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Unread 12-31-2008, 11:51 PM   #1
mrsr
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Default New looking for support

Hi,

I am at my wits end. I told my husband when we were dating that I thought I had a problem. I told him again this morning and HE is the one in denial. He says I don't have a problem. But I know I do. I can't make it through the day without drinking. Lately, I can't tolerate the taste of wine it makes me gag. Yet I am compelled to drink.
I started drinking beer socially at 14. I started college at 17 in NYC and clubbing and parties meant champagne, cocktails were flowing 3-4 nights per week. After college I moved to London, where people drank at lunch, pretty much any time--even before noon. That is when I first tried solitary drinking. I had come back from Spain, where I'd bought some duty free Cachaca (Brazilian rum) to make caipirinhas. I felt very lonely and found myself going in the cabinet and drinking right from the bottle. When I returned to the Stated, I had a job where going out with clients and to .com startup parties several nights a week was the norm. I also had a boyfriend who loved to party and would buy rounds of drinks for everyone until 4 am or whenever the club closed. I don't know how I was able to get up the next morning and go to work.
Then I moved to the suburbs and lived with my family for a period, my mom would have wine and we would have a few glasses and watch tv together some evenings. Then she started noticing that when she woke up in the morning there was less wine in the bottle than when she went to bed. I would have some after she went upstairs. So I started buying my own wine each Friday night and hiding it in my room and drinking it alone.
I moved in with a roomate. I did not know it at the time but she drank heavily. Every night she drank wine so I drank it with her. When we went out she would drink a lot and I would too. Then she went to London for a week and I was scared and lonely in the apt even though we didn't always get along it was a huge duplex so it felt empty. It was snowing and I looked in the freezer and there was a bottle of Sky Vodka. I planned to just drink a few sips, then I had a little more and said I would replace it with water in the bottle. Then I was having more and more each night and had to go to the store and by a new bottle of Sky Vodka so my roommate wouldn't know I'd finished off the whole bottle.
Well, that was it-- the gateway. Vodka was my drink of choice when I went out so I started buying little half pints. More and more frequently, then large pints.
Currently, I am married with a child and I devise all sorts of schemes to make sure that I can drink daily and try to hide it from my husband and everyone else. I go to the liquor store every single day so I rotate which stores I go to between the town where I work and the town where we live.
I see a therapist. I have been seeing him for many years but I can't even admit this dependence to him. My general doctor is also my boss' general doctor so I am afraid to tell him. The dr is affiliated with my company so I am afraid of work people finding out.
NONE of my friends know. I know it's bad for my health, sometimes it tastes gross, it costs money, it just very difficult to start. I should mention that I've been treated for depression for the past 7 years and I would say that the heavy drinking started at the same time. Before that, I would drink ALOT but only when I went out to a party, bar or club. Maybe once a week my neighbor and I would go to the store and buy two beers each and sit on our balcony drink our two beers and be done.
I feel so scared and alone. Especially since I cannot talk to my family members, husband or friends about it. I feel like I will never be free. I want to be healthy, be slim again.
I know AA is not for me. I have been to meetings to support a relative. I am a private person and I need more anonymity.
I have a beautiful baby, a husband who adores me, a successful career...I feel like my life is going down the tubes. I am in my early 30s.
I can't imagine life without drinking every single day but I know it's no good.

I look forward to responses.

Wishing everyone a safe and happy New Year.
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Unread 01-01-2009, 01:55 AM   #2
CarlyO
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Default Welcome Mrsr - I started a thread for you : )

Mrsr
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how do you post a new thread
I anxiously want to post a new discussion/thread but cannot figure out how. Can anyone help?
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I see you figured it out ! I posted on your thread : ) Carly
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Important disclaimer: Any information in this post is not and does not constitute medical advice under any circumstances. Addiction Survivors, Inc. does not warranty or guarantee the accurateness, completeness, adequacy or currency of the information contained in or linked to the Site. Your use of information on the Site or materials linked to the Site is entirely at your own risk. NEVER take any online advice over that of a qualified healthcare provider. Any information contained on AddictionSurvivors.org should only serve to inspire further investigation with credible, verifiable references sources such as your physician or therapist.

Last edited by CarlyO; 01-01-2009 at 01:58 AM.. Reason: Mrs R started her own thread : )
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Unread 01-01-2009, 02:22 AM   #3
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Hi Mrsr Welcome to the forum. Thank you for sharing your story, so glad you found us.

I read your other posts and it sounds like you have dealt with a lot in your life.
It is a postive step to be seeing a professional but if you are not up front with them, I can tell you from my own past of years of seeing a therapist who was clueless to my substance misuse that I was just spinning my wheels and digging myself deeper and deeper in that abyss - until I found someone else to get honest with.
Perhaps you want to make that leap, in time - but maybe fear the loss of the world as you know it to be?
It is scary, no doubt, if AA is not for you, there are other support groups out there, many are listed in the links to the right of this page, just click and read. There is also a matching system that can help you find assistance in your area.
Maybe you could start by reading and sharing on forums to ease into this and then see how you feel once you have "talked " about things ?
You have a beautiful child, a supportive husband, a career, please do not wait until you are in jeopary of losing all that you have. I hope you will keep us posted, please take care and be careful.

Happy New Year and glad you are here, Carly
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Unread 01-01-2009, 02:33 AM   #4
mrsr
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Dear Carly,

Thanks for your reply. It made me cry but feel better like I am not the only out there. People who don't have this dependence cannot even imagine what it is like. I did check the links for providers in my area who specialize in addiction and one of them states that they accept my insurance so I will get in touch with them.

Had a rough day and I did drink today, because it was hard not too and because reading about withdrawal sounded scary. I am serious about taking steps to get sober, but I would prefer to do it with professional medical help. I have experienced withdrawal, without even realizing it. Sweating, shaking...so I gave in and went to the package store.

I don't have a lot of confidence that I can do this... at least not alone.

I am very very afraid.
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Unread 01-01-2009, 02:35 AM   #5
mrsr
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Thank you Carly. Believe it or not I heard about the site on the radio while driving. I am so glad I found it. I've read your posts and others and it already makes me feel better that I am not the only one who has suffered from alcohol dependence.

I feel like I have a long, difficult road ahead of me. It is frightening!

Happy New Year.
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Unread 01-01-2009, 02:40 AM   #6
mrsr
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I did not mention that my husband smokes marijuana. Not every day. But few times a week and when he has it he does it first thing in the morning. It really upsets me. But since I am dependent on alcohol, I feel like a hypocrite criticizing him and hey when he is baked he won't notice that I am drunk. He only drinks beer ocassionally and rarely ever goes out and gets drunk.
My poor one year old - too young to understand what is going on, but I am sure it affects him and I hate myself because of this.

I do play with him, rock him to sleep, make sure he has nice clothes and educational toys, and make fresh food, fruit, organic milk-- but I still feel guilty.

Since this is all anonymous, can I also say that I have 0 sex drive. My husband is patient but frustrated that I am constantly like don't touch me, ughh. Is the loss of interest in sex alcohol-related?
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Unread 01-01-2009, 06:35 PM   #7
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Default YOU are definitely NOT alone : )

Hi mrsr,
Congrats on taking the first step ! Yes, it feels scary but you can do this, YOU CAN !! People do it everyday, so can you!
I am glad you read about the dangers of withdrawal from alcohol without medical supervision. It is not worth the risk. I have seen it attempted here but I cringe, worry, I post to go to the ER asap, get medical help etc...
It is just NOT worth the risk, I have done some stupid things in my past and ended up in the hopsital with threats to send me to places I did not want to go. It is much safer to find a professional and be honest with them, as pointed out by Slynn, by getting professional help, you also increase your odds of success and longevity.
Your one year old , awww , I miss that age so much, imo- they grow up so fast, in the blink of an eye, soon he will "know" something is going on, no matter how hard we try to hide it from them, they are smart, intuitive. No parent wants to live with regret that they did not do the best for their children.

I understand about the hypocrite deal, with your husb. would he be supportive with your decision to stop drinking?

It does sound scary but try to think of it one day at a time, one hour at time. Maybe try to make a plan for just getting through the detox, if you try to think beyond that it may become overwhelming. Also, many people have "false starts" do not let that deter you, just keep trying, progress Not perfection.
I know I was afraid of the unknown, I was fairly young and thought life would be a drag, I would end up a robot, but it was not like that at all.
Not drinking/taking substances does not take away your escence so to speak, you are not condemned to a life a doom and gloom, I describe it as seeing things clearly, a happiness that comes from the soul. Hokey yeah - I know ; )
Some people call it a pscychic change that occurs. My first few years were my happiest ever. I have had a few setbacks in my journey, but I knew what to do and got help. Life stuff still happens, but I lean on my support system and grateful that there is a place like this forum, the details may be different, but the feelings similar.

Well I know I have rambled on - please read as much as you can, if you have any questions, we are here. You have taken a monumental step - you should be proud of yourself ! Take care, Carly
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Unread 01-02-2009, 01:06 AM   #8
mrsr
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Default Thanks Carly

My husband would definitely be supportive if I stopped drinking, though as I mentioned he is in denial that I have a problem. Withdrawal is scary. I have tried to quit cold turkey and didn't last long because I started feeling so awful.
There are things about my past and present that are extremely difficult to face so I think I drink to take the edge off, not think about things.
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Unread 01-02-2009, 01:07 AM   #9
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So what I plan to do is contact one of the specialists in my area and seek help doing detox.
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Unread 01-02-2009, 01:47 AM   #10
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Hi mrsr,
So glad to hear you want to see a professional to help you through withdrawal, not only is it safer, there is no need to be in misery. Yes, withdrawal is scary, but when done the right way, it may not be as bad as you fear. Cold Turkey is the worst! hang on until you can do this safely.

If you go through counseling and/or other support , at some point the issues about your past and between you and your husband will be adressed, but take it one step at a time. I would venture to guess we all have issues from our past that "medicating, numbing" seems to be the easiest route. However, sooner or later the alcohol will stop doing what you think it is doing for you.
imo- When the time is right with support and you face those issues, really deal with them, you never have to resort to using alcohol to "numb" the feelings, memories etc.. how freeing is that ?
There are things in my life I did not want to face,never thought I could live with myself, but with help , I made it to the other side, you can too !
Please do not worry about that now, maybe stay focused on finding help, getting through withdrawal and then the next step and so on.
Also, if you want support now, asap, you can always go to an AA meeting, most are open all day/night depending how large of a city/town you live in.
All you need is a desire to stop drinking, they would welcome you. There are other support groups listed in the links, then google the group to find the meeting schedules.
Please be safe, hang in there, you can do this, just keep telling yourself that. Keep us posted, take care : ) Carly
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Important disclaimer: Any information in this post is not and does not constitute medical advice under any circumstances. Addiction Survivors, Inc. does not warranty or guarantee the accurateness, completeness, adequacy or currency of the information contained in or linked to the Site. Your use of information on the Site or materials linked to the Site is entirely at your own risk. NEVER take any online advice over that of a qualified healthcare provider. Any information contained on AddictionSurvivors.org should only serve to inspire further investigation with credible, verifiable references sources such as your physician or therapist.
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Unread 01-02-2009, 02:48 AM   #11
mrsr
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Default thanks Carly

Thanks for the encouragement. I am so glad I found the site and learned about withdrawal (which I did not know) existed. So I can do it the safe way.
What is detox? Is it something different. I am scared what if it is too late for my liver?
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Unread 01-02-2009, 02:51 AM   #12
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What do you mean the alcohol will stop doing what I think it's doing? For the past three days it has made me feel nauseaous and gag a lot.
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Unread 01-02-2009, 02:32 PM   #13
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Hi mrsr,

Detox is another term for the withdrawal process. Some people use it as slang like I need to detox first, or you may read "CT wds" = cold turkey withdrawals, doing it alone, not advised.
What ususally happens when you decide to get help, you choose a doctor or clinic, hospital etc... then an assessment is done, they ask you questions related to your alcohol( or substance) intake, how much, how often etc.. Ideally, a plan is made, your input is vital in this. They will ask you other questions about home life, work , stress, this information is confidential, no one is going to judge you, they just want to find a plan that fits your needs.

The liver is an amazing organ,imo- even if your enzymes are elevated now, if you stop drinking your liver will be better off. I will find some info about the liver and alcohol intake for you.

What I mean by the alcohol stops working - I say that from what I have learned , personal experience, and on the job as a former social worker. This is just my opinion based on that, many people say that eventually any substance one misuses to have a good time , or escape, deal with stress etc.. progresses to the point where all they are doing is maintaining - staving off withdrawals, it sometimes stops doing what it did for you in the beginning.
People talk about hitting rock bottom, they lose jobs, the family etc...

I will find some more links that better explain this. I hope that helps though.
Hang in there , I know you are scared but you can do it.
Take care, Carly
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Unread 01-02-2009, 11:36 PM   #14
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mrsr, not wanting sex is alcohol related. Well for me anyways. I was always like just go away and let me drink.

Get started. See a doctor and get your liver count and then watch it go to normal the longer you don't drink.

JaneDoe
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Unread 01-03-2009, 02:04 AM   #15
mrsr
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thanks. i am very nervous but kind of excited about trying to embark on happier healthier lifestyle.
It' s like the bottle is my only friend. When my hubby says go do something with your friends I think to myself-- I have no friends, furthermore I'd rather be home alone drinking...sad but true...
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Unread 01-03-2009, 02:07 AM   #16
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Thanks Carly more info on both would be much appreciated. I think I want to see a new internal medicine dr as I am too ashamed to tell my regular dr (initially) and b/c the clinic is affiliated with the company I work for.
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Unread 01-04-2009, 03:27 PM   #17
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Default Link about Liver/alcohol

Hi mrsr, in addition to the information provided on this site which gives very detailed info of how alcohol affects the body/organs etc... this is a link about the liver and alcohol consumption. I am working on another post for you - so I will be right back. : ) Carly

http://www.liverfoundation.org/education/info/alcohol/

I do not want that link to scare the beegezus out of you so please read this first.... ( from that same link )

What is the outlook for people with alcohol-induced liver disease?

Anyone with alcohol-induced liver disease will improve their health and life expectancy if they stop drinking. For patients who do not stop drinking, the outlook is poor; they are likely to suffer a variety of life-threatening health problems caused by alcohol-related liver damage.

My experience- my doc was opiates, benzos and I was mainly a binge drinker. The acetomenophen in the painkillers I was taking by the handfulls was as bad as alcohol on the liver. My initial bloodwork was frightening to me, but they took it again in a month and again .... each month that I abastained fromm all substances, my liver enzymes got better.
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Unread 01-04-2009, 04:15 PM   #18
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HI Mrsr,
Thinks may seem grim now, yes, in the end, the bottle can be our only "friend," what you are feeling is common. But it will change .
I agree with Janedoe about the lack of sex drive, first things first.
Please stay safe and focused on what you need to do.

This is a good thread, just clink the link- members are sharing about the fear of taking that first step and what life is like without alcohol. If we have to assure you everyday that your choice will be worth it - we will do it. : )

http://www.addictionsurvivors.org/vb...ad.php?t=20490
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More INFO ABOUT HEALTH >>>

http://www.alcoholanswers.org/alcoho...our-health.cfm

I thought I gave you this link- but try this matching system, maybe there is a physician or clinic where no one knows you ? It gives names, numbers - within a 40 mile radius of the zipcode you enter.
Treatment locator : Physicians, counselors and treatment facilities..

http://www.alcoholanswers.org/local/

Below is a list of the various support groups that are available and how to find one near you. There is now much more than traditional AA, there are many types of support groups out there.

http://www.alcoholanswers.org/resour...port-links.cfm

Link to medication assisted treatment options... this can be an invaluable tool to help with cravings.

http://www.alcoholanswers.org/treatm...-treatment.cfm

Information for your family ....
Education for your family/loved ones can be vital to their understanding of what you are facing and trying to accomplish.

http://www.alcoholanswers.org/friends-family/

For even more information and resources click on any of the links on the right hand side or at the top of the page.
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Unread 01-06-2009, 03:08 PM   #19
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mrsr, just checking in with you, I hope everything is going well and that you still have the desire to seek help. Whatever you decide- we are here for you : ) Carly
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Unread 01-07-2009, 08:46 PM   #20
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Hello, everyone. I would introduce myself in a separate thread, but after reading Mrsr's story I can't help but think what similar circumstances we're in and I thought maybe this is the place to say hi, to the Missus and everyone. Not to take over the thread or anything, just seemed like a good match.

It's hard, isn't it? I am also lucky to have a very good job, loving wife, talk of babies on the way... I too have brought the issue of my drinking up with my spouse; she doesn't seem to believe it's possible that I could have a problem. Never mind how many bourbon and wine bottles are sitting empty on our coffee table right now. I think I could convince her and she would be supportive if I made a serious effort to change. My family doesn't quite seem to get it; though I'm sure they have their suspicions, they don't mention it. None of my friends or coworkers would guess (except the ones who are in similar circumstances, who are as happy to look past things as I am). And similarly to Mrsr (and probably most of us) it's been years in the making, gradually transitioning from drinking socially to enjoying drinking alone, to finally drinking alone and not enjoying it particularly, and not feeling good in the mornings, and finally feeling like I've gotten desperately off-track. I really do feel like something is terribly wrong with me, and yet daily feel compelled to continue. I can see the big picture and how this will affect me throughout my life, and yet on a daily basis I choose to drink.

So I am rethinking that daily decision now. I guess I've been rethinking it for a long time, but I am reaching a point where I am visiting this forum and looking up physicians. That's a first for me and I think I may make a solid move within this month. But I do have some concerns and I was hoping some of the more experienced sober folks would comment.

I think the biggest thing that's keeping me from taking action is an idea I have - that many things I love will change. People who have not really enjoyed and loved alcohol, I think, don't understand what good times it accompanies and how hard it seems to replicate those times without it. Let me be more clear; many of the best times of my life have been at gatherings where I was drinking with my friends, and I am just not willing to give those gatherings and friends up. So my question would be, what have you had to do to accommodate your new lifestyle and what sacrifices have you had to make? I'm looking for serious, honest answers here - obviously you've found something that you think is better for yourself on balance, and that's my goal too, but that doesn't come without some sacrifices. What and how bad were they for you, and what did you do to handle them?

Thanks to everyone for the service you're providing here (Carly especially). I've been through the forums a bit and I'm very impressed and glad to know you're out here. Mrsr, we are not alone... best of luck.
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Unread 01-07-2009, 09:35 PM   #21
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Quote:
Originally Posted by can do View Post


Let me be more clear; many of the best times of my life have been at gatherings where I was drinking with my friends, and I am just not willing to give those gatherings and friends up.

then you're probably not at a point where you're gonna commit to staying sober,I think for the most part we all reached a point where the "good times" drinking were a distant memory and all we had left was the regrets and hang overs of being stuck in that endless cycle.....
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Unread 01-07-2009, 09:57 PM   #22
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can do; I just read your thread. I want to reply with seriousness and honesty. First of all, it has been my experience that spouses, loved ones, etc. usually are the last ones to admit that there might be a problem. They may sense there is a problem but sometimes denial is so much more comfortable than seeing that which is real. Rely on what your heart is telling you.

I want to share with you an experience of mine. I was nearly four years sober and I began seeing this person who had at one time been my very best friend. In the past we had enjoyed each others company, usually while drinking and carousing. I truly missed the comeraderie that we had. We would go to bars (I would not drink, I was a sober human being) and it occured to me, albeit slowly, that it wasn't the friendship I missed. It was the good times we had had in the past while drinking. One day I told him that although I still considered him a very good friend I didn't ever want to drink again. So I told him, "goodbye". Because we were such good friends I believe to this day that he understood.

You also mentioned that a reason for not stopping drinking was that you were afraid of missing the things you loved so much while drinking. As a sober alcoholic I understand totally what you are feeling. But what I see is the things that you truly love (wife, prospect of children, family, good job, etc.) will become less and less important until they are gone. That is the ugly reality of alcoholism.

I want to tell you something a fellow alcoholic told me once, "Dave, you're on an elevator that is going down. You can get off at any floor except the last floor. That floor is six feet under!"
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Unread 01-07-2009, 11:15 PM   #23
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Hello Can Do and welcome to the forum ! Thank you for sharing your thoughts, concerns, feelings, no doubt others who may just be reading feel the same way that you do about all of this- the not drinking and what life would be like.

Dave and Geo - glad you are here and I got a lot from what you both posted. you both provide honest feedback : ) that is truly helpful.
can do I hope this helps.....
I know I had those same questions, like you said, I knew something was not right, but I could not imagine life without alcohol/ substances. I continued to ignore the warning signs, but because alcoholism is such a progressive disease, I ended up feeling worse instead of better. I went to many detoxes, and one thing stuck with me: a saying from the "Big Book " - jails , institutions, death. It was explained to me that if I have this disease, those are quite possibly my life outcomes should I continue my path of self destruction, which i did, for another year.
It did not happen all at once, it was gradual, I was younger, I had the energy to keep up the facade. First ,I lost friends, my family's respect, I quit my job, before the veneer cracked. I felt empty, then hopeless. Then, when my freedom was in jeopardy;the mantra of: jails, institutions, death became louder in my head, I knew I better do something ...fast. So, I did, yet I fought it every step of the way at first, I said to my counselor, they are taking away my essence, lol it sounds funny now - it enhanced me as a person, because I was clueless.
I also could not fathom a life without a chemical high. It changed , when I met people who were laughing, having fun, without chemicals of any sort ! I did use the fellowship of a 12 step program, but there are many other options out there. I have made good friends, I mean, who knew going out for coffee, or game night could be so much fun? Hokey, maybe, sure, maybe you are different and can control it, but , IT controlled me.
Life still has life problems, I still have a long way to go as a person, but the best part has been : Most days - NO more self-loathing, emptiness. The compulsion to chase that good feeling that constantly eluded me, no more hangovers and much, much more.

Again, I hope this helps, you do not have to make a decision today, maybe you could meet with a counselor to explore your feelings about this?
Just know, we are here and again welcome to the forum, take care, Carly
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Unread 01-08-2009, 01:52 AM   #24
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Hi Cando,

Although I would not wish this suffering on anyone. It is good to hear from someone who is is similar circumstances.
I've been so busy but will respond in more detail and want to post that I am seeing my psychiatrist for first time in like 6 wks tomorrow and was so stressed about it all day. I feel too ashamed to tell him I have been having this addiction since even before we started meeting 8 yrs ago. I feel like I have been deceitful to him. I also am scared to admit it to him. I tried to bring it up yrs ago but again got the feeling he couldnt believe I had a problem prob b/c he thought I am highly functioning.
I have no interest in any of my friends anymore, only in drinking and keeping the buzz and avoiding withdrawal.
Maybe before I tell my psychiatrist, I should call one of the withdrawal specialists in my area listed on this site. It seems less threatening b/c these new docs dont know me and I would be upfront from the get go about why I am seeing them.
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Unread 01-08-2009, 01:54 AM   #25
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Carly, when you say jail, institutions or death, maybe it should be obvious, but pls elaborate, what do you mean? Especially about the institutions part. What does that have to do with alcohol addiction?
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Unread 01-08-2009, 08:35 PM   #26
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I appreciate very much the honest answers you all have shared. It is true that I remain very conflicted about this decision at this point. On the one hand, I know that I drink a lot more than is normal. On the other, I haven't felt any consequences from it - work is fine, home is fine, school is fine, I have healthy relationships, interests, etc. It's just that I have this feeling that I'm heading down the wrong path - further down the elevator, as Dave put it. A nurse I used to work with, who had some experience in mental health and substance abuse, told me something he would share with his patients. He said that if you drink a case a day, but still take care of your business (all the stuff I mentioned above), then fine. It's just that most people can't. Well, right now I take care of things just fine (and I don't drink a case a day, either, by the way). I do wonder whether that will continue, or whether I will get to a point where I drink enough that I can't manage. Carly, you are probably right that it would be wise to speak with a counselor. I have always been resistant to that for a couple of reasons (and I can see that perhaps they're not terribly strong reasons, but I want to get peoples' thoughts). One is that I'm just not comfortable with the idea of opening up to a stranger in that way. I don't have much confidence in their ability to refrain from judgment or their ability to maintain confidentiality (and I work in health care - trust me). The other is that I don't want it in my records - among other things, that changes things like my ability to get life insurance. I would love to hear a bit about everyone's experiences with the system and how it has affected the rest of their lives. Mrsr, I will be looking for your more detailed reply. As to what you have already said - I understand, because I have similarly considered speaking to my regular family doc about this and decided that I couldn't - because I hadn't raised the issue before, I have been somehow deceptive. I would say two things - first, doctors deal in this stuff all the time, and if you are sincere in sharing this and your disappointment at not having done so sooner, probably it will be fine. Secondly, if that really makes you uncomfortable, maybe you should go ahead and find another doctor. That's what I will probably do. The point is to take care of you, either way - that's why you're paying them. Thanks everyone. I'll be checking back (it may not be every day, but don't worry), and I'll keep you posted.
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Unread 01-08-2009, 08:37 PM   #27
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Hi gang, quick question. I notice that other people's posts seem to have nice paragraph breaks and so on that I haven't managed yet. Are you doing that with HTML tags, or something I'm missing on the reply screen? Thanks.
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Unread 01-08-2009, 10:23 PM   #28
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Hi mrsr ,
Let me preface this by saying, I am not pushing AA at all, today there are many ways to get help, whatever works for you DO IT ! I have a foundation in AA, so I sometimes fall back on things I heard, AA may not be everyone, and that is fine.
When I mentioned Jails , institutions or death it was like a slogan of sorts that was talked about and it may even be in the Big Book - ( if anyone knows please correct me.)
It was explained to me like this .... Alcoholism is a progressive disease, for example, if I am in full blown physical, psychological dependence on alcohol and I do not get help, then odds are I will eventually have a run in with the police by way of DUI, for example - hence the jail part. Another example, if I were dependant on heroin and needed drugs to keep from getting sick, then I might rob someone. Jail time would follow.

Institutions, in the old days when alcohol/drug misuse was seen as a lack of will power, the person was seen as too weak to overcome this disease, then people were sent to Mental Hospitals to dry out,or were given various "cures" some of which sound barbaric today! Hence the institutions part. BUT that was a LONG time ago. That being said, I do know many people who have landed in mental facilities because of things they did under the influence of alcohol /drugs.

Death- if a person continues to drink alcoholicly sp? then eventually, one's health is affected, I have had friends die from this disease. The effects of alcohol on the body are detailed in this site, link on the right hand side.

I did not mean to scare you at all, I hope this explains it better, I did not mean that you were doomed to be "put away " some place !

P.S.
Again, I am not pushing AA but I have always found the BIG BOOK of AA inspiring when I have been at my lowest point. My favorites have always been the personal stories. I was astounded by the similarities i found . The life details may be different, but the I could Identify with the emotions.

Here is a link to both the personal stories and the complete Big Book online.
IMO Bill W's story alone is amazing - they never thought he would get better.

http://www.aa.org/bigbookonline/en_p...lstoriesii.cfm

http://www.aa.org/bigbookonline/en_tableofcnt.cfm
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Unread 01-08-2009, 10:54 PM   #29
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Hi Can Do,

If ever you do choose to see a counselor and believe that they are judging you- FIND another one, like any profession, there are some that may not be for you but there are many good ones out there as well. It takes time finding someone with whom you have a rapport with.

Re; the paragraphs - check your profile/preferences, maybe that has something to do with it?

can do, only you know what you want out of life, plenty of people can drink socially, there is a self questionaire in the links on the right of this page. maybe keep an open mind and we are here for you if you need us. : )

Take care, Carly
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Unread 01-08-2009, 11:02 PM   #30
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Hey Can Do and everyone:

I told my therapist today. It was hard and emotional. We've been meeting for over 5 yrs and so I did feel deceptive finally admitting that I had a 'problem.'
I plan to see my general doctor within the next week and will let him know. It is awkward b/c I dont see my general doctor regularly as I do with the therapist. Can Do, you scare me when you talk about the health care industry and confidentiality because I have the same general practitioner as my boss and other colleagues in my office...
But I guess it's most impt to take care of my physical and emotional health and be as honest as I can with my drs so they can examine me properly and I so so so hope we can come up with a plan to help me overcome this dependence that has emotional, physical and health consequences. I have a baby and I want to live to see him grow up.
This is the hardest thing I have ever done and the most shameful thing I have ever admitted.
I so appreciate any feedback b/c this is very scary for me. I only recently approached my husband about my problem and have never mentioned it to any friends....scared..then scared about whether I already have chirosiss or some other disease and it's too late...
Any thoughts
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Unread 01-08-2009, 11:06 PM   #31
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Hi Carly,

Thanks so much for the thoughtful and detailed reply. I appreciate your elaborating. It really helps and makes it sound less ominous.
As I mentioned in my post to Can Do, I told my therapist today and plan to tell my general medical doctor tomorrow. It is really tough. But if I have told them and asked for treatment, is that a positive sign that I want help stopping?

It is so compulsive. I will go to any length to get booze...it is humiliating to even type that. My friends, family, coworkers, even husband think I am so in control and have no idea that my life is totally out of control.
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Unread 01-08-2009, 11:50 PM   #32
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Hi mrsr, I will try to be brief ; ) this time.
yes, you took a gynormous step today , be proud of yourself ! I think we all know shame very well, I could write pages on shame, and it is such an icky feeling, if you read those personal stories, it might make you feel less so, one day , those feelings will fade away, they will.
Your TRUE friends will support you, some may have even dealt with this via family members, spouses, etc...
Re: confidentiality /insurance, Mental health /substance misuse are supposed to be the most protected health files to my knowledge/experience.
You said it best, your baby needs you happy and healthy. mrsr they grow up so fast , it's never too late. The time and effort you put into getting help will be worth it - imo. Hang in there - you can do this ! Carly
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Unread 01-09-2009, 07:27 PM   #33
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Thanks again for your responses and willingness to help, Carly. I still can't say with any certainty what direction I'm headed here, but it has been really great to discuss this with people who know.
Mrsr, I didn't mean to scare you when I mentioned confidentiality in health care. It may indeed be the case, as Carly says, that mental health and substance abuse issues are more protected than most - and I will say from my own experience that seems to be true. My larger point is that health care people are just that - people - so it will be up to you to find those that you really trust. You'll have to make your own judgment about your primary care doc, but I would say from my experience that it's pretty unlikely and egregious for a provider to intentionally share information about one patient with another. That said, it happens, and more often by accident or carelessness than intentionally. You're right when you say that the most important thing is getting you better and doing the things you need to do, and once you've found someone you trust the rest is really out of your control anyhow.
Finally, to answer your question, it seems to me that it's a VERY good sign that you have been brave enough to ask for help. Now follow through.
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Unread 01-10-2009, 03:38 PM   #34
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Hi can do hope all is going well. I understand your concerns about confidentiality. At times I have not liked the hoops we have to go through just to get help.

The admin. of this site actually works very hard to support Fairness, Equality, Confidentiality, with Alcohol and Substance misuse issues as it pertains to Insurance, laws, policy , etc...
We have a long way to go but I am glad they are such great advocates.

Keep us posted on how you are doing. Take care, Carly
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Unread 01-10-2009, 03:40 PM   #35
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Hi mrsr,

How are you doing ? I hope you are having a good weekend : ) Carly
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Unread 01-10-2009, 09:33 PM   #36
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Hi Carly,

Thanks for asking. I am doing just okay. More of the same scared about my decision. Scared about withdrawal. Been emailing back and forth with my therapist and we are going to try Librium. He has experience dealing with this all the time. Until I start the Librium I am too scared to stop (or maybe it is partly a cop out) because I heard how scary it can be. All I can say is that I think and hope I am on my way.
I've messed up a lot, my credit is a mess. I hope my health is okay and that all is not lost and I can get my credit back. That stresses me a lot and compels me to drink...I would like to get my finances in order but dont know where to begin...
Since I told my therapist, do I have to tell my general doctor?
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Unread 01-11-2009, 01:08 AM   #37
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" Until I start the Librium I am too scared to stop (or maybe it is partly a cop out) because I heard how scary it can be. All I can say is that I think and hope I am on my way." Mrsr quote
Hi mrsr,

I am so relieved to know you are working with a professional regarding stopping alcohol,it is NOT a cop out at all , you are being safe and responsible. IMO- I would think that your primary doctor could work together with your therapist, for any tests or health issues, but you can always choose any doctor with whom you feel comfortable with and who has no ties to your work collegues, if that is a concern for you.

IMO get healthy, then the rest will fall into place. I think everyone is feeling the effects of the economy these days, so try not to stress over that.

Yes, I agree, YOU ARE ON YOUR WAY! Maybe this will put your mind at ease- I have known people who were treated with librium and they did fine during their detox from alcohol.
When the time comes will you take time off of work? I am not saying you will need it, but is that an option? Maybe get some rest , keep your mind occupied? I am sure you wlll be fine !
You have already come so far, just keep telling yourself you can do this!
Take care, Carly
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Unread 01-11-2009, 01:14 AM   #38
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Hi

I dont know if I can take time off. How would I justify it? I Why would taking time off be beneficial? How can I do it without people knowing why? Sorry if I sound so naive. This is my first time opening up about my dependence.
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Unread 01-11-2009, 01:34 AM   #39
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Hi mrsr.

I seriously don't mean to scare you. the last thing I want to do is scare you before you even start !
I was just thinking if you needed to take some time off to "regroup" during this process, take a "me " day or as others say a mental health day.

People respond to their detox in different ways, many people go to work and do fine, others may need or want a day or 2 of rest, it all depends on many factors. How much, how long, comfort level .....
As far as people at work knowing, do you have sick days ? Can't you just say you are sick- if you did need it ?

Would it help you if I started a new thread asking people to describe what it was like for them when they stopped ? If it would, I will do it, but please know everyone reacts differently, it all depends on the person. I know for me I am a whimp when it comes to being uncomfortable , truly, - so when I would stop before, I would lay on the couch for a day or 2 watching tv.

I hope , I am not scaring you - hopefully someone else will come by and post - Calling JANEDOE, ANGIE , hellooo !! or you can read the older threads where people talked about detoxing. I will try to find some for you.

Relax OK? You will be fine. : ) Carly
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Unread 01-11-2009, 02:55 AM   #40
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Hi Mrsr,
I'm Paulmaury, and I'm an alcoholic! I also can't type (I peck) so it takes me too long to say the things I want in just one post. Just ask Carly!
I have been in your shoes, and way beyond! I know your scared, but you managed the hardest step already! You have admitted that you are powerless over alcohol, and your life is starting to become unmanageable.......Right! Well, now your on the path of recovery, and your not alone! I have experienced all the unhappy consequences of this disease, so feel free to ask me anything, but I warn you.......I will be HONEST!

You see, developing a sober manner of living demands rigorous honesty, to yourself, and to those trying to help you! Humility, is just a sidekick, but once you accept humility in your life, you can face anybody that looks at you differently! Right now you should work on physically getting well.

I have taken Librium many times, under the care of a doctor. Librium is common when one must detox, it helps with the withdrawal symptoms and helps calm your nerves when you get anxious. I'm sure it's not recommended to work while taking Librium, as it affects others differently, but I'm not a doctor. Carly is a wonderful support, with access to much needed information, you are lucky to have a person like her to guide you in the right direction!
I must post now, but if I could be of any help .......just ask! I'm rooting for you Mrsr!
~Paulmaury~

Carly......Of course I did it again, you know [the too long to post thing].

Last edited by paulmaury; 01-11-2009 at 02:58 AM..
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Unread 01-11-2009, 07:14 PM   #41
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Carlyo,
In case you don't know what I was talking about when I mentioned my posting problems? MY BAD!............It was SLynn, that was helping solve my losing posts, because I took to long to type!.........Sorry! ~Paulmaury~
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Unread 01-11-2009, 09:35 PM   #42
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HI Paulmaury, LOL I knew what you were referring to, it happens to me when I write out a long post. Normally I can hit the back button, copy what I have written and then I paste it onto word and log back in, and paste it.
Anyway, hope all is going well - Carly : )
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Unread 01-12-2009, 12:53 AM   #43
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Hi Carly,

That would be great to hear from/about people who made it through withdrawal. Earlier this evening my hands started shaking really badly, I was sweating and I threw up. As soon as we got home I had a beer. Over the past 5 hrs I had 3 beers. That's it they are gone.
I used to be worried that if I fessed up and stopped drinking life would suck b/c what if that meant I could never drink again--even at social functions. Now I am at a point where I don't think I care about whether or not I can drink within reason or not. I just want to end this horrible lifestyle now.
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Unread 01-12-2009, 01:37 AM   #44
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mrsr ,
When do you start on the librium can you start tomorrow? Regarding withdrawal everyone reacts differently, when you described the hands shaking and feeling sick, that is what most people describe. You mentioned in your first post about stopping before, was it that bad, is that what is scaring you ? I cannot dispense any medical advice. Doing this Under medical supervision, you will be monitored and have medicine to take to alleviate /minimize any discomfort you may feel during the process.
Paulmaury described what it was like for him when he was rxed librium.

Are you going to tell your husband what you are doing ? You say he does not think you have any issues with alcohol but has he seen you get sick like this before? Maybe he is in denial? Is it possible to have a counseling session with him, having a professional to explain can be helpful for family members.

Don't overthink this, you will drive yourself crazy. I would imagine that the depression will get better once you stop alcohol as the alcohol is a depressant itself. And the weight, wow, I know many people who lose weight when they stop drinking, alcohol is nothing but empty calories, makes you bloated. Also, give yourself a break in the weight department, it takes a while to lose weight from a pregnancy ! You will feel so much better once this is behind you. Take care, Carly : )

http://www.alcoholanswers.org/alcoho...withdrawal.cfm
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Unread 01-12-2009, 11:21 PM   #45
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Thanks. I have been telling my husband every night and although he may not be convinced he is supportive about having no alcohol in the house, kind of like when I say he can buy all the cookies in the world, but no chips because they are my weakness. I told him about the librium and all and i guess he is supportive but he has me on a pedestal because I am educated, have a high level job and to him I am extremely attractive and I don't want to totally destroy his image of me. I have to run because he is coming but will try to post again this evening.
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Unread 01-13-2009, 04:19 PM   #46
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Hello mrsr,

Glad you checked in, hope that you still have a plan and want to do this. I will bet your husband loves you because you are YOU, all the other stuff, successful job, education ,is icing on the cake so to speak.

Hang in there, I hope one day you look back on this time and think , maybe even laugh , and say "why was I so worried? I feel great !"
That is my wish for you : )
and I have seen it happen time and again.

Take care, Carly
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Unread 01-13-2009, 07:04 PM   #47
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Hi gang, just checking in since I saw Carly had asked. Thanks for that.

Mrsr, I just wanted to say that I really admire what you're doing. I am certain that you are capable of being successful in it - you have done the part that really takes guts already. The rest is scary, I'm sure, but if you use your resources and work with your doctors I believe you can do it. Never be afraid to ask questions about and to be very involved in your care.

For me, I'm still in sort of decision limbo - it may just not be time yet. If and when it is, I'll be back to the forum. I'll be wishing you all well in the meantime. Thanks for everything.
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Unread 01-14-2009, 03:13 PM   #48
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Default Hi Can Do

Hi Can do,
Thank you for checking in. You know we are here if you need us.
Keep us posted on how you are doing OK : )
Please take care of yourself, Carly
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