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Unread 02-26-2014, 03:43 PM   #151
R. Lee
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hockeygirl, Try & be grateful for what you have & your sobriety. Be willing to jump through the hoops.
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Unread 02-27-2014, 12:19 AM   #152
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Be flexible, prepare and jump through hoops!

YEP!

That accurately describes my day. If I was 5, I would think this was great! I wanted to be in the circus... so I decided to have fun like a 5yr old today! I played with a puppy, I cried because I didn't get what I wanted, and was told to do 1 things 3 different ways - so I decided not to do it at all and ate a cookie! (exaggeration)

I did not drink today!

(and, I had a client tell me she would pay triple the price and drive to LA to get a haircut from me if she had to... NOW - that's a compliment!)
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Unread 02-27-2014, 06:31 AM   #153
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Hello Hockeygirl. Bright blessings to you.

I thought i would pop in to your house and see how you are getting on.

You have many skills Hockeygirl. For someone to want to invest all that time to travel to you, as you say, a massive compliment. Through my many treatments it was often suggested to me that i had skills i was unaware of, or paid no attention to, and that if i was to find a way of accessing the strength in me, my troubles and struggles would become more managable.

Without modesty, 1 day i sat myself down on my own, and i wrote a list. On 1 side were my strengths, talents and abilitys, on the other, my triggers, enviroments and situations i knew caused me stress, and so on. Eventually i had a fairly honest and comprehensive understanding of what i was, and what i was not. My drinking days always got those 2 things confused.

I feel there is much you can offer life and in turn there will be an awful lot that life can offer you.

Keep at it Hockeygirl, 1 new day at a time.

Be peaceful, be healthy and be strong. Loveness to you Hockeygirl
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Unread 02-27-2014, 09:03 AM   #154
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I love it when a plan comes together!
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Unread 02-27-2014, 11:57 AM   #155
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Tryn... I am going to make a list like that! It sounds like an amzing idea.. Thank you!
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Unread 02-27-2014, 04:38 PM   #156
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hockeygirl, You help me stay sober. The list is a great idea.

Today we found out our oldest some who is 46 does have M.D. We have been accepting this outcome since November. We are saying Ẁhy not him.
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Unread 02-28-2014, 12:45 PM   #157
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Lee,

My thoughts are with you and your family.

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Unread 03-01-2014, 02:38 AM   #158
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Hi RLee,

I am sorry that I do have to ask, spell out M.D. ? I do hope this is something that can be treatable of sorts? And to add, age doesn't matter... for he is your son. My prayers and best wishes are with you.

Though I did not write yesterday, it is only due to the fact I could not keep my eyes open.. I did not drink yesterday!

I did not even except a glass of champagne for a toast at an event I voluteered at today.. I toasted with a piece of fudge.. so yummy!

I do have to admit that the craving is killing me.. not surprising that I just looked at the calender and tomorrow is day 18 since my last drink. Seems to be something about 18 days... but that will make tomorrow day 36 of my journey. Right now, it feels like it has been an eternity!

I did not drink today.
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Unread 03-01-2014, 11:54 AM   #159
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hockeygirl, John has FSH Muscular Dystrophy a very rare of M.D. It is a very rare form of M.D. It is a generic mutation that affects & destroys mussels. There is a 4% chance this took place inside John on its own & a 96& chance it was passed down through one of his parents. We can find no evidence of a history on my side of the family. Cindy Johns mother was adopted & we have no information on who her parents were.

There is a test to find out if we carried the gene but it cost $10,000. There is no medicine or cure for M.D.

Thanks for asking.
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Unread 03-01-2014, 05:21 PM   #160
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Good evening nuttygi....., oopppssss, Hockeygirl, Bright blessings to you.

Humph!......Tick ....tock....tick tock.....I have a brliiant idea!

Clean the kitchen again...yeah? You must have missed SOMETHING?

Hockeygirl, when i have cleaned the kitchen for the 48th time, walked around the place "almost armed with a duster", slapped over my shoulder as if i am going to war. The plates no longer have the patterns they once did, (yet they have only been eaten off about 4 times). My glass tables MUST reflect back the teeth i no longer have, and the curtains simply have to have their rifts, nice and neat.

All done.

Ahhh....with you now. What now?

I did ALL i could to stop thinking about drinking. I went different routes, avoided the street cats and dogs that smelt of it, (!), avoided walking past pubs and whatnot because they stank of alcohol to high heaven.

Eventually i found myself in a really good place to stop me drinking.

I lived behind my wardrobe. I was safe there.

Hockeygirl, i got bored. "This is no way to go" i thought. I WANT to go out and mingle and enjoy my life.

I am NO LONGER going to allow alcohol to dictate my life.

I have been pissed all my life, it took everything from me. Ok, it took its time, but it did. When i got sober, for the first few weeks alcohol almost had more control over me. It was insane. Trying NOT to, was so, so, so hard. I say, we say, and they say, "it gets better". What does that look like?......What do you mean?

It means that as time under your belt of sobriety empowers you, the pacing, the hair pulling, the GGGRRRRRRR, does not go away. What gets better, is your desire and ability to remain sober.

I spent 35 years "trying to stop drinking". I was smashed almost everyday. 1 day i "wanted to stop drinking". I wanted it so much, i crawled over the same glass i once did to reach it, to crawl away from it. I believe i am a stronger human being, just the chap others always knew i could be.

I know from reading your story nuttygi...oopppsss Hockeygirl, you have what you need, we, and i am sure others that are around you, will enable you to make that work.

1 day at a time, i chose not to drink.

Some wish i would just drink, because sober i am a lunatic. Some wish this, some wish that.

Hockeygirl, what do i wish for?.....What i got......sobriety. Everything else, will work itself out on this glorious adventure called life.

Hang in there girl.

Be peaceful, be healthy and be strong. Loveness to you nutt.....ooopppsss, Hockeygirl.
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Unread 03-02-2014, 01:48 PM   #161
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RLee - thank you for sharing, I am so sorry to hear about the struggle... but I feel there is no reason to spend that kind of money to find out about the diseases past.. and I will have John in my thoughts.

Tyrn - I responded on your thread before I read here! Nuttygirl, why yes! I take that as a compliment I abosultely love reading your words! I am happy to be sober! I remember all those times I was holding the second or third beer and shot... and saying to myself I wanted to stop drinking!

Day 37 of my journey... and day 19 without a sip of alcohol. I decided to stay in my PJ's all day yesterday, didn't leave the house. (maybe I missed out on a party that a lot of people had hoped to see me at, but when I told them I was staying home I heard not another word, so I guess they didn't really want to see me that bad!) I had so much fun! I even made homemade brownies for the first time and had some 'takers' (visitors) to try them for quality control... (they were my ex-husband and his friend, ex was very drunk when they arrived, and all that did was re-inforce how happy I was in my life right now!) **Tryn, I think I cleaned the kitchen 4 times, and there was not a dirty dish left in the sink all day!**

I am going to a fun party today for the Oscars... we are all dressing up and I am doing the hair! I love my career so much, I am actually really looking forward to this!! I am bringing an appetizer, and a bunch of juice boxes.. for I believe this will make for the perfect photo op!

One day, one moment, at a time...
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Unread 03-02-2014, 02:18 PM   #162
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hockeygirl, Great job on 19 days without a sip of alcohol.

As we recover we find that we will hear less from our drinking friends. That common bond alcohol & partys is gone & many friend will have nothing to do with you.

Have fun at your Oscars party. Think through that 1st drink.
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Unread 03-02-2014, 05:43 PM   #163
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Hello Hockeygirl. Bright blessings to you.

No, you are not nuts!

I just wanted to reiterate what R Lee has said.

19 days meant to me, "well on the way". Party? Think through the first drink, and one last thought,

If you sit in the hairdresses long enough, you're going to get your hair cut.

Enjoy, becareful.

Be peaceful, be healthy and be strong. Loveness to you Hockeygirl.
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Unread 03-05-2014, 12:49 PM   #164
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Hockeygirl,

It's been a day or two..... Hope all is well. Let us know how you are when you have a moment.

Regards,
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Unread 03-05-2014, 04:00 PM   #165
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hockeygirl, The last time we heard fro you was 3 days ago on the 2nd. when you were going to the Oscar party.
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Unread 03-06-2014, 12:26 AM   #166
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Hi! And thank you so much for your concern Rlee, Saint and Tryn!

Be on lookout for a long explanation tomorrow on my last 4 days.. but for now.. I am exhausted and going to get some 'shut-eye'.

I did not drink Sunday, Monday, yesterday or today!!

That may be the only positive thing out of the last few days... which, to me, makes it remarkable!

With Amazing thoughts and much love...

-Hockeygirl
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Unread 03-06-2014, 11:35 AM   #167
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Good job thinking through that first drink Hockeygirl! Life still happens sober or not. Good work!

Regards,
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Unread 03-06-2014, 01:19 PM   #168
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Yes.. I thought through those "I want a drink" moments... Just kept saying to myself "Not now, maybe later..." Every moment, everyday... and through the last 4 days I was successful.

So, here it is:

- Drug talk, and I kept my mouth shut, at the party Sunday
- Worked very hard to pay bills, had enough money...
- Government took all my money on Monday, no bills got paid
- Used the little cash I had to get to the city and confront this 'government'
- Couldn't get items I needed because I had no money
- 'Government' said sorry. But no money back, items figured out though..
- Hopefully, no empty promises.
- Forced to close my bank account
- need money to get paperwork from my accountant during his busy week
- Informed my new job now will not begin until the 31st.
- Frantic!!! How will I ever be able to catch up??!!
- Family wants to help... I will figure it out.
- They do not have any extra money... this I know.
- But, it's only money. The Devil is working very hard, I will not let him win!

There is a lot to this story.. craziness! I have been venting for days...

I believe I have always done the right thing... this Karma will come back to me ten-fold! I'm just not sure when.

I am strong, and I am taking every step I can to make the day positive today.

Deep breaths. Amazing thoughts.

-Hockeygirl (who is going to a hockey game next week... hell or high water!)
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Unread 03-06-2014, 10:27 PM   #169
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hockeygirl, Great job!!
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Unread 03-06-2014, 11:46 PM   #170
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And today I went online to file dissolution that I was told was not done and what had caused the problems. .. only to find that it had been done.. June 7th of 2011! How messed up is that! At least, that is what the screen said.

Round and round it goes... where it stops, nobody knows.

I'm really trying not to focus on the fact that I will be placed in many situations next week where drinking will be commonplace and the thought of it is actually relaxing me. My will power is draining rapidly. All this stress. A whole new world. I forsee a whole lot of praying to be done.

QUICK! What is something really yummy, non-alcoholic (of course) that isn't Sprite or water... I need some creative ammo for the social situations I'm going be in. Non alcoholic beer is the only thing that keeps popping into my head and that is not a good sign... my other thought was bloody mary... ugh... yeah. That's an alcoholic drink miss! Duh. Since it is consuming my thoughts, I know it's an issue. These social situations are dinner with my new boss and the hockey game in which I purchased a special ticket (a few weeks ago). Heels for Hockey.. With a meet and greet reception. . Which includes a free drink ticket... notated it can be used for an alcoholic or non-alcoholic drink. (P.S. This is a cry for help because after today, I would do anything for that warm fuzzy feeling that comes from a shot of Jamo!)

I am not even craving sweets or sugar or juice right now.

Sleep or whiskey.

Tonight, I choose sleep. (I hope I can sleep)

Goodnight...

-Hockeygirl
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Unread 03-07-2014, 08:40 AM   #171
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Hockeygirl!

First, I am SO PROUD of you for getting through the last few days without a drink. Second, don't set yourself up for drinking and then go, "Oh, I knew that was coming..." You can do ANYTHING sober, any trials, tribulations, anything. I didn't think I could get through my dad's sickness and death 5 years ago without drinking - but I did. My brother did not, and then his drinking continued, and then he almost died and got a liver transplant, and then drank again....ugly, ugly times.

You do not have to drink no matter what. Play the tape all the way through. I know you can do it! Take care, Jenm
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Unread 03-07-2014, 09:14 AM   #172
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Hockeygirl,

Try a soda water w/cranberry, lime also if you prefer. When I go to a race and they hand out the free drink ticket I hand it off to the nearest person. The ticket doesn't stay in my hand for long!

As Jen says play the tape forward. It's not the fifth or sixth drink that will get us, it's the first. Alcohol is poison to us. Rethink how you think of alcohol. Remove the glamour and glitz of alcohol and how it is portrayed on TV, movies because that image in our brains is not for us. Alcohol is poison. I have awakened sober for a few years now and I love it!!

Stay vigilant,
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Unread 03-07-2014, 11:32 AM   #173
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Hockeygirl- you continue to amaze me with your choicemaking! Life is definitely testing you these days. I hesitate to give any advice, as I don't know @#it about how to stay sober. I'm just doing the one day at a time thing and hoping it sticks. I have a couple of cousins who have been sober for a while. One gets anxious not drinking in social situations, so he drinks near beers. My other cuz hates near beers because they make her feel bloated without the warm, fuzzy feeling. So, I don't know- but let me know what works for you! Wishing you lots of strength, no- resolve, in the days to come. We are here for you!
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Unread 03-07-2014, 11:41 AM   #174
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Definitely play the tape forward, you know what's going to happen if you "just have one". You've done so well, no-one here wants to see you start from the beginning again.
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Unread 03-09-2014, 03:01 PM   #175
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hockeygirl, Things like this happen when we make big decisions in early sobriety. Maybe this place is not so great a place to work.

Anyway your decision has been made. Think through that 1 st drink.
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Unread 03-12-2014, 07:59 PM   #176
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Hello Hockeygirl. Bright blessings to you.

Shall will step aside, just me and you, no one will no what we are saying?

Ok?

Hello Hockeygirl. You have 2 choices in my opinion knowing you through your posts. This is and will be never a place to come to where you will find answers to why you chose the choices you do, but a place to find out why you want those choices.

I can see it for myself now. I had chosen a "hang it all life, caution to the wind". See where i get to.

I got here.

Every single person that was around me that made the same choice is not.

So if someone had told me, would i have listened?....nope. I would have known though.

You have now been told by Tryn that life is not a game. Becareful. It is your life, it belongs to just you, and those that love you. It is so dreadfully special.

Be peaceful, be healthy and be strong. Loveness to you Hockeygirl.
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Unread 03-14-2014, 12:02 PM   #177
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Hockeygirl,

It'been a bit since you posted last. Please let us know how you are when you have a moment. Perhaps you've been busy or perhaps you've been struggling. Know we are here for you to help support you in any way we can.

Regards,
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Unread 03-14-2014, 12:28 PM   #178
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hockeygirl, We are here for you no matter what is going on.
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Unread 03-14-2014, 03:47 PM   #179
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Hello Hockeygirl. Bright blessings for and to you.

All here.

Loveness
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Unread 03-15-2014, 12:08 PM   #180
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Hockeygirl,

I think the worst when I don't see someone posting for an extended period of time after they have been posting daily. I hope you are well today. If not stop in and let us know what is going on. We've all been where you are and understand the struggles of sobriety. I drank most of my adult life and know well the feelings of shame from telling myself I won't drink today only to crack open yet another beer later that day. I've given up so many times, gave up on myself so my times I could never count them all the moments. Things never got better for me until I got sober..... a few decades later. We all get to decide for ourselves if and when we are sick and tired of being sick and tired. Don't give up on yourself hockeygirl. We're here for you.


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Unread 03-17-2014, 08:30 AM   #181
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Hockeygirl!

I agree with Saint 100%. Please tell us how you are! We worry when we don't hear. Good or bad, or anything, we are here for you. Take care! Jenm
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Unread 03-17-2014, 11:31 AM   #182
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Hockeygirl,

We hope to hear from you soon. In the mean time, stay safe.


Regards,
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Unread 03-18-2014, 07:54 AM   #183
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Hockeygirl, Hey, girl,put down that stick, take off the skates and let us know what is going on-sure miss you around here. It would be nice if you could check in.

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Unread 03-19-2014, 10:07 PM   #184
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hockeygirl, You came in here because you had a problem with alcohol. You not only shared about yourself BUT you jumped on the band wagon helping others.

When you are ready to come back no matter your condition we will not judge. We have been there.
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Unread 03-22-2014, 05:40 PM   #185
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Good evening Hockeygirl. Bright blessings to you.

I do hope you forgive me, but you make me laugh. Between you and me, you remind me of ....me.

Do what i did eventually Hockeygirl..................

OPEN UP.

There is a whole load of treasure in there 'captain!

Question for you Hockeygirl.....what does treasure look like to you?

Would it help if i shared with you that all around here can see it clear as day? When i see treasure in someone i see breath, encouragement, empowerment, belief, energy. I see all of that here, purpose?, direction?, why give up drinking if drinking takes you to where you want to go>?

Where all of us on this forum, in my humble opinion, all we need is to find our purpose.

Job done.

What do you want Hockeygirl? That will be your sobriety.

Be peaceful, be healthy and be strong. Loveness to you Hockeygirl
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Unread 03-26-2014, 01:18 AM   #186
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Alright girl - I have postponed posting for a while because I feel like I get where you are at (working it out). I haven't gotten there yet either . But I keep coming back here - waiting for the moment that it all resonates. Just know that we are here for you, even if it's just to vent about choosing to drink.. I hope you are well and safe - I have grown an affinity for you as we entered into our journey at roughly the same time. Much love and unconditional support, Sunshine!
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Unread 03-26-2014, 02:23 PM   #187
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Hello Hockeygirl. Bright blessings to you.

Would love to hear from you.

Next time your online google "nimrod....Elgar". It is a piece of classical music, famous all over the world. Played at State occasions of the highest order.

Why is it important here?>

Edward Elgar wrote it for his friend Augustus Jeager.

Elgar dediced to pack up his wares, he had lost all confidence and faith in himself.

His dear friend Augustus told him he was talking nonsense.....and to prove to Augustus that he had 'lost it", he wrote Nimrod to prove it. Just to show Augustus how he "didnt have it anymore".

My dear girl your grandchildrens children will know this music.

Augustus now says,

"see what i meant?".

True story.

Be peaceful, be healthy and be strong. Get in touch. Loveness to you Hockeygirl.
Augustus.
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Unread 03-27-2014, 07:21 PM   #188
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hockeygirl the Red Wing suck but I am not going to drink over them. Hope you are OK!
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Unread 04-02-2014, 08:59 PM   #189
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Where are you?
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Unread 04-07-2014, 08:15 AM   #190
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Hi Hockeygirl -

I was thinking about you this morning. I hope that you are ok. No matter what, we are here for you, and as long as I have the ability to be here, I will be. Please let us know how you are doing. You were so active and then, suddenly, nothing. Take care! Jenm
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