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Unread 05-13-2016, 04:52 PM   #501
lostdog
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Get well soon, glad you are better, sounds like a scary sickness. take care!
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Unread 05-13-2016, 06:17 PM   #502
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Good evening my dear Sister Jenm. Bright blessings to you.

I know you are being guided and i want to celebrate that with you.

You were talking to our dearest, around cats.

Pussycats have been and continue to be the foundations for those that find love hard to find. The young, the old, those in confined spaces.....

For alcoholics dear Jen, .....

"The cat in the hat, helps the man in the can".

Be peaceful, be healthy and be strong. Loveness to you dearest Jen
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Unread 05-17-2016, 11:10 AM   #503
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Hi Everyone!

My heart is so heavy and just hurts for my brother. Yesterday (my day off, only taught one fitness class) my oldest son and I packed up our mower and went to work on Mom's lawn. My brother lives there again, has no job (again), and drinks all day and sits in his chair. My son got to work on the backyard, and I attacked the front yard and side - it is very steep hills and very difficult to mow, and I was getting a double workout!

My brother is in bad shape. He was drinking when we got there (11am) and was very drunk by the time we left. It took me a couple of hours to mow and my mom was at work and I wanted to surprise her with a nice looking lawn. My brother told me that he doesn't know why it is taking my son and I so long to do the lawn, he can do it in half the time. I just couldn't even respond. I workout and teach fitness 6 days a week and consider myself to be in very good shape. I was dripping sweat and just physically beat up tackling that lawn, but it is a pleasure to do it for my mom, I don't think twice about it. I just couldn't believe the things he was saying to myself and my son, and we just finally had to get out of there because he was off the charts drunk.

What I can do today is pray for him and be an example of what living sober looks like. Nope, I am NOT perfect nor do I pretend to be, but it gives me joy to help my mom in any way that I can and I know that he will not lift a finger to do anything to help, even though he has no job and nothing to do and lives there for free.

Sorry, I just had to vent. He has left me 15 voicemails over the past week, I have returned no calls. I just cannot talk to him as he is always drunk and completely and only thinks of himself. That could be me, and I am SO VERY GRATEFUL that, by the grace of God, it is not. I thought that hitting bottom for him might be nearly dying from cirrhosis of the liver, or crashing his car drunk twice (AFTER the liver transplant), but obviously not. It makes me very grateful to be sober today and very grateful that I can be there, along with my sons, to help my mom. Thanks for listening. Love, Jenm
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Unread 05-17-2016, 03:21 PM   #504
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Oh dear, I'm so sorry to hear that, Jenm. I can see why you're surprised there hasn't been a "rock bottom" for him. And I can see why your heart would hurt over that.

Your mom is lucky to have you, and it sounds like you're holding up well, which is amazing. Hugs to you.
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Unread 05-17-2016, 03:21 PM   #505
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Hi Jen,

I'm really sorry that you had such a heartache-experience with your brother. That you didn't snap at him is a credit to you. Good for you, kid.

Clearly your brother is in terrible pain, otherwise he wouldn't numb himself so thoroughly. Sorry, I guess that's sort of obvious, to us anyway. To the extent I can understand another person, I get it. When I was in the depths of my own sad addiction, I was also in the depths of denial....about how awful my life was. To NOT be in denial was too hard for me, I guess.

Anyway. I hope your dear brother breaks free from his heartpain. It IS still possible, you know. I mean, I know you know this. Still, to see a person you love so dearly hurt that bad, well that's just hard.

You mentioned modeling good behavior. What you're showing your 3 boys will be in their hearts forever, long after we are all gone. What you're giving them today is an incomparable blessing to them...and, as I said earlier, a real credit to you.

best,

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Unread 05-17-2016, 03:33 PM   #506
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jenm, Your brother is acting like a drunk. Why does your mother enable him to live with her? He is drunk, no job, does not help her with jobs like the lawn. Your mother is not helping him hit his bottom.

Bravo for you. You did the right thing. You have a great day you deserve it.
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Unread 05-17-2016, 06:10 PM   #507
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Sorry to hear you are having trouble with your brother, that must be so difficult to see. You are fantastic for helping your mum out, and for not biting and fighting with him when he acted up.

Keep moving forward, you are doing so well. Love to you, your boys and the cats xx
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Unread 05-18-2016, 10:33 AM   #508
jenm
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Thanks for your loving responses, everyone. My heart just hurts.

He left me a threatening, screaming voicemail yesterday. Threw my drunk driving stuff and a bunch of other stuff in my face, and made terrible comments about me and about my mom. I do not call him back, I do not respond. I was on the phone with my mom and I heard his comments, yelling, drunken behavior in the background. I called the police to have them check on her as I actually really fear for her.

I am by not means judging, which is one of the things he is accusing me of doing. He left my sister (who lives far away) a message talking about how awful and mean I am and how mean my mom is to him. He said that he is being abused.

Please pray for all of us. It is absolutely breaking my heart. I am NOT judging, and I am well aware of my past and the mistakes I have made and I am grateful that, by the grace and mercy of God, that I am sober today. I am looking into options for involuntary commitment - I do not believe that he is safe and I seriously fear for my mom. Thanks for listening, love you all. Jenm
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Unread 05-18-2016, 10:56 AM   #509
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Hi JenM, so sorry to hear about your brother. If he's like that it is a danger for your mom to live with him. She needs to get out. My mom enables my dad, so I know real well. But first, I;m glad your ok, you just can't go over there, it is too dangerous. Keep calling the police! Just what I think, luv to you and your boys and mom and may your brother find peace.
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Unread 05-18-2016, 11:58 AM   #510
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Hey Jen!

I'm pretty sure you ALREADY know this, but kid? your brother's drunken, insane comments and behavior is totally NOT about you. He's doing everything his damaged mind can do to justify his life...and the way he leads it.

Still, despite this being his motivation, it's gotta hurt. Moreover, you'd be justified in snapping back at him. Thing is, he cannot hear you.

For what it's worth, Jen: while I'm not an absolute supporter of tough love, your brother really does appear to be out of control---and any continued enabling of his madness is not, likely, going to help him.

Somehow, some way, your brother has got to be woke up---if that's possible. I mean, of course, it IS possible, but, as noted, he's so far into his madness that he's actually delusional. Not that I know for certain, of course.

Yet he does seem to be pretty far gone, sorry to say. And I think you're right. He IS a danger. To himself, oh boy is that true! But maybe to your mom too. I think you might be right. Even if he's not a physical danger to her, just imagine the heartache SHE'S feeling, as she watches her son destroy himself. Only so much that a person, especially a parent, can take.

It's not healthy for your Mom to live like this...as you clearly know.

So...good for you that you're protecting your Mom. And again, please know that nothing he says is about you. It's merely a dodge he's throwing up in his own defenseless defense.

It is, respect to your brother, just the ravings of a sick mind.

Best to you, Jen.

sam
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Unread 05-18-2016, 01:53 PM   #511
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Oh Jen, I am so so so sorry. I don't have any advice, but my heart is with you.
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Unread 05-18-2016, 02:32 PM   #512
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Thank you, thank you, thank you so much for your responses.

This is the heart struggle that I'm having - the tough love thing, I can't just pretend that he isn't delusional and completely falling apart mentally (and physically!)........I will NOT enable him. I agree, Sam, his verbal punches at me are just that, he is doing what he can to protect his disease. I thank God that I don't have to do that today.

I don't think he is in touch with reality at all right now. He left me a 4 minute voicemail this morning (the voicemail cuts off at 4 minutes) and it didn't even make any sense at all. I am positive that he will need medical supervision if/when he detoxes, not only does he drink all day and night, but he takes anti-rejection medication because he had a liver transplant about 5 years ago. It is all a delicate balance, and his liver could reject at anytime, so it really is playing Russian roulette every single time he drinks.

I'm grateful that I have counseling at church this afternoon. Then back to my 'workweek' - since I work Wednesday through Sunday nights. My youngest son told me last night that he wants to go to Grandma's, but he only wants to go if his Grandma is there by herself - he doesn't want to go if his uncle is there. That breaks my heart completely, he LOVES spending time with Grandma and he does quite a bit when I am working long hours on the weekends.

I'll continue to pray, and I promise you that if I feel it is necessary for safety I will contact the police again. No one around here sees that it is out of love, not me being mean. And I'll go to counseling, and I'll go to work tonight. I'm so grateful for all of you and all of your love. Love, Jenm
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Unread 05-19-2016, 01:36 PM   #513
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Hugs, Jen. I'm thankful that you're there for your mom, and that you are sober so that you can be a voice of reason. So sorry you're in such a tough situation.
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Unread 05-22-2016, 03:28 PM   #514
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Jen,
I am sorry to hear about your brother. You're doing the right thing trying to get him committed. Hopefully he smartens up before he dies of his addiction. A cousin my age passed away this spring as a result of his alcohol addiction. My thoughts and prayers go out to you.

Hugs,
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Unread 05-22-2016, 04:17 PM   #515
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How are you Jen? x
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Unread 05-23-2016, 01:07 PM   #516
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Hi! Thanks for the thoughts and prayers, Millie, Saint, and Alexis. I am doing well, I had an incredibly busy weekend and work (both the gym and the restaurant) and I am exhausted - but I taught a weightlifting class this am and now I have the rest of the day off! I'm so excited. My house is a mess and the laundry is behind and I don't care.

Well, nothing changes if nothing changes. My brother has not contacted me since last week when I had the police go over there. It's almost like - if we pretend it isn't there, then everything is fine. NO IT IS NOT! I don't know if committing him is the right answer, but I don't know if I could live with myself if I didn't at least try to save his life. It is a privilege and a pleasure to help my mom with yardwork, house stuff, anything that she needs, I have always done it. My brother, never married and no kids, has never lifted a finger to help with anything. And especially not now, as he sits in a chair all day and night, everyday, no job, and drinks. What a sad, sad thing.

I have been praying for my mom to have peace somehow in this, but I am praying also that she gets FED UP. It no longer concerns me if people in my family get "mad" at me if I go through with the legal process of commitment, involuntary. Of course it would be best if he would be willing to go get help voluntarily, but again, according to him, everything is fine and nothing is wrong. No job, lives for free at mom's, and I am more than happy to help her (as are my sons) even though I have 2 jobs and raise 3 boys by myself.

He WILL die of his alcoholism, and it won't take very long I'm afraid. He is 48, the oldest of us 3 siblings. My sister tries to help in any way that she can, but she lives 1,100 miles away from us. His behavior, his verbal abuse, his narcissism, yes it is all part of his 'disease' but it is also the choice of the individual as to whether he or she wants to allow it in his/her life. "I" will not allow it in mine. I am by no means undermining the pain and heartache I caused when I was drinking, and I am in no way shape or form saying that I am perfect. Far from it! I'm SO grateful today, that by God's grace and mercy, I am sober, still in counseling at church, and I simply will not tolerate his abusiveness and drunken behavior. It is just sickening and heartbreaking all at the same time. I will not and cannot pretend that everything is ok when it is very clearly not. I have spoken with his team of transplant surgeons (actually the head surgeon) at the University of Iowa hospitals where they have cared for him before, during, and after the liver transplant. They are obviously very concerned, he has not checked in with them for 7 months. Hiding from everyone does not make the disease go away, nor does it make it any better. I have physician support and support from my sister - if he chooses not to get the life saving help, I will have to have him committed by the court. And that is where my heart, my biblical counseling, and teaching from the bible has led me. Along with a whole bunch of prayer!

Thank you for thinking of me. I have to continue to take care of myself throughout this, at times it just tears my heart apart. As he sees it, I am 'judging' him and acting like I am perfect, and that is SO far from the truth. This is completely about love for my brother and my desire to (try) to save his life. Yes, I realize that the treatment might not take and he'll just kill himself with alcohol. However, I have to at least try.

Again, thank you SO much for your prayers and support. It means so very much to me as sometimes I am bogged down with feeling like the 'bad guy'. I spend a lot of time in God's word and seek counsel and advice from my Christian family. Lord willing, and in God's time, let it be His will and His love that shows through me. Love you all, Jenm
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Unread 05-23-2016, 01:17 PM   #517
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my prayers are with you, you have a lot going on and I hope it gets better soon.
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Unread 05-23-2016, 05:42 PM   #518
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My thoughts are with you as well, Jenm. You are so strong.
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Unread 05-23-2016, 09:47 PM   #519
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Hey Jen,

To this day, I shake my head in amazed bewilderment at how delusional I was during my addiction years. As I look back I see just how obvious it was that I was headed off the cliff, and would surely take the plunge if I didn't confess my dark life, to myself, at least.

Yet I didn't do it. I was just so lost.

As is your poor brother. Lost and, as we all noted in past posts, doing every darn thing he can to protect his disease.

And yes, it is so heartbreaking.

I'm sorry for him, Jen. And I'm sad for you and all those other people who love your brother.

You are doing the right thing, Jen, to get him help, even though he doesn't want it. It's what my family did for me and I thank God that they loved me enough to risk really pissing me off.

sam
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Unread 05-24-2016, 09:58 AM   #520
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I was notified last night (by text) that he was at the ER starting the process of getting help. My response was that I would pray! Also I mentioned that I really and truly think it needs to be inpatient - but what do I know.

Prayers and thoughts are certainly appreciated. I want my brother back. I have not seen him for about 7 years, give or take. Lord willing, he will get the help he so very desperately needs. Love, Jenm
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Unread 05-24-2016, 10:21 AM   #521
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Sending kind thoughts to you and your family.
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Unread 05-24-2016, 10:56 AM   #522
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Thinking of you Jen and hoping your brother gets the help he needs. Take care of yourself also, the stress can make you poorly if you dont look after yourself xxx
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Unread 05-24-2016, 02:36 PM   #523
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That's good news. I hope he can get the help he needs.

Love to you, Jen.
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Unread 05-25-2016, 05:29 AM   #524
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Good morning my dear Jen. Bright blessings to you.

Whoa, i have just caught up. **** me, what a horrible set of circumstances.

I want to give you some empathetic support here.

As i write, and over the last month i am actively going behind a friends back to have him "sectioned" or committed which will be against his will, NOT because i am playing God, it is because he is my friend. He is so dreadfully ill and 2 things are going to happen to him. He will either end up in the prison system which will kill him, or he needs psychiatric care. I am in correspondence with the police, the landlord, the courts, social services etc, etc and i wrote a few days ago to his solicitor and included this sentence...."....i have no doubt he will more than likely never speak to me again, yet i must act in his best interests".....

So there you have it....you are doing, in my humble opinion ABSOLUTELY the right thing by having that thought process. When we can not act in our own best interests we need to hope there is someone in our lives that will step in and take control.

As it appears to have transpired it seems the poor fellow is now in the hands of folk who will be able to offer him the help and support he so desperately needs. I hope that he chooses to engage with that. I really do.

In the meantime look after our dear Nan, and look after you.

Be peaceful, be healthy and be very strong. Loveness to you dearest Jen
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Unread 05-25-2016, 06:12 PM   #525
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Hi Everyone!

Quick update, I have to head to work. The hospital sent him home the other night and he proceeded to drink all morning and all day yesterday. the boys and I went over to mow the yard and he was in really bad shape and really, really drunk. I had a conversation with him and gave him the following options: get in my car and I'll take you to detox, or I will have an ambulance take you. He got in my car, and off we went around 8pm. They admitted him to the detox unit and I got home at 2am. It looks like he will transfer right to their inpatient treatment unit from detox. Praise the Lord!

I stopped at the hospital today for a brief visit and to bring him a couple of books and visit. As I left, I stopped in the chapel and began to read in the book of Romans in the Bible. Then I just sat there and cried. And cried and cried and cried. And prayed.

I didn't have to have him committed, but I do have all the paperwork necessary if he chooses not to follow through with detox and inpatient treatment. I will file with the court if I have to, but right now he is stable in the hospital, they are giving him the appropriate medications for detox, and I am so grateful he is being taken care of. Now I'm heading to work for the night, I have to close at the restaurant.

Thank you all so very much for your thoughts, prayers, and support. I am grateful beyond words. I pray this is a new beginning for him. Love, Jenm
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Unread 05-25-2016, 06:23 PM   #526
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I hope he sticks with it, and I'm glad he got in the car with you. It sounds like you're doing everything you can. Love to you, Jenm.
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Unread 05-25-2016, 06:41 PM   #527
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Well done Jen, you did the right thing, he obviously wants help as he got in the car, so i will think of him and hope he gets better. Im sure in many years he will look back and love you so much for doing this for him xxx
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Unread 05-27-2016, 02:46 PM   #528
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Good for you JenM, you had the tools and knowledge and did what you needed to do for your circumstances. I'll be praying for you and your family each day.
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Unread 06-07-2016, 10:03 AM   #529
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Hi Everyone!

Wow just when I think I have some down time when the boys get out of school, things actually seem to get more busy! In a good way, though. We have season passes to the local amusement park/waterpark that is about a 5 minute drive from our house - it is called Adventureland, but my little boy started calling it 'Olamb' when he was little so that's what we call it. Mondays and Tuesdays are my days off from the restaurant (I just have to teach at the gym) so we hit up the park. Yesterday we did the water park for several hours, waterslides, lazy river, pool, and my middle son is a lifeguard there but we could never find him. Today, before I have to teach at the gym, we are going to do some rides. I just treasure this time with my little guy - and my big boys when they are willing to hang out with their Mom!

I'm so grateful my brother is in treatment. I have not talked with him since I met with both the counselor and him a week ago. He was explaining his drinking history, and was 'sugar coating' it (same thing I have done a million times). I called him out on it, and he didn't like that. He also told me that if I would have committed him, he would never ever talk to me again. This is all ok, and I don't take it personally. My prayer is that he, for once in his life, will get humble, open, and honest about his drinking. I have never seen him do that, not even when he was dying from cirrhosis, prior to his liver transplant.

That part I have to leave up to the Lord. There is no sense nor can I afford to live with any resentments from the past, and that is part of what I have to work through. I pray that this detox and inpatient treatment is truly allowing him to be open and reflect. I am so grateful that he is there.

Well I suppose this laundry/dishes/cleaning stuff isn't going to do itself. Wouldn't it be cool if it did though? My house is a disaster - but I'm pretty sure it will still be there when I'm done enjoying some time with my boys.

I hope everyone is having a wonderful day - no matter what part of the world you live in or what time of day it is! It is a sunny and beautiful day today, and I am sober. Love, Jenm
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Unread 06-07-2016, 11:50 AM   #530
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you sound so good Jen, enjoy the rides, love to you and the boys xx
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Unread 06-07-2016, 12:28 PM   #531
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jenm, Way to accept your brother's attitude towards. He is really upset with himself & will lash out at anybody to try & feel better about himself. Others have tried this with me & I let it go. Best of luck with him in sobriety.
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Unread 06-07-2016, 03:17 PM   #532
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Yep, R.Lee is right.

It's great to hear from you, Jen. Sounds like you're making time to have fun, and that's so necessary. Enjoy your busy day!
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Unread 06-07-2016, 09:00 PM   #533
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Have fun swimming and at the water park. I did thAt when my son's were much younger, too. It's fun for all. I hope your brother can one day know the treasure you are Jenm.
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Unread 07-01-2016, 11:51 AM   #534
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how are you Jen? x
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Unread 07-09-2016, 11:46 AM   #535
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Hi Everyone!

I've been out of town visiting my sister in Montana - it was wonderful! Now I'm having computer problems and trying out different things.....I am not very good with technology!

Boys and I are doing well. My oldest son ended up staying in Montana with my sister and her family, he has a full-time job with my brother in law. Not planned, but I'm happy for him to have this opportunity. I really miss him! We are adjusting to a 'new normal' with me and just 2 boys, and I'm so grateful for my mom here to help with my little guy since I'm back at both jobs and don't have the babysitting thing figured out yet. I'll catch up soon, but today I work 10 hours and I have a million things to do before that. Hope everyone is well! Love, Jenm
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Unread 07-10-2016, 05:31 AM   #536
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Good morning dearest Jen. Bright blessings to you.

How really lovely...wonderful to hear from you. How fantastic to see you so vibrant, with so much positive energy.I understand very much what you mean by the "new normal"...hmmm....takes a little while for the dynamics to change and settle down, yet they will.

So good to hear you well.

Be peaceful, be healthy and be strong. Loveness to you my dearest Jen
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Unread 07-10-2016, 02:47 PM   #537
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Nice to see you, Jenm. Thanks for checking in. You sound so good!
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Unread 07-10-2016, 02:54 PM   #538
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Lovely to hear from you xx
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Unread 07-10-2016, 03:04 PM   #539
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sounds like a nice visit!
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Unread 08-21-2016, 12:37 PM   #540
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How are you Jen? its been a while! xx
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Unread 11-15-2016, 03:37 PM   #541
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Hi Jenn, I hope you are doing ok, let us know what you have been up to, take care and blessings to you!
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Unread 11-15-2016, 08:44 PM   #542
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Hope you are OK jenm. I see that it has been a long time since we heard from you.
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Unread 02-27-2017, 02:02 PM   #543
Sam Bailey
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Hey Jen!

We recently heard from your Mom...but not you, not in a long time. I sure hope you're okay. If not, well, that is what it is. Does no good to dodge things. NOT saying you're doing that. Just saying that we miss hearing from you. And if you do need to talk, about anything, please talk with us. No judgment, as you know.

Any case, you might just be too darn busy...or too darn healthy! I hope your boys are good.

Ok, later Jen!

best,

sam
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Unread 02-28-2017, 04:32 PM   #544
Alexis
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Yes, Jen, how are you? We miss you! xx
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Unread 03-05-2017, 10:04 AM   #545
Tryntryagain
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Good afternoon my cracking 1st sister Jenm!!! Bright blessings to you.

So how is life treating you?.....How are you treating life?

Whatever the score.......(i have often wondered what "whatever the score" actually means. I mean is it 4-0?)....welp what ever the "score", if you are winning 4-0, lets hear about it then!.....if you are losing 4-0....let's hear about it then!

Be great to hear about you and your boys.

Soon eh?

Be peaceful, be healthy and be strong. Loveness to you my dearest Jenm.
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