required to share. Once you have gone to a few meetings, seek out the people who send out a positive vibe, members who are solid in their recovery, maybe even a women's meeting, most have a meeting at least once a week.

Maybe try going to a meeting during the times when you have cravings, I did that, I said OK I won't drink/use, for this one hour- sometimes I went to several meetings a day, in the beginning. I felt so good after the meetings, the cravings passed and I never picked up. That is why they say take it one minute, one hour, one day at a time.

Lack of sleeping after you stop substances can be a common complaint, but it does eventually return to normal, it takes time though. If you give it time, stay off the alcohol and still cannot sleep, some people discuss other options like anti-depressants or vivitrol to get them through the transitional period. But hopefully it will get better with time.

Good luck, I really hope you like the meeting, just remember keep an open mind : ) Keep us posted, take care, Carly
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Unread 03-04-2009, 02:57 PM   #24
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Not Good at all. I need some help. I blacked out last night after my ex boyfriend called me about 30 times last night with constant verbal abuse. I drank a lot last night and I guess my mother and I got into a fight and I don't remember it at all. She is now kicking me out of the house. Financially i have no place to go. Help. There is no support here with her, its just picking and picking at me all the time and if i am drunk I lash out. This is a very low point for me.
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Unread 03-04-2009, 08:33 PM   #25
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Hi Cindy,

Cindy I am really worried about you. Do you think that your Mom will reconsider or at least let you stay until you can find other arrangements?

Blacking out while drinking is serious, I truly hope that you will get help asap, this is a progressive disease - it will not get better on its own. Keep us posted , Ok ? Take care - Carly
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Unread 03-06-2009, 09:24 PM   #26
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Hey Carly,

Thanks for your concern. I think my mother will let me stay until I get help or at least move out. I'm going to be really honest here and let you know I really do not want to ever black out ever again. I talked to or should I say called doctors here in Richmond VA, and no one responded. What I need and I don't think anyone understands this is, I have anxiety. I have had it since my ten year left me and I do need a phycologist for this as well as anxiety medication. I was sober last night and could not sleep last night crying that I would never see my brother and father again. And the last memories I have of them are my brother beating the crap out of me and my father putting a gun to me head. Can you see how that would bring about anxiety in anyone. My ex- is horrible with verbal remarks every day on the phone and eventually I will have to call the cops if he comes by. That is a lot of anxiety for anyone to handle. Also to, I need to find another job and without the help of a good job meaning 40,000 plus I might have to go into the military to have shelter since my mother loves to threaten me with that weekly. I thought and was stupid in December I could live with my boyfriend and get straight and get clean and be happy working even a 25,000 dollar job as long as he paid the rest. Stupid right. I just needed a stable living environment to get clean. Stupid again for thinking that. Thank you for your concern, I am going to have to do some things now more than ever that are not concentrated on getting off alchol. Its more of a survival thing. I am going to get off this site.
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Unread 03-06-2009, 09:48 PM   #27
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Hi Cindy,

There are doctors and places to go that can treat both the anxiety and alcohol issues,you probably already know this, but just in case someone else is reading and has the same issues, I wanted to post it. I know anxiety/panic attacks well, I would not wish them on my worst enemy ! They are so debilitating.
I hope you can find a job and sorry that your mother is being so hard on you. You mention you are getting off the site, I did not know if you meant tonight or like forever ? I totally understand you have to do what is best for you, we are here if you need us.
I truly hope everything works out, take good care, Carly
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Unread 03-09-2009, 03:05 PM   #28
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Hey Carly,

I wanted to get off this site but I think I need it more than I think. I read other posts and can relate to them. I feel like total crap today. Not because I am hung over its because I had another crazy night and could not sleep and took tynal pm at 6 this morning, so I am kinda feeling loopy. I had a horrible weekend. My ex boyfriend keeps wanting to get back together and it causes me to drink a lot more. I miss him but I know I can't fix things with us. He called me fat on Friday and i went into a drinking frenzy about my weight. I used to be anerexic so I hate the feeling of thinking I am fat when I am average. I went through a lot of help with that issue and high school I know once I stop drinking my weight will drop. On Saturday, I had to lie to him and i went to see my best guy friend and it was fine. Lots of drama there. My ex hates my best guy friend. Saturday night though he constantly called and I had to threaten to call the cops. Sunday, he wanted to talk to me and I went over to my best guy friends family's house for dinner instead. WE drank some wine, but when I came home my ex started to hell at me over the phone and drank and then I asked my mom for her wine and then I could not sleep so I woke up at 5 worked out and made mom mad that I was up so early. I think I am truelly crazy. Is my ex causing more stain on me than i realise? Why do i have to drop some people who can not help me stop drinking? How can I get better with mother threatening to kick me out, ex yelling at me, no money, no job, no girl friends. Where do you start? I can't even see a doctor here because I have no money and no support from family or friends with that. Its like I keep saying I need help and it goes through one ear out the other. I know it starts with me. I can go a day or two without drinking, but I can not shut out these horrible issues i have and stay sober. My panic attacks i get when I am off of alchol my mother thinks its a joke. I am just trying to be honest here. Its helps to write it out as well. Thank you for reading.
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Unread 03-10-2009, 09:05 PM   #29
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Hi Cindy,

You have the answers - you posted a lot them above. Everyone has problems , issues walking into recovery, it is part of the disease- our lives become chaotic. I wish I could tell you there is a quick fix, none of us got this way overnight, so it takes time and wanting to get better more than anything you have ever wanted.
Your local MH/SA services should be able to help you regardless of funds.
Please stay safe and take care- Carly
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Unread 03-24-2009, 02:11 PM   #30
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OK I am struggling right now. Last week, I went to the Doctor because I had an abnormal pap. I had to get some cells removed for precancerous testing. I freaked out last week and went to church and there was a pastor there that was great and some great people to talk to. I went out to see an old co-worker on Thursday and Hooters and did not drink while they were all drinking. They then decided to go to another bar. As I being totally sober tried to walk to the next place, fell. And all these people on the streets where laughing and making fun of me. I could understand if I was drunk and trust me I have had plently of them in my past, but why being sober would anyone make me feel like this? My on and off again boyfriend thought I had an STD and made me feel crappy all week. Friday I just stayed in and cried all day and did not drink. My whatever he is finally came to grips that I am dealing with cancer. I have finally come to grips that I can not conquere an addiction by myself and put it in gods hands. OK but what next? I prayed to god and said its in your hands now, that I have no control over my addiction. Now what? Confused any help there?
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Unread 03-24-2009, 02:28 PM   #31
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Hi Cindy,

Glad you posted, I think it is a major success that you have not been drinking - but going out to bars so soon can be tricky. I know these are friends but true friends want you to be healthy and happy, and would support you in any efforts to acheive this.
You ask what next ? Imo - go to a recovery group, AA , SMART, etc. even a church group as you have in the past. They will give you the support you need and will understand what you are dealing with. They will "get you " and where you are coming from.
If you hang out with positive people you will feel better about yourself, life.

Please let us know what happens with the tests, sending thoughts and prayers your way : )
Take care, Carly
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Unread 03-25-2009, 06:54 PM   #32
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Carly or anyone,

Since I don't have a support group right now I need some advice. I was trying to go to church when my ex what ever he is called and put me down for not going to an interview today bc I was with social services all day trying to get insurance for my issue. I have to talk to the doctor tomorrow and my what ever yelled at me so bad I turned around and cried and came home. I am afraid I am going to binge tonight with my boyfriend yelling, friends are all at bars right now, so I am not going there, and the really bad feeling I have about tomorrow. Anxiety. I wish I had a friend right now that could pick me and go get coffee or somthing. Is that asking for too much?
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Unread 03-25-2009, 06:59 PM   #33
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Hi Cindy,

You do not have to drink tonight - just hold on, let's think this through - what is drinking going to accomplish ? You will feel worse right ?

Which doctor are you going to see tomorrow ?

Write me back ok ? I can stay here for a while
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Unread 03-25-2009, 07:04 PM   #34
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Sorry - I remember now which doctor you are going to see- it is about the pap tests- right ?

I really wish you could let go of BF - he does not seem to be very supportive, he seems to cause you more pain than joy. I know it is difficult letting go- but you deserve much better !

Are you still there ?
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Unread 03-26-2009, 05:20 PM   #35
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Carly,
I did drink last night but not as much as I thought. My friends from church picked me up and I got onto facebook, which took my mind off drinking. You are so right, hanging with people who are good for you makes you think differently about yourself.
Doctor visit went bad. I have to go in for surgery soon. If I don't do anything about it i will have to have my uterus out Sad. I think your right about the BF. I am happier talking to you about this than I am him in person. If you are on tonight, I will probably be home. My church friends are on a retreat somewhere, but they will be back on Monday. Thanks again for all your help
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Unread 03-29-2009, 12:22 PM   #36
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Hi Cindy,


I am so glad you are making good friends who care about YOU and your well- being. I think with relationships, like with BF , he is probably not going to change.It also sounds like he is a trigger for you, so imo if you are trying to stop alcohol, he may be a barrier to achieving your goal. Maybe you could make a list of pros and cons - it sounds like from what you have said in the past, the cons will outweigh the pros. Never settle for less than what you deserve !
Do you have a date set for the surgery ? I hope that because you caught it in time - you have a good prognosis. Please let us know and sending thoughts and prayers your way.

Hang in there ! Take care, Carly
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Unread 04-07-2009, 01:05 PM   #37
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Hey Carly,

I am trying to get insurance so that the procedure will not cost that much. Its really hard to find insurance with a pre-exsisting condition. Question, I know I have to be away from my bf, to change. However getting away from him like I tried last week causes me to drink from the pain and loneliness. Its a catch 22. Ever had this with anyone in your past? How did you deal with it?
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Unread 04-07-2009, 01:26 PM   #38
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Hey Carly,
I forgot, the other day my mother came in and said there was a position to be a wine consultant. LOL! I may be an expert about drinking it, but how could that ever help me recover. Once I get health insurance I am going to one doctor that I think could help. But how do I get my doctor to beleive me. I have had an anxiety condition for awhile and believe it or not, Zanax helps with work and sleeping at night. How do I tell my doctor I want to quit drinking but I want Zanax for sleep and anxiety conditions. I am self medicating myself with alchol to do this.
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Unread 04-07-2009, 03:32 PM   #39
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Hi Cindy,

To answer your first question, yes, I have in the past dated someone who had a similar effect on me as you describe with your BF. The relationship kept me in such an unhealthy cycle. I ended up moving - because I went down so far, I was such a mess, I went away to get treatment and then I got involved in a 12 step program.
Meeting new people and focusing on staying sober was a lifesaver. Once I was gone, I think I got one letter from him, in the end he was not anything like I thought I was - he had his own issues - last I heard he is basically a bum, so I am glad things turned out the way they did !


I know it must be a tempatation to go back to him, to make the pain stop, but it is a temporary 'fix" - maybe try to rip the bandaid off, once and for all. get involved - like you have been doing. You are probably a LOT stronger than you know : )

Oh yes, Insurance and pre-existing conditions, I know it makes the rates so much more expensive.
Do you qualify for medicaid/state insurance? If not, Is it because you work and make too much ?

Finding a doctor to treat your anxiety and alcohol issues may take some time, but surely there has to be someone that understands.
Right now, are you still seeing the same doctor - the one who would not detox you ?
Would you be willing to go inpatient and deal with everything all at once?

I was not sure if you tried the matching system here - did that help at all?

I know you feel trapped,there has got to be a solution, keep trying.
Most of all, please be careful. Take care, Carly
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Unread 04-07-2009, 11:42 PM   #40
ebdrecovering
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Default You have a lot of courage!!!!

Aries girl, with all your history of a crazy family and abuse, it is amazing you are taking this desire to quit seriously. You obviously value yourself and want a better life. You are on the right track! You are amazing.

This is just pep talk...Your triggers and relationships are a little complicated for me to give you specific advice about that, but maybe the way I changed my attitude which helped me could help you too.

I am a month sober after drinking to cover up my problems, bad memories, disappointments, humiliations, anxiety, lack of self confidence and lonliness. I was finally able to quit when I realized I procrastinated five years from the last time I seriously attempted. I realized how lame that was. How drinking and hangovers made time just go by and masked physical symptoms of drinking and made me think they would just go away the day after I didn't drink. The mindset that helped me was realizing that continuing drinking was just procrastinating and was pathetic. I also had been gaining self confidence and appreciation for things in life, and realized that drinking was slapping that in the face. I also realized that if I didn't quit, I would never get better physically or mentally.

If you can't get to a therapist and don't want to go to AA, you are not lost. You have us and sounds like the church group is good. I quit on my own because I was desperate and made the commitment in my mind. It took me a few months to completely quit but, it happened and I am in disbelief that I made it this far. Commit your mind to making it happen and be patient. Think about how you will be so proud of yourself when you are a month sober.

You will not instantly have a happy go lucky life or feel confident all the time, or maybe even feel good. It sounds like you are understanding this and figuring out steps to handle this by finding things to do with yourself instead of drink, and struggling with that. That is normal. If it were easy, you would never have gotten in this bind in the first place.

As far as the boyfriend situation, don't let your problems with him drive you to drink. Have confidence in yourself to not do that to yourself. I let family problems do that to me. Then I started to get really mad at myself for falling for that.

Symptom alert:on't let this get you down....

When you quit, your body and mind have to readjust. You may have sleep problems, fatigue, headaches, boredom, emotions, or other problems you don't expect, but if you stick to it, these will even out, and you will feel more normal. It may take a few weeks or longer depending on how much you quit vs. just cutting down. Don't get discouraged. Keep your mind on your goal. If you slip up, think of it as a diabetic eating something sugary...not to be done again. Don't think of it as failure and that you are incurable and going to die of cirrhosis or a burst blood vessel in your chest...these things happen all the time...don't fool yourself into thinking it won't happen to you if you keep drinking.

There is a reason they call it "falling off the wagon and getting back on." You have to make the commitment to get back with the program to achieve your goal of living a life without alcohol. Have self confidence that you can do it and that you can handle life, no matter how crappy it can get, without it. Decide to do this and you will figure out how. You know yourself best. If you don't you will never recover. That is why it is called recovery. Your body and mind continue to recover and it may take a long time, but you will see the results and you will know when you see and feel them and will be very relieved you were not killed by the booze---that you were smart enough to realize the need to change and made it happen.

Good luck...I know you can do it.

Last edited by ebdrecovering; 04-08-2009 at 12:07 AM..
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Unread 04-08-2009, 04:00 PM   #41
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Thank you guys both.
I couple of things, I am never going to see the doctor that would not help me again. I know of a doctor who actually took me off anxiety medication because he knew how much I was drinking. I was thinking of asking him if he could help me. I know the fatigue and sleep disorder will be there. I can deal with that, its the anxiety. And if I leave my boyfriend I will be facing a lot of seperational anxiety. When my first love went away after ten years, I was not an alcholic then, and I had panic attacks and was afraid to go anywhere. Even in high school I had anxiety issues that I had no clue that I had at the time.
Here is another thing, the outpatient surgery for my cervix is painful, and since I don't have money they want to put a needle and numb the area instead of put me out. The only pain medication I will get in tynal sp sorry. For those two days after the procedure, i am going to drink.
I can't take pain killers because I throw up. So I am not going to be mad at myself for drinking some wine for those two days. However i will be upset at myslef if I continue to do that days after with no pain. I want to quit drinking after my surgery.
Another thing two is going on and that is I need some dental work and I am just starting to get the beginning of a route canal. Once again I am in pain and when I can home last night, i could not eat and just drank some wine and went to sleep. Never want anyone to get a route canal. But the good thing is the route canal will be done before the cervix stuff. So I can make my quit date. And then I am scared that I will go off the wagon true. I will need you guys for support a lot and will be on this site daily for a couple of months and try some support groups as well. When I set the date. Thank you so much for your kind words and encouragement and empathy.
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Unread 04-10-2009, 07:54 PM   #42
ebdrecovering
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Default I know you want to dring when you have to get the surgery, but I advise against it.

Hey girl,

When I started recovering around Thanksgiving, I had some cheat days a few times a week for a few months. Sometimes after these, I had breathing problems I never had before. I think when you go off alcohol and then cheat, your body rebels. You may feel worse than you think even with less alcohol. I still have the breathing problems and chest heaviness off and on even with no alcohol for over a month. I even went to the ER for it. Luckily my heart and blood tests are OK. Anyway, I hope this doesn't happen to you. Please do your best not to cheat on the days you expect to have to deal with pain. Now I am giving up smoking to try to help the healing process. I am so frustrated sometimes. Good luck!
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Unread 04-11-2009, 01:48 PM   #43
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From the last post recovering it sounds like to me you are having panic attacks associated with anxiety. Good luck quitting smoking. I tried two years sober from nicotine and its hard. i am still smoking even after a two year break.
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Unread 04-12-2009, 05:42 PM   #44
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HI Cindy,
I know it is difficult to not stress about the surgery and dentist, talk to your doctors beforehand and see if there is something they can do for the pain.
I hope you will continue to search for a doctor to treat your anxiety. Imo- stopping anything that is mood altering will have a degree of anxiety, I never thought I could sleep without medication, but I do. The anxiety of losing my chemicals kept me paralyzed for so long, I was trapped in limbo hell, until I got help.

I hope you had a nice weekend : ) Hang in there - Carly


Hi ebdrecovering, I posted a welcome thread for you - so glad you are here and hope all is well. Congrats on your month, it is a great accomplishment ! Take care, Carly
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Unread 04-16-2009, 06:12 PM   #45
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Hi Cindy,

Just checking on you . Hope all is going well : ) Take care, Carly
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Unread 04-19-2009, 10:11 PM   #46
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Hey Carly,

We'll I have had a fighting weekend with my addiction to alchol. I did talk to the doctor about my cervix and they are going to give me medication thank God. I am going back to another doctor of mine when I have the money to do so for this anxiety. Having an anxiety condition makes it so worse to get off this crap then ever before. I think you are the only one who can relate and it was so great for you to ask me how i was doing because I was at the gym today praying someone would understand. So here it goes, so this may be long.
This week started out great. Went out with Church friends and they all talked about we'll just pray to god everynight to stop drinking and it will happen. OK, I can pray but were is the self will power. A Christian friend told me that I am free willed to stop. OK, Carly You can't just say we'll after two years of drinking I am just going to stop and do the same things i am doing with the same people without any help. ???? If you stop you have to change your lifestyle and will need friends who can relate with/along medical attention. Am I wrong for thinking this way? Confused there?
Second my best guy friend Doug talked to me about Drinking today and I am confused here. He said and he does have bi-polar disorder and he lives with it everyday and that my being an alcholic is a disease that I have to live with everyday. I said no its my anxiety I have to live with everyday. I told him did you ever get addicted to your lithium in the past, He said no. We'll what if you were an anxiety disorder patient that got addicted to wine to not have panic attacks at a very early age in life. To be honest, I started drinking to cope with anxiety before i was ever given Zanax. I started taking Zanax and alchol last year through the I don't care if I die or live phase. That is why I so need a doctor today to understand that I don't want to drink, I want to live and cope with my anxiety in so many different ways. Why does anyone believe me. So another one of my friends said, don't worry about it just get to work and it will work itself out. That is about the stupidest thing I have ever heard. Because working and drinking got me here. So here is my issue which everyone thinks I am overreacting. Carly, I have gone without alchol for days, and no sleep. OK, not good. I was doing good Thursday and Friday and Saturday I think I had a glass of wine until i tried to sleep. I had not slept in 32 hours. Sat. night I took way too much tynoel pm and at about six am I asked my mom for a shot of her bourbon sp sorry to pass me out. It worked but about 8 hours later when I woke up I felt like crap. I made her pissed when she had surgery this weekend and we were really bonded and I F***CKed up. I feel like crap. I cried all day. We were supposed to go out to dinner tonight but i completly messed it up. I don't care what anyone tells me I need sleeping medication of some sort higher than tynoel pm to sleep at night. My what ever boyfriend, that is an another thing I need to sort with. And having an anxiety disorder sucks. I am not afraid of loosing the drug I am afraid of facing my daily panic disorders and anxiety set offs. Can you relate to any of this? Thank you so much for your help.
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Unread 04-20-2009, 05:34 PM   #47
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" A Christian friend told me that I am free willed to stop. OK, Carly You can't just say we'll after two years of drinking I am just going to stop and do the same things i am doing with the same people without any help. ???? If you stop you have to change your lifestyle and will need friends who can relate with/along medical attention. Am I wrong for thinking this way? Confused there? "


Hi Cindy,

First off glad you posted, I was wondering how you were doing. It sounds like a lot has been going on.
In regards to the Free Will TO Stop comment, no offense to your friend, but they need to be educated about the disease concept. If it was a matter of free will or will power, there would not be treatment centers full or 12 step groups packed. Would your friends be open to learning about this ? If so print out or email them the info for friends and families, maybe this will help them understand.

http://www.alcoholanswers.org/friends-family/

Cindy I understand about your anxiety but how do you know where your anxiety ends and the alcohol use begins - meaning does one cause or affect the other ? Sometimes doctors want people to detox off of as much as possible to get at the root of the problem.

Are you drinking when you run out of your anti-anxiety medication, self medicating the anxiety ? or are you drinking and taking the meds together ? I am not clear on that ? Both alcohol and benzo withdrawal are dangerous and need to be supervised medically.

Anxiety is tricky because the medications are so addictive, you build a tolerance, need more and more. I know because benzos were one of my DOC , I was on them for 10 years, started at 14. Oh they were legit , rxed by a doctor, but my tolerance kept building, I took more than I needed. If I did not drink, I took pills, something was always in my system. I was really messed up.

I detoxed, went to treatment but that alone took a year of trying , I simply could not imagine a life without my medication. Yes, I wanted off of opiates and alcohol but they wanted me off of everything and it scared me to death. I was in and out of rehabs, because I never thought I could live without them, but eventually, I learned other ways of handling stress and anxiety, I never dreamed it was possible, but with work and an open mind it is.

I am not saying your anxiety is not real, not at all, I wish you could find someone to treat your anxiety and the alcohol issues. You are right when you said this won't solve itself. I guess, take it easy on your friends, they simply do not understand the disease concept.
In the meantime please be careful. Keep trying find someone to treat you.

It is good news that you talked with your doctor about the surgery, that must be a huge relief.

I wish I had the answers for you, I admire you for not giving up on this. Have you tried calling the numbers on the locator ? Sometimes it is a matter of finding someone, a counselor, a social worker , who will go the extra mile to find you help, so keep trying that avenue, there may be a program out there that you may not be aware of.

Hang in there Cindy, I know you feel trapped but there has got be a solution out there, do not give up . Take care, Carly
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Unread 04-21-2009, 04:14 PM   #48
aries girll
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Hey Carly,

Thank you for your thoughts and advice. I think you get me more than my friends at this point. To answer your question, I don't use any medication for my anxiety and I know I self medicate myself through alchol for it. I do think the anxiety triggers the alchol. I am not afraid of not drinking, I am more afraid of the panic attacks without any tools or knowledge how to calm me down when I am on a level of 10 with anxiety. Did you have anxiety at 14? Is that what kinda triggered the alchol and drugs later on in life?

We'll Ive been trying to stay buzy today. I think I am finally ripping the bandaid off my relationship. I cried all day yesterday and drank. I am not doing that today though. Can I talk about it? Cause it really helps not drinking and just talking. You said once to weight out the pro's and cons. I'll list just a few. This guy is really funny and makes anyone who has had a bad day laugh and smile, he has been there when I was really low and with the legal stuff. He buys me things and takes me out to dinner and when my mom is away and I am low he is always there to come over with wine and pizza to talk. The Con is that he will not move out of his parents, he is financially able to, the constant going out really stunts my alchol intake, I can't see my old guy friends, I feel scared to go out with other people its a control thing i think. He says he is the one working and that when he has time to talk or to do something I need to be there. Sometimes I am just not there. He constantly puts me down and says I don't do this or I don't do this. I feel like I am on egg shells with this guy. And oh coarse the obvious one, he does not care about my alchol only when it effects his life. Like Drunk and Dial in the middle of the night or when I don't do something during the day because I am up all night crying from verbal abuse and drinking.

Thanks Just need to vent today. Did your bf who you got away from show any of these characteristics. How did you get away from him? It seems to me that past few months I have been seeing these red flags and I try to move away and then he catches me at a very weak moment. Like on Valentines Day with the we are broken up card and then a week later lets talk I made a mistake. The calling yesterday was blaming me for every mistake I ever did to him. Im not perfect we all mess up sometimes. What can I honestly say to him that I have not already. I am sorry and that is all I can do. When he keeps putting things up to me like me not going to a car race or go and see his family more it makes me feel regret and then I drink? Ever had that? I know I need to stop drinking especially when he yells at me, but how? Cause one it makes my anxiety up, then I hurt, then I cry, and then I just want to feel numb. I think the lack of yelling and getting away from him will boost up my self confidence to fight for a better life.
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Unread 04-22-2009, 08:51 PM   #49
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Hi Cindy,

It sounds like you need to get this anxiety under control, I think I understand more now what you are saying about using the alcohol to control anxiety, unfortunately it happens a lot. It is maddening to me that if one does not have mucho insurance, we do not have access to quality mental health.


To answer your question, Yes, absolutely, I know I was self -medicating depression and anxiety, but somewhere along the way, I crossed that line .I tried to handle life loaded and I would dread withdrawals until it became a vicious circle. I never learned coping skills, I missed that lecture, or was too self involved to even get it. Then the depression hit, this was back in the day when doctors doled out ADs and this new miracle drug called xanax like candy. I do not blame the doctors today, ,but back then, it became easy to blame everyone else for my problems,take a pill or a drink, I had a very rude awakening when I stopped all substances and got into recovery, but it I did it, I worked hard, continue to work on myself.

The BF ended up having his own issues, cocaine, but I was the one that needed help, he had his drinking and coke under contol. yeah, ok ; ) He cheated on me constantly, that is something I never thought I would put up with, but I did. He was a kid in a grown man's body, but boy am I glad it did not work out ! Anyway, I got into all kinds of trouble, and that is when I went to rehab and never looked back.

As far as relationships of the past, I had no self respect, I was such a mess , I could not even look at myself in the mirror , so how could any relationship work ? I learned to be friends with a guy first, having a clear mind helped too.

Keep fighting to find someone to help you, in the meantime, surround yourself with positive things, positive people, read books or websites that will empower you.

I am by no means an expert, but this is just what I went through, what I learned, I spent a year with no tv - could only read self- help type books and going to support groups. My panic attacks went away, I emerged a new person, a happy person, I am still a work in progress : )

I hope this helps and that you find someone to help you figure out a plan of attack on the anxiety and alcohol. hope today was better, keep us posted , vent if you need to, take care, Carly
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Important disclaimer: Any information in this post is not and does not constitute medical advice under any circumstances. Addiction Survivors, Inc. does not warranty or guarantee the accurateness, completeness, adequacy or currency of the information contained in or linked to the Site. Your use of information on the Site or materials linked to the Site is entirely at your own risk. NEVER take any online advice over that of a qualified healthcare provider. Any information contained on AddictionSurvivors.org should only serve to inspire further investigation with credible, verifiable references sources such as your physician or therapist.
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Unread 04-30-2009, 02:43 PM   #50
aries girll
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Hey Carly and others,

Just want to let you know that I went to a social worker or a person who works with the state for alcholism. I got screen which was 55 dollars and they want me to attend meetings once a week that cost 55 dollars a week. OK, a couple of problems, first of all there is no privacy between the dr. and me. I am put with a group of 15 people or more. How can a Dr. give you 100% good advice when he is divided the whole time. The weekly amount is high for me and the distance getting there is about 45 minutes. They said it better than AA because there is a doctor there and AA is more support. But here is another thing, I want my problems to be private with the doctor. I know its weird since I posted things on this internet for everyone to see, but if the group all lives in the same place, its a little too close to home for me. How can I find a phycologist that is affordable and that I can talk about anxiety and alcholism? I know this sounds funny, but this week I have cut down and I have begun thinking what I can do when I start working again. See I can't sleep before I start work, that is normal, but when I come home my anxiety level is a 10. I used to use xanax at night after I worked out to calm me down or if I had a panic attack at work. I am stuck in these call center jobs that just really stress me out and I hate them. I went and took my gmat last week so I could go back and get a masters probably in teaching, and then I want to work further with the college to get my phd. And eventually work for the school. And talk about my IBS from anxiety working these jobs, I loose ten pounds, I am dehydrated and dizzy, and the time off my phone gets me in trouble going to the bathroom all the time. I just wish I could find a doctor to deal with anxiety more so than alcholism at this point. Or the two combined privatley. Any advice?
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