Addiction Survivors


Unread 11-28-2007, 04:41 PM   #1
Junior Member
Posts: 4
Default My husband asked me for help

My husband and I have been married for a little over 1 year. We have been togther for 5 years. I have always know in my heart that he had a drinking problem, but hoped that he would "out grow" it.

We have had multiple converstations over the last couple of years about the fact that he can not hold his own and that he needs to make some changes. I have had the same converstaion many times and nothing ever changes. He has his times where he is "good" and then breaks loose again and the converstaion comes again. The last time I wrote a letter hoping that with a different approach he would hear me more. That was last week.

Last night, he went to a concert with a friend of his. He promised that he would not get drunk and even made arrangements that he would drive. His friend ended up driving him home and he showed up smashed. For the first time in our 5 years, I made him sleep on the couch. I was angry, hurt and disappointed.

He woke me up this morning and said, "Honey, I need your help. I have a problem." He continued to say that he is angry with himself for scaring me and disppointing me. He was angry with himself that he has to go to work on a Wednesday with a hangover. He asked me what he should do...point blank, "should I just stop drinking? Or should I stop drinking rum?". He said that he doesn't understand why he is this way and is really frustrated with himself. I told him that he should start with setting some boundries for himself. He said that does not work for him and said that he tried that last night...and look where he ended up.

I know that he has to get the help on his own. But what do I do when he asks me for help? I don't know if he is serious about my help or if he is just saying what I want to hear. As I have said before, I have seen and heard it more then once. However, he has never reached out and asked for my help. I feel like I need to do something when he says he needs my help.

What do I do?
gretchen01 is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 11-30-2007, 02:01 AM   #2
Posts: 525

It is a good thing to hear he is acknowledged he needs help, and opened up to you. You are right, can you be sure he is sincere? That will remain to be seen. But have faith. Still, stay firm in your resolve.

Though he is responsible for making the effort you can support his efforts. You have a stake in the relationship.

There are many options available, most importantly is education. Has he visited this web-site? Direct him here. Have him look around for himself, that's a step in the right direction.

Most HMO's would offer addiction treatment/ counseling.
Do have a primary physician, HMO? Contact them and have him make an appointment to evaluate his condition. And he must be honest about his drinking, this is not a time to minimize.

It will be a challenge to him. He will have to make changes. If he is continually apologizing remind him apologies are meaningless without acting on the lesson learned.
And like I suggested.
Have him visit us here. That's not asking too much is it?
All the best.

jerryg is offline   Reply With Quote

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