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Unread 12-16-2014, 04:03 PM   #1
BrianK89
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Unhappy well i hit rock bottom

Well after drinking for too long i finally come to terms i can't do it anymore or else ill end up dead or in prison. The first time i crashed my car i thought i was lucky because the damage wasn't too bad and i got out of the ditch before getting in trouble. Just this past weekend i went out and against my many promises lost control of my drinking and ended up crashing my car, and getting a ride home from a stranger, the next day i couldn't even remember where i had crashed it. It was the last straw for my fiance keeping it to herself, she called my parents and both were out looking for me worried they'd find me dead in my car somewhere.
My parents now are making me stay with them which hurts because i miss my fiance, dog and house so much, on top of that my family wants to and keeps telling me how they're going to get me help but i have two jobs one of which im supposed deliver mail all weekend and now my car is ruined so i dont know what to do there, i just hate this situation, i want help and all that but don't want to lose my job, Lord i wish i could back in time , not have drove and put myself and others at risk and lost my car. Ivjust want to go home and hold my fiance but my parents are treating me strict, i have a problem but not the id do anything to get my hands on a drink , more like when i do go out, i dont know when to stop drinking then make bad decisions. I just feel so lost and helpless and above all so angry with myself, just feeling alone and terrible. Thanks for listening.
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Unread 12-16-2014, 06:00 PM   #2
Tryntryagain
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Good evening Brian. I know you don't feel it, but bright blessings to you.

Welcome to this wonderful family of folk from around the world, (i live in Blighty), all of us know exactly where you are.

Firstly you have found us all, you need never feel alone again. You can open up, be honest with yourself, here you will find no one will judge you, why?....because we know where you are. Do not feel alone.

Nearly 2 years ago Tryn was drunk in charge of his car. One of his best friends was in my car. I lost control, hit a pavement curb, my little car took off, spun, hit a pole and split in half. It took the police nearly 2 hours to find the wheels from my car. I was unhurt, my friend miraculously was unhurt, and on reflection, we both survived we reckon by about 3 millimeters. No one was coming the other way.

I am obviously banned and feel grateful my society did just that. Had someone, by chance, beeen coming the other way, i would have killed them.

So 2 years on, i mean how do you "live with yourself after that?" You say you feel so angry with yourself....don't. Alcohol thrives and preys on folk who are angry. I was drinking everyday from start to finish almost unaware i was doing so it was so consistant.

I chose to no longer drink, and i find live without alcohol to be real and at times as painful as alcoholism ever was, but somehow i have recognised i chose drinking to throw away responsibility, and sobriety empowers me to take rersponsibility as a way forward. It is hard work my friend, but so was drinking.

These are properly tough times for you Brian, i say again you are not alone.

2 years ago i was a lost, drenched alcoholic who had spilt is car in 2 and had no future. 2 years on, this family and my desire to become sober, and here i am. I have my problems, i always will. But i am sober today, i can only do that 1 day at a time, and i can not do it on my own.

Those that reach out to the extent they share for the first time with this family, are winners, wherever they may be on their journey. You have said yourself this is rock bottom for you........good. That is a great place to be. It means everything goes up through a desire to want it to.

May i suggest you find a way of spending 2 hours, maybe in the morning before a drink?....and cry your eyes out?...works wonders for me. It does so because it makes me "stop". Whhhooaaa Tryn, slow down with all your feelings, take a step back. When i hit my rock bottom, (and a lamp post), i could deny it no longer. I had to get help. I had already gone everywhere to stop me wrapping my car round that lamp post, no one had the answers. I came here in desperation to save my own life, and realised with support, wisdom and experience shared with me if i opened up, i had the answers i was looking for. I am still looking(!)....but now i know where to look.

Don't beat yourself up Brian. It is done. Lets all find ways forward eh?

Be peaceful, be healthy and be strong. Loveness to you Brian.
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Unread 12-16-2014, 07:44 PM   #3
R. Lee
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Brian, Welcome to this site. It sounds like you are in the right place. Like you I have a drinking problem. I am a alcoholic.

I drank for 42 years. Three divorces, my children lived in CA while I lived in MI. I roared through everyone's life, wives, children, parents, employers & friends. In the end I used them all up.

I could not stop on my own I had tried 3 times. Twice for 7 months & once for 4 months. I always went back drinking after I loss sense of how bad I was. Life was all about me & my wants before anyone else.

The last time I drank I got drunk. I drove home sat in my easy chair & was overwhelmed with the thought that I can't do this anymore. The thought occurred to me that I should seek help through a group of recovering alcoholics. I went the next day & have not had a drink since.

I have the phone numbers of recovering alcoholics. I have a sponsor. It has been suggested that I call one of these people before I take that 1st drink.

I stay in today. What kept me from trying to get sober for so long was that I always failed at it. I thought I had to stay sober the rest of my life & I knew I could not do that. By staying in today means I only have to stay sober today. If I make that or through my next urge to drink then I will be OK. So I stay in today. I think through that urge to drink thinking I only have to do this today & it will pass. I call another recovering alcoholic for help, then I have a good chance to get pass this urge. Pretty simple but not easy.

I know that it is not the next 5th or 30 pack that will get me but it is the next drink that will destroy me. I don't think I have another recovery left in me. So it is life or death.

I work my program with other recovering alcoholics in my group & I come in here & support others who are seeking to not have another drink.

Forget your car, your job. You are lucky. You have parents who will take you in & a fiancé who loves you. Let them help you.

You can not get sober for them. You have to do it yourself. Do some soul searching & be willing to make this the most important thing in your life. Then just do it.

A lot here for the newbe. Relax & make the most important decision in your life.

Good luck!!

Last edited by R. Lee; 12-16-2014 at 07:50 PM..
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Unread 12-17-2014, 08:09 AM   #4
lostdog
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Welcome Brian, we are all a nice group that helps each other. Continue to post and share and hope we can help you get through each day with a little more peace.
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Unread 12-17-2014, 09:23 AM   #5
Nicole0909
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Default stay strong

Keep your head up Brian stay strong for your family everything will work out
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