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Unread 11-07-2009, 04:28 PM   #1
California Mom
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Default Help a meth addict's mom understand

I'm not sure exactly the best place to post; so my apologies if I'm in the wrong 'space'. I am a mother of a 23year old addict. I originally joined this site about 6 months ago under the Friends and Family for Opiate addicts. Since that time, my daughter is on Subs, so my concern is now her meth usage. While I appreciate the perspective and support from friends and family of an addict, I really want to know where a meth addict's head is so maybe some of what is going on with my daughter will make sense---so that is why I'm posting here. I won't go into a lot of detail in this post, to wait and see if I'm in the right place....
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Unread 11-07-2009, 08:42 PM   #2
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To California Mom,

Hi and welcome. Yes, you are definitely in the right place...no apologies needed...I'm glad you're here.

I'll cut to the chase...and this isn't meant to be hurtful. It's my experience as a meth addict for 21 years.

Where is a meth addict's head? It's on a mission to score the next bag of dope. It's constantly in search of keeping from "crashing." It's conjuring up excuses and justifications for being absent/unavailable/late/what-have-you. A meth addict's head is anywhere and everywhere that it shouldn't be. It could be busy scamming someone out of money; it could be planning some elaborate scheme to make a bunch of money so it never has to scrounge for the bag again. It could be scrounging and scraping bags to stay "up." It could be climbing out of a Dumpster because there was nowhere else to go. I could go on...

However, a meth addict's head could also be screaming silently "help me!"

I'm sorry if I sound harsh...I don't mean to frighten you...meth will do that all by itself...with help from your daughter. When I was 23, I'd already been addicted for 10 years. Functional, responsible, still beautiful...I had it all. Or so I thought. Meth is the grandest of liars.

Within the next 12 years, I had 3 babies by 3 different men. All my "dope men." Lost jobs, homes, 2 of my kids and contact with my family. My health deteriorated and my saving grace was intensive inpatient rehab at age 35. I managed to keep my youngest, and with 7 years clean, just recently gained custody of my oldest child.

I hope this helps you in some way. I don't know anything about Sub. I know plenty about meth...and today I chose living clean, meth-obsession-free (by the grace of God), as well as sharing experience, strength and hope.

Please post back and share more about your daughter. Also, our Moderator, CarlyO, and Administrator, NancyB are incredibly supportive, knowledgeable and resourceful women who can provide much more than I can. Look for their responses...I'm sure they'll be posting soon.

Best to you...and my prayers for your daughter and family.

-DHF

Last edited by Dopeless Hope Fiend; 11-07-2009 at 08:44 PM.. Reason: my picky eye found a typo!
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Unread 11-08-2009, 03:19 PM   #3
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Thank you for your reply. I'd like to tell you a little more of our story and ask a couple of questions from your perspective. Over the past year, I have read a lot, both in published books and on forums like this. I have spoken to a lot of counselors and rehab facilities. We have gone through disbelief and hurt and anger. Most messages say that the addict has to hit bottom and that we should not enable. But then again, I read that we should hate the drug not the addict....so we've been trying to balance. The only 'monetary' support that we've been giving my daughter has been to keep her on Subs paying for the Doctor's appt and the RX. We have provided her with rehab and sober living information and offered to pay for her recovery, not her addiction.

There have been a lot of times where I thought her bottom was coming. She was arrested (felonies), she is on probation pending jail time in December unless she goes to rehab and applies for house arrest or drug court; she has no job; she has no home, we have distanced ourselves from her; her car broke down and she couldn't pay to have it fixed (then about 6 weeks later, 'found' the money); she was admitted to ER (we're assuming OD) and none of her 'friends' were there for her (we had to go pick her up because they were too busy playing video games); she is in serious debt with creditors hounding her and multiple traffic related fines; she has been robbed multiple times losing her cell phone and everything of value that she had; her 'friends' have stolen her identity; she was picked up for shoplifting(no charges filed); her license is suspended; her car insurance ends this month and her car registration will expire in December. I believe she is living with another 'meth' friend who has spent some time in jail. I believe they may be getting their money from 'entertaining' although not sure to what extent, because I believe they are both 'gay' or 'bisexual'. Some of her other 'friends' tell me that they are distancing from her because they feel like they're being used. We keep waiting for the 'bottom', but she seems to be very resourceful.

With all the terrible things I have just written, when we do communicate, she doesn't blame us. She cries. She apologizes. She doesn't ask for money or anything(other than her Subs). She thanks me and says she appreciates anything small I may do for her, like buying dinner or giving her a ride to court. She originally said she wanted 'to do it on her own' to make us proud of her again, but then realized it was too hard and she couldn't do it on her own. She actually went to 1 day rehab and asked for my support because she said she struggled going back--but then she goes 'dark' and I don't hear from her. We're at the point this weekend where I'm holding her Subs as ransom, only giving her enough to get through the weekend, and telling her that they are suppose to be used with counseling and if she goes to counseling on Monday, I'll give her more Subs. (Unfortunately, I'm feeling like the only thing she responds to is a drug dealers mentality so--I guess that is what I'm becoming)

I read in your story that your saving grace was your deteriorating health and intensive inpatient rehab and your children. I thought when my daughter was admitted in excruciating pain that that would be a wake up call. It wasn't. She 'swears' that it had nothing to do with drugs. I'm sad to say, that I'm hoping jail will also be that wake up call.

So I guess my question to you is when you were going through all of this, especially early on---what were the dynamics with your family? I know there is no 'right' or 'wrong' and all families are different but if it's not too painful I would like your perspective on that part of your journey. In looking back, are there things that as an 'addict' you remember that may of had an impact (good or bad) on you?
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Unread 11-09-2009, 02:29 PM   #4
Dopeless Hope Fiend
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Default To California Mom

You're welcome.

First off, I feel like I should qualify my response to you by pointing out the following:

1. I am no expert. I have zero credentials; I'm simply a recovering addict.
2. If you haven't already, please look into Al-Anon. I've heard they are very supportive, plus they're big...many people's experiences. I can only offer my own experience.

In reading your account of what's going on with your daughter, I could've very well been reading about myself, or one of the many women I went through treatment with.

What appears to be "bottom" for a clean person was all the more reason for me to use even harder.


For example, losing custody of my daughter. I couldn't bear the pain and knew that I wasn't going to feel it if I got myself (and kept myself) loaded. In my perspective, one of the many evils of crystal meth addiction is that it enabled me to "escape" what I otherwise had to face and deal with. Yes, hate the drug, but keep loving your addict. She's sick...she's not bad, she's sick...in my opinion. And sickness can be treated, in my experience.

I had to want it, get it, work it, stick to it...wash, rinse, repeat.

After 21 years of active addiction, I'd had enough. I couldn't do it anymore...no home, no job, and a baby. I was facing having my 3rd child taken away. It wasn't the first "bottom." For me, it was the last of many, many "bottoms."

You say that you've resorted to a drug dealers mentality by holding her Subs...I say good for you! I see it as a mom making good use of what sounds like the only way to get a minute with her daughter.

I'll answer this as best as I can, and no, it's not too painful, actually this is kind of therapeutic for me...but thanks for your concern.

So I guess my question to you is when you were going through all of this, especially early on---what were the dynamics with your family? I know there is no 'right' or 'wrong' and all families are different but if it's not too painful I would like your perspective on that part of your journey. In looking back, are there things that as an 'addict' you remember that may of had an impact (good or bad) on you?


Be forewarned, my good and bad impacts may be confusing...some of the good was bad, too, and vice-versa.

Early on, my family dynamics were pretty "normal." Working dad, stay-at-home mom, brother and sisters...but, I always felt like the "black sheep."

I never felt right in my own skin, was molested by a stranger, had a stalker and several other near-abduction incidents, diagnosed at 12 or 13 with borderline personality disorder, expelled from school for smoking pot that was laced with PCP (had me so messed up the principal called the paramedics), runaway...

Looking back, my childhood was a mess. However, I don't blame my parents or siblings. My parents were excellent providers. We had everything we needed and extras. My siblings and I never fought...really!

I know today it was ME and I think what changed me was the stalker; in fact my treatment facilitator insisted that's where it all began for me. I tend to believe the professionals, for without them I can't say I could've acheived any clean time.

The first abduction attempt I was too scared to tell my mom about...for some reason I thought I'd get in trouble. The next attempt I had to tell her...I was chased home and when she opened the door and I was all out of breath...I had to explain. The police were called...it was awful. Until the day I die, I will always wonder how I got away...but I know in my heart, God had protected me. And right here is where I could go on about how did I get so lucky????...why do other little girls and boys disappear...this is something that I grapple with every time I think about it...

Moving on...

I'm clean, I'm alive; I may not be well, but I'm getting better


Good impacts: Family who, even though got dang close to giving up on me, never did. Kept praying. Kept together...didn't let my sickness become theirs. They never enabled me. It may sound crazy, it hurt like hell at the time, but having a door slammed on me at 5 a.m. by my mom resonates to this day. Another good impact: my God-given ability to survive a lifestyle that should've killed me...I can't take credit for it because it's a miracle...however, and this is a paradox...I had a strong will to live while killing myself with crystal meth. Good impact: somehow winding up at a crisis center...not sure what happened in that 7-11, but when I woke up 3 days later, perhaps a "seed" was planted. Good impact: having my kids taken from me...even though it was by their drug-addicted dads. It gave me something to fight for.

Today, I'm still fighting...but clean, and I've gotten custody of one of my kids back

Another good impact: my closest, dearest friend today is a lady I went through treatment with. We can understand and support each other on a level that none of our other "normal" friends can. Unconditional love and support are the foundation of our friendship.


Now for some bad impacts...

Physical abuse by every single man I loved. Broken bones, being left unconscious in a parking lot...not a single non-violent relationship. Nobody being stronger than my addiction...my abusers were enablers, too.
Having my kids taken away (this is what I mean by some of the good being bad, too) made me hurt so deeply I numbed the pain, rather, escaped it by using more and more crystal meth. Inheriting money...gave me the means to continue to be irresponsible and not clean-up and get a job.

For some reason, it just occurred to me that I'm not sure I'm on the right track with my response. After you read it, please post back to me...if I'm answering your question, then that's good...if not, I'd better do-over.

-DHF
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Unread 11-09-2009, 09:13 PM   #5
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Thank you once again. I absolutely understand there are no experts and I have attended NarANon. I'm sorry to hear of everything you have been through but you should be very proud of your successes. I think the one thing in your post that is probably the root of my question is where you say that your family never gave up on you but also never enabled you. This is the struggle I am having. I 'think' we are not enabling. We have shut the door. We have stopped paying for her mistakes. We have stopped doing things that she should be doing. We're trying to make (let) her take responsibility. But the one thing I haven't done is 'disconnect'. Once that door shut--Did your parents still communicate with you? Did they reach out to say hello, ask how your were, send you a smile and tell you they were thinking of you? Or did they wait for you to communicate with them and then responded 'courteously'? Could my 'reaching out' only add to her usage? Like you said, you sometimes turned to drugs to 'escape' so she doesn't have to face what she has done to her family. I do believe, no matter what, that she does love us and knows that this is hurting us. I am willing to disconnect, but when I read stories like yours and others where the family never gave up...I'm worried that it is the wrong thing to do. I've read 'No More Letting Go' and there seems to be some credence for the addict to know that their family still loves them, not the drugs.
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Unread 11-09-2009, 09:19 PM   #6
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Default HI CaliforniaMOM

Dear CaliforniaMom,

I am sorry to read about all that is currently going on. I have seen several people post who are able to deal with their opiate misuse with suboxone - yet are misusing some form of stimulant. I think , in some cases , they are just not ready yet, it must be that the cravings exist - for something- this makes me so sad, because I believe sub is a great medication and has so many people.
I am surprised her prescribing doctor does not do drug screens- though I would hate for that to happen in a way because most have a zero tolerance policy and would stop her sub tx. On the other hand - if you have been over at the opiate site - they have given you good feedback about hitting rock bottom.

When I was young, I made mistakes, my family chose the tough love approach- long story short. I hit bottom, no options left, which resulted in staying put long enough to really get the help I needed. It was difficult for my Mom to cut ties with me, but she went to Al-Anon and they taught her so much.
I got into a long term residential program and it saved my life.
In time, relationships were restored, I went on to get married and have a child. Life has not been always perfect - I had a rough go for a about year - but I am grateful my Mom got to see me happy, free of substances before she died.

DHF has an awesome story, read all of her posts. Also - I posted some information from Nancy- she may have already given it to you- but it may be worth checking into .

Are you getting support , it is very easy to get burned out by your loved one's disease? Do you attend Al Anon or counseling ? Al Anon is not just for Alcohol issues, most groups do not care what the specific substance of choice is.

Keep venting and posting if it helps- we are here for you.

Take care, Carly
INFO - Links .... FROM NANCY /ADMIN :

If you're interested in trying medication-assisted treatment, there are a bunch of clinical trials going on for different medications. You can check out:
http://clinicaltrials.gov/

Type in cocaine and the city or state you're living in into the search space at the top right. With clinical trials you'll get the medication and the medical care free. Some may even pay for the time involved. It might be worth looking into.

This is a good piece from the HBO Addiction Series on Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) for stimulant addiction. Think about taking a peek.
http://www.hbo.com/addiction/thefilm...addiction.html
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Important disclaimer: Any information in this post is not and does not constitute medical advice under any circumstances. Addiction Survivors, Inc. does not warranty or guarantee the accurateness, completeness, adequacy or currency of the information contained in or linked to the Site. Your use of information on the Site or materials linked to the Site is entirely at your own risk. NEVER take any online advice over that of a qualified healthcare provider. Any information contained on AddictionSurvivors.org should only serve to inspire further investigation with credible, verifiable references sources such as your physician or therapist.
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Unread 11-09-2009, 10:30 PM   #7
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Carly, I agree. When we first started this journey, I was hopeful that the subs would help my daughter and they have in one way, I don't believe she's using Oxy's anymore. But the meth addiction is not so easy. I've researched all sort of options (including some Prometa program in SF) but bottom line is she has to want it...not me. When you say you hit bottom, no options left...what did that mean, what was the 'last straw'? I know it's personal and if you don't want to share I understand. If you read my earlier post, I described what has been happening to our daughter, but it's obviously not her 'bottom' yet. It sounds like your mom did 'disconnect' which answered my questions about ongoing communication (and that she stopped with you). I 'think' I'm doing OK. I have a wonderful husband that is going through this with me. We have a college son who is adding a very 'pragmatic' approach to everything that is going on with his sister. I'm honestly pretty 'strong' although this drug addiction is quite the monster that no family can every plan on or prepare for. The few meetings I've attended didn't really do 'anything' for me, maybe too early, maybe I didn't give them a chance. I know that I keep grasping for straws, or hope, and it's a process I have to go through....but the right time will come and I will do the right thing and if it's not the right thing, I will still be at peace.
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Unread 11-10-2009, 07:44 AM   #8
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Hi California Mom,

I am a Suboxone patient now, and am a member of the Opiates section here, although I read new posts from all sections of the forum.
Before my addiction to Vicodin, I was addicted to alcohol for over 20 years, and it finally left me without anything. (If you want to read more, there is a thread under Family and Friends titled "First I was mad and now just sad", or something like that. It was started by Vhappy).
Anyway, although I am older than your daughter, and was much older when I stopped drinking, my mother was still important to me.
What she did, after about 2 years of trying to "help" me, with me not really helping myself, is she completely cut me out of her life. I hated her at the time, but, it worked. I got myself together, and we now have the best relationship we ever had. So, IMO, a parent can only help so much. If the person isn't going to want the help, there is nothing more you can do. And, IMO, the whole "tough love" and completely cutting off relationships and letting the person figure things out for themselves does work, and I think it works best. Maybe that will be her bottom, to completely lose her relationship with you. Again, when my Mom cut me out of her life, that's what did it for me.
Just my opinion. I would write more, but I have to go and get ready for work now. I wish you all of the best.
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Unread 11-10-2009, 10:47 AM   #9
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Hi CaliMom,

MicheleJ sums up a lot of what I went through with my family. I was angry but eventually realized they had to "let me go" . They did not talk to me, when I did get into a program, I was told to leave them alone, they needed a break, they called and spoke with my counselors, my Mother sent cards but that was it for almost a year.
I did have a year when I was around 19 where I misused stimulants, partied , but partying to me was pushing every limit there was. I quit them but only moved on to other substances. my drug of choice was opiates, by the end- it was anything. to back up- I was also rxed "medication" for depression, since age 14 so the stage was set for me, doctors did not know a lot back then and rxed willy nilly. but it certainly taught me to reach for a substance - it was not until I went to a tx center that I learned how to live life on life's terms.

I am glad you realize that She is not a bad person, she is sick, it is not a matter of right or wrong. I was raised in good home, but I think I started self medicating pain, depression , early on, which led to the progression of my addiction.

I did well for a while, finished college, worked , but still could not face pain, physical and emotional. Then, my disease progressed and I hit bottom.

To answer your question, yes, the final straw was facing legal issues. No contact with my family, being alone and all of the things that go with that.
In the end... I had one chance to get help, and I took it, I went to a program, my attorney said stay put, so I did, I did everything they said to do.
Then I went to long term residential, and somewhere in that year of hard work, counseling, meetings, etc... I learned how to LIVE ! I was happy for the first in a loooong time.
I am praying with all my heart that she chooses to get into a program instead of jail. I have my own feelings about our country's lack of compassion and access to quality, affordable care, and locking people up for having a disease but I won't go off on my soap box.

You are right she has to WANT IT or at least want it more than going to jail or continuing to live like she is now. I am betting she is not happy.
I worry that she will not get the help she needs if she is incarcerated. That being said, people can get help in jail, many people in recovery take meetings to jail so maybe she could start there.
I wish I had the answer, I wish she believed that we believe she can do this and it she is worth it !

You may have let her go, as hard as that sounds, and it makes me so sad to write that, but if the judge is giving her options and she refuses them, she will have to deal with the consequences. Tell her you love her but she is throwing away an opportunity to change her life. I imagine she has so much self-loathing and pain, I pray she chooses to deal with her addiction.

Please keep us posted, I hope this helps -and glad to know you have support and loved ones around you, this cannot be easy for you.

Take care, Carly
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Important disclaimer: Any information in this post is not and does not constitute medical advice under any circumstances. Addiction Survivors, Inc. does not warranty or guarantee the accurateness, completeness, adequacy or currency of the information contained in or linked to the Site. Your use of information on the Site or materials linked to the Site is entirely at your own risk. NEVER take any online advice over that of a qualified healthcare provider. Any information contained on AddictionSurvivors.org should only serve to inspire further investigation with credible, verifiable references sources such as your physician or therapist.
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Unread 11-10-2009, 11:26 AM   #10
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Hi California Mom,
Hope these answers help...
Did my parents still communicate with me? Yes, but I had to initiate contact. For example, show up at church; come to family holiday gatherings...I always knew they'd be there, until my dad died. My mom changed after his death. My dad never got to see me clean. My addiction was functional while he was alive, after that is when the real bad part came.
Everybody was where they were supposed to be; I was the one missing in action. So much so that after weeks of no contact, my mom filed a missing person's report. The police spotted my car parked by the motor home I was staying in. Knock at the door..."did you know your mom reported you missing...?" She really had no other way to find out if I was still alive. My contact with her and my sisters was so sporadic nobody knew where I was.
As far as my family "reaching out" to me...there was none of that; not while I was using. It wasn't until I got clean and proved myself...completing vocational school, keeping a job, taking good care of my son, stable place to live, etc., that's when I began to feel part of the family again.
I didn't find out until recently that my sister researched crystal meth when I was "out there" and shared what she learned with my other sister. I don't think they told my mom how badly I was addicted, as well as how addictive crystal meth is.
I'm glad you haven't "disconnected," however, like it's been suggested before, the "tough love" approach does work. Perhaps in a moment when you feel like being gentle with her (hugs, smiles, "how are you's...?") get tough. I'm not even going to tell you what to say...that's something only you will know how, what and when to say. But here's how it went for me...
My mom was blunt. Many times she told me I looked like hell. My hands were dirty and my fingernails were gray...she'd look at me and tell me exactly what she thought. I used to be pretty but whatever I was doing to myself made me look like hell. Yes, it hurt and no, it didn't stop me in my tracks (pardon the pun; not intended) but over time, seeing my mom look at me with disapproval in her eyes and hearing her be real with me, well, it set in.
You ask, could your "reaching out" only add to your daughter's useage. I can't answer that. The way I see it, reaching out with tough love was effective, in my experience. Hope this helps.
-DHF
 
 
 
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Unread 11-10-2009, 04:54 PM   #11
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Thank you everyone. I think I just needed the perspective from the 'users' side to do what I knew I needed to do. I've gone through this part of my journey and I think I'm ready for the next step. I don't regret the process I've gone through because I am at peace with knowing that I've 'tried' and given the 'final' choice to my daughter. When I started this thread, as I mentioned, I was holding the 'subs' as ransom to one more time, validate my daughter's priorities. Well it's been 2 days and no word from her; I'm assuming no counseling and even the 'drug dealer' approach was ineffective. I still have the rest of her subs. I'm sad but I'm ready. It's time for me to 'let go'. I'm still struggling with any 'last' communication. I have written a letter (with probably too much drama). I think she may txt me because she'll want the rest of the subs....and at this point I don't know how I'll deal with it. Give her the rest of the subs and say good bye. Ignore her txt. Respond but not give her the rest of the subs. I feel like if she doesn't reach out I won't, but that doesn't feel like 'closure' for her or me. This may seem like a silly question after all that has been said.....but I know she has no $$$ and we have already said we would pay for her recovery....is that still enabling?
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Unread 11-11-2009, 08:00 PM   #12
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I've always believed there is a reason for everything, even if we don't know what it is. It seems that sometimes we are 'helped' along with our decisions. Or maybe I should say 'be careful what you wish for'. My daughter is now experiencing another 'bottom' today--maybe. She has just been arrested for possession of a controlled substance and a hypodermic needle(which the needle was kind of an eye opener for me) and violation of probation. So, a new chapter for us. The phone has been ringing off the hook with collect calls from jail and now a bailsbondman is trying to 'help' out. I said I was 'strong' but I can honestly say today I'm having to dig just a little deeper. I think my posts will probably end, at least for awhile. I kind of thought that 'jail' would bring some sort of peace so I guess I will find out. I think my posts will probably end, at least for awhile. But thank you again, everybody. Pray for her. I am.
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Unread 11-12-2009, 12:09 PM   #13
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Dear CaliforniaMom,

DHF gave you some excellent feedback. With this new arrest, breaking probation, she is not helping her case. But also, I think this is her disease , spiraling out of control. I worry if she gets out of jail - she will just go back to meth. to the streets . I never did Meth but a substance is a substance, I am sure her body is screaming for the meth and without the substance to numb the emotional pain, she is miserable. I pray this is her rock bottom.

Only you know the answers to this, but you mentioned offering to pay for help, if you know of a good facility where she go and stay and I mean stay long term, if she leaves : she serves her time - would you be willing to propose this to her P.O. or judge?

Or if you are at peace with knowing she is not on the streets, that at least she is safe, then follow your instincts and let the courts decide.
I really hate this disease today, she is so young, she has no idea what kind of life she can have for herself if she chooses to fight it with all of her might.

You mentioned your posts will stop, for a while, please know we are here for you, and yes, sending prayers to you all.

Take care, Carly
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Important disclaimer: Any information in this post is not and does not constitute medical advice under any circumstances. Addiction Survivors, Inc. does not warranty or guarantee the accurateness, completeness, adequacy or currency of the information contained in or linked to the Site. Your use of information on the Site or materials linked to the Site is entirely at your own risk. NEVER take any online advice over that of a qualified healthcare provider. Any information contained on AddictionSurvivors.org should only serve to inspire further investigation with credible, verifiable references sources such as your physician or therapist.
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Unread 11-12-2009, 02:14 PM   #14
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Hi California Mom,

I hope you keep reading, even if you won't be posting for a while. We're here for you and your daughter, and I've found that the especially 'dark' times are when I needed this forum the most.

This may sound bizzare, it feels even stranger to think it, however, I'm glad to hear your daughter was arrested. Perhaps this will give her the clean time to start rebuilding. I know that there's anonymous programs in jail, hopefully she'll take the opportunity to listen to the addicts who've been there before her. PI (prisons and institutions) members, in my experience, have carried a very strong message. For a time when I was an inpatient, those were the only meetings I was allowed to go to. And they were mandatory. I got a lot out of them.

Grasp ahold of any comfort you may feel knowing that your daughter is off the streets. I've found that sometimes having a fear materialize empowers me...what I've been dreading has come about...now I must face it...inhale faith, exhale fear. Although I've never been arrested, my first go-round at inpatient treatment was like jail...lock-ups, lock-downs, everything very rigid and scheduled. Despite the fact that I walked away after 3 mos., I did learn the basics of living clean. And there were plenty of meetings.

I'm sorry though, for your pain and your daughter's suffering. I hate this disease. You and your family will be in my thoughts and prayers. In the meantime, stay strong, and if you need to vent...please post. I'll be looking for you.

Also! By all means, please don't confuse paying for your daughter's rehab with enabling her...I've been thinking on that since I read it in your post. At first I didn't understand...now I think I do. Anyway...at SUCH a young age, with her whole life ahead of her, in my opinion, getting her in a good, proven, long-term (none of that 30 day-or-less-kind) inpatient treatment center would be saving her life...and I know we aren't all a success the first time we go (I'm proof!!)...but a seed will be planted...and she could very well blossom into a strong survivor.

-DHF

Last edited by Dopeless Hope Fiend; 11-12-2009 at 02:25 PM.. Reason: OMG! forgot something VERY IMPORTANT!!!!
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Unread 11-12-2009, 06:58 PM   #15
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Well I lied. When I last posted I was ignoring her jail house calls and I 'assumed' that she would have to stay in jail. Wrong! Some how she got bail and later last night asked for the rest of her Subs! So, my husband and I met her at a gas station, gave her the subs, gave her a very 'simple' good bye letter basically, saying we love her, we know she has a disease, but she is accountable. She needs to get help and we'll be there for her when she does. She cried and said she needed me! We hugged. I looked her in the eyes and told her that I loved her, she needed help, and when she made that choice we would be there for her. Then her dad and I drove away. It broke my heart! The one fear I have always had about letting her go is that she will think she now has nothing left to live for. I hope (pray) that doesn't happen.

I just reread the last two posts--and yes Carly, with her last arrest because I talked to the lawyer, part of her sentencing was 3 months rehab (would have cleared the felony from her record) Also pushed and got alternative sentencing which I was hoping would mean a sober living house and drug court because we weren't willing to go through the drama that the residence has to do for house arrest. Everything had to happen within 6 months of sentencing which was late Sept...jail scheduled Xmas eve. I had hoped that the 'systems' mandates would force her. I tried so hard to get her in. She went 1 day, but never went back. I'll pay, but she won't go (and won't stay).

And DHF, she's always been strong and I too hope she blossoms into a strong survivor. I'm keeping my fingers crossed.

Take care everyone and thank you for listening!
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Unread 11-15-2009, 07:22 PM   #16
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Dear CaliforniaMom,

Thank you for posting an update. I wonder how she made bail but then again, if there is a will there is a way. I am still pulling for her as we all are , that one day she puts all that strength and energy into becoming a survivor ! I wish she realized that people want her to make it, maybe one day she will.
I am sure your meeting was heartbreaking, but stay strong. I think, you did what you needed to do for yourselves and ultimately, her. If she refuses to stay in treatment that you have provided/paid for, then there is not much you can do.

Hopefully, the courts will offer an option, long term or jail and she chooses long term and stays put long enough to see that glimmer of hope, feel true joy and happiness , learns to live life on life's terms, everything positive, that comes with recovery.
My heart goes out to all of you. Take care of yourself, I think you know,
you and your husb/family have lives to live, we are here for you.
Sending prayers your way, Carly
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Unread 11-17-2009, 12:32 PM   #17
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Hi CaliforniaMom,

Thinking about and sending prayers and thoughts your way. Take care, Carly
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Unread 11-30-2009, 09:13 PM   #18
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Dear california mom im a student seeking for answers about meth addiction . I need this info for my research paper. Can you help?
Signed saynanny
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Unread 12-03-2009, 04:59 PM   #19
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Saynanny

I wish I could. I don't really understand it myself. And unfortunately, my meth addict can't help me understand, but with that being said, maybe if you had specific questions, I could give you my perspective based upon my experience.
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