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Unread 10-29-2007, 01:28 PM   #1
MelissaA
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I believe my husband is an alcoholic. He is very verbally abusive to both the children and me. He won't admit that he has a problem and I want to help, but don't know what to do...
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Unread 10-29-2007, 01:43 PM   #2
holly
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Firstly I would suggest counseling for you and the kids. I think that this is a big step for you to know where you must head. Have you had any talks with your husband and if so what does he think? You must know that getting him help must be his choice and that geting you and your kids help is your choice. Counseling will help all of you on how to deal with the drinking and the verbal abuse. Always remember do not try to talk with him while he is drinking. you can't reason with someone who is like that.if you do not have insurance there are meetings that will help you called alanon I do not know where you are but in the phone books it should be listed or on line. Most importantly help the kids. School is a good resource if you use it. The counselors there can get you in touch with someone to help also. Hope this helps get you started holly
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Unread 10-29-2007, 04:26 PM   #3
SLynn
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Hi MelissaA

Holly had some good advice. I'd like to know a little more about your story, though. How old are your children? What have you tried so far with your husband? What kind of resources do you have available in your area? (are you in a small town, etc)

If you can't take care of him (which you can't), then you have to take care of yourself and the children. He has to choose to take care of himself. That's the hard part.

Hope to hear a little more about your situation, Ok?

Stacey

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Unread 10-30-2007, 06:16 PM   #4
JaneDoe
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MelissA, Would your husband take the time to read the information on this site? One of the ones that got me thinking a real lot is the health one. Just looking at all the damange I was inflicting on myself with booze was an eye opener.

I hope this link works. http://www.alcoholanswers.org/alcoho...health-topics/

I'm in therapy and have been helped along with the shot. It's the second one. Vivatrol.
http://www.alcoholanswers.org/treatm...-treatment.cfm

I hope you are able to get him to at least read. If he won't, then learn everything you can about this disease and then you will be ready to help him when he wants it.
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Unread 10-30-2007, 10:36 PM   #5
CASEY
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MelissA,
Hi, I was sorry to hear all you are going through. But everyone is right, you have to take care of you and especially the children.
You can't help him until he admit's he has a problem! But for know you have to think of you & your children. Your a victim of his abuse and you said the children are too. From someone who suffered from verbal abuse, not from my father, I could not even imagine that, mine was a nieghbor. But I never told and I am in therapy because of this man, and I am 39. I never realized how his horrible word's stayed with me throughout my younger year's and my adulthood.
Don't think verbal is better than beating's, they both leave scar's , you just can't see the verbal one's.
If even for the sake of your children , please get help for you and them.
Take Care!
Casey
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Unread 10-31-2007, 12:48 AM   #6
dixie
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Melissa,
Hi there. I read your post and just wanted you to know that there are people here that care and can help you. The alcohic in our lives is our adult son and he's a pretty loving individual - even drunk - and I've never known him to be abusive to anyone - especially children but he did put my two granddaughters at terrible risk recently so I can completely understand your concern about your children. I don't know a lot about alcoholism (I'm learning, though)but I do know from the people on this site, that a drunk is not responsible for his/her actions when they are drinking. It sounds like your husband is a mean drunk and you are right to be concerned about your kids. Casey was dead on with her comment about verbal abuse being as serious as physical abuse. Words can cut to the bone and children are so completely vunerable to words spoken by someone that they love...especially a parent. I can't tell you what to do about your husband but I can echo the concerns mentioned above about your kids. I don't know how old they are, my granddaughters are only 7 and 4, so we have not gone into the details of their uncle's problem. We've just limited their exposure to him (well, my daughter has)and we will not leave them alone with him for a long time if ever. He has a long, long way to go to regain any semblance of trust from his sister when it comes to her daughters. If your husband lives in your home with you then it will be easy for you to be there when he is to sort of cushion the words if or when they come. You can have control over that when your husband decides to get drunk again so that's a good thing. Does he work? I know that you can't keep your kids away from their Daddy and that you wouldn't even want to most likely, except when he's drinking but it is not only your right to protect them, it's your job. There is nothing in this world more important than our little ones. Their self image is very important to who they are and who they become. I have only ever met one man that did not love his children and he's not even worth discussing but every other man I know adores his babies and I have no doubt that if you were able to sit down with your husband and talk to him about how nasty he gets when he drinks and that you are afraid that he is going to say or do something to hurt them that maybe you will be able to get through to him. I really don't know what I'm talking about - I'm just telling you what my heart thinks about a dad and even if he is an alcoholic - when he's not drinking and clear headed, I can't imagine that he would want to do anything that would hurt his kids. Maybe you can use his heart to get to him and make him see that he is tearing things apart - maybe he would recognize that he's got a problem and that you want him to get help. Will it work? Who the heck knows. Did it work for me with my son? Again, who the heck knows for sure but I am completely certain that my daughter not letting him see his neices has had an affect on him. He missed them terribly and he has expressed both guilt and shame about what happened although he hasn't found the courage to actually sit down with his sister and talk about it. I think that in our case, the guilt is actually a good thing. I wish you luck and will keep you and your children in my thoughts and my prayers. Use this site and these people...they have saved me from a padded room! I hope they know how much I need and appreciate them! Dixie
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Unread 10-31-2007, 10:05 AM   #7
SLynn
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Melissa
I hope you check in with us.

Stacey
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