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Unread 10-03-2007, 11:59 PM   #1
jpekin
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just looking to find more opinions on my first topic.
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Unread 10-04-2007, 12:00 AM   #2
jpekin
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opinions needed. good or bad
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Unread 10-05-2007, 01:41 PM   #3
holly
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I READ YOUR SITUATION AND AS A CHILD FROM A PARENT THAT HAD AN ALCOHOL ISSUE i WILL GIVE YOU THIS AS MY ADVICE. I THINK YOUR DAUGHTER IS AT A GOOD AGE THAT TO ARM HER WITH AS MUCH INFORMATION ON MOMS ISSUE WOULD BE GREAT. i DO NOT THINK THAT YOU SHOULD KEEP HER FROM TALKING TO MOM THOUGH. FOR A DAUGHTER IT IS IMPORTANT TO KNOW HER MOM, BUT I DO FEEL THAT I WOULD NOT LET THERE BE UNSUPERVISED VISITS. IT SOUNDS LIKE SHE THE EX HAS MADE SOME POOR DECISIONS WHEN IT COMES TO HER. PERHAPS YOU COULD LET HER MEET HER IN PUBLIC SOMEWHERE. THERFORE THIS COULD FORCE HER TO BE SOBER AND YOUR DAUGHTER COULD STILL SEE HER. BUT REMEMBER THAT TELL YOUR DAUGHTER UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES IS SHE TO GET INTO A CAR WHEN MOM HAS BEEN DRINKING. I THINK THE HARDEST WOULD BE THE BROKEN PROMISES AND THAT GOES WETHER SHE WOULD BE SOBER OR DRUNK. THAT IS SOMETHING YOUR DAUGHTER WILL COME TO RALIZE WHO IS THE STABLE ONE IN HER LIFE. I DO THINK THAT YOU SHOULD CHECK INTO A BIG BROTHER/ BIG SISTER PROGRAM. THERE ARE GREAT WOMEN IN THERE THAT WOULD LOVE TO SPEND QUALITY TIME WITH HER.I IKNOW THAT WILL NOT TAKE THE PLACE OF MOM BUT IT WILL LET YOUR DAUGHTER KNOW THAT THERE ARE POSITIVE SOBER PEOPLE THAT ARE GOOD TO BE AROUND. I DO FEEL THAT WOULD BE GOOD FOR HER AT THIS POINT IN HER LIFE. I ALSO WOULD LET YOUR EX KNOW THAT YOU ARE TAKING STEPS TO HELP HER BUT SHE HAS TO HELP HERSELF. I THINK THAT PERHAPS BY CUTTING ALL CONTACT WITH MOM WILL COME BACK TO HAUNT YOU LATER. CHILDREN ESPECIALLY GIRLS BRING THAT BACK AND SHE COULD END UP RESENTING YOU FOR CUTTING OFF THE CONTACT WITH MOM. TALKING IS THE BIGGEST HELP YOU CAN GIVE HER ALWAYS LET HER TALK WHEN MOM CALLS AND HAS BEEN DRINKING LET HER SAY HELLO THAN AFTER WARDS TALK ABOUT FEELINGS AND HOW IT MAKES YOUR DAUGHTER FEEL THIS WILL HELP HER AS WELL AS YOU. GOOD LUCK AND CHECK INTO THOSE PROGRAMS HER LOCAL SCHOLL IS A GOOD PLACE TO START AND ALSO A COUNSELOR TOO. I THINK THAT KNOWING SHE ISN'T IN THIS ALONE IS A BIG THING FOR HER AT HER AGE. SOMETIMES SCHOOLS HAVE GROUP TIME ABOUT THIS TOPIC CHECK IT OUT AND IF YOU NEED ANY MORE HELP I WOULD BE GLAD TO HELP YOU. HOLLY
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Unread 10-05-2007, 03:35 PM   #4
SLynn
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jpekin~

I've been thinking about your dilemma and really feel that keeping your daughter away for a short period of time is one thing (a week or so) but if you think this is something long term, I really would suggest seeking professional guidance on this. There are so many pro's and con's each way, but sitting with a terapist one on one may be the best option. This is a huge thing and you don't want to make a mistake. There will be scars either way, but with good communication skills, perahps the understanding will be better.

I don't recall if you mentioned if you had full custody, but for legality purposes, you need to do this the right way, too.

I had parents that played these games (and I don't mean to refer to your life as a game) and it was traumatic to me as a nine year old. I was a mature nine year old and did understand what was going on, I just didn't understand my parents actions. They did not have my best interests in mind only the desire to hurt each other, which in turn hurt me. I know this is my baggage and yours is different, I'm just expressing my own experience and opinion. Seek professional help on this one....it's the best option.

I really wish you luck and let me know what happens.

Stacey

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Unread 10-05-2007, 03:39 PM   #5
SLynn
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Another thing......has your ex-wife been on Vivitrol? It's a new option for alcoholism and you can read about it here:
http://www.alcoholanswers.org/treatm...-treatment.cfm

and here:

www.vivitrol.com

Let me know if you have any questions on this.

Stacey

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Unread 10-23-2007, 02:12 AM   #6
SLynn
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jpekin

How are things going? Did you make any decisions regarding your daughter? I hope you will stay in contact.

Stacey

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