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Unread 02-21-2012, 01:49 AM   #1
KJ42
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Post POLY-SUBSTANCE ABUSE ADVICE NEEDED! Oxycodone + Meth

Hello all,

I just wanted to start a quick thread to see how often people are receiving replies to their posts. I have been on the Bup/Sub Forum and there is a lot of traffic there. Doesn't seem to be as active here.

Anyway, just a quick history. I was a Meth addict for 12yrs. I had 6 yrs with no active Meth use. After 2yrs of no substance abuse (after quitting Meth) I started misusing Oxycodone. Oxycodone use has escalated to 20+ 5mg Oxy a day, if not more, over a 4yr span. As of approx 2 months ago I started researching ways to get off the Oxy after experiencing a horrific withdrawal experience. It was far worse than the withdrawal I experienced on Meth.

In the process of researching my options for Oxy treatment/recovery etc I picked up the Meth Pipe again to avoid the withdrawal symptoms from the Oxy. (Stupid, irrational, and terrible mistake) Initially, I tapered my Oxy intake to 8-12 pills a day and smoking Meth in the mornings. My Oxy dependency seems to have now taken a backseat to the increasing use of Meth. I have started smoking as late as 4pm-5pm everyday and am staying up later and later every night. I still sleep every night and eat everyday. While I have gained some ground with the taper of Oxy and have quit smoking cigs after 23yrs, I am worried that I have opened Pandora's Box, so to speak, by picking up the Meth again. I can not express enough how much I regret picking up the Meth again. Lotsa negative self talk and self loathing.

My question is kinda vague, but I guess I am wondering if anyone can relate to the position I am in? Has anyone had a similar experience to the one I describe, if so, how did you handle it? Any constructive suggestions on how to proceed, aside from the obvious? Before I started the Meth again, I thought I would find a Suboxone Doctor and kick the Oxy dependency. Now I am concerned that if I can't stop the Meth I won't be able to get into a Suboxone program. I realize it seems pretty simple to figure out what I should do, quit Meth see how I feel per the Oxy issues then find a Sub Dr and get into counseling NA etc. As some of you may know, there is nothing about "Life" or anything else for that matter that is simple when you toss Meth into the equation.

Any advice, info or personal experiences are welcome and appreciated.

Thanks,
KJ
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Unread 02-22-2012, 04:31 AM   #2
KJ42
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Nothing? No one? Anyone? Bueller? Bueller... (sp)
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Unread 02-23-2012, 02:54 AM   #3
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Dear KJ42,

I think members over on Sub. forum would help. But imo/experience a sub doctor will not prescribe if you continue to use Meth or any other substance not approved by the doctor. Just - imo sub is an excellent medication.
Will you seek help for Meth misuse, What has worked in the past ? Have you tried the treatment locator?
I know it is tough, but if you could find support, group, counseling .... any of those for the Meth misuse, then get in with a good Sub MD - you would be amazed... no more waking up every morning wondering where , when , how you will get what you need to make through another day.
What do you think? In the meantime PLease BE Careful, Carly
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Unread 02-24-2012, 05:13 AM   #4
KJ42
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This may sound like an odd question, but I have to ask. Any idea on where to find out what the effects of Meth is on Opiate Withdrawal/Cravings? Believe me, the last thing I want to promote is an alternative to medications designed for withdrawal. That being said, has there been any research or threads here that discuss this question? Thanks Carly0

I read quite a few threads here and I liked the way the that you handled moderating this forum. Wouldn't be much of a forum without you... lol. From what I remember of the "lifestyle" there wasn't a lot of interest in reaching out on Forums. Can't hurt to try though.. So thanks

KJ
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Unread 02-24-2012, 06:04 PM   #5
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Dear KJ,

I knew the answer but out of curiosity - I have been reading various info, even other foroms, you are NOT the first to ask this question. Remember Bupe is intended for Opiate withdrawasl and to help control cravings UNDER the supervision of a professional. Just IMO - If you have tapered down with the opiates now would be the time to seek help and develop a plan.
How were you able to stop Methamphetamine after 12 years ? There is no easy way around dealing with addiction, we all have to have the patience to find what works for us and the willingness to follow through.
I understand what you must be feeling, trapped, scared - I dare say we all felt that way and much more at some point . What do you think ? Do you have support ?
People are able to put their disease into remission, everyday.

As far as the forum, thanks - we have great members that have given a lot of support to each other.
I moderate the alcohol forum.
Keep us posted, vent , think about a plan /taking the next step - most of all take care, Carly
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Last edited by CarlyO; 02-24-2012 at 06:12 PM.. Reason: spelling
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Unread 02-25-2012, 03:18 AM   #6
KJ42
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Hey Carly, Thanks for the reply. It seems everyone else has given up on me for the time being except you and the Nancy's , can't blame them! I'll come back to that, but first I'll answer your questions.

I agree that since I have tapered back the pills, now would be the ideal time to seek treatment. Only thing is, I wouldn't have been able to taper down this significantly if it wasn't for the Meth. Or quit smoking cigs after 25yrs of a pack a day. NOT AT ALL a valid reason, not even close!

I was able to stop the 12yr Meth habit because I was basically DONE! I had talked about wanting to quit for a few years prior and had finally reached a point where I was ready to do it. Woulda got there sooner if I wasn't surrounded by Tweakers that were mostly interested in my big ol sack of dope I was so generous with.

But, the time came... I moved out of the 4 story house that I ran the magazine out of as well as lived in. I also paid all expenses so that my graphic designer, book keeper, and distribution crew could live there with me. That way I always knew where they were when it came time to crank out the ads to get the Magazine off to the printer by our deadline.

That reminds me... the rare times that I ever stayed up more than 18-20 hrs at a time was when we were in deadline and I had no choice but to stay up till it was done, or loose my company. I never stayed up for more than 2 consecutive nights. Couldn't imagine what a 7-14 day "run" was like! No Thanks!

Anyway, I moved, shut down the mag, and cut off all ties with all the people I used with. Sat in my parents rental house for about 1 1/2 yrs getting detoxed, sober, and pregnant. (Pregnant on purpose). Was absolutely drug free until my son quit breast feeding at just over a yr old. Then started the slow demise with oxy's. Took me about 4yrs to get here.

And... no, I really don't have much of a support system. I don't have a social life/circle or group of friends I can call on for support. Keep in mind, after 12yrs of using all I had were addict friends. Once I quit Meth I should have gone to treatment, learned some coping skills, surrounded myself with people in recovery, rebuilt my social connections etc. I didn't have much of a chance to do that. When my son was 3mos old my disabled mom moved in and I've been "trapped" in this extremely small house ever since! If I want a few moments to my self, I have to lock myself in the bathroom with my Kindle and lie about having "tummy troubles".. just to get 20mins to myself.

So, needless to say, outside of getting the treatment I should've made a priority before having my son and finding like minded people... I can't really worry about too much else right now. Getting through "this" responsibly and becoming the absolute best mother I can to my son are my ONLY priorities. I know it has to be that way!

I have an update I'm going to post on the Bub forum that I think you'll be happy to hear. Gonna hopefully get to writing that tonight. Either way, gonna make all ya's proud!ish.. lol

Thanks again,
Karla .. oops, I mean KJ
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Unread 02-25-2012, 07:59 AM   #7
ErrydayStruggle
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Default Meth and pills.. Been there.

Your best net id to kick that dirty meth and go buy some strong coffee.
As for the pills, I was addicted to benzos though, you will just have to ween yoursrlf or I would suggest a methadone clinic.
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Unread 02-25-2012, 03:39 PM   #8
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Quote:
Originally Posted by KJ42 View Post
I have an update I'm going to post on the Bub forum that I think you'll be happy to hear. Gonna hopefully get to writing that tonight. Either way, gonna make all ya's proud!ish.. lol

Thanks again,
Karla .. oops, I mean KJ
Hi Karla, I mean KJ, I'm waiting for that update!

When you have a chance, I'd love to know what's going on.

Nancy
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Unread 02-25-2012, 06:27 PM   #9
CarlyO
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Default Hi KJ

Dear KJ,

Thanks for posting more of your experience.. one thing I kept thinking while you were describing the coulda woulda should haves ..IT IS NEVER TOO LATE !! I know it is scary, you closed yourself off, we tend to do that - but venting, reading and educating yourself here is a great start imo....
Then take the next step - whatever you decide might work for you, a lot of us start with baby steps, stay in the day , don't get overwhelmed... most of keep at this , don't give up, as I posted something in the core of your being DESIRES a life free of substances, please don't turn your back on that !

Keep us posted and be safe - Carly
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Unread 02-25-2012, 10:23 PM   #10
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Quote:
Originally Posted by KJ42 View Post

… seems everyone else has given up on me for the time being except you and the Nancy's , can't blame them!
 
No one has given up on you.

You will reach a moment of clarity in your own time and on your own terms.

Cally 
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Unread 02-26-2012, 07:39 PM   #11
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Dear KJ,
Just checking on you, as you see from Cally's post - you have people pulling for you! Keep us posted, vent , ask questions, keep reading other experiences on any of the forums if need be. Take care, be safe, Carly
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Unread 03-03-2012, 12:01 AM   #12
KJ42
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*sigh*... This sucks ass! What have I done...
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Unread 03-03-2012, 07:40 AM   #13
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What's going on KJ42? Anything we can help with?

Nancy
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Unread 03-03-2012, 03:13 PM   #14
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Dear KJ42,

What in the world is going on ? especially what has been going since your last post ? I checked this forum last night - I am sorry I must have just missed your post? Please tell us what is going on otherwise we cannot help. If it is ever an emergency I am usually on the alcohol forum and there are always people on the opiate forum.
Again, no one has given up on you, we know this is not easy but please do not give up!

I will check back here later in the day /night ... Hang in there - take care Carly
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Unread 03-05-2012, 01:32 AM   #15
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Hi KJ - been checking on you - but have to sign off for tonight - let us know what is going on when u can. Take care, Carly
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Unread 03-05-2012, 06:19 AM   #16
KJ42
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I am a member of another suboxone forum and have maintained an honest dialogue with the moderator. I just sent her an update and have decided to post it here instead of rewriting it. I haven't proof read it before considering it for here, I just wanted to reply and then head off to bed. So... I hope I am not setting myself up for scrutiny by posting this but here ya go...

Sorry I have been MIA, even though I know I'm free to come and go. I have been focusing on other things lately. My son just started Kindergarten this year and he has not been "progressing as he should"... per his teach.er *sigh* Once again I am having to deal with the repercussions of labels and trying to avoid them. I refuse to let my lil man be saddled with a "Special Education" brand when it's not the case. The class sizes are huge in my area. I think the teachers have no choice but to off load some of the kids that need more attention on to SE. Anyway, I figured if I am having a difficult time taking the "leap" I may as well focus on something I am willing to act on.

I always have everything I've learned here, and everywhere else in the back of my mind though. I've cut the wine back to less than half of what I was drinking before. Maintaining 8 oxy a day... down from 20+ a day. The meth use is increasing and its scaring the hell outta me. The advantages I find when I am using meth seem to off set the negative parts of using opiates. Before I picked it back up I was submerged in this addiction etc world. I couldn't think about anything else. After a while it really started to weigh on me. Spending that much time devoted to something and still not being able act? Lots of self loathing...

Now, I am at least putting my energy places that are actually changing things for the better. I have had a positive impact on my son's "progress" by educating myself on tools available to me. I've done some research on possible career paths once I find myself... well, you know. I bought 2 tickets to see one of my favorite artists... Ani Difranco. I still don't know who I am going to get to go with me, but at least I know I will at least go. I don't get out much. I'm starting to focus on scheduling my day so that I don't sit online and wallow all day without being productive. As you can imagine, it's difficult to find motivation in my current situation.


Not sure what else to say...
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Unread 03-05-2012, 09:12 AM   #17
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Hi KJ42, thanks for letting us know what's going on with you. While it's great that you've cut back on the wine and the oxy, it is scary that you're increasing the meth. Sorry to hear what's going on with your son. I'm glad that you're that you're researching and learning what options you have for both your son and yourself in terms of a career.

It would be optimal for you to focus on you and how you can get out of the rat trap of addiction. But, as we all know, no one can force you or the process. I would just like to suggest that you think about writing down the pros and cons of what you're doing. Hopefully the cons will greatly outweigh the pros and that might help in being an impetus for you.

You have a lot on your plate, a lot of responsibility with your mom and your son. Maybe a first step can be doing some research to see if you can get someone in to help you with your mom so that you can have some free time. Or maybe set up an appointment with a therapist - doesn't have to be an addiction therapist if you choose not to, but someone to just bounce things off of and get feedback from.

These are all just suggestions. No judgement. Just trying to throw some things out there that might be helpful.

Please be safe. I hope you continue to let us know how you're doing. We do care.

Nancy
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Unread 03-06-2012, 10:00 PM   #18
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Dear KJ42,

Not much to add to Nancy's suggestions- just glad that you posted an update.
Kindergarten wow ! Imo - be patient with his teacher/admin - maybe work with him at home, treasure the time you have with him because it flies by imo. at least in my experience .
I hope you will consider the suggestions, esp the pros and cons , make a plan, seek support , remember when we misuse any substance, there are bound to consequences..sooner or later. I know it is tough to give up what is familiar, our
"friend,"
but you know that 'friend" can turn on us in a skinny minute!
Hang in there and take care, Carly
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Unread 03-10-2012, 08:37 AM   #19
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Hi KJ42, just checking in to see how you're doing. Please let us know when you can.

Nancy
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Unread 04-06-2012, 11:28 AM   #20
sexysuszan
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Default DEAR KJ42

Ive never did meth.if you are talking about crysatl meth ive never tyied it. But it sounds to me you know what to do.the suboxin,that will really do good.try and stop the meth and try suboxin and you will see a life change for the good.suboxin really works,i have 2 sons on suboxin and they say it works great.if you can do that you are going the right way.its hard to get clean,but suboxin really works.i hope you try it and it helps.you should take the chance.what could happen,you get clean.that would be a good.good luck to you.hope it all works.your health is important.please try it.you have nothing to lose.ill pray for you. Sexysuszan
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Unread 05-03-2012, 04:53 PM   #21
KJ42
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Default mia update

Hey all,
I just reread some of your old posts. All of it is a good reminder to me. Not much has changed on my end. Still keeping oxy around 8a day. Smoking small amount of meth in the mornings only. My son struggling in kindergarten is taking up most of my time and attention. Unfortunately, the positive feedback I'm getting as a result of the meth is abundant, although no one knows the truth. I'm just checking in and letting those that took the time to offer advice that I'm still around and grateful. Thanks again...

KJ
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Unread 05-04-2012, 02:34 AM   #22
CarlyO
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Dear KJ ,
Please consider some options for help, this is a progressive and sneaky disease, you may think you are controlling it by cutting down on this or that but eventually it catches up with us all. You have a such a treasure with your child, these are such sweet years, I honestly don't want you to regret being present for this time in your child's life. Believe me, I am not trying to guilt you because I know that guilt can cause us to misuse in order to relieve ourselves of the guilt and shame.
Addiction is a disease but there is always help and hope, never forget that, never give up trying, and believe that you and your child have an awesome life to live, if you are willing to work for it. When you were able to stop meth for 12 yrs how did you do it ?
I know it is not easy but it is doable, please keep us posted, we do care and get concerned when there are no updates but you are not obligated... just know we care and stay safe and take care of yourself ! Carly
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Last edited by CarlyO; 05-04-2012 at 02:40 AM.. Reason: added info
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Unread 05-04-2012, 03:15 PM   #23
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Hi KJ42, I'm glad you're ok. Please don't not seek help because of positive feedback. You can do all that you're doing without meth. I think you should look deep inside you and believe that. Believe in yourself.

As Carly said, we do care and want you to be safe. Thanks so much for letting us know how you're doing.

Nancy
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Unread 07-28-2012, 03:06 PM   #24
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Opiod withdrawal is certainly worse than meth. Good luck on your journey.
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Unread 08-17-2012, 11:00 AM   #25
Massie
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Thumbs down Poly addiction

I had a personal experience with multiple substances. The use of many i.e. Ritalin, Oxycontin and valium caused a 'seratonin syndrome'. Google the term. This condition can be fatal. Your brain has an overflow of seratonin. Once that happens you lose identity you will land in the hospital if your lucky. You just exist like there is no tomorrow or yesterday. DO NOT PLAY games with your brain. You will lose. I drove my car into a cow pasture. Stop right now and try to imagine not knowing where you are. One side effect is you want sex over and over. Well 2 weeks in the hospital and you come home to rebuild your identity. This is a 100% true story. My marriage is better than ever but to come so close to the cliff is scarey. Don't mix and match, you will lose.
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Originally Posted by KJ42 View Post
Hey Carly, Thanks for the you and the Nancy's , can't blame them! I'll come back to that, but first I'll answer your questions.

I agree that since I have tapered back the pills, now would be the ideal time to seek treatment. Only thing is, I wouldn't have been able to taper down this significantly if it wasn't for the Meth. Or quit smoking cigs after 25yrs of a pack a day. NOT AT ALL a valid reason, not even close!

I was able to stop the 12yr Meth habit because I was basically DONE! I had talked about wanting to quit for a few years prior and had finally reached a point where I was ready to do it. Woulda got there sooner if I wasn't surrounded by Tweakers that were mostly interested in my big ol sack of dope I was so generous .with.

But, the time came... I moved out of the 4 story house that I ran the magazine out of as well as lived in. I also paid all expenses so that my graphic designer, book keeper, and distribution crew could live there with me. That way I always knew where they were when it came time to crank out the ads to get the Magazine off to the printer by our deadline.

That reminds me... the rare times that I ever stayed up more than 18-20 hrs at a time was when we were in deadline and I had no choice but to stay up till it was done, or loose my company. I never stayed up for more than 2 consecutive nights. Couldn't imagine what a 7-14 day "run" was like! No Thanks!

Anyway, I moved, shut down the mag, and cut off all ties with all the people I used with. Sat in my parents rental house for about 1 1/2 yrs getting detoxed, sober, and pregnant. (Pregnant on purpose). Was absolutely drug free until my son quit breast feeding at just over a yr old. Then started the slow demise with oxy's. Took me about 4yrs to get here.

And... no, I really don't have much of a support system. I don't have a social life/circle or group of friends I can call on for support. Keep in mind, after 12yrs of using all I had were addict friends. Once I quit Meth I should have gone to treatment, learned some coping skills, surrounded myself with people in recovery, rebuilt my social connections etc. I didn't have much of a chance to do that. When my son was 3mos old my disabled mom moved in and I've been "trapped" in this extremely small house ever since! If I want a few moments to my self, I have to lock myself in the bathroom with my Kindle and lie about having "tummy troubles".. just to get 20mins to myself.

So, needless to say, outside of getting the treatment I should've made a priority before having my son and finding like minded people... I can't really worry about too much else right now. Getting through "this" responsibly and becoming the absolute best mother I can to my son are my ONLY priorities. I know it has to be that way!

I have an update I'm going to post on the Bub forum that I think you'll be happy to hear. Gonna hopefully get to writing that tonight. Either way, gonna make all ya's proud!ish.. lol

Thanks again,
Karla .. oops, I mean KJ
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Unread 08-21-2012, 07:28 PM   #26
CarlyO
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Welcome to the forum Massie ! Thanks for sharing your experience.
If you could share what supports you found helpful.
Glad all has worked out with you and may it continue.

Take care, Carly
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