Addiction Survivors


Unread 12-06-2014, 12:41 PM   #1
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Posts: 1
Question Need to understand what to expect

First, I want to apologize for the length of this post, but I really need to know some things. I joined this forum to hopefully understand the symptoms and problems of withdrawal that an addict of Xanax goes through. I have someone in my life (well he was) that I have come to love very much. I actually stayed with him for a little while and we were planning on getting our own place together. I believe he started going through withdrawals shortly after we got together, but I didn’t understand what he was dealing with until after I walked out (I thought he just didn't care about our relationship). His friends told me that he really cared a lot about me and those same friends tried to get him to tell me what was going on with himself, but I guess he was afraid to or maybe ashamed to let me know (we had just gotten together).

When I was there, it got to the point where he slept all the time (mostly during the day), lost interest in lots of things, didn’t leave the house, started throwing up/diarrhea, had headaches and I don’t remember all else. He just passed it off to me that he just didn’t feel good. He did tell me his prescription had run out (I think there was more to it than that since he chose not to tell me everything) and he didn’t have the money to go to the doctor to get it refilled, so he evidently came off it cold turkey after being on it for several years (that was probably around early September). He was too sick to work. I offered to take him and pay for it, but he wouldn’t go. I guess it was because he knew what he was dealing with and I didn’t, and he didn’t want me to find out.

My lack of understanding caused me to leave, and now that I know (from his friends) and a little bit of my own research, I am a little more aware and regret having left so much, when that was when he probably needed me most. I have also been told that at one time Meth was a problem, but not so much now, mainly the Xanax. I have tried several attempts to let him know how sorry I am. I still haven’t told him that I know and have been advised not to let him know, since it might turn him further away from me if he knew that I knew the truth. I even had a letter written to mail to him letting him know that I do know and that I understand what he is going through and will help him, but my friends tell me that may make matters worse for now and cause him to back away from me out of embarrassment if he knew that I know.

He finally did answer me after three weeks that he was ok, that it wasn’t anything I did, that it was him and he was trying to deal with a few problems (still not acknowledging to me what those problems are). He told me that hopefully it wouldn’t take much longer. That was three weeks ago when he told me that (it’s been about 1-1/2 months since I left) and now again, silence BUT I feel he was telling me to give him the time he needs and eventually he would be back. That’s what I want so much, so I told him to take the time he needs and that I would be here when he got ready.

I send him PRIVATE notes once a week to his Facebook wall just to let him know I’m thinking of him, miss him and still care (he doesn’t read the ones to his inbox). So far he hasn’t deleted any of the ones on his wall and has not deleted me as a friend so I am hopeful. I know withdrawals are extremely hard and take a while to go through, and I feel he is probably not completely through them at this point. All these symptoms started around the beginning or middle of October and gradually got worse. Thankfully, he did not experience the seizures etc. that is common with this.

Is it common for them not to respond back during this stage and practically ignore you, and how long does it take for them to get past this. He said hopefully not much longer, but I can’t help but feel it might even be even longer than that. Everyone that knows him and me feel he will be back after he gets past this. I just need to know what to possibly expect. I do get discouraged, but I’m not going to give up. I care about him way to much.

Last edited by honovip; 12-06-2014 at 12:47 PM..
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Unread 12-06-2014, 07:27 PM   #2
Posts: 25,466

Hi honovip, welcome. I'm sorry for the heartache you're going through. There really aren't any answers for the questions you have. Especially since you don't know what he was taking, how much and how often and for how long. Benzodiazepines should not be stopped cold turkey. It's a medication that should be tapered down and off of. Here's an FAQ link that you might want to read about benzos from one of the better benzo sites around: It will educate you on benzos and the withdrawals.

As far as what he is feeling or thinking or why he hasn't responded to you - only he knows that. Try to move on. He knows you are there if he wants to reach out for help. But you have to take care of you first.

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