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Unread 01-25-2014, 11:13 PM   #1
hockeygirl
Senior Member
 
Posts: 125
Default Hello

I joined the community 2 days ago. I wasn't sure with section to enter first. I decided to help me first.

I've been trying to help my parents, family, friends, now ex-husband, and boyfriends. .. only to come to the conclusion now that I don't want to end up like them.

After reading some of the experiences here, I would like to share mine. My heart goes out to each and every one here!!! I'll be talking in another section of this site about a lot of people and experiences, but here I will share about my mother, brother and grandparents.

I believe now that dementia has set in on my mother. Though, getting support on this is hard, since I do not live near her and the people that do are just blaming her drinking.

A long time ago I finally got the guts to confront my mother about her drinking, it was right before I got on a plane to fly home. I just explained that during that point in her life (menopause) drinking could worsen the affects, and gave her a list of places she could go with questions. My brother called me the next day and said "great job, sis... wha'd you say to mom? She decided to start smoking again!" BOY! Did I feel like crap, and that I messed up.

Now, she is incoherent, cannot effectively have a conversation, and has even gone to the bathroom while sitting on the couch.

Because of my mother and grandmother's drinking, they lost the ability to see my niece for a long time. I helped get that right back for them, and am wondering if that was a mistake too.

My brother and his family (before the previous events) lived here by me. I loved it!! I offered to babysit all the time! I refuse to drink or smoke around my niece, and I was over by them all the time. Until the mother of my niece up and left with my princess. .. telling my brother that he does nothing for them and is never around... she went back to her family. My brother followed soon after. I later learned he was out drinking every night.

My step dad is a saint.. but he's at wits end and threatening to leave my mother. That would be devastating. But I wouldn't really blame him... it's just the dementia thing... my grandfather suffered with it, my uncle (Mom's younger brother) is in a home a basically a 'vegetable' with it now. I see all the signs that my mother's got it too. But no one believes me or wants to talk about what kind of steps we should take. I want to go visit my family, but I'm afraid I won't be able to leave. I just can't (don't think I can) handle this right now!
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Unread 01-26-2014, 05:52 PM   #2
R. Lee
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Posts: 4,984
Default

hockeygirl, Only your mother can help herself. You can talk to your blue in the face but it will do no good unless she tries to get help herself for herself.
Your mother has so many yet's to go through.
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