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Unread 09-30-2007, 03:33 AM   #1
Jessi12
Junior Member
 
Posts: 2
Default He's gone!

I have been searching for some sort of answer to what has happened in my life in the last couple of months. I am glad I have finally found a place to put some thoughts down, and maybe find someone else out there who has gone through this too!

My father was an alcoholic, my mother left him when I was only six. I did not see him again untill I was about 13 and he was in a rehab program, he graduated and did really well for a few years and then relapsed. I saw him again when I was 18 and he was in a rehab program the Red Cross has, he was there for almost two years. They kicked him out because he relapsed. And I was mad because it was the story of my life so I walked away from him.

I am now 24 years old and my sister and I just had to go clean out the apartment he lived in becuase he has no other family left. He died, of alcohol poisioning!! I don't understand why it controlled him so much, and I feel like there must have been something more I could have done. But I know there was not. So anyone reading this, especially if you are struggling with this disease... keep trying, keep fighting as hard as you can!
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Unread 09-30-2007, 01:44 PM   #2
CASEY
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Posts: 378
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Jessi,
My thought's are w/you and your sister, you have to remember that peope have,
"FREE WILL", you sound like you did all you could do . You can alway's remeber that.
I think maybe you & your sister should see someone to help you,
I have nothing against AA or AL-ANON, but if you have read any of my replies you will see that I am a big fan of Therapist's.
You can tell them anything you are thinking or feeling and you will never be judged.
I quit quite awhile a go, but I wanted to. In no way was it easy, but I feel like a whole New and Better person.
Be proud of all you tried to do w/your father! Also you can come here and vent , because we are stranger's we will just offer you are advice, the rest is up to you!
My Best Wish's to You!
Casey
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Unread 09-30-2007, 07:40 PM   #3
letgoletgod
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Posts: 241
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Hi Jessi. I'm very sorry for the loss you are experiencing. And you are right that there was nothing you could do. Even though you acknowledge that, it still hurts when a person's life ends in this manner.

I lost my older brother to alcoholism/addiction. It spurred me on to get help myself in the form of counseling and eventually Al Anon. I am a big proponet of Al Anon as I have found acceptance and a wonderful way to approach all areas of my life through 12 step programs. The individual counseling also gave me an outlet for discussing things that had bothered me about my life for a long time.

Children are affected in so many ways by what their parents do. Even though he was absent for many years of your life, it will benefit you to grieve his death fully.

God bless you and your sister and Casy is so right, this is a great place to vent and discuss freely.

Susan
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Unread 10-01-2007, 12:33 AM   #4
jpekin
Junior Member
 
Posts: 7
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JESSI12
I'm very sorry for your lose.my thoughts & prayers go out for you & sis.I'm at a blank for any advice for you but just felt compelled to respond to you because I feel I'm going to have to deal with my xwifes death soon too. A child shouldn't to have to guide or direct there parents thought life.I'm sure you did what you could so don't be to hard on your selfs.
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Unread 10-01-2007, 12:21 PM   #5
holly
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Posts: 99
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jessi
I read your story and was eager to write. Loosing anyone to this habit is not easy and so often they struggle to go on. By that I mean you are the one left with the questions and the struggles. I know that they (doctors, therapists etc.) say that a person has the right to choose the addiction. and that they are in control of the habit. I think with any addiction the body craves the alcohol and therefore becomes the habit. I have seen many people struggle through this, but rest assured that your dad is in a better place. A place free of habits, worries and troubles. So often these are what leads a person to the alcohol in the first place. Just remember that no matter where life takes you and your sister that you do not turn to the habit yourself. Some experts claim that it runs in the family. My suggestion to you is find a place to vent and seek help no matter how small or large the struggle is. Finding a way to deal with the loss and the issues that surround it will take time and answers. When I lost a step father to this I was told by the school counselor to write him a note. The note should include your feelings to the events that led up to his death and then read it out loud the letter is closure to the feelings that you may have. At first i thought she was crazy, but you know after 15 years I still hold the letter and it is placed in a zip loc bag and when i miss him the most I take it out and remember him with positive feelings and knowing that sometimes the habit is sometimes bigger than the person. I forgave my step father and hold good thoughts of him. I hope this helps and hope you seek your closure.
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Unread 11-14-2007, 03:44 AM   #6
Tougy
Junior Member
 
Posts: 6
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Hello!
I am so sorry for you! My son is 13 and just lost his Dad to alcoholism. I have no answers but wanted to tell you that you are not alone and we are thinking of you!
Take care!
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