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Unread 02-28-2016, 08:46 PM   #1
Cinderella
Junior Member
 
Posts: 1
Unhappy 3 DUIs and still D&D

Newbie here. Here is some background info:

My husband and I have been together for 8 yrs, we are both in our 30's with no children, but 2 fur babies, a closed business we started together, and plenty of debt. In the beginning, we both had a drinking problem, though his has always been seemingly more serious than mine. He had one DUI when I met him though he didn't tell me that until much later. He got his second in the first few weeks of us dating, and then his third a few months later. I didn't find out he had 3 DUIs until over a year and a half into the relationship, but by then I was madly in love.

I got my drinking problem under control around 5 years in. I drank to 'fit in' in social situations to help with social anxiety I didn't realize I suffered from until very recently. I barely drink at all now, and I really dislike being in bars and around people when they are drunk.

We went through the DUI process together, meetings, payments, him not being able to drive...it was like I got the DUIs. But he never really stopped drinking and driving. His level of drinking has definitely improved by leaps and bounds, but somehow the threat of a 4th DUI in 10 years hasn't sunk in.

Recently, he had stopped drinking for 6 months after another 3 day binge which involved D&D, him becoming interested in another woman, and me telling him I was done and staying with a friend. The past 6 months have been wonderful. No lying, no shadiness, no crazy bad fights, and I have had time to do some healing.

But, he has decided to start drinking again. And right away he fell back into old familiar patterns: lying, hiding bottles of whiskey, drinking and driving, not eating any meals when he drinks, defending himself by making comparisons to me and my troubles with depression....

Ok so now for where I need advice. We have been trying to getting pregnant, unsuccessfully so far, but I am now at a point where I can't mentally handle the idea of him possibly getting a 4th DUI or something worse. I have been surrounded by alcoholics all my life and have had friends die from alcohol abuse. I do not want my child to be subjected to the effects of this addiction, or myself anymore. I want to support him and his journey of healing, and I could probably find it within myself to deal with the drinking, but not the D&D.

I have seen some on this forum recommend calling the police to notify them of someone D&D, but I just can't do that. I can't go another 4 years of that crap. Besides, 3 DUIs didn't make him learn his lesson, why should I assume a 4th will?

What do I do?
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Unread 02-29-2016, 09:56 AM   #2
R. Lee
Senior Member
 
Posts: 4,984
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Cinderella, Don't get pregnant. Make sure you want to be with him before you do get pregnant.

You don't have to live like this you have choices. They may not be easy but you have them. His behavior driving drunk, cheating & lying will continue & not change until he wants to change.

Good luck on your choices.
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Unread 03-05-2016, 10:51 AM   #3
Tryntryagain
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Posts: 3,249
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Good afternoon Cinderella. Bright blessings to you.

What tale you have told there. I feel for you, i really do.

I am an alcoholic and Re DUI, split a car in 2, so i have not "little sympathy" for this chaps plight, i have none.

My concern is for you. He makes his own choices and as a chap myself that knows not to stick their noses into others journeys, i am also a fellow that will stand up and be counted when i see unfairness. This is it.

I truly understand how a drinking alcoholic can be loved.....just like "everyone else", yet some one with this active condition is a ******* accident waiting to happen. Do not let yourself to be one of his victims.

I hear so loudly you both want to be pregnant, i applaud that, yet we are talking another tiny little person being brought into the world, and that little person will need ALL of his mummy and daddy.

I have brought up 6 children as an active alcoholic, would i want that time again?.....What do you think?

As a now sober alcoholic i recognize that whilst i was drinking, however good my intentions, i simply could not cope. The children suffered because of it.

I have been convicted several times of DUI. Last month i was offered my driving licence back after serving a 3 year ban this time. I wrote back to them saying i was not ready at this time as i do not believe i have had enough sobriety. I nearly killed people, 2 inches is what saved others dying.

Sobriety empowers an alcoholic. Not until some sort of sobriety is achieved can others trust me.

With their feelings, with their problems, with all they are.

With R Lee, i urge you to stop, step back, and think. Do not get pregnant until YOU know you will have the love and support you will need, that you can depend upon. A drinking alcoholic who "loses it", is not ready to be daddy.

I really do feel for you, yet please, i am an alcoholic, i know as an alcoholic for sure i had the best intentions, yet alcohol ruined that for me....and ALL that loved me.

"What do i do?"......

You do nothing. Absolutely nothing. It is up to your man to step up to the plate. I can hear from you how much you wish that to be the case, remember this.......sometimes, you have to look after you.

Be peaceful, be healthy and be strong. Loveness to you Cinderella
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