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Unread 03-24-2009, 04:29 PM   #1
Mary Ellen
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Dave,

Being married to an alcoholic and desperately in need of support, I was a regular on this forum for about a year. My husband stopped drinking this past November. Right after my husband stopped drinking, it was too painful for me to return to this forum to read the posts. Now that I feel secure that he will not drink again, I decided to get back into the forum. That's when I noticed you as a new member. In reading several of your thoughtful posts, I looked back through the threads to learn something about you. I see that you have been sober for almost twenty years and that you credit AA for helping you stay sober but I haven't found a 'bio' on you. I apologize if you have already done this, but I am interested in hearing your story if you wouldn't mind sharing.

Thanks. Mary Ellen
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Unread 03-25-2009, 01:24 AM   #2
dave53190
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Hi Mary Ellen,

You noticed I credit AA for my sobriety. If there is just one person out there who finds sobriety because of what I've shared, then I have done what, I believe, is God's will for me here on Earth.

In a nutshell, in 1980 my wife at the time, sought help for her seemingly hopeless situation from Al Anon. There she learned of her powerlessness over my alcoholism and about AA. I began going to AA because I didn't want to lose everything. (she had made it very clear that if I didn't change, other things would). Everything was OK for about a year, then she really pissed me off. I remember thinking, "I'll show her", and I went and bought a 16 oz. can of Coors and a pack of cigs. (I had quit smoking too). I don't ever remember being that sick after drinking the beer and smoking about half the pack of cigs. Well, in 1984 our marriage ended. I was devastated. So devastated that I started using methamphetamine along with drinking to dull the pain for the next six years. (Personally I believe one of the reasons drinking and drugging can become so addicting is because it works so well at relieving emotional pain).

I awoke the morning of May 31, 1990 and it dawned on me that the next event in my life would be my death. A cold, painful, and lonely death. The kind of death where the neighbors call the sheriff because there's a funny odor coming through the front door. My son (who continued to live with me after the divorce) had moved away the week after he turned 18. He said he'd had enough. I knew my family still cared about me, but they knew what was coming.

I went back to AA that evening, willing to do whatever it took not to die like I had envisioned. I wasn't even thinking of not drinking the rest of my life, I just didn't want to die that way. I believe the most important thing this forum can offer people is HOPE. My hope moment came after getting on my knees with my sponsor in a little chapel on an indian reservation in San Diego Co. and turning my will and my life over to the care of God. I was about three months sober then. We went back outside, the front door faced west, the sun was setting and I was overwhelmed with the feeling that everything was going to be OK. I knew that I wasn't going to die a cold, painful, and lonely death.

Of course I've continued to do what has been suggested to me by other members of AA. Part of the 12th step of AA suggests that I give away what I have received (A solution) and that is my passion today. I've realized why this forum is such a big part of my life today; one, is because there are a lot of people who post messages from the heart and two, I know that there are many people who never post a thing on this forum yet read other's posts, and some of them will find sobriety, whether through AA or not. The idea of a child not crying tonight because there parent chose not to drink today, a husband/wife smiling for the first time in a long time because their spouse is willing to give sobriety a chance fuels my passion.

Of course, there's a lot more to my story. I hoped I've related the most important parts. Life is what it is and I accept it. I haven't fought it for a long time. Because of what I've done in AA, I have had a spiritual awakening (sorry agnostics, atheists). When I feel lonely, afraid, unloved, etc., I can turn to a power greater than myself for direction and comfort. That power is God, a God of my understanding. I have had "using" dreams several times in 19 years, but I have never had any cravings for drugs/alcohol. The obsession to use and drink has been removed from me by God.

That's my story and I'm sticking to it! (ha ha) Dave
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Unread 03-25-2009, 11:58 AM   #3
Mary Ellen
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Dave,

Thanks for sharing your story. That tells me more about you. I'm glad you were able to stop and to find something to hold on to.

Mary Ellen
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Unread 03-25-2009, 05:15 PM   #4
nove23
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Dave

I have a few questions that maybe you can answer.Being a wife of a alcoholic I just don't understand why my husband walked away after I was welling to be there for him. Through the drugs and drinking. Just turned his back and on he moved as thou we never new each other. this really hurts and we are going to be divorced in May and Iam not really sure i want it. Help me understand. tina
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Unread 03-26-2009, 03:00 AM   #5
dave53190
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Hi Tina,

I wish I could say or do the right thing that would help you understand. I have no idea why he has decided to leave. I've said it before in a previous post, I'm the wrong person to ask for help understanding anything about relationships. I would like to suggest to you a fellowship of men and women called Al-Anon.. There I think it is very likely that you can meet people who can help you understand.

Be good to yourself, Dave
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Unread 03-26-2009, 08:06 PM   #6
nove23
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Dave

Thaks for passing on about al-anon. Iam going as many times a week that I can. What I want to know is where you able to tell your wife that you where sorry and you really meant it? Iam just wondering if that will ever come. Tina
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Unread 03-26-2009, 09:37 PM   #7
dave53190
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Yes Tina, I have said I was sorry to my ex-wife for the harm I caused so many years ago. It was part of my program of sobriety then, and I was as sincere as I could be about my apology. We have seen each other off and on over the years. And I've noticed I am more sorrowful now than I was back then. But, thank God, because of the gift of sobriety no other person has had to suffer living with an alcoholic.

I can't answer your question whether he'll ever get to the point of saying he's sorry to you. I put away my crystal ball many years ago. Best wishes to you!
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Unread 03-27-2009, 09:36 AM   #8
Crisco427
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HI Dave,
I just wanted to thank you for your story. You have been a great comfort to a lot of people here. I am one of those persons that you spoke about- I almost never post anything, but I read this forum daily and try to absorb all of the positive vibes it sends my way. The people on this site are my extended family, and I thank you all for your stories and support. I thank you for jump starting me on days when I just don't want to do it. I hope you all have a good weekend.
C.
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Unread 03-27-2009, 12:33 PM   #9
dave53190
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Crisco427, I was sitting here thinking that I have never tasted fried chicken as good as my mom's that was fried in Crisco. That was back in the '60s before eating healthy was important. I'm sure my cholesterol is lower because I don't use Crisco anymore.

Anyway, thanks for the kind words. I just remembered something from the first week I was sober that I wish I had included in the brief bio above. I was telling this person in AA, that had been around awhile, how demoralized and depressed I was; how I didn't see any hope for my life; how the burden of being responsible for so many people's misery made me want to drink/use again. I remember this person telling me, " if you do a few simple things I promise you that you will never have to feel that way again". And guess what, I never HAVE felt that way again. Have a good day!
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