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Unread 12-02-2013, 02:13 PM   #1
coveredinaddiction
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Default I think my boyfriend is back on meth :( help please

I've been dating this guy for 6 months now and his behaviour is just too bizarre. He told me he snorted meth for 2 years and he lost 30kgs on it. Now he says he's clean. For the first month, we were both happy. At the time, he was staying with a friend (who hates drugs) but when I stayed over (in Winter) he would get very hot and sweaty. He also started grinding his teeth a lot and told me his wisdoms were giving him trouble - I believed him because his teeth don't look bad like the meth users who smoke it but then again - he snorts it. He tells me not to even mention meth to him because he says it was the best drug he has ever been on and he constantly craves it. He also scratches a lot and fidgets. I noticed on his back and shoulders that he has quite a few spots but he has none anywhere else and he always scratches them. He always walks around without a shirt on as well and complains that he's feeling hot. He also sleeps a lot and if he isn't sleeping - he's playing computer games for hours on end. When it came to sex - he would blame me for not acting fast enough when he couldn't keep an erection and he would become properly angry with me.*Things really started going wrong when he left his friend's house and got his own place. The day I went to see him - I bought him a present and dressed up for him - things were fine and then I told him about a band I'd joined and he lost his mind. He started screaming at me saying "you're going to leave me for one of your band members - I'm going to ****ing kill him" and then he started marching around his room with a sword. I was crying my eyes out and he didn't care. Then after his tantrum he came over to hug me and said let's go back to bed it'll all be ok. All I wanted to do was run the hell out of there. He made me promise that everything would be ok otherwise he wouldn't let me leave. So I said it's fine and left. I started to ignore him and then he started threatening me - telling me he was going to come to my house and tell my mom about us (she didn't know because I knew she'd hate him) and he was going to kill any guy he thought I might be with. Anyway, I broke up with him. Then his friends told me they couldn't contact him and he stopped showing up for his band's gigs etc. They eventually kicked him out because they couldn't handle the fact that he wasn't bothered about contacting them. Then when I showed concern he told me I'm either his girlfriend or I must **** off. I got back with him... And things were good some days - bad others. He twisted every fight and made it my fault. He blamed me for everything - if I told him to stop upsetting me he'd say what the **** am I doing? You broke up with me and I can't get over it - we need space. I would wait for 2 weeks at a time for a message. I hardly ever saw him because he was sick/tired/working. He made me sick with worry.*A few weeks ago - he said things were going good and we would be back to normal again. I was so happy to hear that. Then a few days later he became nasty again. He told me he doesn't know what he wants to be or what he wants. I said "well, are you still in love with me?" and he said he doesn't know. So I ended it. I told him a few home truths about how he treated me like absolute shit and not everyone can be wrong about him. A lot of people hate him because he behaves like an asshole and he loans money and never pays it back. He loaned a huge sum of money off of me for "rent" and promised he'd pay it back in 3 months. I knew that wasn't happening so I got a lawyer involved. He payed it back because he had to but then asked me for almost the same amount of money the very next day. I told him no and he lost his temper, started smashing things and said he needs space again. This is how it has been for the last 5 months - I was scared to tell him my thoughts or problems for fear that he'd loose his mind. He has theatened to physically harm me before. I went to his house yesterday after he told me never to contact him again because I didn't believe him. From the window it looks like he's cleaning up for a change. His house was in a disgusting mess a few weeks back. First he salmmed the door in my face. Then he told me he hated me to my face and I must **** off forever. So I left. I'm heartbroken... what does all this mean? I have never in my life dealt with a guy who treated me this bad. I did a lot for him - took care of him when he was sick, stood up for him, tried my best to make him happy and he literally threw it all in my face. How does one go from loving someone to hating them the next day for no real reason? Is it the drugs or what? Please can someone try to explain to me what actually went wrong here
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Unread 12-03-2013, 02:11 PM   #2
julie48
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Hi and welcome. The insane behaviors you describe from your boyfriend are right there with active using. Meth will make a person completely irrational and paranoid. How are you doing today?? Have you tried talking to him again? Hope to hear back from you. This drug will destroy and chance of a future with this man if he is in fact using. God bless. Julie
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Unread 12-03-2013, 05:56 PM   #3
coveredinaddiction
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Hi Julie. Thanks so much for taking the time to read and reply to my story. I'm coping - just feeling very depressed and helpless. I wonder if there is something more I can do. He told me to never make contact with him again otherwise he'd get a restraining order on me - I think he hates me now because I've figured him out. I messaged his brother to tell him what has happened and I got no reply. My now ex boyfriend is incredibly manipulative and I'm sure he's convinced his family that his friends and I are out to get him. He still manages to keep his job. I've thought about tipping them off to do a drug test on him but I'm not so sure if that's legal. I do know that in my country you can't fire an employee if he has a drug problem - the company has to pay the employee their salary while they get treatment at a rehab centre and they have to take you back once your treatment has been completed. I'm unsure about how far I should take this because he is a very good liar and he is very good at hiding things. His friends all hate him and want nothing more to do with him. I feel like I'm the only one who is trying to fight his drug war - it seems like he loves it too much to let go and get help. My main worry is that his family lives far away from him and they only see him for 3 weeks every year. I also know that when he is in financial trouble. His mom will bail him out. In the first month of our relationship, he told me his mom had toclear his credit card and petrol card debts. With regards to petrol - he would go up to people at a petrol station and offer to buy them petrol in exchange for cash for drugs. I really hope his family realises the signs when he goes there for Christmas but then again he may hide it very well.

Last edited by coveredinaddiction; 12-03-2013 at 06:12 PM..
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Unread 12-03-2013, 08:06 PM   #4
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Hi. Well, first off you must ask yourself what is your reasoning for possibly tipping off his work, family, etc. I can understand your desire to do so, but is it to get back at him? I will tell you from experience that unless he is ready and willing to stop using nothing you do, anyone you tell, will not stop his sickness. Like you said he is a good manipulator and he will manipulate his family into believing him. As for his work, be careful about taking that step. You could end up making an enemy out of him and I am sure that is not what you want.

Unfortunately the disease of addiction is one YOU can't fight for him. You'll lose hun. If he gets to the point he wants help, THEN you can help him fight. I doubt he hates you, I think he is angry that you have "figured" him out. Addicts are very defensive, manipulative, and sometimes quite irrational individuals.

I have been in recovery from a cocaine addiction for about 14 years and please believe me when I say no one could help me until I wanted it. Change is possible and although you may feel hopeless, there is hope. Today, I am a graduate student studying for my Masters in psychology. I tell you this not to brag, but to let you know that it is possible to stop the madness, but only when he has had enough and is sick and tired of being sick and tired.

As for you, although you may love him, you may have to begin loving him from a distance. It is only when one realizes what they have lost (as he eventually will) that change will come. You deserve a life free of this insanity and it is time for you to let him go. Trust and believe if it is meant for you two to be together, it will happen, but don't let it happen while he is using. I hope you feel better. I know this is a depressing situation, but you have to be happy and live. Let me know how you are doing....Julie
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Unread 03-22-2014, 03:05 PM   #5
Fed Up
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As a business owner, I will fire a drug user immediately! I can tell a user a mile away. I have no sympathy or compassion for these losers. You should inform his work discretly. No one wants those kind of people around, they lie, they will steal, they are not worth the trouble. He CHOSE the drugs, the quality of life is all downhill. Tell his employer, not to be a rat on him, but to protect the GOOD people who don't deserve to be lied to and stolen from. He's a loser, find a real man.

I have been through this with my husband of 26 years! All they do is lie, manipulate and lie some more! So yes, I'm very hateful towards junkies! In through him out and he lived on the streets a while, called from jail crying and wailing to forgive him, he loved me and all. I hung up! If he truly loved me? He would not have lied and lied and cheated (they cheat all the time) -he can cry all he wants. He CHOSE to do it all! I do not believe addiction is a disease, it's a major charchter WEAKNESS. A total 100% relationship DEALBREAKER! Cancer is a disease, drug addiction is not!

I tried to help him, then one day it was 'enough' and that was it! They are NOT worth it! My life is peaceful and happy again and he is misserable and that's fine by me. HE CHOSE this! He flits from cheap motels to a couch here and there and I don't care, I truly feel he deserves every bit of the miserey his life now is! His drug use ruined our family and that I will never ever forgive him for. We are all better off without him. He used to be a good husband and father. But he CHOSE to do drugs, he CHOSE to get mixed up with the skanky cheaply dressed, horrific hair cut meth trash girls! NOW he regrets it? To freaken bad!

Last edited by Fed Up; 03-22-2014 at 03:18 PM.. Reason: Clarification
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Unread 03-22-2014, 05:09 PM   #6
julie48
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Fed up: This is an old post and also, you have stereotyped all addicts. Everyone is worth saving, and it is people who think like you do that keep the stereotypes going.

No matter what your experience was, you don't come here and generalize what every addict is. Speak of YOUR experience, you certainly have offended me.
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Unread 03-22-2014, 10:43 PM   #7
NancyB
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Fed Up View Post
I do not believe addiction is a disease, it's a major charchter WEAKNESS. A total 100% relationship DEALBREAKER! Cancer is a disease, drug addiction is not!
Hi Fed Up, welcome. I'm sorry to hear of the heartache your husband's addiction has caused in your life. But to generalize and stereotype all people with addiction disorders perpetuates the myths and stigma and is hurtful to those with this disease. It is this stigma that oftentimes hinders people from getting help. As you see it, anyone with an addiction problem are 'throw away' people. They are not. They are people who deserve a chance to get proper treatment without being made to feel worthless.

While you may not believe it is a disease, that is not what the American Medical Association said over 50 years ago. Addiction is a disease, a chronic treatable disease. Addiction is not the taking of a substance. Addiction is uncontrollable, compulsive behavior despite negative consequences. These uncontrollable compulsions result in changes from the normal way the brain operates. If you look at the definition of disease in the Merriam Webster dictionary, it says:

dis·ease noun \di-ˈzēz\
: an illness that affects a person, animal, or plant : a condition that prevents the body or mind from working normally

http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/disease

HBO did a series called "Addiction" and this link explains what addiction is in depth.
http://www.hbo.com/addiction/underst...addiction.html

You sound very angry and have every right to be. You and your family were hurt tremendously. For your own well being, have you seen a counselor so you can find ways to deal with your anger before it eats you up inside?

I hope you find some peace in your life.

Nancy
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