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Unread 10-26-2011, 03:53 PM   #1
MommaPG3
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Default Don't know what to do plz help

Hello everyone. I am new to this thread! I'm also new to the whole life of living with a addict who is also bipolar. I understand they are diseases and I try to be understanding and caring but I can't anymore! My heart is torn in so many pieces it hurts! When i met my now boyfriend he was 90 days clean and he attended meetings every night. We celebrated when he hit 100 days and we celebrated when he made it to 120 days. Each time he would make it 140 days, 160 and 170 I made a big deal about it. I would surprise him with gifts and love. I was so proud of him and he loved that I supported him. When we got to 176 days he relapsed and I was devistated. I've never seen my boyfriend do drugs or drink. My heart sank to the ground and I watched the love of my life do line after line and beer after beer. Three days later, five bags and 2 1/2 cases of beer his relapse ended. Those three days were hard on me, I was 3 months pregnant at the time and hardly ate or slept. I was afraid he would over dose or have a seizure. He has epilepsy due to excessive drug use. The seizure thing really worries me because my first daughter passed away two years ago at the age of 4 due to epilepsy. Since his first relapse he has not been able to stay clean longer than 7 days. It's usually at the five day mark he is feeling like he needs to use. Well that brings us to lastnight, months later. He went out with his friends which was a first and he was gone from 6:30 pm and I did t get a text from him until 1:45 am asking if his friend could crash at our place because his friend and him are both on parole and both of their parents still believe they go to NA meetings. Well I told him yes and then I didnt hear from him until 4:00 am and he said he was gonna drive home. I said no! I woke up my daughter and went and picked him up. I hadn't slept yet either so I was exhausted. He was extremely intoxicated and told me that the coke he was doing someone had just over dosed on it. I couldn't sleep, I was an emotional wreck. I'm scared for him, us, and the pattern he is starting to show. Is it normal for him to become selfish because of his addiction? Is he going to keep going out and keep that social lifestyle he never had? Is this what some addicts do? I don't know anything about this stuff other than the research I've done. When he's not using he becomes very mea. And hurtful and blames it all on me. He yells at me because I cry all the time but I'm pregnant and dealing with this. Not to mention he is supposed to be taking care of me because he was hired by me to help me out. I have multiple sclerosis and there's things I can't do. Part of me did that because he is on parole and it's hard for him to get a job. There's times when he's done coke with my daughter in the same room. He said she was sleeping so it didn't matter. I think it's disgusting!!! what do I do! Someone Please help me. I can't talk to anyone I know because they all know him and know his family and that he is in NA. Please help. I'm lost!!!
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Unread 10-28-2011, 09:20 AM   #2
NancyB
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Hi MommaPG3, my sympathies to the loss of your daughter.

I'm so sorry for everything that is going on with your husband. The main thing you have to remember is that unless he is ready to get help, there is really nothing you can do except put down boundaries and have consequences you're ready to carry out if they are crossed. You could start by telling him no drugs or alcohol in the house. He is putting you and your daughter in danger with him doing drugs in your home. You could also tell him that if he refuses to get treatment, he will have to leave.

If he is not taking proper care of you, fire him and hire someone who will. You shouldn't be suffering because he is in the throes of addiction and nothing matters but him and his addiction. Do you have any support from family or friends?

This may be something to give to him when he is not under the influence:
http://www.addictionsurvivors.org/vb...ad.php?t=26236

Here is something for you to read:
http://www.addictionsurvivors.org/vb...ad.php?t=19682

Please let us know how you are doing. You need to put you and your daughter first.

Nancy
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Important disclaimer: Any information in this post is not and does not constitute medical advice under any circumstances. Addiction Survivors, Inc. does not warranty or guarantee the accurateness, completeness, adequacy or currency of the information contained in or linked to the Site. Your use of information on the Site or materials linked to the Site is entirely at your own risk. NEVER take any online advice over that of a qualified healthcare provider. Any information contained on AddictionSurvivors.org should only serve to inspire further investigation with credible, verifiable references sources such as your physician or therapist.
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Unread 11-06-2011, 03:39 PM   #3
CarlyO
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Default Welcome MammaPG3

Dear Momma,
Welcome to the forum, please read the links that Nancy gave you, also read the threads from members which may give some much needed insight into how this disease affects those around us. You can even check out the friends and family forums for alcohol, opiates , benzos as the substance may be different but the behaviors often affect loved ones in similar ways.

As someone in remission myself, i know what I did to my loved ones and I am not proud of it, it is a didease and I during those times I made their lives hell. And yes, we become SELFISH, the substance comes first- always !
My family chose the tough love , AL Anon approach, I was cut off from family and when I hit rock bottom, was scared , in trouble, they gave me one more chance with conditions. It was a long journey back, I will always have to remain vigilante, but it is doable if he does the work. There is a saying, " we are not responsible for our disease but we are for our recovery"

You have suffered such an enourmous loss, now living in chaos while pregnant and I am so sorry ! I can imagine what this is doing to you , imo you and your pregnancy comes first! If he is is not willing to seek help then imo consider how this will affect your life and your baby's life. If you choose an ultimatum it is wise to back it up or else it will be one long rollercoaster.
I know you love him, just not his addiction, which imo is normal.

IMO - Read all you can, the links, educate yourself, consider al anon , they understand what you are going through , and there is counseling as well. Please take care of yourself and if there is no one here( sometimes it gets slow) try one of the other forums I mentioned above, if you need to vent.
Again, take care, Carly
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Important disclaimer: Any information in this post is not and does not constitute medical advice under any circumstances. Addiction Survivors, Inc. does not warranty or guarantee the accurateness, completeness, adequacy or currency of the information contained in or linked to the Site. Your use of information on the Site or materials linked to the Site is entirely at your own risk. NEVER take any online advice over that of a qualified healthcare provider. Any information contained on AddictionSurvivors.org should only serve to inspire further investigation with credible, verifiable references sources such as your physician or therapist.
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