Addiction Survivors


Unread 02-06-2006, 07:24 PM   #1
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Dear Friends-
I posted last Wednesday before leaving work. I ranted about the pharmacy & the w/d....I relapsed 40 min. later. Having been 3 days since any sub(7mg), and the fact i'm on such a low dose the blocking effect was gone. I fought the w/d as long as I could tolerate. when I posted last wednesday I was suffering. So I relapsed. The w/d was gone, But I did not like what I felt AT ALL. Vicodin is no longer my "doc"- Suboxone is!

When I checked the board Thurday morning, I was stunned by the response, Although I shouldn't have been! Friends like you are hard to find. We all have one common denuminater, We all understand how bad this disease hurts. The symptoms are real They reach into our very soul & cause intense human suffering. It's not "in our heads". We can't "just quit".

In spite of all our differances, We understand this suffering & it bonds us together! You are my friends!

That being said, Thursday morning I decided to heed nancys advice. Call the doctor & tell the truth! I didn't call before, because I didn't think he would believe me. After relapsing Wednesday night, Thursday I didn't care if he believed me or not. I called first thing Thursday morning....They were closed!!

So... I relapsed again by Thursday night. I felt like a loser & a faluire. 77 days no vicodin GONE!

I Kept my 11:45 am appointment for Friday morning. I explained what happened to the nurse who collects the fee. She told me I should have called, the dr would understand. I told her I was worried if I wasn't the "perfect patient" The doctor would drop me from his program. She reassured me the dr would NEVER do that!

I asked her about the doctors taper schedual & how long could I stay on sub....2 questions I was afraid to ask before. I didn't want to bring it up and hear..."Since you asked you must be ready,..lets start today" The nurse told me....
"As long as you need it, you can have it. the doctor lets the patient decide if & when he tapers & understands some people need this medicine for the REST OF THIER LIVES!"

This was music to my ears! That really takes the pressure off & allows one to concentrate on what is important in life. Trust me I plan a loooooong, sloooooow, taper!

Having just stepped off 7 mgs cold turkey for 3 days, I realize I have a long way to go!

Anyway, I paid my office visit ($150/cash). She gave me my script & I left. All without seeing the doc! This was my 4th appointment. I saw the doctor the other 3 times. I was surprised, since I had confessed to a relapse. She didn't have results of blood work from last month. She told me I would need a urine test next month & I was gone within 15 min.!

Now by the time I got the script filled ( Fri @4pm), I was hurting very bad. My normal dose, as written is 7mg. I started at 8 mgs. No relief until I had 12mgs. Saturday it took 10 mgs to feel relief & also 10mg again on Sunday. Today, Monday, I took 8mgs. I plan on going to 7mgs Tuesday.

So right off I need to make up 12 mgs, almost 2 full days! I will take 2 mgs less on 6 days over the month. I will not let myself run out again!

Before closing I want to say-
I hate what this disease has done to me, what a mess I let my life become before getting help... But, I wouldn't change a thing! Before this disease I was a bigoted, closed-minded, intolerant, uncompassionet, rascist pig who was totally unsympathtic to the plight of my fellow man. I see these traits in my 25 yr old son who was influenced by my pre-addiction views.

I have come 360 degrees in my views & values. It may sound corny, but I am more sensitive, compassionet, respectful, & thankful! I have an open heart & an open mind....ALL TRAITS I FEEL ALL WHO HAVE SUFFERED THIS DISEASE SHARE!

Addiction happened in my life for a reason!
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Unread 02-06-2006, 08:17 PM   #2
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Posts: 4,632


Sorry to hear that you had to go through that, and welcome back. I’m glad your doctor has an up-to-date and respectful philosophy with treatment. Even if someone plans to taper relatively quickly they don’t need the anxiety of not knowing when the doctor will start suggesting they begin to taper.

I truly believe that many people will actually voluntarily request tapers sooner, given the freedom to choose for themselves and determine there own treatment course. The reduced anxiety and the feeling of control that are gained are powerful assets working towards someone’s recovery.

You should be able to make up for the medication deficit without noticing any effects, given your dose and the way you plan on doing it. Thank you for posting, I’m sure it will inspire many people that are in or will be in a similar predicament.

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Unread 02-06-2006, 10:03 PM   #3
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Posts: 513

I am glad it worked out AND you were able to clear up some things that were on your mind.

Now, I have got to ask..........................

Did you count your pills?

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Unread 02-06-2006, 10:11 PM   #4
Posts: 25,466

Scott, I'm happy that you have such a compassionate doctor with a great outlook on buprenorphine treatment. And that in the end, everything worked out. We sometimes have little bumps along the way and oftentimes we end up learning so much from them. I'm so glad you're much more comfortable now without having to worry about the length of your treatment! YAY!

Most of all, thanks for sharing. As Tim said, I'm sure it will be so helpful to others who come across the same problem.

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Unread 02-07-2006, 09:04 AM   #5
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Posts: 119

Scott,It's cool to see you looking for the good in a bad situation.This disease bring s us all down to a level playing field.It trancends race ,religion,or gender.I'm glad you hung in there and got honest with the doc.Clear sailing now

Good luck,

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Unread 02-07-2006, 01:02 PM   #6
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Posts: 233

Thanks for caring & sharing!

Robyn- Hell yes I counted them! LOL

When I dropped off the script @ noon, I was asked if "I was going to wait for it?" I said yes, but.... I explained that I thought my "girlfriend" took some of my pills. I told them that could be the ONLY explanation, because I knew they (the pharmacy) would NEVER short me on purpose or accident! I asked them if they would, for my own piece mind, DOUBLE count my pills. She said that would be fine, but the script wouldn't be ready till 4pm (4hours!).

It went from "waiting for them" to a 4 hour wait! Oh well, I said, if thats what it takes to be sure I have my whole script, I'll see ya at 4!

When I picked them up, I moved to the end of the counter, poured the pills out, And counted them myself before leaving the store! I felt like everybody was staring at me, but I didn't care. If I would have been short, & they didn't give me the balance, I was fully prepared to file a police report!

I think they will remember me in the future! If they know i'll make a fuss, I should get all my pills from now on! Anyway, I plan on doing the same thing next month.

I also plan on scouting around this month, & finding a few other pharmacies that stock sub. I plan on making my appointment before 30 days so if I have to order them they will be in on time. I can't take the stress of..."hmmmmmm.....let me check if we have this in stock!"

I took my "normal" dose of 7mg today & feel good. I'll be able to "make-up" the extra doses I took with no problem. I had no choice but to take the extra doses after relapsing, as I was really suffering.

Thank you for caring!
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Unread 02-07-2006, 02:02 PM   #7
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Scott, you crack me up! You know you and your kids have got a perpetual good energy beam going your way! I'm so glad that you got everything straightened. And I love your doctor, he sounds like he knows what he's doing. That's refreshing to hear. And, yes, we are among friends, my friend. Love, Mary
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