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Unread 12-21-2008, 03:54 PM   #1
RobMili
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Default New here...looking for support

Hi everyone!

My name is Rob, I'm 41 and have been (ab)using alcohol and marijuana for over half of my life. I started to give myself some superficial feelings of confidence and to have "fun" in social situations, but over the years, I've transitioned into more patterns of daily solitary use to temporarily mask over the inner emptiness and feelings of failure.

I've watched my peers fall in love, get married, buy houses, have kids while I have more or less remained at a college sophomore mentality. At times, I fee like it's just too late for me.

I've given myself type-2 diabetes and I am sure that the sub abuse has contributed to that. I should have stopped as soon as I found out, but instead chose to live in denial.

I had 2 DWI convictions in the early 90's. I should have stopped as soon as I found out, but instead chose to live in denial. I managed to evade any further legal issues, up until 12/08, when I was pulled over for DWI #3. This finally has me convinced that a serious lifestyle change is necessary.

No intoxication of any type since. My mind is noticeably clearer, but I have this nagging, dull headache and profound tiredness. Hoping those clear up soon.

I've hit a couple AA meetings, still looking for my niche. One was very welcoming, but isn't at a convenient time or location. The other is close and at a good time, but didn't seem to have a welcoming atmosphere. I am sure I'll find one that works, given time.

I have an employee assistance program at my work, and they help with sub abuse issues. I went to one assessment meeting, where the counselor heard my story and felt that I'd be a good candidate for an intensive outpatient (IOP) program. I was supposed to go back Friday, but she canceled due to the weather.

One thing I'm lacking is a good foundation of social support. That's my fault, as those who cared about me and were concerned about my habits were pretty much run off over the years, since they were not facilitating my drinking and smoking habits. Not sure how easy it's going to be to find true friends at this point.

Right now, I have no desire to drink or smoke. My problems are too front and center in my mind. But I know that won't last. At some point, some weeks, months or years down the line, I am sure I'll be tempted. I'm just hoping that by then, I'll have some coping strategies, some counseling help to deal with the inner root causes and maybe even a couple decent, caring friends I can turn to.

Not sure what else to say...but just putting this here is making me feel a little better.
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Unread 12-22-2008, 09:06 AM   #2
JaneDoe
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RobMili, you made the biggest step in getting help. Myself, I'm coming up on a year without drinking and my life has changed so much.

Do you think you need an IOP? For me, finding a competent therapist was the way I went. I'm not good in speaking in groups and the focus on me and what 'made' me drink was the best thing I did. I also did the vivitrol shot for 3 months to help me get used to not getting drunk.

See if there are any other meetings in your area that you click with. It's a good place to meet people and socialize and make some friends.

Were you drinking a lot of booze when you stopped? You could be having some type of alcohol withdrawals maybe. http://www.alcoholanswers.org/alcoho...withdrawal.cfm

There's another medication, camprel, that's supposed to help with that. I didn't take it but I hear it works good. Here's some info on that one. http://www.alcoholanswers.org/treatm...-treatment.cfm

Keep in touch. This place helped me a lot. and now I want to give back.

JaneDoe
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Unread 12-22-2008, 08:49 PM   #3
RobMili
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JaneDoe View Post
RobMili, you made the biggest step in getting help. Myself, I'm coming up on a year without drinking and my life has changed so much.

Do you think you need an IOP? For me, finding a competent therapist was the way I went. I'm not good in speaking in groups and the focus on me and what 'made' me drink was the best thing I did. I also did the vivitrol shot for 3 months to help me get used to not getting drunk.
I'm not sure if I need IOP or not...from my demonstrated history, I'm not a very good judge of what I need. I do believe that the substance abuse is just a symptom of a larger problem. I need to fix that or else I'm only taking aspirin for my headache while letting my brain tumor grow unchecked, so to speak.

If the counselor thinks IOP or anything else is appropriate, I'll give it my best. She is qualified to make that determination. I am not.

Quote:
See if there are any other meetings in your area that you click with. It's a good place to meet people and socialize and make some friends.
Yes, I plan to do that. There are some in my hometown coming up later on this week, that I plan to try out.

Quote:
Were you drinking a lot of booze when you stopped? You could be having some type of alcohol withdrawals maybe. http://www.alcoholanswers.org/alcoho...withdrawal.cfm
Hmmm...it wasn't a lot to me, but in reality it probably was. At least 3 large glasses of high-proof bourbon a day, and more like 10 on days when I didn't have any specific reason (like work or family obligations, etc) to keep me moderated. Friday night to Sunday night were pretty much drink and smoke from wake until pass out time.

I'm thinking that it could be depression that I was medicating away, now being able to come to the forefront. But I will defer that to the opinions of experts in the field and do as they recommend.

I have read some other reports of people having insomnia when sobering up. I wish I could trade places with them, just for a few days

Quote:
There's another medication, camprel, that's supposed to help with that. I didn't take it but I hear it works good. Here's some info on that one. http://www.alcoholanswers.org/treatm...-treatment.cfm
That name rings a bell and I think the counselor was mentioning it to me.

Quote:
Keep in touch. This place helped me a lot. and now I want to give back.

JaneDoe
Will do. Thanks for the helpful reply and best of luck in maintaing your sobriety!! Hopefully in a year or so, I can be helpful to others as well
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Unread 12-22-2008, 09:09 PM   #4
teekpdgn
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Hi there RobMili, welcome to our world. I'm kindof new here to but looking for support for myself being the spouse of an alcoholic. This is a vey good place to vent. Some have good advice, others have positive notions. It's not too late for help. You're still alive and that does count. I can't even get my spouse to go to AA. But, he's not drank in 2 weeks and is doing very well. Still going into rehab after the holidays, it's more help than I can offer. I pray that you'll continue your search for a welcoming AA atmosphere. It's always hard at first (for just about everything) but I'm sure if you look hard enough, you'll find it. Also, please don't forget to look up and thank our Father for each and everyday, be it a bad day or a good day. He's there through it all. Keep up the positiveness. It always leads to a smile. Best wishes toyou through the Holidays. It'll be rough, but you can do it!!!

Last edited by teekpdgn; 12-22-2008 at 09:12 PM.. Reason: forgot name
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Unread 12-24-2008, 02:17 PM   #5
JaneDoe
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RobMili, good plan. See what the pros say and then go from there. I don't know, but what you're feeling could be a combination of stopping drinking and depression combined.

Keep posting. I'd like to see how you're doing.

Happy holidays.
JaneDoe
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Unread 12-29-2008, 09:03 PM   #6
dhanks
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Hi RobMili,

I'm new to this forum. Your situation sounds similar to mine. I'm not sure, though, that it is temptation down the line as much as it is really discovering the root cause of the desire. I mean, I don't want to drink a beer when I wake up in the morning feeling like crap, but by 10am or so, I'm ready again. There is both a physical and emotional addiction.

I only have friends and family that are pseudo-supportive (I'm sure you know what I mean by that, if not I'll explain.) and I've learned that one cannot necessarily live by the desires of the moment because those change, as you inferred.

I read an interesting statement by Louise Hay this morning. She says, "The point of power is always in the present moment." Although I have not learned to accept that myself just yet, obviously I'm on this disc board, but it is an incredible statement. If we could only remember that at each moment we desire to drink or smoke. The choice is ours at each moment.

D
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Unread 12-31-2008, 12:02 AM   #7
CarlyO
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Hi RobMili -
Welcome to the forum, congrats on taking the first step - please keep us posted ! Carly
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Important disclaimer: Any information in this post is not and does not constitute medical advice under any circumstances. Addiction Survivors, Inc. does not warranty or guarantee the accurateness, completeness, adequacy or currency of the information contained in or linked to the Site. Your use of information on the Site or materials linked to the Site is entirely at your own risk. NEVER take any online advice over that of a qualified healthcare provider. Any information contained on AddictionSurvivors.org should only serve to inspire further investigation with credible, verifiable references sources such as your physician or therapist.
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Unread 12-31-2008, 04:34 PM   #8
mrsr
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Default how do you post a new thread

I anxiously want to post a new discussion/thread but cannot figure out how. Can anyone help?
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Unread 12-31-2008, 05:42 PM   #9
Ginny
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Default new ...here looking fors support

RobMili, I have been sober fir 23 days, and today is the first day I've had cravings. I haven't found a niche in AA either. I keep meeting people who are judmental and cruel. Maybe that's the type of person I'm attracted to since I have a history of childhood abuse. I pray to a higher power to remove this defect. I read the 12 steps, I've done 1-4, but I don't trust anyone to do #5, so skipped to step 6. I know what some of my character defects are and I'm acting as if a higher power can remove them, as well as the cravings. Thanks for posting.

Last edited by Ginny; 12-31-2008 at 05:44 PM.. Reason: Misspelled screen name
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Unread 12-31-2008, 06:02 PM   #10
mr. cubby
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Quote:
Originally Posted by RobMili View Post
Hi everyone!

My name is Rob, I'm 41 and have been (ab)using alcohol and marijuana for over half of my life. I started to give myself some superficial feelings of confidence and to have "fun" in social situations, but over the years, I've transitioned into more patterns of daily solitary use to temporarily mask over the inner emptiness and feelings of failure.

I've watched my peers fall in love, get married, buy houses, have kids while I have more or less remained at a college sophomore mentality. At times, I fee like it's just too late for me.

I've given myself type-2 diabetes and I am sure that the sub abuse has contributed to that. I should have stopped as soon as I found out, but instead chose to live in denial.

I had 2 DWI convictions in the early 90's. I should have stopped as soon as I found out, but instead chose to live in denial. I managed to evade any further legal issues, up until 12/08, when I was pulled over for DWI #3. This finally has me convinced that a serious lifestyle change is necessary.

No intoxication of any type since. My mind is noticeably clearer, but I have this nagging, dull headache and profound tiredness. Hoping those clear up soon.

I've hit a couple AA meetings, still looking for my niche. One was very welcoming, but isn't at a convenient time or location. The other is close and at a good time, but didn't seem to have a welcoming atmosphere. I am sure I'll find one that works, given time.

I have an employee assistance program at my work, and they help with sub abuse issues. I went to one assessment meeting, where the counselor heard my story and felt that I'd be a good candidate for an intensive outpatient (IOP) program. I was supposed to go back Friday, but she canceled due to the weather.

One thing I'm lacking is a good foundation of social support. That's my fault, as those who cared about me and were concerned about my habits were pretty much run off over the years, since they were not facilitating my drinking and smoking habits. Not sure how easy it's going to be to find true friends at this point.

Right now, I have no desire to drink or smoke. My problems are too front and center in my mind. But I know that won't last. At some point, some weeks, months or years down the line, I am sure I'll be tempted. I'm just hoping that by then, I'll have some coping strategies, some counseling help to deal with the inner root causes and maybe even a couple decent, caring friends I can turn to.

Not sure what else to say...but just putting this here is making me feel a little better.
it's a trip going thru this. i have had 2 dui's 15yrs. apart. last one in 10/96. it took me until 5/7/08 when i fell down a flight of stairs cracked my head open and needed surgery to start looking past the denial. as stubborn as i am i have fallen a couple of times. i do have a few friends from about 20+ yrs ago who since my accident are keeping in touch. ironically also alcohol abusers living sober. been sober for 7 1/2 wks. i can relate to the feelings of frustration and anger. your work situation is good in that they have help. important to try to keep as much of the big picture in sight as you can. and hope you hook up w/ a good counselor. i had a psychologist who for a bit helped but i felt uncomfortable not because of he wasn't good but i no longer could afford to see him (i'm self employed w/ no ins.)
you are doing the best thing in the realizing the problem an in staying sober. i hope i'm able to learn mor patience and dealing w/ my demons. one last thing, keep it up YOU ARE NOT ALONE. thats what i'm really finding out
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Unread 01-01-2009, 07:57 PM   #11
we8sushi
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Hey everyone. A family member told me about this site. I'm 41 been an alcoholic since 17. I've been drinking since last febuary after being sober for 17 months. It took a good friend to take me to the hospital for detox and after getting out I went into the 28 day program. I thought no one understood the secret life I lived until I heard the stories of other people like me or even worse then me. I hear about you people saying that people are judgemental. It took me being in the program to understand that other peoples opinions are non of my business and will only harm me. It takes a STRONG will and open ears for this thing to work. Most importantly don't be fooled into believing we can do this on our own!!! However we can do this with help and by helping others. In 41 years my 17 month of sobriety was an amazing gift. I want that back and it is attainable. It takes work, but the rewards are indescribable. Today I am going to start my journey back into sobriety and society. I did it before and I can do it again! Let's all help each other pull this off!!!! Paul
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Unread 01-01-2009, 08:13 PM   #12
CarlyO
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Smile Welome We8Sushi

Hi Paul and welcome to the forum !

Congrats on your 17 months and for realizing that you want that life back again. Yes you can do it, the only tragedy would be NOT trying again, don't let it win, you know what your life can be so go for it with all you got !!

Forgive me if I misread your post, have you not had any alcohol recently? I only ask because of the dangers of CT /withdrawal. I think you said you just completed a 28 day ?

I agree - we are all in this together, no doubt about it, helping each other is what it is all about. It makes the road so much easier to travel.

I am glad you found this forum, look forward to hearing more from you. Take care, Carly
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Unread 01-02-2009, 06:18 PM   #13
we8sushi
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Thanks for the quick reply. Sorry for the miss understanding. I went to the 28 day program exactly 2 years ago. December 12 to be exact. I relapsed on this past feburary when my mom passed away. I was a hipocrit to everything I learned and spoke about. These are mandatory parts of our lives. The true reason I picked up again is because I stopped being a part of the program. No I have not stopped drinking yet. I want to stop right now today. I have been struggling with this too long. I have a warm loving family that I am gratful for. It is my sister that found this site. I think it is a first step. Paul
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Unread 01-02-2009, 09:49 PM   #14
CarlyO
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Default Hi Paul

Hi Paul,
My condolences on the loss of your mother, it must have been a difficult time for you.
It sounds like you have a good foundation, knowledge of recovery and what you need to do. Sometimes, the most difficult part of this journey can be staying stopped, it is so easy to get complacent, imo.

Be careful, it is great you want to stop today, but you know the dangers of stopping alcohol without medical supervision. Do you know where to find help with this? I posted some links- just enter your zip code and a list of providers will pop up.

Do you know when you can meet with a medical professional? I do not want you to lose this momentum, the commitment you feel now to follow through and get back on your journey.
Hang in there and take care, Carly

Treatment locator : Physicians, counselors and treatment facilities..

http://www.alcoholanswers.org/local/

Below is a list of the various support groups that are available and how to find one near you.
http://www.alcoholanswers.org/resour...port-links.cfm
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Unread 01-02-2009, 11:33 PM   #15
JaneDoe
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Paul, sorry to hear about your mother.

I'm glad you want to stop drinking again. I finally had enough too after 15 years off and on. How much do you drink, if it's a lot, don't stop cold by yourself. You might need help to avoid those nasty alcohol WDs.

You will do it again. I finally am at a year. I never thought I could do it and actually like my life and myself again.

Tell me what you're thinking of doing.

JaneDoe
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Unread 01-04-2009, 02:41 AM   #16
we8sushi
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Thanks. I drink too much. Almost 2-3 pints of vodka per day. My first step is to find a meeting here in Jackson nj. I am going to first try this without a detox center. If I can't I will check myself in.
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Unread 01-04-2009, 12:31 PM   #17
JaneDoe
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we8sushi
Here's a link that lists resource by zip code. Go to the bottom and they have links for meetings. http://www.alcoholanswers.org/local/

Be careful with the WDs. Keep posting.

JaneDoe
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Unread 01-04-2009, 04:34 PM   #18
CarlyO
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Paul please be careful, can you see your family doctor at least ?
Go to the ER ASAP if you need to.
Here is a link about alcohol withdrawal and how dangerous it can be.

http://www.alcoholanswers.org/alcoho...withdrawal.cfm

Hang in there and keep us posted, take care, Carly
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Unread 01-25-2009, 07:17 PM   #19
RobMili
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Hi everyone!

Just wanted to pop back in with an update. Still sober and urge-free, and my court-ordered "no alcohol or drugs" stipulation and random testing should do the trick, if some desire does surface.

In the first few alcohol-free weeks, I noticed a marked improvement in how I felt, physically, mentally and psychologically. Much more focused, less tired, more content and peaceful. A lot of the grudges and anger I've held onto for years waned. A lot of the negative self-talk that used to run thru my brain like muzak on an elevator has lessened. Neither of those has completely gone away, but they are way,way less prevalent than when I was using.

I've been hitting AA 3 or 4 times a week, still have not found my niche. I do my 5-minute spiel as we goaround the table and I listen to the others as they do theirs, but I think I'd benefit from some actual two-way, interactive discussion. I asked someone about a sponsor. He said I was too new,that I should keep hitting meetings and eventually I'd find someone that I kinda clicked with.

I'm not sure that I am getting any specific, concrete and identifiable benefit from attending,but I usually leave feeling better than I did a couple hours before. Maybe that's just a function of getting out of the house and with other people, not sure. Whatever the reason, it's good enough for now, I guess.

Since I have been alcohol and urge-free, the counselor downgraded me from intensive outpatient to just meeting one-on-one with her. Maybe she just wanted to be able to be the one to bill insurance vs handing me off? She took off for a 3-week vacation so things are kind of in limbo with this aspect. I'll start back on Friday.

Overall, I'd say things are decent but not great. It's a big positive to remain sober so far but I kinda feel like I am floating in a no-mans-land between the life I lived for 20+ years and a "normal" life. Not really sure how to get there. Drinking, drunkeness and drunks are all I've known my entire adult life. I guess I have to take this as a patience lesson and realize that I didn't develop my bad habits in just a few weeks, so they won't be all resolved in just a few weeks. It'd be encouraging to see some small positive, tangible progress here but I'm not going to let it drive me back into my old ways.

Thanks to all you who offered support! It's greatly appreciated.
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Unread 01-26-2009, 01:10 AM   #20
CarlyO
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Wow Rob this is Great News , Congrats !
- Thank you for giving an update ! Sometimes people do not post back and I often wonder how they are doing.

The more I opened up in meetings , like talked about how I felt, stress , etc... the better I felt, I had some really crummy days in the beginning and the people there were more than willing to help me get through it.
I hope you do find your niche, let them know how you feel. It will get better.

Again, congrats - take care and keep us posted - Carly
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Unread 01-27-2009, 01:14 AM   #21
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Robmili If AA isn't working try searching for a recovery now group it's a faith based 12 step program. There may be a local church that has one in your area. It'll get you out of the house, give you something to do on the weekend, and usually when you find a church that's sponsoring a recovery now group. It's a non hypocritical church that will accept you. Then you have something to do 2 nights a week, and you're in a situation to meet some new friends and learn to go have fun without drinking. I never thought I could fish or bowl without a beer can to counter balance me, but it is possible. Once you get clean and sober for 6 months or a year you'll be amazed at the wonderful things that life has in store for you.
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Unread 01-27-2009, 02:11 AM   #22
CarlyO
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Hi JustDave and welcome to the forum. So glad that you are doing well and have found a way of living without alcohol ! Carly
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Unread 01-27-2009, 02:20 AM   #23
Mystikchick
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Good for you RobM! I am so proud!
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Unread 01-28-2009, 11:48 PM   #24
jerryg
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Good work Rob.
Stay with it.
You bring a good message.

Jerry
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