Addiction Survivors

Notices

Reply
Unread 09-30-2007, 11:03 PM   #1
trevyn
Junior Member
 
Posts: 10
Default My Son

Today must be the worst day in my life. My son was arrested last night for a DUI. He's in jail right now until????. Since this is not his first DUI there is no telling when he will be released. While I was visiting him today, he talked about how sorry he was for what he's done that he couldn't face what's ahead of him and that he has no will to live anymore. It was very unpleasant, it hurt so bad to see my one and only child in that situation. All I wanted to do was to take him out of there. I know that he is responsible for his actions and that I should not blame myself, but I do. It all seems like a terrible nightmare. and I can't stop me from crying and wishing that I was the one serving his time. Even though, I've been through this once before a few years ago with him this time it's worse than the last. What can I do to make this pain go away?
trevyn is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 10-01-2007, 03:12 AM   #2
jerryg
Moderator
 
Posts: 525
Default

Trevyn,
Please accept my sympathies for your son's circumstance and your sadness.
There is little I can say could ease your pain.
Does your son have adequate legal counsel? That is most important at this time.
Obviously, as his alcohol use is at the center of this chaos and crisis, I have no doubt it will be adressed directly, and the legal system will determine the outcome. There is little to do until he faces the court. One can only hope the judge isunderstanding and has an enlightened awareness of addiction issues. Still, a DUI is a serious thing. I won't minimize that fact.

Seek out support you can trust, that may help you to deal with his immediate legal situation.
Treatment for his alcohol addiction will certainly follow and I have a feeling he will have little say about what form it takes. I would not be surprised if he were mandated to treatment.
I can only hope you have friends and family around you to provide support and consolation. You should not have to deal with this alone.
Cry it out, regain your poise and rally the resources available so your son gets the help he needs.
And by all means include yourself in that circle of care.
Be careful to not neglect yourself as you deal with this stressful time.
Lets hope things work out for the best in the end.
Feel free to keep us up to date.
You are welcome here.

jerryg is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 10-01-2007, 03:22 PM   #3
trevyn
Junior Member
 
Posts: 10
Default

Quote:
quote:Originally posted by jerryg

Trevyn,
Please accept my sympathies for your son's circumstance and your sadness.
There is little I can say could ease your pain.
Does your son have adequate legal counsel? That is most important at this time.
Obviously, as his alcohol use is at the center of this chaos and crisis, I have no doubt it will be adressed directly, and the legal system will determine the outcome. There is little to do until he faces the court. One can only hope the judge isunderstanding and has an enlightened awareness of addiction issues. Still, a DUI is a serious thing. I won't minimize that fact.

Seek out support you can trust, that may help you to deal with his immediate legal situation.
Treatment for his alcohol addiction will certainly follow and I have a feeling he will have little say about what form it takes. I would not be surprised if he were mandated to treatment.
I can only hope you have friends and family around you to provide support and consolation. You should not have to deal with this alone.
Cry it out, regain your poise and rally the resources available so your son gets the help he needs.
And by all means include yourself in that circle of care.
Be careful to not neglect yourself as you deal with this stressful time.
Lets hope things work out for the best in the end.
Feel free to keep us up to date.
You are welcome here.

Thanks so much for your response. It helped a great deal. I am trying very thad to be strong and be there for him. It's mighty difficult when I feel so terribly sad and helpless. Yes, I do have support from my husband and some friends. And I am very greatful for not having to deal with this on my own. I have talked to an attorney this morning. He indicated that there is very little I can do right now until his court appearance which is scheduled for tomorrow morning. Of course, I plan to be there to support him. These last few days have been the most agonizing days in my life. No parent should have to go through this. But I will deal with this the best way I can and hopefully things will turn around real soon.
trevyn is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 10-01-2007, 03:44 PM   #4
jerryg
Moderator
 
Posts: 525
Default

Trevyn,
That sounds good. As things settle and it becomes clearer what is to happen, consider treatment for his alcohol
problem as a major part. Do what you can to be educated and prepared. Feel free to use this site, there is a lot of helpful info.
Again, lets hope for the best.
jerryg is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 10-02-2007, 02:27 AM   #5
dixie
Senior Member
 
Posts: 176
Default

Dear Trevyn,
I am so sorry that you are having to face this problem with your son. I know that you heart is breaking and when I tell you that I understand what you are going thru, believe me...I do. We have gone thru the same thing more than once, more than twice, more than...nevermind. What I want to tell you is that like you, I love my son more than anything. I want to fix his problems and take his pain away. I spend so much time trying to figure out what I did or didn't do to make him this way. We have spent over $50k in legal fees, etc. trying to help him. He lives with us and is 32 years old. He has no money and this last DUI cost him his license and will most likely cost him his freedom, as well. We have tried to make him face his problems and then we'd listen to all his excuses and decide that things weren't really as bad as we thought they were so we'd back off.
dixie is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 10-02-2007, 02:43 AM   #6
dixie
Senior Member
 
Posts: 176
Default

Sorry, Trevyn - I hit the wrong key - what I was going to say to you is DON'T BACK OFF! No matter what he says or does. No matter how believable he is in his guilt and sorrow. You must stay stong. Don't do what we (mainly I - his dad wanted to be tougher) did. Hold him accountable and keep loving him. I really have come to believe that my son has a disease. I didn't believe it for a long time. I thought he was just indulgent and immature but he has a problem, a disease, an illness that even though I don't understand, I am quickly learning to respect and fear it. And, I have come to believe that if we stay strong and don't back down and keep loving him but quit making excuses for him, we might survive this. He might survive it. Please, give your son all the help you feel you need to give him - nobody can tell you what is too much or too little - you will know - financially that's what we do as parents but don't wait ten years like we did to get in his face and tell him that he has a problem. Make him realize it now. I wish we had been strong enough to do it then - but better late than never, I suppose. Anyway, I am thinking of you and praying that tomorrow morning will come and go quickly for your family and you can begin the healing. Best of luck to your son. Stay strong - it'll work out. Dixie
dixie is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 10-09-2007, 08:45 PM   #7
Sam Bailey
Senior Member
 
Posts: 1,630
Default

Hello trevyn,

First, I am so sorry to hear about your son's (and your) problem with alcohol. That is a horrible, heartbreaking nightmare.

Second, I apologize for naming my new thread the SAME as yours. Yes, I should have read all the thread-titles before I started typing, but I did not. IF this becomes a problem, I will gladly change it. I'm sure the Moderators can handle such a chore.

In the meantime, I sit here, now, terrified (nearly) out of my mind because, like you, my son is in trouble. Not the legal trouble (as far as I know, though I now know I know flat-out nothing!)...but he is in the awful grip of this damned sickness.

God bless you.

sam
Sam Bailey is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 10-17-2007, 04:42 AM   #8
dixie
Senior Member
 
Posts: 176
Default

Trevyn,
Just checking in to see how you are...and how your son is. How did it go in court? Are you alright? Dixie
dixie is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 10-19-2007, 12:08 AM   #9
trevyn
Junior Member
 
Posts: 10
Default

Quote:
quote:Originally posted by dixie

Trevyn,
Just checking in to see how you are...and how your son is. How did it go in court? Are you alright? Dixie
It was so nice of you to check in with me. It means so much to me. I went to court with him and the attorney asked for continuance. The judge granted her request. Now his next hearing is set for Dec. 3rd. He doesn't want me to be there, because I might get too upset or too emotional. Told him, that it's a too late for that. I really haven't been myself since that incident, I've been so distraught, confused, etc. But I feel like I have no choice but to be there.
How are things with your son? I sure hope that things are going well.
Again, thanks for your concern.
trevyn is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 10-19-2007, 01:02 AM   #10
dixie
Senior Member
 
Posts: 176
Default

Hey there, I'm glad you wrote. I was thinking about you and your son and hoping you were hanging in. I know it seems like this mess will never end but it will and it'll be okay. You will be okay. I promise. No matter what happens, you will make it through and will be amazed at how strong you are! I don't really know much about the legal system but this continuance is something the lawyers like and they think it's a good strategy...who knows? On one hand, there is relief at not having to deal with what might be bad news but on the other hand, there's the good grief...this is never going to end. I know that feeling all too well. And I know it's hard but just try to think about something else. Do you work? I swear, work has saved my life these last few years. It gives me an outlet and something other than my son's miserable circumstances to focus on. Speaking of him, he did make his doc's appt. and as far as I can tell, he's stayed sober since that night a couple of weeks ago. The meds the doctor has him on seem to have mellowed him and that's really good - because he's a pretty intense guy. He's still trying to get into a place. There is a wait list but he's on it. He's working a lot and is working out daily. He's a long way from being okay but he's better for now or he's really got me fooled. It could very well be the latter - it wouldn't be the first time! Anyhow, I hope your son is doing well and I know you will be strong for him. Take care and keep me posted. Dixie
dixie is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 11-03-2007, 01:04 AM   #11
trevyn
Junior Member
 
Posts: 10
Default

Quote:
quote:Originally posted by dixie

Hey there, I'm glad you wrote. I was thinking about you and your son and hoping you were hanging in. I know it seems like this mess will never end but it will and it'll be okay. You will be okay. I promise. No matter what happens, you will make it through and will be amazed at how strong you are! I don't really know much about the legal system but this continuance is something the lawyers like and they think it's a good strategy...who knows? On one hand, there is relief at not having to deal with what might be bad news but on the other hand, there's the good grief...this is never going to end. I know that feeling all too well. And I know it's hard but just try to think about something else. Do you work? I swear, work has saved my life these last few years. It gives me an outlet and something other than my son's miserable circumstances to focus on. Speaking of him, he did make his doc's appt. and as far as I can tell, he's stayed sober since that night a couple of weeks ago. The meds the doctor has him on seem to have mellowed him and that's really good - because he's a pretty intense guy. He's still trying to get into a place. There is a wait list but he's on it. He's working a lot and is working out daily. He's a long way from being okay but he's better for now or he's really got me fooled. It could very well be the latter - it wouldn't be the first time! Anyhow, I hope your son is doing well and I know you will be strong for him. Take care and keep me posted. Dixie
trevyn is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 11-03-2007, 01:29 AM   #12
trevyn
Junior Member
 
Posts: 10
Default

Quote:
quote:Originally posted by trevyn

Quote:
quote:Originally posted by dixie

Hey there, I'm glad you wrote. I was thinking about you and your son and hoping you were hanging in. I know it seems like this mess will never end but it will and it'll be okay. You will be okay. I promise. No matter what happens, you will make it through and will be amazed at how strong you are! I don't really know much about the legal system but this continuance is something the lawyers like and they think it's a good strategy...who knows? On one hand, there is relief at not having to deal with what might be bad news but on the other hand, there's the good grief...this is never going to end. I know that feeling all too well. And I know it's hard but just try to think about something else. Do you work? I swear, work has saved my life these last few years. It gives me an outlet and something other than my son's miserable circumstances to focus on. Speaking of him, he did make his doc's appt. and as far as I can tell, he's stayed sober since that night a couple of weeks ago. The meds the doctor has him on seem to have mellowed him and that's really good - because he's a pretty intense guy. He's still trying to get into a place. There is a wait list but he's on it. He's working a lot and is working out daily. He's a long way from being okay but he's better for now or he's really got me fooled. It could very well be the latter - it wouldn't be the first time! Anyhow, I hope your son is doing well and I know you will be strong for him. Take care and keep me posted. Dixie
`
Hi there,
Thanks so much for being there. It means so much to me. It helps to know that someone understands what I am going through. I Know that should be greatful for having a very supporting husband (he is not his biological parent) but it hurts so much still. Things haven't been the same since that incident. Anyway, just wanted to say hi and wish you the best.
trevyn is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 11-03-2007, 03:46 PM   #13
dixie
Senior Member
 
Posts: 176
Default

Hey Trevyn,
We are in the same boat with our husbands. And, things are a little different here, as well. I know my husband loves "our" son as much as he did before but he's sort of...I don't know...almost formal with him now. And, very careful about what he says - almost like he's thinking about every word where before he'd just say whatever he was thinking. I think they will work through this and I'll bet your son and husband will, too. And, in my case, my husband insists I'm reading too much into it and nothing has changed - and maybe it is just me. Thanks for writing and I'm still thinking of you and your son and hope you'll keep me posted on how he is doing...mine has his hearing on wednesday...you and I will have to do our best to stay strong. Write soon.
dixie is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is Off
HTML code is Off




All times are GMT -4. The time now is 07:02 AM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2019, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
© 2014 Addiction Survivors