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Unread 06-01-2010, 11:35 AM   #1
Sullivan
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I just want to say thank you all the people here. You have taken so much time to listen and give such thoughtful insight. I don't feel like I deserve the kindness everyone has shown me, but please know how much it is appreciated. You haven't judged or given up on me and I don't know why; I'm a complete stranger to everyone and not even a paying customer!

You help me want to be and stay sober. Thank you so much for listening.

Sullivan
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Unread 06-01-2010, 04:13 PM   #2
R. Lee
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Sullivan, I don't judge anyone here. I was there once. Today I'm sober taking it 1 day at a time. Keep coming back!
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Unread 06-02-2010, 11:38 AM   #3
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R. Lee,

I need to hear that. Thanks. I'm having a rough time...
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Unread 06-02-2010, 12:06 PM   #4
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Sullivan,

Hope you get through this time without drinking. One of the tools we share with my clients is to say...
"Of course I want to drink, but I know I cannot do so in safety"! It is a way to validate the craving without appeasing it, as well as reaffirming you commitment to stay sober!
"This too shall pass."
Hope that helps.
All the best,
Jerry
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Unread 06-02-2010, 05:49 PM   #5
R. Lee
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Sullivan, You are in my thoughts & prayers. You can stop. I had to use a support group & still do. Think through that next drink. Our bodies can't handle alcohol like others can.
One drink is too much & 50 drinks is not enough.
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Unread 06-02-2010, 07:21 PM   #6
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Dear Sullivan I am there for you ...I know what your going thru i went thru it myself i almost died..I found i couldnt stop on my own so i started going to meetings just so i would get out of the house and be around people.. Believe me when i say that because i just didnt want to be noticed...I just sat there and listened to the stories and something just clicked... I relized they were just like me.....they didnt push themseves on me i went and asked for help..From that day on it changed my life.......Like my sponsor tells me every day ...let some one else do the driving from now on and you sit in the passenger seat.....In other words let god show you the way and you just enjoy the ride .....Please dont give up and always believe in yourself..Keep in touch and let us know how you are doing...My prayers and thoughts are with you.....Di
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Unread 06-03-2010, 11:25 AM   #7
Sullivan
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Thank you R. Lee, Jerry and PrincessDi for responding. As I mentioned before, I am too stubborn for traditional counseling so you guys are it for me.

I need to vent. Feel free to skip over it if you wish, but I'll feel better just getting it out.

My husband is an alcoholic as well, with about 15 more years of drinking than myself. I've mentioned before that he is supportive in that he is sympathetic but how much help is "the blind leading the blind?"

He has mentioned before (and again a couple days ago) that he fears that I am "psyching" myself into craving alcohol by thinking about it too much. In other words, he says although I may be an alcoholic the more time I spend worrying about it the worse the problem becomes. I'm not sure how to feel about this, as I am not the hypochondriac sort. Plus, of all the research I've done and the things people here say it describes me physically and emotionally spot on.

His way of dealing with alcoholism is to set limits. But like me, alcohol always slowly creeps back into his life, prompting yet another crusade to control it. His way of helping me is to try and (gently) enforce his rules on my drinking. For example, he will go to the store to buy beer for him and wine for me. Instead of buying my usual, he comes home with something completely different, usually in a single-serving package. It's like sending someone to the store to buy Marlboro Reds and he comes home with Winston Lights. I gave up smoking long ago but to anyone who smokes probably understands this analogy well.

None of his rules work for me and I have told him so. I want to be able to have a casual drink or two just like him but I know now this can never again be the case. During a serious talk about alcohol a couple days ago, he wanted to make a "plan" with "rules" for the long term. I told him once again that trying to think beyond today is so overwhelming I just can't handle it. He asked what I thought we should do for a camping trip we have planned later this month and again I had to tell him that the idea of thinking that far ahead makes me feel like I'm going insane. He got a little frustrated and said that if one of us decides not to drink than it has to be both of us; he wants to be able to enjoy a couple of beers now and then.

I know that couples who drink together have a different dynamic than those who drink alone. But it's hard to find information out there about it. I have vowed to seek professional counseling if I can't do this on my own, before I begin doubting the safety and well-being of my two beautiful young children while in my care.

My husband has repeatedly told me that he will not go to counseling, even though he supports my effort to do so. I think he would happily live the rest of his life being a functioning alcoholic. I wish I could do that; maybe he's just stronger than me?

I feel angry and resentful and a whole other list of other negative emotions and don't understand why. I love my husband dearly, he is my best friend and companion who has only the best of intentions. Why in the world would I feel this way about the one person who has been so kind and understaning?

Sorry to make such a long rant. Gotta go before the tears start...
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Unread 06-03-2010, 01:09 PM   #8
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Dear Sulli You are not alone i went thru the same situation....All i can tell you is not to worry about your husband worry about yourself and what YOU NEED TO DO JUST FOR TODAY....I know its hard but dont give up......I will get back to you later and check up on you .....Remember to keep busy...Take care and keep me posted...Di
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Unread 06-03-2010, 10:00 PM   #9
R. Lee
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Sullivan, In my program there are no don'ts just suggestions. It gives me the choice to stay sober 1 day at a time. I could not stop drinking by doing it alone. 42 years of heavy drinking proved that.
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Unread 06-04-2010, 10:30 AM   #10
Sullivan
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My husband and I talked a little more last night about alcohol consumption. He is beginning like the idea of "one day at a time" more and more. It sounds like the idea just clicked with him all of a sudden and is far easier to hang on to than his his previous thought process.

It shames me to admit that I often secretly wishes he will buy beer to give me an excuse to drink too. Knowing he feels the same way as well does bring some comfort though. Unfortunately it could--and has--been a bad thing too.

Yesterday I had a nearly overwhelming urge to drink but decided I could wait until today. Maybe today I could wait until tomorrow? After all, I made it through yesterday. Besides, the weather is supposed to be nice tomorrow and Saturdays are better for relaxing with a drink in hand.

Cooking, my anti-drink. Off to go make buttermilk biscuits and gravy for breakfast to deliver to my old pals from work...
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Unread 06-04-2010, 02:15 PM   #11
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Great job Sulli Just remember ONE DAY AT A TIME ....I am very proud of you.....I hope you have a grrreat week end.. Keep coming back.. Di
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Unread 06-05-2010, 01:21 PM   #12
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Hi there Sulli How are you doing ? How is your day going? I am just checking to make sure you are ok.....This weekend is supposed to be hot so take it easy and have fun indoors ... I knoiw i am..lol....Remember ONE DAY AT A TIME... Have a good day and i will check on you later....Di
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Unread 06-05-2010, 10:28 PM   #13
R. Lee
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Di, Thank you for what you do!
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Unread 06-07-2010, 01:28 AM   #14
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Thanks R Lee for being here for us all....I dont know what i would do if all you guys werent here.,,...Thinking of you all always..Di
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Unread 06-07-2010, 10:10 AM   #15
Sullivan
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Hi PrincessDi,

I am doing okay, thanks for checking on me. Unfortunately my weekend was not a sober one, but today is a new day and a chance to try again. It is hard not to drink on weekends, especially when my husband drinks heavily then. I always end up using his drinking as an excuse to do the same. He (still) strongly believes that a few casual drinks now and then is certainly okay, even for me. I, however, am beginning to realize that every drink I take only makes it harder to stop.

Insanity...
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Unread 06-07-2010, 04:34 PM   #16
R. Lee
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Sullivan, Sometimes people still have more drinking to do. That was my case until I was almost 61.
I suggest you think through that next drink. It's the 1st drink that gets you not the 20th.
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Unread 06-07-2010, 06:21 PM   #17
Sullivan
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Lee, tell me it gets easier? Please?
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Unread 06-07-2010, 09:07 PM   #18
R. Lee
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Sullivan, The longer you make being sober your # 1 priority the easier it is to stay sober.

Today I had a choice to live the life of a sober man or go back to that terrible life of an active alcoholic. If I wake up tomorrow I will have that choice again. Right now I'm staying in today.

You don't have to live like you are. You can't play around with alcohol when you are an alcoholic. There are so many yets. You may go insane, got to prison, or die.
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Unread 06-08-2010, 11:20 AM   #19
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Sulli Lee is right YOU yourself make that choice to pick up that first drink...Nobody can make you drink...And yes it does get easier as time goes by..I dont think about the next day i just concentate on today...Just for today i ask mt higher power to help me stay sober...Just for today i am going to ask him to help you...Remember one day at a time....Luv Di
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Unread 06-08-2010, 11:46 AM   #20
Sullivan
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Lee and PrincessDi,

Of course you are both right. Today my #1 priority is to stay sober. It is difficult not to think about anything other than today but I will continue to give it my best. The idea of failing to stay sober some other day is just so terrifying. Yet so is the idea of sobriety. Does that sound silly or what?

Thanks for your reassurance, and listening ear. I don't know where else to vent. No I take that back; I do know where else to vent. I'm just still too scared to go there right now...

Sully
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Unread 06-08-2010, 02:27 PM   #21
R. Lee
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Sully. Don't worry about the future. Work on staying sober today.
I could not stay sober on my own. I used a support group. They greeted me as one of their own just an alcoholic & told me I was the most important person at the meeting.. They gave me phone #s to call before I took that 1st drink. Give that a try. If you don't like it try other meetings & give it a honest chance. If it does not work then try some other approach.
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Unread 06-09-2010, 10:30 AM   #22
Sullivan
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Beginning sober day number two. Aside from having a head cold, I'm feeling well and in good spirits.

I've been asking my husband every day for almost a week to look up the phone number for the Employee Assistance Program from work. I've even called to remind him. I'm beginning to think he may not be in favor of my quest to seek counseling. I could call the company and ask but since they already know me so well it would defeat the purpose of staying anonymous (small company, small town).

May I ask you a question, Lee? No obligation to answer but you mentioned you and your wife are both recovering alcoholics right? Well, did you ever drink together or seek help together--or were both of your drinking days over before you met? Just curious. I get the distinct impression that although my husband has cut back on his alcohol intake he does not intend to begin the healing process of alcoholism. Is it even possible for me to succeed if he continues to drink? It's not that I am depeding on him for my success but I also don't want to be naive in setting myself up for failure. Does that make any sense or am I just rambling? Or maybe once again I'm just thinking too far into the future. One day at a time...

Thanks for listening.
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Unread 06-10-2010, 10:06 AM   #23
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Sullivan-
It can be difficult when you decide to recover and your spouse does not. I know that if both people decide to get help at the same time, it is best to do it separately for a number of reasons. You asked if it is possible to succeed if he continues to drink- I don't think it is impossible, but it will be difficult. The stronger your sober support, the better your chances. I have to tell you that this disease is often fatal- my 30 year old niece recently died from addiction. Her husband used with her and while she had expressed wanting to get clean, it was much harder for her because they used together. I feel a sense of guilt for not doing more to help, but I know that when someone is addicted- they do not always want what is best for them.
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Unread 06-10-2010, 01:45 PM   #24
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Sulli Magda is right. It is harder to get sober or stay sober when you are trying to quit drinking...You might want to try to go to a few meetings to get out of the house for a couple of hours a day...I know it helped me alot to get away for awhile and away from temptation...And it gave me time to find out more about myself.. Go to the park or go for a walk just something to get out of the house .Anyway i hope that helps i am there if you need me..... Take care. Sending angels to watch over you...Luv Di
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Unread 06-10-2010, 06:14 PM   #25
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Sullivan, My wife & I were divorced in 1972 after 5 years of marriage. We both drank while married. I drank every day & was probably an alcoholic. She was not. She moved back to CA & I stayed in MI. While in CA she remarried a dope pusher & her life style changed. She was cross adddicted. Her main problem was vodka. She split up from her husband after many beatings & having a gun pulled on her. She then got sober in 1979. In 1984 I contacted her & persuaded her to come back to MI. She did. I quit drinking & used a suport group for 1 & 1/2 months. I quit going to meetings & remained a dry drunk for another 5 & 1/2 months. Then I continued to drink as an alcoholic. In 99 she had a slip after 20 years of sobriety & I was in my glory. She got sober after 3 months of drinking. She has been sober for over 10 years. I continued to drink until 2004. During this time we were divorced again. We lived on & off several times. She moved back with me in 99 while I was still drinking. We have been together for almost 11 years. We are not married but I made a commintment to her. We have had a good 11years together & a wonderful 5 years since I quit drinking. We both are very active in a support system going to at least 5 meetings a week. Now was my behavior before I got sober insanity or what. I did not care about her sobriety because I came 1st. I no longer live that way. Today we are a sober couple living a wonderful life even when we have are ups & downs.
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Unread 06-12-2010, 12:35 PM   #26
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DEar Sullivan,

I am just now catching up with your posts- lots of great feedback and i am so glad Lee shared his experience . I know couples who can get through this it takes work, but it can be done.
I tend to agree with Magda, that you each seek help separately, sure you can go can to couples counseling as that would help your relationship, but you each have your own " unique relationship with alcohol" as in it is not always a once size fits all regarding support, treatment... etc.

The great thing about this community here is that no one judges, we can share our experiences and are more than happy to listen. Never feel badly about venting, in that venting may come much insight, even solutions. I dare say most of us started out not jazzed about traditional support- like AA - though it can work for many. I got my foundation in AA but it took many years to get there. The good news is today there are so many various options - I will post the link for you .

Re: the EAP - that should be bound by the utmost annonimity - though i know how small towns are - it should not negate the fact that there are laws that protect anyone seeking help for alcohol/substance misuse.

Hang in there, if you have to take it an hour at a time do so. Try to keep an open mind - I know I made my journey much more difficult because I thought I could do it all by myself, but I also had to get to the point where I was willing to accept help. So, in the meantime you have everyone pulling for you and vent away. ask questions. Most of all, Stay safe.
take care- Carly : )
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Unread 06-12-2010, 12:45 PM   #27
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Magda View Post
Sullivan-
It can be difficult when you decide to recover and your spouse does not. I know that if both people decide to get help at the same time, it is best to do it separately for a number of reasons. You asked if it is possible to succeed if he continues to drink- I don't think it is impossible, but it will be difficult. The stronger your sober support, the better your chances. I have to tell you that this disease is often fatal- my 30 year old niece recently died from addiction. Her husband used with her and while she had expressed wanting to get clean, it was much harder for her because they used together. I feel a sense of guilt for not doing more to help, but I know that when someone is addicted- they do not always want what is best for them.
Dear Magda,

I am so sorry to learn about your niece. I am sure you tried your best but we know there is only so much you can do, this insidious disease is a life taker. It is such a sad loss. You have my sincerest condolences, take care, Carly
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Unread 06-12-2010, 02:19 PM   #28
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Magda, Sorry to hear of your loss due to your niece's addiction. Some of us can't stop until they die from it.
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Unread 06-12-2010, 02:33 PM   #29
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HI Sullivan - here are some links re: Types of support and other info. hope it helps.


http://www.alcoholanswers.org/resour...port-links.cfm

http://www.alcoholanswers.org/alcoho...withdrawal.cfm
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Unread 06-14-2010, 11:36 AM   #30
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Carly,
Thanks for the reply. As always, your feedback is so helpful and appreciated. You said it took many years for you to get to AA. Do you mind if I ask how many years? Did you try any other treatment before then?

Magda,
I am so sorry to hear about your neice. I understand what this self-destructive behavior does to a family. My sister just turned 36. She has been an addict for close to 20 years now; her drug of choice is meth with alcohol binges in between. She has lost everything. She can't hold a job or a place to live and long ago lost custody of both of her children. Sadly, I watch the news every day half expecting to see a story that she has been found dead. On one ocassion some years ago her boyfriend beat her unconscious and left her body in the ditch of a quiet country road for dead. Only by chance a passing car found her and took her to a hospital. She recovered only to go back to the same man and later have a second child with him. There are dozens of other stories about her that are just as horrific. It is shocking she has lived even this long.

I never give up hope that she will some day find the strength to recover and find happiness in life. If not, is it awful that I pray it all ends for her to save her from all the suffering? I love her very much and it breaks my heart to see her life withering away.

Last edited by Sullivan; 06-14-2010 at 11:39 AM.. Reason: Addition
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Unread 06-14-2010, 12:54 PM   #31
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Sulli I am just checking to see how you are doing? I am so proud of you and i am thinking of you always..keep in touch..Luv Di
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Unread 06-14-2010, 01:38 PM   #32
Sullivan
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PrincessDi,

Thanks for checking on me. Things over here are okay. Not great but okay. Not a sober weekend unfortunately. I'll keep working on it...

Thank you for being here, it really means a lot.

Sullivan
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Unread 06-14-2010, 03:37 PM   #33
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Sullivan,

Hang in there.
All the best!
Jerry
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Unread 06-14-2010, 03:52 PM   #34
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Hi Jerry,

Thank you for the encouragement; I need all I can get. Although I don't always post I still do check in, weekdays especially. Since my husband has weekends off my routine is disrupted and I sometimes have to wait until Monday to respond. Either way I am always eager to read the latest posts.

Please know that generous folks like yourself help keep me coming back and striving for a life of sobriety every day.

Sincerely,

Sullivan
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Unread 06-14-2010, 04:09 PM   #35
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Sullivan, Think through that next drink. Take it 1 day at a time or even 1 minute at a time. I wish you had phone numbers to call a sober woman for help before you drank. Just don't stop trying to quit drinking.
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Unread 06-14-2010, 05:06 PM   #36
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Thanks, Lee. You don't know how bad I need to hear that right now. This might sound like a silly question, but how do you recommend I go about obtaining those numbers? My husband has offered to let me call him but well, we have our own separate issues with drinking; I don't want to call him for a variety of reasons. Does that sound awful?
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Unread 06-14-2010, 11:00 PM   #37
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Sullivan, In my story I say that I quit drinking 3 times with out success. Twice for 7 months & the last time for 4 months. During my 2nd try I tried A.A. in 1984. I did not like A.A. & I was not doing this for myself. I was doing it to get my ex wife back who was in recovery. I stayed with A.A. for a month & a half. I quit going to A.A. & remained a resentful dry drunk for another 5 & 1/2 months. I continued to hang around my drinking buddies while I drank non alcoholic beer. I was setting myself up for another drink. Well I started to drink again & drank for another 20 years.
In 2004 I made my last attempt to stop drinking by myself. I lasted 4 months. I went back to drinking for 7 more weeks.
I came home one day from a good day of drinking. It was a fun day for me. After being home I had this overwhelming desire to quit drinking & try A.A. again.
This time I didn't fight A.A. I surrounded myself with sober men. I did what they suggested, that was get phone numbers of male A.A. members & get a sponsor. It was suggested that I call someone before I picked up that 1 st drink. I have been doing this for 5 years now.
To show you an example. This past weekend a house next to me went up for sale. We asked my mother if she wanted to buy it & live 11 miles closer to me on a lake. We took mom through the house & she liked it. She is 90 years old.
My brother lives with in a half mile of my mother now. He spends about half of every month down state with their children while he works a part time job. Last week my brother told me they were going to go to FL on January 4th next year until April. He never asked me what my plans were for next winter. Last year I went to see my son's in FL & TN by myself while my wife took my mom to the nursing home 40 minutes from my house to see my dad. She was also there if mom needed anything. This winter it will be her chance to go while I stayed home.
I called my brother this afternoon while they were down state to tell him what we were doing. He already knew about it as mom was talking to my sister & told her about it as we picked mom up. He is very angry that we didn't discuss this with him as my mother will take about a $65,000 loss on selling her home if it sells. I might have over stepped my bounds by suggesting this house to my mom without talking to my brother & sister. She lives in another state & is unable to help with the parents do to a sick husband. Nothing has been signed so I told him to talk to mom tomorrow when they get back.
What I'm trying to get at here is I have never thought of drinking tonight. Instead I came to this site for some piece of mind by trying to help other alcoholics that still suffer.
To answer your question Sully A.A. is where I get my phone numbers from.

Last edited by R. Lee; 06-14-2010 at 11:06 PM..
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Unread 06-15-2010, 02:05 AM   #38
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Sulli when i go to my meetings i wait until after the meeting and then i asked the lady at the front table for the phone list for women only... like i said i usually wait until the meeting ends or get it before it starts.. i call 4 to 5 ladies every single day . and that really helps ... Just remember one step at a time..... you take care and i will check on you tomorrow..Luv Di.....
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Unread 06-17-2010, 09:07 PM   #39
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Hi Sullivan,

I do not mind sharing at all. It took me about 3 years of teetering on the edge before I seriously got help, via AA , Counseling, inpatient. You ask about AA specifically but always remember now there are so many more options for support.
I started misusing pot and alcohol at a young age, I also dealt with depression, was medicated for that - back when Xanax was not addictive
( supposedly) . Somehow , I managed to keep it together- through college, a job, etc... I was definitely a binge drinker.. but when I discovered opiates - that became my substance of choice and I went down far very fast. I wanted desparately to get help, I went through the swings and slides - dealing with withdrawals, waking up sick every morning wanting so so badly to stop, and then giving in and then hating myself. That is the worst not being able to look at myself in the mirror because I hated myself, felt weak, hopeless. Utter darkness.
I had been exposed to AA, I just could not understand how people in AA were so happy, I suppose I had not surrendered. Did not have an open mind.
I was in out of detoxes, rehabs...for 2 years , but never followed through with my plan. Still thinking I could do it on my own. I even went to long term residential, and my counselor said , as I was packing to fly the coop, if you do not surrender, XYZ will happen. Well, she was right - one year after leaving that place, XYZ happened and much worse, I hit rock bottom and had a choice to seek help, stay put or face serious legal issues. I heeded my attorney's advice- finally gave in and part of the program was attending AA - in addition to counseling and group. I opted to stay in the women's long term program because I had no other options, burnt all my bridges, and it served me well. I was very happy, never knew I could be that happy !

Even then it took a good 3 months of attending meetings twice a day before i got it- started to feel good about myself. I remember feeling soooo nervous, scared, you name it. Soon, I started to look forward to the meetings.
I had started so young, I simply did not how to function without something in my system. Those people taught me how to live on life's terms, so I will always be grateful for that. That was many moons ago- circa 1994ish , and I had many great years until a series of events and my complacent attitude led to a relapse a few years ago. I got help, got back on track and did get back in AA for the first year. The members welcomed me - were glad that I had survived a relapse as many do NOT ! Plus, A lot had changed since the 1990s- like newer medications, today I utilize counseling, peer support, group and medication.
I hope this helps, it takes what it takes, all I can say, IMO- a meeting is one hour out of your day, as much I love online peer support - and firmly believe it can pave the way to other to other support ... there can be something so valuable about that face to face contact with others, I think the group process can be so powerful from my experience. Just like we know you you are going through, imagine that in a group setting. Plus, you can meet the most awesome people , people who "get you " at least that was what I found to be such a relief and have had some great times.

Again, I hope this helps, the one thing about dealing with addiction is that is not a one size fits all - I suggest keep an open mind, be willing to work -whether in counseling , group etc.. it is worth it. Most of all do not lose HOPE, do not give up ! Take care, Carly : )

PS - Read Laura C's thread- as well as others here - Laura just checked in and is still going strong !!!
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Unread 06-18-2010, 10:39 PM   #40
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Sully,

Hi - I too was what I considered a functioning alcoholic. That is to say I was able to stay gainfully employed. The drinking affected my marriage and my relationships with family members. Not because I was drunk or out of control during family functions. It was because i would not drink or drink very little at family functions. I watched the clock and always made sure I had enough time to drink at home, alone, before starting a new day.... and doing it all over again.

I was just thinking back to a time when I told myself I needed to stop drinking because I didn't want my daughter to grow up seeing a father who was drinking and who was a drunk. When she was little I wouldn't drink until after she slept. After a few years it was only one or two before her bedtime and then I drank until I had my fill. I continued to drink as the years wore on but I isolated myself from her at night so I could drink and she wouldn't see the worst of it. The last two years before I stopped drinking I started with the hard stuff. A couple of shots to get me buzzed quicker then the beer. I started missing occasional activities with my daughter because I was either hung over or too tired.

Always the next day I'll stop drinking, or this will be my last 30 pack of beer, once it's gone I'll stop. Of course the years flew by with the lies I told myself. I knew I was an alcholic and I knew I needed to stop but I couldn't, didn't stop. I couldn't look myself in the mirror because I was ashamed of what I was. I was a shell of a person.

I knew I was on the cusp of losing everything If I didn't stop drinking. My job, my marriage, my daughter.

My daughter was 10 1/2 when I got sober.

I lost my marriage, or more appropriately I gave it away.

I managed to stay employed.

I feel fortunate I stopped drinking when I did, before it destroyed me.


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Unread 06-21-2010, 06:50 PM   #41
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For whatever my admission is worth, I've had several drinks.

I just went to get the mail. There was some literature from the "Women for Sobriety" that I requested a few days ago from a website I found on this forum recently, womenforsobriety.org. I will read through everything again later with a clear mind. Then hopefully the tears won't be so likely to interrupt my thoughts.

The nearest meeting location is 70 miles away, in the heart of where my family lives and where I grew up.

This brings up so many issues for me, as my sister apparently recently took up meth again. She has always viewed me as the "perfect daughter with a perfect life" (she knows nothing of my alcohol addiction, nor my husband's). Compared to her dysfunctional world mine really is normal, sad as it may seem.

May I ask your opinion, anyone's--is it worth it to travel the 70 miles north to meet with these other gals? If so do you think I should invite my estranged sister to attend? I dearly want to help her as well as myself. Perhaps we could hep each other?

Thank you for listening to my thoughts.

Sincerely,
Sullivan
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Unread 06-21-2010, 09:36 PM   #42
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Dear Sully,

I hope your tears have dried, please try not to beat yourself up, you have been honest and that is HUGE ! It is great that you sent off for the info, that is proactive ! Though , 70 miles is far - if you read the info and it sounds good then maybe try it - if you like it , have the time/money then even going once a week could be beneficial, something is better than nothing.

Have you looked into the alcohol dependence locator - it is on the right hand side of the page? Enter your zip and it gives you an idea of what is available near you. Lists of counselors, addiction specialists ...If you live in a small town, maybe try a 12 step group in a nearby town. There is AA , Rational Recovery, SMART recovery , counselors may provide groups, or if insurance will pay then something like an outpatient program.

Attempting any type of life change without some form of professional or even face to face support can be daunting. The forum is a great start . A former moderator named, Glennda ( go back about a year and half ago if you want to read her feedback- which is spot on and hilarious at times )She said that often , in the beginning, we all go through "False Starts " like what you are going through now, picking up a drink, it always stuck with me because it happens.

AS far as your sister, I know your heart is in the right place and you are worried about her but imo get yourself sorted out first, sure you can give her suggestions, info etc... but I just believe when you do begin your process, focus on yourself and even be selfish- this is Your life, your happiness , your future. One day you could be in the position to help her, but for now maybe let her know you Love her but just like all of us we have to Want it for ourselves.

I do hope you are feeling better, please do not give up, ever - you really sound like you are taking positive steps to finally commit to a solid plan, once you do embark on your journey I truly believe you will find peace and happiness beyond your wildest dreams. I have said it before making that decision is sometimes half the battle.
Hang in there, keep posting/venting, and take care, Carly : )
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Unread 06-21-2010, 09:38 PM   #43
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Sully,

Is it worth it to travel 70 miles for something that may change your life and that of your sister's?

Ask yourself, what do you have to lose?

You know what they say, nothing tried, nothing gained

Respectfully,
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Unread 06-21-2010, 10:01 PM   #44
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Sullivan, For me to get sober it was suggested that I had to want it more than anything else. How you choose to get sober is up to you. I needed a support group.

As far as your sister. Helping her get sober may be too much on your plate for now. You sister has to want to get clean 1st & foremost. After you get some sober time maybe you can help her.
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Unread 06-21-2010, 10:16 PM   #45
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Sully,

Just to qualify me earlier remark I tend to be the eternal optimist, so be forewarned. Lee is the voice of experience .

Stay Safe
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Unread 06-22-2010, 10:50 AM   #46
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Carly/Saint/R. Lee,

Thank you for your feedback. Of course you are all right; my first priority needs to be my own recovery.

This may sound rather odd but my mother recently expressed fear that my sister is near death from her addictions. I tried my best to comfort her by downplaying the situation and quickly changed the subject to something more uplifting. For mom's sake I can't ever admit that she may be right about my sister.

We've been watching my sister's addiction for close to 20 years now. In the last couple years she had been doing a little better but this time is different in a way I can't quite describe. For many other reasons I won't go into right now, we have not been close over the years--I've done my best to stay as far away from her as possible. If it weren't for our mom we wouldn't have had contact for some years. I pray mom and I are wrong about her current situation. If not, I couldn't live with myself knowing that I didn't at least reach out to her in some way before it was too late.

Carly, yes I used the locator. Living in a small town the options are somewhat limited. The Women for Sobriety location is only a few miles further then some of the other options and the long drive doesn't bother me. Besides, a commute provides good thinking time. My husband finally gave me the number to the EAP but I've been too chicken to use it. I feel like such a coward staring at the number every day, yet choose not to pick up the phone. What in the heck is wrong with me???!!! A rhetorical question I suppose...

I'm done venting for now, thanks for listening.

We are preparing for a 4 day camping trip next to a lake where the fishing is apparently great. We are meeting a couple of my husband's buddies and their families. One of the wives is nice but a handful. She's such a sweetheart but talks nonstop and it gets to be horribly exhausting. However, odds are that this will be a relatively sober trip, which I am really looking forward to. There will be lots of people and activites to keep my mind and body busy. Hopefully this trip will be the disruption in my drinking routine needed to prompt permanent change. Pray to the fishing gods for me?
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Unread 06-22-2010, 11:51 AM   #47
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Lee,

I think I've finally had enough to drink. I'm waiting for a call back from a counselor to schedule an appointment. Why am I so nervous my hands are shaking? It seems so silly...
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Unread 06-22-2010, 05:29 PM   #48
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Sully,

Congratulations on making that call!!! I remember the first time I posted here, I nervously awaited the first respsonse to my initial posting. I was nervous because I was admitting to others, anonymous as this site is, that I had a problem. I could admit it to myself, hell I knew I had a problem for years but that first post had me all anxious inside.

I made a promise to myself after finally deciding to see a counselor that I would be honest and hold nothing back. It was after all for my benefit I was there. I haven't regretted it to this day and still routinely see her.

Congratulations Sully!

Stay Strong, Stay Safe
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Unread 06-22-2010, 05:46 PM   #49
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Thanks for your encouragement, Saint. I am still waiting anxiously for the call. I'm glad I called this morning otherwise I would have chickened out yet again.

Posting here initially was difficult for me as well. But now I'm going to have to look someone in the eye and confess all. I am so terrified and don't know why; it's not like a counselor will judge me. Counselors help people, not make them worse. Today has been a teary day, rare as those typically are for me. My first appointment will be the most difficult no doubt. But I am excited to finally begin ridding myself of this terrible burden. Does that make any sense?

Carly, your earlier post about "false starts" really hit home to me. It was like the straw that broke the camel's back. After reading that I had a good cry and without thinking too much more I called. A simple "thank you" doesn't do you justice.

Sullivan
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Unread 06-22-2010, 09:39 PM   #50
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Sullivan, Congratulations on making that call. The more you stay sober the easier it will get.

The program I work is simple, but it is not easy to work.

The newcomer teaches me that it is not getting any better out there for the alcoholic. You help me stay sober for 1 day at a time.
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