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Unread 12-29-2008, 12:51 PM   #1
Hookemhorns1971
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Default My 1st step! Trying to get REAL!

Wow, It's hard to beleive that I am here posting , and taking the 1st step and admitting I have a problem and need HELP! I have been consuming alcohol since High School...and It has progressed to a bottle or TWo of wine per night. I work in a career field where alcohol is always redily available and I am constantly at events where everybody (it seems) is drinking. I make the decision that I am DONE DRINKING, and sure enough I get off work and on the way home I stop and buy wine!!! UGH...It seems my "weak zone" or window of weakness is between 4pm and 10pm in the evenings. I seem powerless over alcohol. I had gastic bypass surgery in 2003. Lost quite a bit of weight..and sure enough...over the last year I have regained most of my weight. I despise myself right now. AA meetings intimidate me...I live in a smaller community, and everybody would be talking about it...

My finances are a mess, I am overwight, and I feel I am not doing my best as a Mom and Wife, I worried about the condition of my liver..etc....
This is the best way to describe how I feel right now...I am running one ONE CYLINDAR rather than all 6! :-)

I belive I am a functioning alcoholic ( the alcoholic gene runs in my family by the way).

I can't imagine life, social functions, friendship, normal everyday activities with out alcohol???? Is that weird????

I drank wine and played the Wii with friends and family last night...and haven't drank today, so i guess I've been sober 8 or so hours?????

Sorry, for my ramblings, but this feels pretty good!!!!!! :-)
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Unread 12-29-2008, 02:25 PM   #2
KUK
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Hi Hookemhorns1971,
Welcome to addiction Survivors! AA isn't for everyone but some kind of peer support is good, that's why I like the discussion boards because it is convenient and anonymous. Idle time is your worst enemy, fill your time with activities. Your should get checked out by a doctor to make sure there isn't damage. there are medications for addiction but not everyone needs them, I'd try to make big changes in your life and routine, just changing the drinking part would be tough, its easier when you make a lot of changes all at once. Glad you're here!
KUK
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Unread 12-29-2008, 05:12 PM   #3
Someone else
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Hey Hookemhorns1971m,

Don't be sorry for rambling. We all need support and it's great to know that there are forums out there like this where we can get help for ourselves and others.

I live in big community, unlike yourself, but even there it becomes very small- really quick. Either way, i can see why as a female you find AA intimidating ( I am too), I've found the people very supportive, open and honest and the atmosphere refreshing and hopeful.

Good luck to you- it doesn't get easy overnight.
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Unread 12-29-2008, 05:39 PM   #4
JaneDoe
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Hookemhorns1971 View Post
Wow, It's hard to beleive that I am here posting , and taking the 1st step and admitting I have a problem and need HELP! I have been consuming alcohol since High School...and It has progressed to a bottle or TWo of wine per night. I work in a career field where alcohol is always redily available and I am constantly at events where everybody (it seems) is drinking. I make the decision that I am DONE DRINKING, and sure enough I get off work and on the way home I stop and buy wine!!! UGH...It seems my "weak zone" or window of weakness is between 4pm and 10pm in the evenings. I seem powerless over alcohol. I had gastic bypass surgery in 2003. Lost quite a bit of weight..and sure enough...over the last year I have regained most of my weight. I despise myself right now. AA meetings intimidate me...I live in a smaller community, and everybody would be talking about it...

My finances are a mess, I am overwight, and I feel I am not doing my best as a Mom and Wife, I worried about the condition of my liver..etc....
This is the best way to describe how I feel right now...I am running one ONE CYLINDAR rather than all 6! :-)

I belive I am a functioning alcoholic ( the alcoholic gene runs in my family by the way).

I can't imagine life, social functions, friendship, normal everyday activities with out alcohol???? Is that weird????

I drank wine and played the Wii with friends and family last night...and haven't drank today, so i guess I've been sober 8 or so hours?????

Sorry, for my ramblings, but this feels pretty good!!!!!! :-)
Hookemhorns1971 there's no such thing as rambling here. You took the first major step. Admitting you have a problem and wanting help. Be proud of that. Sometimes it comes quicker to us.

I was like you and couldn't imagine my life without drinking. What would parties, cookouts, dinners out or at friends be like? I tell you, after about year, it's more fun. Because I'm in control. I don't have to worry about what I said, how I got home, if I got home. I'm saving money. I too lost weight because I wasn't drinking all that booze.

If you don't want to go to meetings. Don't. You can come here. It's not live, but it is support.

What helped me a lot was getting a therapist. So I could talk about me. Figure out who I am. The vivitrol shot helped too.

Keep posting.

JaneDoe
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Unread 12-29-2008, 05:40 PM   #5
JaneDoe
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Someone else View Post
Hey Hookemhorns1971m,

Don't be sorry for rambling. We all need support and it's great to know that there are forums out there like this where we can get help for ourselves and others.

I live in big community, unlike yourself, but even there it becomes very small- really quick. Either way, i can see why as a female you find AA intimidating ( I am too), I've found the people very supportive, open and honest and the atmosphere refreshing and hopeful.

Good luck to you- it doesn't get easy overnight.
Someone else, just want to say welcome. Care to share your story? If not, no big deal.

Just didn't want to leave you out or ignore you.

JaneDoe
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Unread 12-29-2008, 05:40 PM   #6
theswan
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Hi and welcome

I post mostly on the suboxone forum but want to welcome you to the steps.

AA saved my life and made it a new outlook. I am 21 years away from a drink and believe the "problem" was taken away from me. I believe it was froma "Higher Power" and it was almost magical in hindsght. It did require me to make major changes and some were not easy.People, places and things in simple terms had to be changed and/or avoided.
New belief systems were slowly installed and my life was slowly changed. I made a life and death committtment to make a change vis-a-vis Alcoholics Anonymous.

Easy does it but take that which you need and leave the rest. You may not be able to discern this so, pick a good woman to be a guide. Ask someone to be your sponsor. Don't wait for the perfect one, most anyone will do for a start provided she has at least a year or better two or more years sober.

Remember you can change at anytime you do not have a contract with anyone or thing except for yourself.

God bless and good luck you are in for a great ride!

Glen
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Unread 12-29-2008, 07:27 PM   #7
dhanks
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You said, "I belive I am a functioning alcoholic ( the alcoholic gene runs in my family by the way)."

I know that alcoholism runs in my family as well. And, I have referred to myself as a functioning alcoholic many times.

But, I'm really getting older and tired of the feeling I wake up to in the morning. When I wake up at first, I feel like I never want to drink again. Within a couple of hours, I can't wait to drink a beer.

It is a vicious cycle for me. Sometimes I think I drink in spite of my family to somehow prove a point that I can accomplish things and still drink. What kind of psychological paradox game is that??
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Unread 12-29-2008, 09:43 PM   #8
theswan
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How long do you want to be a functioning alcoholic? I was one for 20 years and it sucked!

Many people who get sober still have famlies, jobs and even self respect or at least the respect of others. Many around me were not aware of the hell I lived in.

"Hitting bottom" is an inside job.

Are you done? Really done? Then there are ways to recover.

Good luck

Glen
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Unread 12-30-2008, 04:51 AM   #9
Hookemhorns1971
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I truly appreciate all the replies and support. Let me ask this question, in the afternoons, during my "weak zone". When I am making the decision to drink or to not drink, what is some "self talk' or some excersizes I can do to convince myself to not drink, to not stop off and buy wine? Oh, and by the way I called a Dr. today to check in to Vivitrol, and I got no call back??? I feel it would be critical to find a Dr. who is familiar with Vivitrol. I went to my Primary Care Physician recently for annual blood work, talked to him about my drinking (took LOTS of guts by the way!!!) and he just brushed me off saying...ahhh you don't need medicine for that...your not an alcoholic?????


Have a BLESSED day!!!!!!!!
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Unread 12-30-2008, 04:52 AM   #10
Hookemhorns1971
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Exactly it is a vicious cycle....I know exactly how you feel...UGH...we've got to figure out what to do to change it...
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Unread 12-30-2008, 04:43 PM   #11
JaneDoe
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Hookemhorns figuring out what to do to change it sometimes isn't the hardest part. It's actually doing it and making the necessary changes that is hard. Once you start, it gets easier and easier.

It doesn't sound like your doctor even wants to get involved in helping you stop drinking. Maybe he doesn't know enough about it. Did you put your zip code in the box up top and maybe you can find a doctor who knows about what we go through.

I am on good terms with my OB/GYN. She got and gave me the shots.

When you start thinking about drinking in the afternoon change it instead to what you want for dinner. Or anything else that will change your thinking. Or think about foolish things you've done while drinking. Or look at what can happen if you keep drinking. This scared the crap out of me.
http://www.alcoholanswers.org/alcoho...our-health.cfm

JaneDoe
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Unread 12-30-2008, 07:07 PM   #12
SLynn
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Hello Hookem and Someone else

I want to welcome you both to the site and hope you've found some solace in knowing you aren't alone in this.

There are more options for treatment than ever before and hope you explore one or more of them. Often times the hardest part to admit the problem...seeing it in 'black and white' can hit you in the gut but it's a good thing.

Welcome!

SLynn
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