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Unread 05-30-2016, 05:35 PM   #1
kellyjean2002
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Default Addicted &Scared

This is my 1st post. Ive been on ths site for a few months and finally have the courage to start posting. Im 39yrs old and addicted to Oxy. I have yet to seek treatment bc honesstly im petrified of going thru wd. It all started about 2yrs ago. I started receiving treatment for Severe Migraines and to take pain meds after I have a seizure. I was in a car accident about 5 yrs ago and hit my head which triggered seizures. Ive had migraines my entire life but hav got worse after the accident. Of course I started out like most and only took my Oxy when needed. Then when the 1every 4 hours didnt help I took 1.1/2. Then a friend told me "hey if u crush & snort they work better!!! So thats when my addiction kicked in. I get 120 , 20 mg a month they lAst about a week or a lil longer, then the worry starts!!! Its sad bc I watched my parents loose everything they had bc of addiction to crack & alcohol. And anything else they could use. They lost their life and 3 kids and I swore I would never end up like thm. I have 3 wonderful children and a wonderful man of 10 yrs that has no clue im using. He knows I take pain meds but thnks I take as I should. Im on disability bc of migraines & seizures and every dime I have goes to my habit. Every month I have a excuse were my check went. I realy want to get help but am scared like many!! Ive only experienced severe wd once and im so scared to do it again. I kno in order to get on Subs or any other treatment I have to be in wd to start. So in 2yrs ive had oxy In my system every day but for about 17 hours. Im sick of the lies, being broke and the searching. I went through 20, 000 in a few months. I received back pack frm disability and boom next thng I knew I was broke!!! I say im goin to taper down and i do some weeks. I can get down to 5 /20mgs a day. But as soon as i get my script im back to doin 40mg. Every 3-4 hours. . I make a plan to get my script then call the place to make a appointment bc it takes about 2 weeks to get in ( which is crazy) then I get my script and go thru the same cycle and never call!!! Im so ready to get out of ths life style.
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Unread 05-30-2016, 06:49 PM   #2
NancyB
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Hi kellyjean2002, welcome. To start buprenorphine, you do not have to be in full withdrawals. Only mild to moderate. This link explains it and gives a way to see where you're at withdrawal wise on the second page:
http://www.naabt.org/documents/NAABT_PrecipWD.pdf

That should help ease your mind a bit. The other thing is that most patients feel some effect of the medication within 20 minutes - a lessening of the withdrawals. Full effect can take up to two hours. So it's not really a long time to wait to get out of withdrawals.

This link gives ways to find a physician:
http://www.addictionsurvivors.org/vb...ad.php?t=21259

This link has a lot of information about bupe, treatment, and addiction - it's a good one to read:
http://www.addictionsurvivors.org/vb...ad.php?t=21609

Also try to think that going into mild to moderate withdrawals for such a short period of time will be worth it to get your life back for yourself and your family.

Please ask any questions, and let us know how you're doing.

Nancy
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Unread 05-31-2016, 11:39 AM   #3
Sam Bailey
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Hey KellyJean,

Welcome!

I know what you mean. Every one of us here knows what you mean, exactly! Withdrawals, I mean. Withdrawals are really awful. Truth is, the FEAR of them is worse than the actual withdrawals. In my experience, anyway.

But here's the thing, two things really: a) As Nancy said, you don't have to be in total withdrawals. And b) Even at that, the withdrawal you will feel is extremely short-lived. Other words, you will be in withdrawals just a brief period of time.

And your relief? Total.

Yes, it may take a dose or two or so to determine exactly how much Bupe you need....but even then, you wont be in the kind of wds that, in the past, made us run to the medicine cabinet.

Get on the program, KellyJean. I so strongly urge you to do this.

Remember though, there is more to Recovery than just the Bupe. Yet with the Bupe, you will have time, and enough clarity, to really begin the work.

Again, welcome to AS.

sam b
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Unread 05-31-2016, 02:54 PM   #4
Iamready61
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Hi KellyJean, I know exactly where you are! I lied to my husband too, the part about trying to explain where your check went. I took my last dose of pills at 6 am on a Friday made it thru the night pretty easily, then took my first dose at 6 the next evening (Saturday) . I had just gotten my Rx filled the Wednesday prior so I still had meds, got rid of those Friday Afternoon so I was all in. The anticipation of the WD is always worse ..much luck and love ,Cessa Mama Shel
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Unread 05-31-2016, 10:23 PM   #5
kellyjean2002
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I just need to get the nerve to do it!!! I kno the fear is most likely less than the actual wd. I just wish if I called the dr. He would say sure come in tomm or next day. Not in 2 weeks thn after that another week to go back to do the wd process.
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Unread 05-31-2016, 11:25 PM   #6
Iamready61
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The waiting is the hardest part! Make the call, you will fell better..once you hsve the sppt. Call everyday to see if there are cancellations....hugs Cessa Mama Shel
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Unread 06-01-2016, 06:59 AM   #7
kellyjean2002
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Cessa mama shel did u start urs at home? And u said u said u wnt frm 6am fri-sat night? Thats a long time!! I thnk I could do ok if I took my last at 8 at nght then go all nght and make it til around 12 the next day. I will get the courage to do ths i kno I will. Its so much stress the lies the worry about money and the what ifs!!! My finance will be more than understanding.
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Unread 06-01-2016, 09:37 AM   #8
Iamready61
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Yes, I did mine st home...its like if you are out of meds but you know you are getting more tomorrow at 4, you make it till then..cessa mama Shel
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Unread 06-01-2016, 11:24 AM   #9
kellyjean2002
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I wish these drs would let me do it at home. Ide feel so much comfortable. But I kno theres a rreason. And being I hqv epilepsy I kno it be safer bc not knowing how the meds will effect me. Thank u for chattng w me. I will post more later. Xoxo
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Unread 06-05-2016, 07:20 AM   #10
NancyB
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Hi kellyjean2002, have you made an appointment yet? Let us know how you're doing.

Nancy
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Important disclaimer: Any information in this post is not and does not constitute medical advice under any circumstances. Addiction Survivors, Inc. does not warranty or guarantee the accurateness, completeness, adequacy or currency of the information contained in or linked to the Site. Your use of information on the Site or materials linked to the Site is entirely at your own risk. NEVER take any online advice over that of a qualified healthcare provider. Any information contained on AddictionSurvivors.org should only serve to inspire further investigation with credible, verifiable references sources such as your physician or therapist.
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Unread 06-05-2016, 01:51 PM   #11
kellyjean2002
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Nancy ..No..I haven't made my appointment yet BUT have a plan. I go for my PM on the 16th and the day I leave ther im calling to make my app. It takes atleast 2 weeks to get in for Sub treatment so I will have a 2 week wait. By the time I get the app my oxys will be gone. I have confided in a friend actually the only one that I kno that i can talk to and she no longer has a habit and started Sub about 6 months ago. And we had a great talk. She reassured me if she can do it so can i. Me and her went to school together. We never hung out nor we " oxy buddies" I seen her at the ball field and knew about her struggles (we live in a small town). I do kno im def ready to get my life back. Im ready to use my money on thngs for my family. Shit ill hav an extra 1300 a Month.. im so scared of telln my fiance i kno hell support me. But the disappointment. The lies ive told, the money ive spent..U wnt believe what ive done. About 3 months ago I was planning on selling my vehicle for cash for bills, well my dealer made a great offer he said ill giv u 150 -20mg oxys and just trade!! Well he had to giv me 75 one month and 75 the month after bc he gets a script. Well in between the 1st, 75 and 2nd I ran in a ditch and broke my radiator which he knows. So I said ill get it fixed of course before u get tge title. Well of course it cost money to fix it. Money I use for pills instead of a radiator. So I told him I ordered the radiator. And hes gave me the 2nd 75.. so ive been completely paid for the car. And never ordered the parts! !! I keep lying and making excuses why its not fixed!!! My fiancee dnt kno ive made ths deal..he knows I wanted to sell it when its fixed. And no its not a deale that I would worry about him hurtn me. Hes actually an older man. Hes related to my fiancee! !! O' lord what hav I done!! I knew I was ovebored when I did this. I been dragging this lye out for 2 mnthz now. The stress I have put on myself is unreal. The worrying about the car thng, the worry about running out of my pills, the lies, omg. The financial struggles. I just wish ths was all a bad dream!!!! And thank u for messaging me back. Its nice to be able to talk to someone that knows and not judge me!!!

Last edited by kellyjean2002; 06-05-2016 at 01:56 PM..
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Unread 06-06-2016, 07:32 AM   #12
NancyB
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Hi kellyjean2002, please think about starting to look for a doctor now. That way you can set up an appointment. If you don't want to start until the end of the month, that's when you make it for. But at least get the process started that way you won't have to wait longer if there are a lot more people seeking treatment.
http://www.addictionsurvivors.org/vb...ad.php?t=21259

Maybe you can get in before the 16th and you can cancel your PM appointment and start the recovery process sooner too!

I'm glad you have someone to talk with in person too. That's always helpful especially when she's in treatment and you can support each other.

Will you wait until you're in treatment to tell your fiance?

Nancy
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Important disclaimer: Any information in this post is not and does not constitute medical advice under any circumstances. Addiction Survivors, Inc. does not warranty or guarantee the accurateness, completeness, adequacy or currency of the information contained in or linked to the Site. Your use of information on the Site or materials linked to the Site is entirely at your own risk. NEVER take any online advice over that of a qualified healthcare provider. Any information contained on AddictionSurvivors.org should only serve to inspire further investigation with credible, verifiable references sources such as your physician or therapist.
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Unread 06-07-2016, 04:10 PM   #13
kellyjean2002
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Nancyb. Im. Gana sit down a few days before we go to treatment to tell him. Im very scared bc of his disappointments in me. A few years back I told him I had a addiction but I told him I was Gana wean myself down by myself. Of course I didnt. He also didnt kno the extant of it either.. Nothin was realy every mentioned again. I kno in the back of his mind he knows something is goin on. Hes delt w bein an alcohoic but he stopped years ago on his own. But never delt w pill or drug addiction. Hes a great guy and will be by my side. Its just me being scared.
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Unread 06-08-2016, 07:17 AM   #14
NancyB
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Hi kellyjean2002, hopefully your fiance will be very proud of you for getting help. Especially where he knows about and dealt with his own addiction to alcohol. It will be a big weight off of your shoulders and even better to be able to lean on him for support.

Nancy
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Important disclaimer: Any information in this post is not and does not constitute medical advice under any circumstances. Addiction Survivors, Inc. does not warranty or guarantee the accurateness, completeness, adequacy or currency of the information contained in or linked to the Site. Your use of information on the Site or materials linked to the Site is entirely at your own risk. NEVER take any online advice over that of a qualified healthcare provider. Any information contained on AddictionSurvivors.org should only serve to inspire further investigation with credible, verifiable references sources such as your physician or therapist.
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Unread 06-08-2016, 09:37 PM   #15
kellyjean2002
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Nancy Thank u for listening. U kno im sittn here thnkn about last time I told him about my addiction and he was PISSED bc I lied to him about everything. I forgot all about the way he reacted. He was so mad at me for not being honest about spending money and just In general. SO I can imagine what hes gana say ths time!!! He was so upset w me for a long time and whn we would get in a small argument he would always brng up the fact I wasnt honest w him. I was thnkn about telling him in the next few days. Can I ask what was ur addiction and a lil when u went thru wd and got help.?
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Unread 06-09-2016, 06:20 AM   #16
NancyB
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Hi kellyjean2002, maybe think about having a doctor's appointment scheduled before you tell your fiance? That way you can show him you're doing something about it and even ask if he wants to go with you to it. Just a thought. I'm not in treatment. I'm here because a couple of people close to me would have been dead if they hadn't found bupe. They tried everything to stop but always relapsed. So, when given the opportunity years ago to help out, I was happy to. I do a lot of research, talk with doctors, patients, go to conferences to learn what I can to try to educate and support and hopefully make this process a little easier for people if I can.

Nancy
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Important disclaimer: Any information in this post is not and does not constitute medical advice under any circumstances. Addiction Survivors, Inc. does not warranty or guarantee the accurateness, completeness, adequacy or currency of the information contained in or linked to the Site. Your use of information on the Site or materials linked to the Site is entirely at your own risk. NEVER take any online advice over that of a qualified healthcare provider. Any information contained on AddictionSurvivors.org should only serve to inspire further investigation with credible, verifiable references sources such as your physician or therapist.
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Unread 06-09-2016, 07:51 PM   #17
j74
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Hi Kelly ur doing the rite thing I was terrified of w/d !but I did it and I was inducted at docs office today what a relief I feel like a normal person again !! Believe me I didn't believe other people's posts about feeling normal &wonderful until today!! But I would make that phone call &tset up appt cause there are waiting lists sometimes !im very grateful that I was able 2 get in w a doc!! Best decision I've made!!
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Unread 06-09-2016, 09:56 PM   #18
kellyjean2002
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J74. And Nancy. I called today and itll be end. Of june!!! I hav a question if I make my app do they pre run ur insurance? Im askn bc I dnt want to not be able to go to my PM next Thurs bc ive got til end of june to wait for Sub dr. I kno I should hav asked but I didnt want thd receptionist to thnk "well shes stil wantn pills but calln to get off thm" This dr. Has to accept u. The receptionist asks u questions she thn tells him amd he decides if he'll take u. Im in a small town. Lord. I wish I could just be in tomm and get ths over with. Or ill say started!!
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Unread 06-10-2016, 06:20 AM   #19
NancyB
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Hi kellyjean2002, I'm so glad you made that call! When will you know if they 'accept' you?Soon, I hope. As for the insurance, I honestly don't know.

Let us know when your appointment is!

Nancy
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Important disclaimer: Any information in this post is not and does not constitute medical advice under any circumstances. Addiction Survivors, Inc. does not warranty or guarantee the accurateness, completeness, adequacy or currency of the information contained in or linked to the Site. Your use of information on the Site or materials linked to the Site is entirely at your own risk. NEVER take any online advice over that of a qualified healthcare provider. Any information contained on AddictionSurvivors.org should only serve to inspire further investigation with credible, verifiable references sources such as your physician or therapist.
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Unread 06-10-2016, 07:58 PM   #20
j74
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Wink Dr appts

Quote:
Originally Posted by kellyjean2002 View Post
J74. And Nancy. I called today and itll be end. Of june!!! I hav a question if I make my app do they pre run ur insurance? Im askn bc I dnt want to not be able to go to my PM next Thurs bc ive got til end of june to wait for Sub dr. I kno I should hav asked but I didnt want thd receptionist to thnk "well shes stil wantn pills but calln to get off thm" This dr. Has to accept u. The receptionist asks u questions she thn tells him amd he decides if he'll take u. Im in a small town. Lord. I wish I could just be in tomm and get ths over with. Or ill say started!!
Hey sweety soo glad u made that phone call I no for me it seemed like the phone was a 100lbs but then after what a relief ! My insurance requires pre authorations I have BCBS and the doc I saw yesterday is out of my network so I have to pay 30% but I'm scheduled w another doc that's in my network June 23 so I gotta pay again next week! But it's all worth it!! But I can call your insurance and find out if u need pre authorations and when recept calls u bak u can ask or let them no what your insurance said!
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Unread 06-11-2016, 12:49 PM   #21
j74
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Question Ru ok?

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Originally Posted by j74 View Post
Hey sweety soo glad u made that phone call I no for me it seemed like the phone was a 100lbs but then after what a relief ! My insurance requires pre authorations I have BCBS and the doc I saw yesterday is out of my network so I have to pay 30% but I'm scheduled w another doc that's in my network June 23 so I gotta pay again next week! But it's all worth it!! But I can call your insurance and find out if u need pre authorations and when recept calls u bak u can ask or let them no what your insurance said!
Hey kellyjean ,how ru doing today?
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Unread 06-11-2016, 05:15 PM   #22
kellyjean2002
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Yes Mamm. Im doing ok. I can happily say Ive weaned myself to 5/20mgs a day. Ive felt like CRAP but ive had no choice to be honest. And I kno as soon as I fill my script the mill goes back up to like 10/20mg a day. So im def stil goin thru w the appointment!!! Im gana call my ins to find out. I Have Medicare and kno they have co pays.and hope they will pay for most of treatment. How are u feeling j74? Im so proud of u and so happy everything went well w ur induction! !! I pray mine goes as smooth.
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Unread 06-11-2016, 09:40 PM   #23
Iamready61
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The pain mgt place I go to doesn't take insurance, they don't have to. I paid 250 for the initial appt and 100 a month. He prescribed mm e bupe pills, took it to the pharmacy only to find out I needed a pre-auth, so that day I bought 15 pills for 66.00 did that twice. The Rx auth was originally denied, then they changed their mind and approved the bupe for one month. Their preferred med is Suboxone strips, that Rx auth is good for one year. I pay 45.00 a month for the meds. Best decision I ever made. Hugs, Shel
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Unread 06-12-2016, 08:33 AM   #24
j74
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Smile Kellyjean

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Originally Posted by kellyjean2002 View Post
Yes Mamm. Im doing ok. I can happily say Ive weaned myself to 5/20mgs a day. Ive felt like CRAP but ive had no choice to be honest. And I kno as soon as I fill my script the mill goes back up to like 10/20mg a day. So im def stil goin thru w the appointment!!! Im gana call my ins to find out. I Have Medicare and kno they have co pays.and hope they will pay for most of treatment. How are u feeling j74? Im so proud of u and so happy everything went well w ur induction! !! I pray mine goes as smooth.
Hi good morning!yes def call your insurance and I also had to have pre arthoration for my script I had to pay for my 7 days but it did get approved so I'm goin to pharmacy mon morn to get my $$ back! Yeh! How ru today?
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Unread 06-12-2016, 11:43 AM   #25
j74
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Smile Kellyjean

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Originally Posted by kellyjean2002 View Post
Yes Mamm. Im doing ok. I can happily say Ive weaned myself to 5/20mgs a day. Ive felt like CRAP but ive had no choice to be honest. And I kno as soon as I fill my script the mill goes back up to like 10/20mg a day. So im def stil goin thru w the appointment!!! Im gana call my ins to find out. I Have Medicare and kno they have co pays.and hope they will pay for most of treatment. How are u feeling j74? Im so proud of u and so happy everything went well w ur induction! !! I pray mine goes as smooth.
TY & I'm very grateful that all went smooth and great 4 me! It will 4 u 2 just try 2 think positive!and read as much as u can that helped me a lot & I'm still educating myself! Try not to read any of the negative stuff! And also I had cut my vicodins down also before I started w/d per my therapist that way it wasn't as bad!i gave mine 2 my husband and yeh it was hard I even kissed the Vicodin bottle goodbye lol that's my addict self!so is there anyone that u can given them 2?
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Unread 06-17-2016, 10:43 PM   #26
kellyjean2002
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J74 and Nancyb guess what? I made my appointment! ! I go on june 27th. If they hav a cancellation their gana call. She sajd if we hav a sonner opening do u want it? I said yes. I went to my pain mang and got my last script to hold me til I go. Sh*t its perfect time bc ill be out of the script by thn. Im familiar w the process of thd dr. I hav friends thst go there. He'll see me that Monday and do thd consult thn about 2dayz later I go back around 830 am to start thd dreadful wd. I go to pharm pik up the subs thn return ther fof a bit til im stabilized. Im required to attend 2 meetings a week 1with thd dr. For 1st few months til I can prove im able to do rght.. thn like 1 meeting a month. Thers another dr I could go to but doesn't require meetings. Frm what ive read on here meetings are an important part of recovery. So ill go to the meetings. Now I just hav to tell thd luv of my life. I kno he will support me but I kno he'll be upset over the lies for 2yearz. Everything will makd sence to him. Like thd excuses about losing my debit card eacg month. Or sayn why our Satalight money came out twice of our account. Im excited and scared. Im excited to get my life back and to be able to do thngs w my kids again. Sad thng is I keep thnkn damn I wnt be gettn thst big bottle of pills anymore, damn youll never get pain pills for the rest of my life frm any dr.!! But shit thst big bottle of pills only lasted a week anyway. Ok ill stop boring you now. Ill write again soon. Taking my daughter shooping tomm. Very excited about that as well. Xoxo
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Unread 06-18-2016, 12:45 AM   #27
kellyjean2002
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Well I told my fiancee and hes pissed. So mad im sleeping on couch. I didnt even get to tell him the extant of it. I only got as far as " I have a appointment for gettn help bc I been taking more of my pills than im supposed to and I need help and u to support me, if I go to dr. They'll help me" he says so u been spending my hard working money on pills" I cant believe u, I work 7 days a week for u to spend it". I said ur suppose to help me and understand that ur the only person I hav, both my parents are dead and have noone and ur gana get pissed bc im telling u I hav an addiction" he stil said " I can t believe u". So I went to the couch... I knew ths was gana happen. I should of tried to do ths alone. My only few friends do the pills also so itz not li ke I can depend on them wanting to go thru ths with me. Lord help me. Im so heartbroken.. we been together for almost 11 yrs and thought he would try to understand. He used to be an alcoholic. ..
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Unread 06-18-2016, 05:53 AM   #28
NancyB
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Hi kellyjean2002, I'm so sorry that was your fiance's gut reaction. I hope that he thinks about it overnight and realizes that it would be nice to have his support.

Please post and let us know how your day goes. I'll keep my fingers crossed that he changed his attitude and is there for you.

Nancy
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Important disclaimer: Any information in this post is not and does not constitute medical advice under any circumstances. Addiction Survivors, Inc. does not warranty or guarantee the accurateness, completeness, adequacy or currency of the information contained in or linked to the Site. Your use of information on the Site or materials linked to the Site is entirely at your own risk. NEVER take any online advice over that of a qualified healthcare provider. Any information contained on AddictionSurvivors.org should only serve to inspire further investigation with credible, verifiable references sources such as your physician or therapist.
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Unread 06-18-2016, 09:25 AM   #29
j74
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Smile Kellyjean

Quote:
Originally Posted by kellyjean2002 View Post
Well I told my fiancee and hes pissed. So mad im sleeping on couch. I didnt even get to tell him the extant of it. I only got as far as " I have a appointment for gettn help bc I been taking more of my pills than im supposed to and I need help and u to support me, if I go to dr. They'll help me" he says so u been spending my hard working money on pills" I cant believe u, I work 7 days a week for u to spend it". I said ur suppose to help me and understand that ur the only person I hav, both my parents are dead and have noone and ur gana get pissed bc im telling u I hav an addiction" he stil said " I can t believe u". So I went to the couch... I knew ths was gana happen. I should of tried to do ths alone. My only few friends do the pills also so itz not li ke I can depend on them wanting to go thru ths with me. Lord help me. Im so heartbroken.. we been together for almost 11 yrs and thought he would try to understand. He used to be an alcoholic. ..
Good morning sweety!im just now catching up reading your messages!first I'm soo happy you got your appt!and meetings are great I've been in AA for 5yrs so that's the one I go to!but pls don't tell anyone that ur on Medes some folks don't like that I have a great sponsor who doesn't care if I'm on meds as long as I'm sober and I'm doing my part!also I'm sorry to read about your fiancée! Yeh I'd think he would be a lil bit more understanding since he is in recovery himself but maybe with a lil time he will come around he is probably in shock! But just give him some time and pray for him ! Any plans for the weekend?
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Unread 06-18-2016, 10:34 AM   #30
kellyjean2002
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Well I went back to him ths morn and hes stil pissed. I told him ths isnt something I wanted to happen and he said I dnt care u been lying to me and taking frm him anx the kids. So be it.
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Unread 06-18-2016, 12:24 PM   #31
j74
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Smile Kellyjean

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Originally Posted by kellyjean2002 View Post
Well I went back to him ths morn and hes stil pissed. I told him ths isnt something I wanted to happen and he said I dnt care u been lying to me and taking frm him anx the kids. So be it.
Hey sweety like I said just let him be and give him some time ! I'm positive your fiancé will come around !you were honest w him so you did your part ! You gotta see it from his side to and his feelings as well! But remember you can't change how he feels right now and you need to focus on yourself ! Get yourself better and sober ! Ur in my prayers!
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Unread 06-19-2016, 06:00 AM   #32
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Hi kellyjean2002, has his attitude changed at all? One would hope he'd understand more since he had his addiction issues in the past. He has to remember that it wasn't the real you. Hopefully he'll come around and be angry at addiction and start supporting YOU.

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Unread 06-19-2016, 11:59 AM   #33
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Hi KellyJean...did your fiance get into recovery w program, or just quit drinking? You are in my thoughts.. Hugs
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Unread 06-20-2016, 12:14 AM   #34
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No his attitude hasnt changed. Ive tried several times to talk to him but he either gives me a smart ass comment or throws in my face the damage, the lies or the money thng. We haven't spoke for more than 5 min at a time since Fri. I even wrote him a letter and expressed my deepest apologies and that I realize the damage I have done. I told him I understand hes mad and he has every right. I said all I want to kno is if you'll support me and help me. He wouldn't even answer me. He Threw up all bad thngs ive caused. I got very upset and told him he doesn't have to constantly remind me of what mistakes ive made and hes not making ths any easier. He said I should have known better bc of the addiction that ive witnessed in my family. Thats when I said I guess when u wer an alcoholic then u should have known better too. And of course that pissed him off. He stopped drinking on his own. No meetings no help. Now he does occasionally drink at a cookout ect. And its been 10 yrs so I thnk he has control of it. Now by no means would I ever take another oxy after I get clean. Theres no way in hell ide ever touch another pill!!! So I guess ill just have to give him time. I refuse for him to keep throwing my mistakes in my face. I have enough to worry about and I thnk its unfair for him to constantly remind me. I havnt even started treatment and im tryn to prepare my mind for ths journey. So by him puttn negative thngs on top of ths isnt making it any easier. He has all right to be upset and hurt. But he has no right to make me feel worse about the lies, the money and the strain ive put on my family. We need to focus on positives and about us working thru ths. Thank u very much for listening and helping me get thru ths
Xoxo
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Unread 06-20-2016, 06:21 AM   #35
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Hi kellyjean2002, I think you're right by saying you'll have to give him some time. Nobody likes anything thrown in their face, but I'm kind of glad you reminded him of his addiction and maybe he'll think about it from that aspect a little more. You absolutely need positivity right now. So try to focus on yourself and getting better. We're here for you, so please keep posting - sometimes just writing stuff down helps a lot.

Nancy
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Unread 06-21-2016, 11:04 PM   #36
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Good evening. Well all is same here. Stil no communications. So ive lefy him alone til hes ready to talk. Ive called the dr. Both days to ask if they've hqd a cancellation but No luck, il try again weds, & thurs. Question: If I start to taper down now will it make my wd any easier when I do go for induction? Im gana tell ya ive realy been taking a lot since I kno im quitting. Ide say about 200 plus mg a day which actually I do that when I 1st get my script anyway it seemz like an endless supply til u look and ur bottle is gone in less than a week!! But anyway im gana taper down to about 70 mg then 50 mg over a few days. Ive gotten down to 50mg about 2weekz ago and felt crappy and almost adjusted but then got my script. So if I do get to 50mg will the wd process be easier or does it not make a differeance?? I def want ths process as less painful as possible! !! Im so ready to do this. Im preparing mt omind and so ready to do this. Im tryn to tell myself the wd is a lot about mental also. And if I freak myself out itll be worse. In 2yearz ive only been without a pill once. One night. And I freaked myself out and took a friends Sub and threw myself in Prec Withdrawal! !! Thatz why im so scared. But ive told myself im gana be ok and I can do this!!! Ive never been so ready in my life. I hope everyone is well xoxox
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Unread 06-22-2016, 05:23 AM   #37
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Hi kellyjean2002, sorry to hear that he's still not talking. Hopefully he'll come around soon and support you. It's hard to answer the withdrawal question because everyone is so different and, like you said, for some WDs can be exacerbated by anxiety and/or fear of WDs. I realize I posted this link to you before, but I'll post it again so you don't have to go look for it. You don't have to be in full withdrawals to start, but it's important to differentiate between what could be anxiety and real withdrawals. So the longer you can wait, the better. http://www.naabt.org/documents/NAABT_PrecipWD.pdf

Just be very careful you don't take too much now and risk overdose. So tapering might be a good thing.

You will be ok and you will do this!!

Nancy
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Unread 06-22-2016, 12:43 PM   #38
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Wl me calling and askn if they had a cancellation paid off. I go tomm at noon (thursday) for the talk. Im prayn that ill go for induction on Monday. I dnt thnk ill be able to get in o. FRI being hes gana want me to wd frm 12-24 hourz. Im now sick stomach thnkn about it!! Excited but scared!!!!
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Unread 06-22-2016, 02:36 PM   #39
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Smile Kellyjean

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Wl me calling and askn if they had a cancellation paid off. I go tomm at noon (thursday) for the talk. Im prayn that ill go for induction on Monday. I dnt thnk ill be able to get in o. FRI being hes gana want me to wd frm 12-24 hourz. Im now sick stomach thnkn about it!! Excited but scared!!!!
I'm sooo happy for you! I was the exact same way as ur now! I'm tomorrow will be my 2nd week on subs! I have 15 days no pills and it's great! Just be completely honest w the doctor ! Also bring all your meds w you to your appt if u take other meds. I'm soo proud of you sweety! Keep me posted pls!
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Unread 06-22-2016, 10:35 PM   #40
Iamready61
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Good Luck! I will be thinking of you! Hugs
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Unread 06-23-2016, 05:20 AM   #41
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Hi kellyjean2002, fingers crossed! Let us know how it goes when you can.

Nancy
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Unread 06-23-2016, 06:53 PM   #42
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I went to my consult today. All went great. It felt nice to get everything off my mind ans tell the truth to a dr.! I go for induction on Monday at 7:00 am.. woo wee gana be a long day!! Nothings better w my fiancee. I texted him today and asked him if he would to w me on Monday he said we'll see!!! I wasnt very nice w my reply. Enough iz enough! ! Im asking for him to help me thru a very difficult day and he cant even say Yes, I made me mad but of course ll stand behind u!!! Its be 6 days and nothing! !! I wana ask him So if ths happened to ur own mother would u want ur father treating her ths way. Hell No he wouldn't. And thatz the truth. Im so aggregated right now w him. I thought he would understand but anything I would say he would say "well I thought this and I thought that". Anway thanks for listening. Ill keep in touch. Xoxox
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Unread 06-23-2016, 09:35 PM   #43
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Smile Kellyjean

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Originally Posted by kellyjean2002 View Post
I went to my consult today. All went great. It felt nice to get everything off my mind ans tell the truth to a dr.! I go for induction on Monday at 7:00 am.. woo wee gana be a long day!! Nothings better w my fiancee. I texted him today and asked him if he would to w me on Monday he said we'll see!!! I wasnt very nice w my reply. Enough iz enough! ! Im asking for him to help me thru a very difficult day and he cant even say Yes, I made me mad but of course ll stand behind u!!! Its be 6 days and nothing! !! I wana ask him So if ths happened to ur own mother would u want ur father treating her ths way. Hell No he wouldn't. And thatz the truth. Im so aggregated right now w him. I thought he would understand but anything I would say he would say "well I thought this and I thought that". Anway thanks for listening. Ill keep in touch. Xoxox
Hey I'm so happy for you!unwill be in my prayers! As far as your fiancé goes all you can do is pray for him! Because he doesn't go to aa meetings he is probably a dry drunk that's what we call people who aren't in the aa program or Na pragram! So he is getting no benefits just not drinking!! Anyways keep the focus on yourself and put your sobriety first! I hope you have a wonderful night and if you have any ?s I'll try to answer them for you! Again ur in my prayers! Take care!
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Unread 06-24-2016, 12:29 AM   #44
Iamready61
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Hi KJ..so of you have to be there 7:00 am Monday when did he want you to stop taking the pills. So sorry about your fiancé maybe you are learning something important before you signed that important piece of paper. Hugs, keep posting.. Cessa Mama Shel
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Unread 06-24-2016, 05:52 AM   #45
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Hi kellyjean2002, I can't add much to what j74 and Cessa Mama Shel said. Take care of you first and foremost and keep posting. We're here for you.

Nancy
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Unread 06-24-2016, 09:16 PM   #46
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Finally my luv is holding me and talking to me again! !! Thank God..my nerves are shot!! Im scared bc Monday is rght around the corner...Please Pray for me. And thank everyone for ur support <3 <♥♥♥♥
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Unread 06-25-2016, 07:56 AM   #47
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I'm so happy for you! Please don't be scared about Monday - try to look forward to it instead. You'll be starting a new, better chapter in your life.

Nancy
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Unread 06-25-2016, 11:28 AM   #48
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Smile Kellyjean

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Originally Posted by kellyjean2002 View Post
Finally my luv is holding me and talking to me again! !! Thank God..my nerves are shot!! Im scared bc Monday is rght around the corner...Please Pray for me. And thank everyone for ur support <3 <♥♥♥♥
Awesome! And ur in my prayers! Keep me posted pls!
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Unread 06-25-2016, 11:48 AM   #49
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That is wonderful news, I agree w Nancy, something to look forward to the madness will on its way to being under control.
When do you stop taking medsnin advance of Monday at 7?
Big squeezy Hugs to you
Cessa Mama Shel
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Unread 06-27-2016, 09:25 AM   #50
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You will be in my thoughts today.. Hugs
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