Giving it another go

[Sunshine72]

Hello All - I am here again. Whether that is good or bad, I do not know. When I logged back in and looked at my last post, it was a year and four days and the saddest drunk post. Well, I can't say I'm much further along today, but I'm not feeling as helpless. I may just be sick and tired of being sick and tired . As a recap, for those of you I haven't chatted with in this forum: I'm a 43 year old stay at home mother of 4 adopted kiddos. I've been swilling down a bottle or two (if it's around after the first, I'm guaranteed to drink it) for about 15 years now. I'm in a perpetual cycle of feeling bored, lonely, restless, drunk, hungover, guilty, self-loathing and tired. So tired I need another drink (or 10) to get me through the end of the day.
So, I decided I was ready to quit last week. I made it through five days feeling great. Then my husband and I went out to dinner with friends and I have a glass of wine. Just one. I was so proud of my restraint! The next day I was cooking dinner (my witching hour) and poured a glass of some crap wine that had been sitting around for the week. And just like that, the bottle was gone and I drove to the store to get another. And of course, headache, self loathing, etc followed.
Yesterday I did not drink (because I had a hangover) and today I went to an outpatient orientation. And this process is killing me! First (two weeks ago), I had an intake appointment with a doctor who prescribed Librium (I haven't taken it), then they scheduled an "orientation" which was nothing more than an intro to what they offer. And now I'm waiting another week for an assessment before I can start treatment. I just want to get into a group and get some support! Ha! Which is why I came back here.
So, today I will not drink. But man, I can't help but think of all the upcoming situations where I will be tempted! That is the crap I don't look forward to!

[Alexis]

hello Sunshine, just want to say hello, and I definitely know the feeling of that horrible cycle.

Hoping you get into a group very soon.

Peace and love to you, and your kids! x

[R. Lee]

Sunshine, Welcome back. Yes you are proof that it is the 1st. drink that will get you. You are so lucky that you want to stop.

What works for me is to think through that 1st drink. You only have to do this a day at a time. People places & things will trigger that urge to drink.

If there is no change there is no change.

You are worth it. Go for it!!

[lostdog]

You are a ray of sunshine. Every name has a subliminal meaning and you can do this. Accept the responsibility, the rest will come. There are urges and then you can distract yourself and think through the drink. Be gentle with yourself and we are here for you. Talk to us soon.

[SecretTiger]

"So, today I will not drink."

That, put into practice, is what I'm also aiming for. Sometimes it's "I won't drink right now". Keeping that up (so far) has made me feel indescribably better.

I've let go of the "I'm never going to drink ever again" thinking because it simply didn't work. Taking it moment by moment, day by day, is more attainable and worth it.

[R. Lee]

Sunshine, Check in & let us know how you are doing. Think through that next urge to drink.

[Tryntryagain]

Good afternoon Sunshine. Bright blessings to you.

Errr....."here again...whether that is good or bad"?....It's FANTASTIC Sunshine! You never "went anywhere" other than where you didn't want to go. Here, there is always someone in to share with you.

Thank you for your post, you must know it breaks our hearts as well as yours?

Sunshine if i may, i want to chose what i think was really important in your post and share that with you.

Your significant words were,

Bored...= need purpose.

Lonely...= want to be heard and share.

Restless...= unrequited energy and motivation.

Drunk, hungover...= consequence.

Guilt, self loathing and tired...= result.

There is a different journey. An eclectic one. I used to throw myself at my weaknesses...1 by one. While i was addressing an issue, another would be tapping me on my shoulder for attention. I had to become holistic in my approach to myself.

I have not managed it as i would like, but i am trying to do just that. It is all i can realistically do. My focus is not on "this or that", it needs to be on me and what makes me tick so that the next morning.....i will always walk out of my front door....but with my head held high.

I could not possibly entertain that notion with drink on board.

If you can whilst waiting for your pathway to start, start your own. Pop along to a meeting. I find those times useful to me when i need to foundate and centre my own self and my needs.

Change indeed is a wondrous thing, i have felt at times it feels "too big". Think of it as evolving and growing. You do....and hey presto....things have changed.

Your kids....having my little lot, i know how very blessed we are.

This Sunshine...is for you now. Do this for you. You deserve it. Find the parent in you to look and watch over you now.

Be peaceful, be healthy and be strong. Loveness to you Sunshine

[Millie]

Hi Sunshine. Welcome back. Let's do this together.