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Unread 12-29-2009, 05:26 PM   #1
rjs
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Question Afraid and Angry

Hello everyone,
I seen this site on my bus and I thought to myself that this could help me and possibly give me answers to my situation. It sure can't hurt, right?
I am in a relationship and my partner is an addict; in which I am an alcoholic, and her addiction has rared its ugly head. I started to pick up on the lies and now it has gotten to the point that she will do it face to face. I am afraid for her and the kids, but I am angry because I didn't catch on long ago. She says all the right stuff, but never follows thru with it. She has asked me for help and I don't know what to do for her. I am currently in treatment again for drinking. My plate is kinda full in a sence. I don't mean to come across as an ass. I have never been involved with something so scary, And yes I have expermented with the drug but it is not to my liking. What am I to do? I do love her and I want to help where I can, but I have no clue where to start. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
Just so its clear, I am no angel, but I really love this lady and I know that she is in danger.

Last edited by rjs; 12-29-2009 at 05:30 PM.. Reason: added small note
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Unread 01-02-2010, 12:34 PM   #2
Dopeless Hope Fiend
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Hi rjs,

Welcome to the site...I'm glad you're here! Please go easy on yourself, you're not an ass and you certainly do have a lot on your plate. I know just how hard it is, fighting one's own addiction while trying to help another with theirs...I was once in the same situation.

That you're in treatment for alcoholism is really the best thing you can do...you must take care of yourself before you can help anyone else. Keep up the good work! One thing I've found in my recovery (7 years clean methamphetamine addict) is that I could not change anyone but MYSELF, and with the changes I made in me, changes occured in others around me. However, that doesn't necessarily mean they're all good or what I wanted.

Letting go and letting God worked for me. It still does, even though sometimes what I get isn't what I had hoped for. As for not picking up on your addict's lies, I did that too...and beat myself up for it. Don't do that to yourself. You know now, there's really nothing positive to be gained by punishing you...right?

Gotta go...please post back. I hope some of this is helpful to you!

Have an awesome dopeless day,

-DHF
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Unread 01-09-2010, 12:22 PM   #3
CarlyO
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Default Hi rjs Welcome to the forum

Dear rjs,

Welcome to the forum. DHF always such great feedback.
IMO- The best thing you can now is make certain the kids are safe and to finish your treatment for your alcohol issues.
I know it is difficult to love someone, be in a relationship with someone who also struggles with addiction, but your partner needs to WANT Help. Like most addicts we are good at manipulating, lying, anything to stop interference between us and the substance.
There are things you can do now while you have support readily available, ask your counselors how to handle this, then make a plan. Is she participating in any of the family groups? Is she a part of it at all ? Are any of the options possible ?

Maybe with the help of the professionals where you are, once you get yourself sorted out, they can help you and your partner make arrangements for her to get the help she needs.
If one partner is misusing substances and the other is attempting to put their disease in remission, it can turn into a vicious cycle. But all is not lost- there are many couples who can make recovery work together, provided they do the foot work.

I hope you will be back and let us know how she is doing and again if you think that her substance misuse is putting the children in jeopardy tell someone, asap. Better to be safe than sorry in this matter.

We have a forum for alcohol related issues : Treatment Support for the alcohol dependent, I posted a link to the forum so I hope you will post there and share, it is a good source for online peer support.

Please let us know how you are doing and hope to see you on the other forum as well as this one. Take care, work hard, it is worth it !!! Carly : )

http://www.addictionsurvivors.org/vb...splay.php?f=64
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Unread 01-11-2010, 09:03 PM   #4
CarlyO
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Just checking on you rjs, hope you are doing well.
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Important disclaimer: Any information in this post is not and does not constitute medical advice under any circumstances. Addiction Survivors, Inc. does not warranty or guarantee the accurateness, completeness, adequacy or currency of the information contained in or linked to the Site. Your use of information on the Site or materials linked to the Site is entirely at your own risk. NEVER take any online advice over that of a qualified healthcare provider. Any information contained on AddictionSurvivors.org should only serve to inspire further investigation with credible, verifiable references sources such as your physician or therapist.
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