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Unread 01-14-2009, 03:03 PM   #1
Rchang808
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Default Should I tell him?

I just recently realized that I'm an alcholoic and have openly admitted it to a few people. I have a wonderful boyfriend who doesn't know and I'm not sure I want him to since our relationship is fairly new. I want to be well on my way to recovering before I tell him. He doesn't drink, never has, and I don't think he would understand what I'm going through.

I'm wondering if anyone out there has been able to at least get on their way to recovery without telling their significant other? Or is this just a really bad idea?

Thanks!
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Unread 01-14-2009, 08:20 PM   #2
CarlyO
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Default Welcome Rchang808

Hi Rchang808 ,

Welcome to the forum. How are you doing ? Do you have some form of support to help you through this, counseling, support groups ...
I have links in almost every one of the threads if you are need to know what types of help are out there. Also the links to on the right hand side have all of the info as well.

Are you sure he does not know/suspect anything? Sometimes we think we hide it sooo well, but our loved ones may know or may even think that it is something else going on in your life.

Playing devil's advocate here...
When you say he would not understand - what do you mean ? Are you concerned he Would veiw you in a different light, look down on you ? I would think he would have more compassion as many people have struggles in life no one is perfect. But I understand with a new relationship, you may be thinking you are scaring him off perhaps?

Now that being said, it is your business, your decision to tell him. Imo- though, honesty is usually the best way to start a solid relationship.

I hope you are doing well, keep us posted : ) Take care, Carly
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Unread 01-15-2009, 03:46 PM   #3
Rchang808
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Default

Hi Carly,

Yes, I'm afraid it will scare him off. I don't think he would understand because he doesn't drink. Some of my other non-drinking "friends" tell me that I'm a big girl and that I can just stop drinking to end my problems. They consider it a weakness that I cannot control this.

I have contacted the local AA but haven't gone to any meetings yet. I'm using books and websites for support right now.

Thanks for the information!
Renita
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Unread 01-16-2009, 05:08 PM   #4
jerryg
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Default

Rchang,

It would seem that in a relationship we hope that the other person will accept us for who we are. If you are arriving at the realization that you need to deal with your drinking, honestly.
Then that is a part of who you are, sharing that with your boy friend and supportive response may strengthen your bond. If he responds negatively that should tell you something about who he is. Likely he may not understand, but you are just learning in many ways as well.

It is a risk to share this painful and often shameful condition with others. But the ability to be honest within the relationship is crucial. Secrets mare a burden.

Consider carefully what you want to to, and how you wish to go about it. Your boy friend may actually be receptive and helpful. He may surprise you.
Honesty is key and still it is at times a challenge to act on. It's about being consistent, not perfect.

All the best,
jerry
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Important disclaimer: Any information in this post is not and does not constitute medical advice under any circumstances. Addiction Survivors, Inc. does not warranty or guarantee the accurateness, completeness, adequacy or currency of the information contained in or linked to the Site. Your use of information on the Site or materials linked to the Site is entirely at your own risk. NEVER take any online advice over that of a qualified healthcare provider. Any information contained on AddictionSurvivors.org should only serve to inspire further investigation with credible, verifiable references sources such as your physician or therapist.
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