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Unread 01-02-2006, 07:35 PM   #351
Phoenix
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Someday:
I think you are 100% correct and I agree that everything you said was very eloquent. You obviously have a handle on the healing process and I'm sure it's aiding you in your personal battle. I hail the understanding because it puts what I think into a valid point. Thanks. You guys obviously moved Tony and that's not an easy thing to do. Thanks again.
Judy
P.S. - I'm going to print that out and save it. I found it very profound.
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Unread 01-02-2006, 07:57 PM   #352
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Hey Tony it was great to hear from you. I am so happy for you now that you are feeling better!! It sounds like you and Judy have a really good relationship and that, I'm sure, helps in this situation. My husband has been very supportive. As for being scared, that's only normal, hopefully with the help of your greater power, those thoughts will diminish over time. Certain times of the day you may get them, take note to what you are doing, it might be one of your trigger points. Believe me it only gets better from here. Counseling is definitely a plus, this board helps also. Don't worry about the spelling, grammar, etc. we will not judge you. Well CONGRATULATIONS on your new year!
Doris

Hey maybe you guys could start a new topic on your experiences from this point on, just a thought!
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Unread 01-02-2006, 08:25 PM   #353
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Yeah know Tony and Judy I was just cutting up chicken for dinner, I stopped because I have this thought:
Will you be alright with your one friend that you did H with all the time? Does he know everything you've been going through and is he supportive of you? This will probably be one of the hardest parts of this new start, besides all the trouble you went through, is that you are going to have to distance yourself from him, maybe not forever, but for the time being. Have you given this any thought. Duh, I'm sure you have. I noticed Judy said something about getting interested in your art work again. Your going to find that happens. It's like a whole new world opens up to you. Getting into your art again may just be the ticket to distract you from hanging with the wrong crowd. I just hope he is supportive of you. I must go back to cooking my dinner now. Have a great night!
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Unread 01-03-2006, 12:49 AM   #354
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Hi Doris:
You know, that was something we discussed a while back. Tony knows he can't hang out with Mark anymore. He's just too "dangerous" right now. Mark was the one who told Tony the first time the induction went awry "I knew that transition wouldn't go smooth." At that point, Tony realized that Mark, although he meant no malice, can't be a part of his life. I guess they could chat every now and again, but as for Mark working for him, or hanging out, that's not really in Tony's best interest. Now that kind of puts Tony at a disadvantage, because Mark is a good worker for Tony, and he works cheap, usually for daily dope money, but that's a bridge Tony can cross when he gets there. His cousin is in the same business as Tony and Tony can work for him for a while. Tony just got off the phone with him (Joey) and Joey has so much work he can't do it all. He's figuring out his schedule over the next two days, but he said he'd call Tony. As for the sheer logistics of not having Mark be a part of his life, that's going to be tough, Tony doesn't think so, but I know the real deal. Mark is Tony's only real friend, they have tons of history, great times, adventures, and bad times, not something easy to severe, but Tony did say he knows what has to be. It's just a matter of seeing if he can really do it. Tomorrow Tony is going back to work, he has some little loose ends to tie up. He will be alone, he will be out of my sight for the very first time. I know he'll be blocked, he is taking his meds in the AM, but once he's out of the house, it's on him to have the good thoughts and I'm nervous. I know he can't do anything, but that trust has to be re-established. He says it will be all good and not to worry, worry is what I do best. LOL Well, tomorrow is a new day and Tony felt good today so I'm okay.
Judy
As for a new thread, well, we'll see, I have to think of a good topic starter.
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Unread 01-03-2006, 11:11 AM   #355
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judy, it was so nice to hear from tony. the times of thinking of getting high one more time should get less and less as he makes accomplishments without being high. he has a lot to prove to himself, and he's well on his way. being H-free for a week now, isn't it! on his own and not in prison. THAT in itself is a huge accomplishment. it's a new year, a new slate for him and it seems for a lot of us here, for myself anyway, the first beginning of a new year clean in a while. there is hopefulness as i look out my window and see the snow cover the scars of the years and when it goes the beautiful new flowers of spring will start to emerge. with peace and love to you, tony and everyone, gwen
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Unread 01-03-2006, 12:52 PM   #356
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I'm with you on that Gwen. You know, last night Tony and I spent a lot of time talking about his youth and past, and I think I know a lot of the reason why he uses drugs. He is most certainly masking pain, not necessarily the pain of his abusive father, or the fact that they can't have a relationship because his father is a total ass, but over the death of his cousin Patrick. Patrick was Tony's best, best, best, friend in the whole world. They did everything, and I mean everything together, including a life of drugs. Drugs killd Patrick. It was sometime this week, I think the 7th that Patrick died. You know, I knew Tony was close to Patrick, I knew it hurt him, but I had no idea how deep that pain went. Tony broke down (a little bit) and I think that's the pain that he carries so deeply. He can't get over that death. I am going to work with Tony to overcome the pain and try to use it for some sort of good, you know healing. Patrick was a solidly built guy, he was the toughest guy in school, and Tony was the scrawny, cute one. Tony had no confidence, but when he was with Patrick, he could conquer the world. When Tony's family moved to Arkansas, Patrick's family moved to Arkansas. When the came back, Patrick's family came back, they lived right across the street from each other their whole lives, those two were inseperable. I think that's the root of his problem. It's the fact that Tony and Patrick lived the same life, they went through everything together, the good, the bad, the ugly. Patrick was Tony's "go to" guy. Even when they were in jail together, Patrick and Tony were in a cell with a bunch (3) of tough, jail type guys, Patrick told Tony to take the only bunk in the cell, Tony was thinking he was nuts. When one of the other cellies told Tony to move, Patrick told him, "If you move, I'll kick your ass." So, Tony sat there. The other guys went to move Tony and Patrick kicked all three of their asses, so bad they were screaming for help from the guards. That's the type of relationship they had, Patrick was Tony's strength. It was like that all through grade school and high school, into adulthood. When Patrick died Tony was living in Florida. No one wanted to tell Tony about his death over the phone, Tony's lovely father called him and told him "Patrick's dead, they found him in the gutter." Actually, Patrick died at home. He had been shooting coke, took two bottles of NyQuil to come down, and it stopped his heart. But, the way Tony learned about his death was so awful, and I think that might be the pain he's trying to mask.
Judy
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Unread 01-03-2006, 01:26 PM   #357
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wow. that's quite a story. how long ago? well, i think patrick would have been very proud of tony and the change he's making in life. somehow i think if tony could find strength in that, that patrick is behind him, rooting for him not to have his life cut short because of drugs, that would help tony gain more inner strength each day.

is tony off to work yet?
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Unread 01-03-2006, 01:59 PM   #358
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hi.. phoenix and tony. glad to hear tony is doing better,like i said every day it will get easier, it is a constant fight, just remember that no matter how bad you feel some times, it will never be as lonley,sad or despared as when you were using.and remember to build a good network of positive friends.any way got to go to work, just recieved a call to open a safe [ leagally ]. have a happy and healty new year
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Unread 01-03-2006, 02:29 PM   #359
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He was going to go back today, but Lexi had a bad, bad night. Tony and I talked late and then when we finally were going to bed, Lexi was coughing and fussing, oh it was a nightmare. So, he's sitting here brewing some coffee. I'm hoping we can tap into that pain to turn it into something good.
Judy
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Unread 01-03-2006, 03:32 PM   #360
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sorry to hear lexi isn't feeling too well. i'm guessing that with you by his side, tony will is already on the road to a better life. for all of you.
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Unread 01-03-2006, 04:51 PM   #361
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I have to tell you, I was worried about the resentment and anger not subsiding right away, but I feel great about Tony, he's doing well, and we're on our way to a healthy life again. I know it's a long road, but we're off to a great start.
Judy
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Unread 01-03-2006, 07:35 PM   #362
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judy, in case you didn't see this posted by 'SavedBySub' i thought i'd show it to you and tony. it might help when he has cravings also.

I relapsed on my 2nd attempt. I had to cut ties with anyone I knew that would give me vicodin and throw away what I had in my house. Then I made a decision that I have to learn a new approach to my cravings. When I had a craving I would write in my journal about it and tell my husband so he could remind me that it would pass and taking one is not an option. My journal helped me see the connection between what I was feeling and the craving. I just asking myself why do I want this stupid pill, what am I running from and I just wrote and wrote about anything that crossed my mind. I found it was anytime I was uncomfortable feeling certain emotions or thoughts I would start craving the pills. I have no cravings what so ever now and I'm on 2mg maintenance dose and I have not had a craving in months. I've been vicodin free for over 4 months now.
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Unread 01-03-2006, 07:46 PM   #363
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it was so nice to hear from you Tony. Judy, please tell Tony that we are here to support him as well. Maybe we should start a phone list so that Tony can call one of us if he needs support. I really mean that, he can call night or day, whenever your away and he needs someone then he can call....even collect. i'll list my # in my profile.
Patrick is with Tony and i bet that he had a big part in helping you and Tony during this. i've heard this saying alot; sometimes it takes an addict dying to save an active addict.
I'd love to see some of Tonys art. can you take a picture of some of the art and post it? i'd love to buy one (if i can afford it).
take care
love
dawn
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Unread 01-04-2006, 01:30 AM   #364
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I read that post, I know about that cutting ties stuff, easier said than done, but working on it. As for posting Tony's art, well, I haven't seen any of it except what he drew to me on the envelopes from jail. I will try to digital pic it and see if I can't send it. As for buying it, hey, maybe that's a market we could tap in to. I will post if I can. Thanks for your support, that is so damn cute. He is talented but is so critical, he says the pics he drew in jail weren't that good, I tend to disagree, but I mostly do with Tony, LOL. As for Patrick being with him, I think that way too, but when you have a loss like that, it doesn't really help.
I'm nervous as all heck. Tomorrow Tony ventures out on his own. He is taking the meds and I know the reality, but the fear sits in the back of my mind, much like an addict, trust still isn't there. You know, the old, did he actually take the meds, did he swish them around in his mouth, is he blocked, is he going to try to make a run... Not that any of that is factual, just there in my mind. I too need time to heal. Lots of love to y'all. Hey, where the hell is Robert???
Judy

Oh yeah, the phonelist idea, good one, but I doubt Tony would reach out, he's a very introverted person when it comes to personal stuff. I on the other hand would probably talk you to death. LOL
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Unread 01-04-2006, 01:38 AM   #365
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Well Judy one thing you can rest easy with is that he will be blocked for 48 to 72 hours. So even if he does forget one day, he's safe until the next day. And if he does slip up and use, he won't get high and he'll hopefully realize that it was just a waste of time and money. Or he'll just reach inside and decide that using isn't the answer. That's one of the benefits of the bupe. You actually have to make a conscious decision to stop and wait days to use again. And hopefully during that time you have an epiphany of sorts to just take the meds again in lieu of starting all over again. -Mary
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Unread 01-04-2006, 01:58 AM   #366
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Logistically I know all of that, but the old way of thinking is still present. I know Tony wants this, I want this, but sometimes I just wonder if this life is enough for him. We had a great day, we cleaned up the house, we took down the Christmas decorations, we went to my Dad's to celebrate Christmas, it was great, we went out for ice cream, and when we got home, Tony sat at the table and wrote "bored stiff" on a sheet of paper. I'm sure he didn't mean anything by it, but it makes me wonder if we will be "exciting" enough for him. Kind of feeling down about that. Maybe I'm getting PMS or something, but it doesn't make me feel great right now. He went off to bed, maybe he's feeling blue??? He could just be tired, who knows, it was a rough night. Anyway, trying to stay positive and hold onto the great day we had. Tony is seeing the Doc tomorrow.
Judy
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Unread 01-04-2006, 02:41 AM   #367
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Hi Judy:

I'm here... finally.

I've had to do a little globe trotting, but I've kept up with you and Tony. I'm thrilled for you both, and remain very optimistic while sharing your caution,

Please excuse the brevity. If I thought there was something I could do of significance, I hope you know I'd reorder my priorities in a New York minute.

I'll call you tomorrow. Promise.

Peace, love and cheers,
Robert
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Unread 01-04-2006, 11:51 AM   #368
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Maybe when he gets back to work he'll feel better. You have to remember Judy, he is going through a big change in his LIFE. Thinking about H. Scoring. The act of scoring. When. Where. How much do I have. It's a big part of doing drugs. He's GOT to stay busy. And he's also going to regress psychologically as eloquently SomeDayBFree said. Let's hope he doesn't go back to 12 when he first started drugs, but sitting there writing Bored Stiff is something a child would do. So keep an eye on these things. Get him into counseling as soon as possible. Or go to meetings with him. I doubt he'll go alone. He's been an addict most of his life. He needs helps to transition to a 'normal' way of living. Look, if you think i'm being tough, I've been there. Half of my life on H. Literally. Adjustments NEED to be made. Counseling or meetings is so frickin' important right now. He's doing a lot of questioning of himself I would presume. He doesn't know who he is not on drugs. Really except for in prison. Relapse starts way before the physical act of doing H. It starts in the mind with all the thoughts and urges and triggers which lead to it. -Mary
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Unread 01-04-2006, 01:57 PM   #369
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Judy,
gosh, i can relate to tony. i have been so bored. i can't find anything that occupies my time as easily as the drugs did. i'm lazy i guess. i don't know but i have been SO bored. misery loves company... i don't feel so weird now that i know tony feels the same way. boredom is a big trigger for me. when i was bored i'd use just to make the time pass faster. it upsets my boyfriend that i get so bored now. i just want to do something exciting or new. ugh, please tell tony to let me know if he finds a cure for this...lol
love
dawn
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Unread 01-04-2006, 03:07 PM   #370
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You know, I'm really exhausted and I'm sure it was just me over reacting to the little doodle. However, I did discuss it with him. I told him that I want him to be happy, content, and satisfied with life. I know he's an adrenaline junkie, he's done it all, skydiving, parasailing, cliff diving, etc. etc. The dope score, all adrenaline rushes. He told me he saw the word bored on the paper and just wrote it again because we happened to be sitting at the kitchen table again. Something we've spent a lot of time doing lately. The doc is very pleased so far, he gave us a script for 42 tabs, have to get on the phone and find a reasonable pharmacy now. I guess I'm just scared. It's all good right now. He is feeling positive (his words). He knows he's blocked which y'all know is very important. He's on his own right now, going to work and then to his class to get his license back. I'm a bit nervous, I know the meds are in his system, I watched him take them, but deep in my head those little voices tell me, "be careful," "don't be too confident," "trust had to be earned." Now I have to sit here and play out the scene and trust that he's okay. This is the roughest week ever for him to be doing this, he is convinced if he makes it through this week, he's home free. I know he can do it, it's just a matter of him believing it. I'm okay, he's okay, it's all good right at this very moment.
Judy
Oh Robert, I'm glad you're keeping busy, you don't have to entertain me, just miss having your input. LOL
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Unread 01-04-2006, 04:27 PM   #371
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Judy,
When you call around to different pharmacies, remember you do not need to get the whole script filled at once if you cannot afford it at the time. In the long run it is cheaper to buy the whole amount all at once, but remember you can purchase so many at a time if you have to.

Dawn,
If you don't mind me asking, how old are you? Also do you have any hobbies that you enjoy? Do you work? Do you like to read, do crafts, watch movies, anything that can help you with your boredom? There are alot of things to do if you take the time to find something that interests you. I'm assuming you do not have any children? That for sure makes no time for boredom. Not that I'm suggesting that, but you could always take up the time with what goes along to make a baby. I'm sure your boyfriend would love that!LOL If you tell us your age maybe we could come up with something.
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Unread 01-04-2006, 04:30 PM   #372
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Some short input, Judy.

Idle hands are the devil's workshop.

That Tony is an adrenaline addict doesn't surprise me one whit. (What's a whit?) He was that kind of an addict before he became addicted to heroin. Thrill seeking behavior, often recklessly so, is a common characteristic of people with brain disorders that tug them into dependence on substances. Their brain chemistry is out of whack, just like a diabetic's pancreas. They take insulin. We take suboxone. Different medicines for different disorders. In different doses for different individuals.

So,the Tony's of the world self-medicate. Duh! He had a very ill brain. It remains so. Suboxone doesn't "cure" Tony's brain disorder any more than insulin cures a disordered pancreas. That is precisely why I will likely take my medicine, suboxone, for the rest of my life. And I'm proud of it. I was proactive when the medical community wasn't. So were you. Take pride in that.

I, too, was an extreme thrill seker. Speed, as in mph, and occasionally the real thing, was my drug of choice before opiates. Fast cars. Fast boats. Fast anything. Thank goodness I married a fast woman, in the best sense of the adjective, fast.

One of the really noticeable changes is that my thrill-seeking urges are now modulated. Sometimes I only drive 9 mph over the speed limit! Drug free, too. Man, I was dangerous at times.

Judy, I think over time you'll notice a lot of subtle changes in Tony. Both of you will like them, I'm sure. There will be a sense of inner peace and contentment. He'll find satisfation in the little things. His ability to show he cares will be enhanced. His discomfort in the presence of others will ease. All good things.

So, sit back and enjoy the ride. It's no longer on a roller coaster. You've driven onto a newly paved road with no bumps or red lights. Just keep an eye on the yellow caution lights until full trust is restored and Tony is fully stabilized. It will take time.

If I haven't said it before to you, Happy New Year! I can't think of a better way to start one. Choose either the date Tony was inducted or January 1, 2006 as Tony's second birthdate. Because it is.

I like the phrase"What is,... is". Well, what is, is Tony's clean. Amazing and a miracle, eh?

Peace and love with wishes for all that's good in life,
Robert
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Unread 01-04-2006, 05:00 PM   #373
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Judy, At least you know the suboxone works. The rest is up to Tony and counseling. If he is so adamant on if he 'can just make it through this week....' Keep close to him this week. At least in the emotional sense. Is he already is setting himself up for a failure in his mind? Because if he doesn't make it through this week? Then what? Just give up? Another excuse? He's GOT TO STAY BUSY. Movies, his art, I don't know, something has to be fixed in a house? There's always something broken in my house. Then he'll have made it through the week of his cousin's death. Then there's no more excuses. But he'll come up with one. These are signs you have to look out for. Watch closely for. You can't turn around a life of addictive behaviors in a week. The suboxone is a tool to keep cravings away, allow a normalcy of being, but with a longer-term addict like Tony (and myself) these first few weeks could be the hardest. Not physically (the bupe took care of no WDs. But emotionally. It's almost like losing your best friend. Just wanted you to know and let Tony know. It's not easy when you change your life. But 7+ months later, I am living proof it can be done. If it is truly what one wants. -Mary
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Unread 01-04-2006, 05:47 PM   #374
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Mary,
Got ya! He now has more jobs coming in so he will be keeping busy, not like this week. LOL He just got in and he feels good, he says he did good, no temptation. He's not setting himself up for failure, I just know that since Patrick died he's NEVER been clean. While he carried Patrick to his grave he was so high the blood was dripping down his arm, they put an extra pall bearer on his side, they didn't want him to do it, he wouldn't have had it any other way. So, knowing that, he doesn't know anything else and he's simply saying, if I can make it thorough this week (week of Patrick's death) he can make it forever.
Judy
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Unread 01-04-2006, 07:00 PM   #375
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OK. Just checking. Since I've been there. Seems like I'm one of the ones here close to Tony in years of addiction. Just want to reassure him 'it can be done!!' And like him, I'm self-supporting (artist/graphic designer) and I know how 'idle times' can tempt. Just watching out for him...... Mary
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Unread 01-04-2006, 08:22 PM   #376
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Hey Mary, another artist/graphic designer here! There was another one too, she hasn't checked in for awhile. What's up with that??
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Unread 01-04-2006, 08:37 PM   #377
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Doris, Oh no! Another poor tortured soul! Set off the smoke alarm lately? LOL. I cracked up when you wrote that!! That's so something I have done! Are you freelance or agency? I've been freelance for about 10 years. Agencies before that. - Mary
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Unread 01-04-2006, 10:19 PM   #378
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Okay, what page was that where Dodo wrote about the smoke alarm, I can't find it and I want Tony to read it, it was hysterical.
Judy
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Unread 01-04-2006, 10:46 PM   #379
Mary
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Judy, it was 24 Hours to First Appointment (last paragraph):

dodo


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Posted - 12/30/2005 : 21:45:38
Debbie,
I hope the nauseau passes for you. I was pretty lucky, mine had passed within the first two hrs. of starting the sub. Taking two more before bed is probably a good idea. As for sleeping, I didn't sleep very well the first few nights, but I felt so good it didn't bother me. I also was getting headaches in the beginning and what I would do is take two advil(wait till you see how well they work!), lie down and put a cold pack on my forehead and before I knew it the headache was gone. You will most likely experience constipation, so whatever you do, start taking a stool softener right away. I didn't do this and before I knew it I had to take more laxative than the box said and for two nights in a row and that was on top of eating prunes. Now for the good news: All of these symptoms passed within a very short period of time. Just knowing I wasn't taking anymore pills, worry about getting them, counting them, etc. was enough to take the side effects for awhile.
Gwen I get so involved with this board at times, that this morning I was so caught up with Judy and Tony my sausage was burning on the stove. I had to open windows and turn the smoke alarms off.
Till Later!
Doris
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Unread 01-04-2006, 11:16 PM   #380
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Thanks, that is friggen hysterical. We had a good chuckle. Lots of love.
Judy
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Unread 01-05-2006, 10:37 PM   #381
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Hey everyone:
Have a question? Did any of you ever have an episode where your perception was off? Like driving a car and the car ahead of you was actually closer than you thought and you had to slam on the brakes to avoid an accident? (I've had those, but that's because I wasn't paying attention, I'm talking about actual perception of the car ahead of you). Tony just called to say he had an episode like that, he said he kind of felt "out of it." He had somewhat labored speech, like he really had to think about what he was saying. He doesn't think it's the meds, but it concerned him. Perhaps his blood sugar level spiked, or his blood pressure dropped? Any input? I had him say his ABC's, he did them fine. I had him look in the mirror to see if he had any facial changes (stroke??), and I asked him if he had any pain (heart attack), he had no physical problems. He only ate once today, Cheeseburger, fries, and a coke, I know that's not a lot, but do you think that could be it? He stopped at the gas station to have some sugar and coffee. I am also wondering if he could have had an anxiety attack? You know the stresses of the expectations now that's he's on meds, we're talking about getting married, the changes to his body? Looking for some help here.
Judy
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Unread 01-06-2006, 12:36 PM   #382
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nope.
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Unread 01-06-2006, 12:45 PM   #383
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hey judy, could have been any of those things. one thing tony does have to do is start eating right and taking even a multivitamin everyday. generally speaking, he doesn't sound like he eats very well and anything that might have been 'off' would have been covered up with the heroin. my doctor said that good nutrition is also part of the recovery process because we tend to neglect ourselves when using. so maybe that would be a start for him. and i know from experience that not sleeping well makes me disoriented at times. just another thing to think of.

how are you doing? getting ready to go back to school? and thinking of getting married! wow! love, gwen
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Unread 01-06-2006, 01:31 PM   #384
dodo
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Judy,
That has never happened to me either. Maybe it would be a good idea for Tony to get a physical. How have you been? I cooked sausage this morning and didn't tune in until I was done!!LOL
Doris
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Unread 01-06-2006, 01:38 PM   #385
opiatedeficient
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I'm certainly not a doctor, but my first thought is that his body is likely still going to take awhile to adjust to not having the heroin (and all the associated junk that heroin is cut with) and having the suboxone.

I definitely think a full physical would be a good idea. You do want to make sure that no "hidden" problems are lurking that the heroin covered up.

Then, he would do well to focus on getting his body back to healthy (which will also help big-time with his staying away from heroin). I am a HUGE proponent of physical activity being vital in recovery. Exercise helps our brain kick those good endorphins around! Eating well, fruits, veggies, grains...not all those fried fats...will help him start to feel better and better too.

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Unread 01-06-2006, 01:58 PM   #386
Phoenix
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Thanks guys. We are both doing well. Tony and I have been talking about getting married for a long time, I refused to tie the knot until he was drug free, that was the deal. Now he's on this medication and although it's no guarantee, it's something. I do love him, he is making an effort, so I guess I can really consider it now. I'll be back on later.
Judy
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Unread 01-06-2006, 02:34 PM   #387
boxermama
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Judy,
I really admire your relationship with Tony. Your love for him is so patient,understanding,nurturing and unconditional. I think getting married would be a great thing to start planning. that would give him something wonderful to do other than thinking about drugs. In a few weeks he'll have so much hope for the future that he will definitely want to marry you since you've always been there for him. he's one very lucky guy with alot to look forward to.

have you had any luck posting his artwork?

take care,
dawn
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Unread 01-07-2006, 02:11 AM   #388
Phoenix
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You know, I wish I could take credit for the description of my love for Tony. It's far from unconditional or patient. I can be an overbearing, impatient, unrelenting bitch. I am suspicious, untrusting, and investigatory (if that's a word???). I want what I want and I want it yesterday!!! Anyway, thanks for the kind words, I just wish that was me. I wish. I wish. Even today, knowing he's on Suboxone, I'm suspicious and trust is hard. I can even be manipulative. I haven't tried to do the artwork yet, perhaps this weekend. I'll post as soon as I get my s*** together. Lots of love to y'all.
Judy

(Well, I guess I love him unconditionally, I just have conditions for staying with him, does that make sense?
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Unread 01-09-2006, 05:43 PM   #389
Phoenix
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388 posts, wow, what a run. This thread has so much hope and heartache in it, I thought it would be appropriate to retire it and start fresh on the How's Tony thread. I thought that would be nice.
Love all of you for your support and guidance. Lots and lots of love for all of you.
Judy
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