Addiction Survivors

Notices

Reply
Unread 09-05-2011, 12:56 AM   #1
Georgia Mom
Junior Member
 
Posts: 2
Default

Dear DHF and CarlyO,

I found this site while searching for info about meth. I actually stumbled across a "conversation" you were having with someone named "California Mom" back in 2009. The convo was very enlightening and helpful for me. I decided to come to the site and try to get some help as well.

The reason I'm here.... I have reasons to believe that my 18 yr. old son has (or is developing) a serious problem with meth and alcohol. I guess most drugs go "hand-in-hand" with booze. However, over the last 4 yrs. he has been in and out of youth detention centers, one 6 mo. residential rehab and now jail twice since turning 18 late last year. -- He has always been "angry" - even when he was a toddler. The family and several therapists chalked it up to his uninvolved father who I divorced due to abuse. I could go on and on about that - to lay ground-work for what we blame my son's terrible choices on - but I will leave the "history" alone for now.

Bottom line, my son has had many, many chances to straighten up and live a clean life. We have a very small family (me and my parents) but we've always been extremely supportive to him and tried to love all the pain away. At this point, I think it's time for the tough love. We have gradually been introducing elements of tough love over the last few years. It'll work for a short time (especially when he first get out of a detention center) but within 1 to 2 months, he's back to associating with shady people and then, before long, a disaster will happen and he'll land back in jail.

This time, with a clue from a concerned friend of his, I've found evidence of him attempting to cook the stuff. For me, this was the sign that I needed to know that my son is well on his way to destroying his life and doesn't care who he takes with him. I also have his phone. The text msgs. have slowed, but most of them were people either looking for pills or drugs, or those trying to sell to him.

Until now, I wanted to believe that it was just a "phase" and that he would eventually grow tired of the unhealthy lifestyle and have some kind of miraculous epiphany (or something) and start being this responsible person I've seen him be for a brief period of time. Last year, he thought his girlfriend was pregnant with his child. Even though only 17, it really woke him up and he was excited about being a dad. He got a job and started classes at the local college. He was going to be "the best dad ever". Unfortunately, the baby was born and it was obvious she wasn't my son's child. His heart was irreconcilably broken. He spiraled FAST into the drugs and alcohol. We tried to talk to him, console him, be compassionate with his pain - while he just got worse and worse. I realized then, that he can't handle the small or big triggers in life. He always turns to a drug.

This time, I've packed all his things. I've discussed openly with him (not angrily) that once released from this stint in jail, he will not be allowed to return to my home or the home of my parents. Like I said, our family is small, so that leaves no where else for him to go. I'm thinking about talking to the DA's office and trying to sway the judge into a court ordered residential rehab. But, to be honest.... I think he's too young for it to "take". He still thinks he's in control of his life and doesn't have any problems with drugs or alcohol. Even though, this last time, he was so drunk he blacked out while driving his grandmother's car (that he stole in the middle of the night) and ran into a phone pole, totaling the car. Even with no seat belt on, he walked away from the wreckage. The police found him 2 miles away, bloody and disoriented and no recollection of the accident. Wow.

I'll stop now.... I'm just curious of how this situation appears to those who have been in the "darkness" and come out the other side. I think we have a serious problem on our hands. My biggest fear... just like "Cali Mom" back in 2009, is that if we COMPLETELY abandon him, he'll die or worse yet - take an innocent victim with him.

Thanks for anything you can offer,
Georgia Mom
Georgia Mom is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 09-05-2011, 02:39 PM   #2
CarlyO
Moderator
 
CarlyO's Avatar
 
Posts: 2,566
Default

dear geaorgia mom

It sounds like you have tried everything to help your son, you are educated about this disease, keep learning and reading. The decision to go the tough love route is not an easy one thing I can suggest is that ypu must stand firm or he may not take you seriously. A good support system like the forum and something like alanon can help you , HELP him. He is after all your son, you love him. i honestly don't think he is too young for some form of longterm residential program, he needs to learn how to live life without substances. I also had difficulty with triggers , life issues etc... but I was able to get a great foundation at a program, then on to a half way house. My Mom held her ground with the help of Al anon as this was before online forums like this.

I always say there is hope, with help he can get through this and mature into a responsible man , they say never give up 5 seconds before the miracle and I have seen many miracles happen, have known teenagers who are now living happy, healthy lives.
You are on the right track by asking what help may be available to him, keep asking ,fin an advocate whowill help you when he is ready . IMO once he is out there on his own he will finally become ready and Willing to do what it takes.

I am sorry I did not see this sooner, please Keep us posted and most of all take care of yourself ! carly
__________________
Important disclaimer: Any information in this post is not and does not constitute medical advice under any circumstances. Addiction Survivors, Inc. does not warranty or guarantee the accurateness, completeness, adequacy or currency of the information contained in or linked to the Site. Your use of information on the Site or materials linked to the Site is entirely at your own risk. NEVER take any online advice over that of a qualified healthcare provider. Any information contained on AddictionSurvivors.org should only serve to inspire further investigation with credible, verifiable references sources such as your physician or therapist.

Last edited by CarlyO; 09-05-2011 at 02:41 PM.. Reason: spelling
CarlyO is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 09-07-2011, 02:25 PM   #3
Tick Tock
Junior Member
 
Tick Tock's Avatar
 
Posts: 6
Default

Hi, I was wondering how your son is doing now? Were you able to get him into a rehab or along that line of help anywhere? Or did y'all decide to do something else?
I know the fear and saddness you are feeling! Oh how I wish I didn't. Sending up prayers for you,your parents and of course your son!
Tick Tock is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 09-09-2011, 09:12 PM   #4
Dopeless Hope Fiend
Senior Member
 
Dopeless Hope Fiend's Avatar
 
Posts: 210
Default

Dear Georgia Mom,

I think CarlyO said it best...going the tough love route means no faltering on your part, or your son will not take you seriously.

My parents tried "tough" on me...I didn't perceive any of the "love." As a teen, they took what they felt were appropriate measures to send their message...but I don't recall being told they were doing it out of love. So, in my opinion, do stress the love...

Feeling unloved, I left home at 13. Came back, left again. This went on for 4 years, when I finally left, but returned after 5 years in a violent, abusive relationship.

In reading your son's story, it's so obvious he is in a great deal of pain. And as a mom myself, I know you are, too. The difference is you know how to cope with your pain (seeking advice, etc.) and your son does not (trying to escape/numb/not feel, etc.)

I do believe in the power of rehab. I'm a product of it myself! However, it would do your son good to have a transitional program (housing, job training, etc.) should he successfully complete inpatient rehab.

Perhaps this is stuff you already know. I hope you live in an area that has these resources. Please don't give up. Keep loving your son...and tell him, often. Put it in writing, too...cards, notes, something tangible that he may need as a reminder. He probably feels a lot of shame and guilt and doesn't want to feel it...so the drug use continues.

Do remember...he's not bad, he's sick. We do recover!

-DHF
Dopeless Hope Fiend is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 09-11-2011, 02:26 PM   #5
CarlyO
Moderator
 
CarlyO's Avatar
 
Posts: 2,566
Default

Dear Ga MOM,

How are things going? I totally agree with DHF about the cards and letters to your son. I still have the cards from my mom. Granted at first they were I love you, hang in there,work hard, she believed in me. Those words meant a lot, still do. i am sure she was holding her breath that first year as I had been onthat rollercoaster a long time.
I kept my notes short , I had put her through enough, she just needed to know I was safe.

Anyway, I hope all is well, have you found a support system? tried al anon ? Keepus posted when you can, sendingthoughts and prayers your way.
Carly
__________________
Important disclaimer: Any information in this post is not and does not constitute medical advice under any circumstances. Addiction Survivors, Inc. does not warranty or guarantee the accurateness, completeness, adequacy or currency of the information contained in or linked to the Site. Your use of information on the Site or materials linked to the Site is entirely at your own risk. NEVER take any online advice over that of a qualified healthcare provider. Any information contained on AddictionSurvivors.org should only serve to inspire further investigation with credible, verifiable references sources such as your physician or therapist.
CarlyO is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 09-19-2011, 12:20 AM   #6
CarlyO
Moderator
 
CarlyO's Avatar
 
Posts: 2,566
Default

Hi Ga. Mom,
just wanted to check on you.Has anything changed ? Hang in there Ok ?

Take care, Carly
__________________
Important disclaimer: Any information in this post is not and does not constitute medical advice under any circumstances. Addiction Survivors, Inc. does not warranty or guarantee the accurateness, completeness, adequacy or currency of the information contained in or linked to the Site. Your use of information on the Site or materials linked to the Site is entirely at your own risk. NEVER take any online advice over that of a qualified healthcare provider. Any information contained on AddictionSurvivors.org should only serve to inspire further investigation with credible, verifiable references sources such as your physician or therapist.
CarlyO is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off




All times are GMT -4. The time now is 11:19 PM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2018, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
© 2014 Addiction Survivors