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Unread 09-28-2007, 02:18 AM   #1
jpekin
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Posts: 7
Default DO I LET MY DAUGHTER HAVE A RELATIONSHIP WITH HER?

my wife & I are devorced now. I have sole custidy of our 9 year old daughter. my X calls about every night & on occasion comes by to see her daughter. she is always extremely intoxicated & makes promices she never keeps.she refuses to get help & is in a state of denial. I have recently made the decision to cut all ties with her & not let her have any communication with my daughter.I'm tired of watching my daughters heart be broken.I am much more at ease not having to deal with her & my daughter seems to be fine not speeking to her,but I'm affraid I might have made the wrong decision.will this too brake her heart? will she be affected worse?
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Unread 09-28-2007, 03:22 PM   #2
LeeRoy
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jpekin,
I'm no expert, but people I've known grew up much more "affected" from an alcoholic parent than an absent one, or an ill one. Accepting that mommy is sick and needs to get better might be better understood than "why does mommy act this way?" I think you did the right thing and it might make your X wife seriously consider treatment. If she does it would be helpful if you could help her make treatment a reality by sifting through the bogus treatemnts and finding out what real treatments are out there that really work. Maybe an inpatient stay, medication, psychotherapy, or all of the above along with AA once sober is needed. Explore all options, there are many myths about treatment out there. This site seems reputable and the HBO site on addiction is also good.
Lee
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Unread 09-28-2007, 09:32 PM   #3
CASEY
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Jpekin,

That is a really tough one. I think you should sit down your daughter(if she is old enough to understand) And tell her that at this point in your Ex-Wife's life and her mother, That she is going through a tough time and you feel it is better that she doesn't see her for awhile until she get's the help she need's, because you cannot stand to see her (your daughter) in pain.
In the future it may change if her mom get's the help she need's but for right know , you are doing what you feel is best for her because you love her.
I wish you the Best of Luck!
Casey
P.S.Children know more than we think they do!! You may be surprised when you talk to her!!
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Unread 09-29-2007, 04:26 PM   #4
jpekin
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leeroy,
thanks for responding.I hope this will make her realize she needs & can get help. Its been about four days now & my daughter hasn't mentioned her moms name.she seems happy & playing like any kid would. so far so good. we've tried many times to get her mom to rehab. she just won't go. It's starting to feel hopeless.
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Unread 09-29-2007, 04:55 PM   #5
Melony55
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Hi jpekin,
How about getting her to see a doctor? They have new medications now that might help. Maybe that could at least make her decrease her drinking and maybe see the light.??
Melony[:X]
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Unread 09-30-2007, 03:43 AM   #6
Jessi12
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jpekin,
I am the daughter of an alcoholic father. I went through what your daughter is going through now. He made promises he never kept, and he broke my heart many times. I don't know what the right answer is. I do know that everytime I thought he was sober and he was not hurt me more and more. I agree with Casey that untill she is sober, you should explain to your daughter in the best way possible that she just cant see her mom right now because she is sick, or needs time, whatever you feel is best. I hope all is well for you!
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Unread 09-30-2007, 11:59 PM   #7
jpekin
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JESSI12 & CASEY,
THANKS FOR RESPONDING.I HAVEN'T REALLY SAID ANYTHING TO MY DAUGHTER ABOUT NOT BEING ABLE TO TALK TO HER MOTHER.SHE HASN'T SAID ANYTHING ABOUT HER MOM IN THE TIME THAT I'VE STOPED ALL COMMUNICATION, WITCH HAS BEEN ABOUT A WEEK NOW.SO I WONDER IF I SHOULD EVEN BRING IT UP TO HER. WHEN HER MOM CALLS I JUST DONT ANSWER THE PHONE.JESSI12, YOU WERE THERE,DID YOUR SITUATION EVER GET TO WHERE YOU DIDN'T SPEAK TO YOUR FATHER? AND IF SO, DO YOU THINK YOU ARE EFFECTED TODAY BY THAT DECISION?
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Unread 10-01-2007, 12:12 AM   #8
jpekin
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MELONY55,
SHE'S BEEN IN THE HOSPITAL MANY TIMES FROM THE ALCOHOL.MEDS,DETOX,YOU NAME IT,WE'VE TRIED IT. THE CUSTODY EVALUATOR IN THE DEVORCE,WHO IS A PSYCHOLGIST FOR THE STATE,SAID SHE HAS SEEN MANY CASES LIKE OURS BUT FELT OUR CASE WAS THE MOST EXTREME SHE'S SEEN & THAT SHE DIDN'T FEEL THAT MY X WIFE WOULD BE ONE TO EVER PULL OUT OF THIS.I'VE LOST HOPE.
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