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Unread 11-09-2016, 04:05 PM   #1801
Alexis
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Love, hugs, solidarity, hope....all coming your way from a rainy, dark Manchester to your home. xx
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Unread 11-09-2016, 06:58 PM   #1802
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Millie/Folks,

Last night, once the results were final, a Clinton follower, and CNN pundit, a man named Van Jones, at the point of tears, spoke from his heart when he said, "Come morning, what will I tell my children...?"

Think about Googling this man. He is eloquent and just so emotional. He speaks from the heart and, for many of us, mirrors some of what we all feel.

At one point, sitting next to him on the CNN set was one of Trumps henchmen. And even as Mr. Jones poured his heart out, this Trump guy, Levendosky?? (former head of trumps campaign) mocked both Jones and all other Clinton supporters.

This is what we cannot have, Jones told the camera. Yet Levandowsky continued his attack, smirking the entire time. What a winner, right?

Gentle man that I am, I told Mrs. Sam that had I been sitting in Jones' place, I might have punched that s.o.b in the face. I'm not proud of my reaction, but, truth is, I am angry. Not at Trump supporters in general, but at all the OTHER BULLIES that continue to tag along in Trump's shadow.

Sorry.

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Unread 11-10-2016, 09:13 AM   #1803
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Saw this Millie thought of you.... do you know Pussy Riot? (sure you do!)

Anyway they posted this....

It's like being arrested. Dramatic at the beginning. But then you start to figure out how to live and create in prison. You'll overcome.



Keep your wonderful head up high Millie and keep on moving xx
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Unread 11-10-2016, 09:38 AM   #1804
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We will find the good parts and lift them out. Thinking of you, don't bear the burden we will all share that for you.Big hugs!
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Unread 11-16-2016, 01:48 PM   #1805
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Good morning, everyone.

Been so busy with music and such, I've been popping in on other people but not writing anything here. Had a very disappointing run yesterday -- was supposed to go 11 miles and didn't even make it 3 before making the executive decision to let it go for the day. I'm going to try again today, but I'm not overly optimistic. It's my last long run before the half marathon on Thanksgiving weekend, so I sort of have to get it done, but it's just so unpleasant.

I think I've been situationally depressed since the election, and my body is showing it. I've been soooo sleepy but can't sleep, and man do I have a scorching case of sadness. Been exercising and using my therapy lamp, but they're not quite strong enough to make light of the current things I can't seem to accept. Yet we have to go on.

I'll have a nice distraction this weekend, starting tomorrow, with a little pacific northwest tour. I'll be gone from home from 8 AM to 2 AM, so I bought myself a little tablet PC to work on my Nanowrimo project. Lots of bus riding and waiting around.

I guess that's all for me. Trying to stay out of trouble, and hoping everyone is well.
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Unread 11-16-2016, 04:12 PM   #1806
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Big hug Millie, don't bear the burden. Things change, I'm thinking positive and hard path to change. Lots of people are with you, remember, you are not alone.I luv you very much!
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Unread 11-16-2016, 10:27 PM   #1807
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Hey Millie!

LD is right. Things do change. For better, for worse. For both. It's just inevitable, change is. And while "this" particular change is not one I'm at all comfortable with, I do recognize that it's not only inevitable, it's necessary.

Still.

I continue to feel astonished, totally blown away, actually, by these recent events. And this new cast of characters? In-freaking-sane! I would laugh, if it didn't hurt too much to cry. Ha!

Yet more and more--and in just a handful of days--I'm okay with it. GETTING okay with it, that's closer to the truth. My truth.

We are going to be okay, Millie. Really we are. I know how Pollyanna-ish that sounds, but I think we will be. Checks and balances and all that jazz.

Look at it this way. We could all be living in the new **HBO TV Series, "Westworld."

Then again, maybe we already are.

**Note: IF you've seen this amazing new series, you'll understand my point. If you haven't seen it, well then, my point makes no sense whatsoever. Like normal. HaHa!

best,

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Unread 11-17-2016, 09:02 AM   #1808
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Good afternoon dearest Millie. Bright blessings to you.

Tryn is a small man in structure, yet my arms are very, very long. Please accept a humongous hug from this fellow in my dear ole Blighty.

The devil and the deep blue sea.......between a rock and a hard place.....so many cliches to describe both Brexit and the band of "Brex Pistols", and the Big Places choice of President makes Brexit look like a Sunday afternoon tea party.

Not to be political on this forum......i do not want to incur the wrath of the Mothership!.....i am still...totally stunned...nay speechless. Myself and Rolo sat up all night, and at 4am Blighty time i turned to my ole fella and said....

"That's us ****ed".

I only hope the ramifications over the coming 4 years in the Big Place do not support my contention that it could be horrific. We shall see.

As i shared with dear Milan, (who is still speechless about Brexit) that infact i now know how to become rich dear Millie. Yup....i am going to set up a business selling bricks to Trump. Indeedy. So with my contacts i got to speak to him on one of his gold planes and he ordered 100 bricks. Being the smartarse i am, i then rang the Mexicans.......

They ordered a billion...so i told Trump to sling his hook.

I know you feel down and sad, i know you are a survivor and a massively talented one at that. For sure you are mildly crazy.....i mean who CHOOSES to run a 11 miles? Oh don't get me wrong......i've run miles, and miles and miles...........never got away though.

The best thing for sadness is love, a hug and a smile. I give all of mine to you today.

Be peaceful, be healthy and be strong. Loveness to you dearest Millie
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Unread 11-17-2016, 01:14 PM   #1809
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Millie

LD, Sam and Tryn put it way more eloquently than i could, but every letter in here is perfect, full of love and hope.

Westworld is great Sam yes, i got that reference

We need to stick together more than ever nowadays. Im with you, always xx
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Unread 11-21-2016, 09:54 AM   #1810
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Hi Millie, I hope you have a nice thanksgiving day. Let me know how you are doing and where you ran last.
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Unread 11-21-2016, 05:49 PM   #1811
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Thanks, everybody...

I haven't seen Westworld... but I've seen House of Cards, which is strangely poignant.

I'm done with the tour now. What an interesting experience. It was very produced -- big name Christian singers, and a kid who won The Voice. The audiences were about 5,000 people each. It was also interesting to hang out with the rest of the orchestra members.

Now... I am pretty quiet, and don't go out of my way to socialize. And I think I may come across as a bit unapproachable. But one gal in particular decided she liked me and hung out with me a lot. I don't generally get along well with women, for several reasons, and they tend to just not like me. I don't know why she decided she did, but it was surprising to me. She's one of those superhumanly self-assured types, who can just fit in confidently in any situation -- soooo not my people. I kept wondering why she was being so nice to me and waiting for the point at which she was going to stuff me in a locker. But she just kept being nice. And I think she might actually try to socialize with me in real life. Yikes!

That said, I'm socially exhausted, and soooo happy to be home with my dog and cats and TV. My feller is at work, so I have the house to myself, with all the quiet.

I talked to my mom the other day about Thanksgiving, and I've decided that rather than go to her place, my husband and I are just going to go to the cabin. My stepdad has opposite political views (his two grown sons as well), and I just can't be around them right now. I know it would come up, and I just can't. My mom actually said it was a good idea to skip town instead. I told her she's welcome to join us... I will visit them soon, but I can't handle them all at once right now. To them it's about politics. It's so much bigger than that to me.

I think it'll be really nice to be out there in the rain and cold, making yummy food and being thankful.
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Unread 11-21-2016, 07:44 PM   #1812
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Is it thanksgiving today for you? If so happy thanksgiving! ENjoy the cabin, it sounds wonderful. I wish more than anything i could be there.

I think you made the right choice as well. Ive made similar decisions to stay away from get togethers due to political differences and it being raw.

Sounds like you made a new friend! haha awesome! She is nice to you because you are great, just perfect to me

Love you thanks for your support right now xx
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Unread 11-21-2016, 07:53 PM   #1813
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That's sweet of you to say, Alexis.

Thanksgiving is Thursday, so we'll probably head up then.
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Unread 11-21-2016, 09:26 PM   #1814
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Nurture that new friendship Millie. Enjoy that cabin & let that negative thinking stay elsewhere.
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Unread 11-22-2016, 09:37 AM   #1815
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Oh you deserve the best!
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Unread 11-22-2016, 01:49 PM   #1816
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Hey Millie,

I agree with both LostDog and RLee.

Yes, nurture this new relationship. I mean, who knows WHY anything happens to any of us---including friendships. Maybe she needs you, the strength and character and intelligence (et al) of YOU, and what you represent. And it surely won't hurt you to open up to other people. Selected other people, sure---but still.

Also, you are a good and decent woman. And yes, you DO deserve for good things to happen to you. IF your "addict thinking" is putting any sort of negative spin on this potential friendship, cast that bad-boy away!

best,

sam
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Unread 11-22-2016, 01:58 PM   #1817
Millie
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Good morning, all.

No, there's no negative spin. When it comes to relationships, I've learned that any sort of expectation can only create suffering. In these kinds of things I just let happen whatever will (this is how I ended up with the friends I do have, and my dear husband -- no expectations!). This one is no different. It was just surprising and unusual, and it's been a long time since anyone has actually taken an interest in me *after* an initial conversation.

Back at work today, which feels a little surreal and boring. And I'm ready for a weekend. :-|
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Unread 11-22-2016, 04:04 PM   #1818
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We are always interested in what sweet talented pretty Millie is up to😀
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Unread 11-26-2016, 09:41 AM   #1819
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How is the cabin Millie? Hope you are keeping warm, eating yummy food and having a lovely time with your husband. xx
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Unread 11-27-2016, 06:19 PM   #1820
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Hiya everyone.

Finished my 15th half marathon this morning, and looking forward to taking some time off of training. Going to go to the gym and do yoga and do short runs because I want to rather than out of obligation.

I've been desperately, miserably sad for the past week, and none of my usual self-interventions seem to be working. I'm going to get more fruits and veggies and probiotics and varied physical activity going and hope that works. I can't keep being so down. This is worse than it's been in years, and I've gained five pounds in two months.

Sorry to be a downer. I'm trying...
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Unread 11-27-2016, 06:25 PM   #1821
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Hey Millie first, congrats, you are truly truly awesome. Im in awe of you, and my sister who has run two half marathons. wow. Its something i cant imagine ever doing.

Second, im so sorry you are feeling so low. I feel so selfish for complaining about my own sadness and not checking on you. Sorry about that and its something i will try to rectify.

Good idea on the veggies/fruit/exercise. I can take a leaf out of your book and do the same.

Do any films or books help usually?

Is there something troubling you or is it just that time of year when sadness takes its ugly grip??

Thinking of you like i always am, and sending you love xx
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Unread 11-27-2016, 06:45 PM   #1822
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I couldn't imagine ever doing it either. And I still cry in disbelief every time. It never gets old. I burn out in training, but the race itself is always amazing.

The sad I think is a combination of brain chemicals because of the darkness, a decrease in exercise, no responses to the resumes I've sent out... and I think the election pushed it all over the edge.

With it being mostly chemical, as far as I can tell, there's not really a focus. So it's not like I'm down on myself or anything, it's generalized. And unfortunately no, distraction doesn't help at all.

Feeling slightly better at the moment, which is probably due to 13.1 miles of endorphins, and I can't do that every day. :-/ So I think I'm just going to have to really buckle down and take care of myself rather than trying to stop it or trying to comfort myself with excessive sleep and simple carbs.
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Unread 11-27-2016, 06:47 PM   #1823
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And thank you. Love you, Alexis.
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Unread 11-27-2016, 06:52 PM   #1824
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I think you have a head start because you are so good at recognising it and are knowledgeable with what may help, like the veggies and stuff.

I think maybe i sleep too much (i dont sleep much at night but then nap throughout the day a lot) it doesnt help does it...

BUT, also, if your body craves some sleep or some carbs, then thats ok too...right?!

Do you take any meds for your sadness? If not would you consider it? If its a chemical imballance then obviously the pills even it out. I dont know where id be without my meds. Sometimes i want to come off them but if i stop taking for a few days i fall apart.

I know lots of people would hate to be on them though, the reliance. But my friend has SAD and takes them over the winter months and it does help her cope.

Love you lots xx
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Unread 11-27-2016, 06:59 PM   #1825
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I have thought about meds, but with their side effects I want to make sure I've tried everything else first. I've mostly been able to cope in the past couple of years so I want to use all the tools in my belt first. Does that make sense?

If it lasts though, that will be an option.

And yeah, sleep is totally acceptable. But if it gets oppressively bad for me I have trouble playing music at night, and that won't do...
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Unread 11-27-2016, 07:02 PM   #1826
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Yes it definitely makes sense. I think its the right way to go about it. The side effects can be rough going. But worth it in the end if you need them. Im glad they are an option.

i Hate knowing you are so sad. I hope things start to work and pick up soon. Put your face right over that vitamin D light

Ah if only things were that simple hey xxx
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Unread 11-27-2016, 07:08 PM   #1827
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Thanks for being here. <3
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Unread 11-28-2016, 02:59 PM   #1828
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How are things today Millie? xx
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Unread 11-29-2016, 07:51 PM   #1829
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Thanks for asking. I'm okay. Still in a funk but think I've pulled out of the worst of it. Boy that was bad.

Looking forward to band practice tonight. I love those guys.

And I read about this a while back, and while I don't have an overly busy schedule, my therapist talked a lot about focusing on our values. While I'm not big on journaling, I do keep a line-a-day thingy where I write one or two small things about my day, and might start incorporating values into that.

https://medium.com/the-mission/one-r...e99#.z11gwxvz8
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Unread 11-29-2016, 10:28 PM   #1830
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Hi Millie I hope you are doing well. Ill be in your area soon. The weather is cold. Take care.l
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Unread 11-30-2016, 04:13 AM   #1831
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Thank you for that Millie, very interesting and really makes sense. I will think more about this.

Glad you feel you are through the worst. Horrible isnt it. Hope you have a lovely sleep (funny how im just getting up, are you off to bed soon) i never really know how far behind you are!

Love you lots x
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Unread 11-30-2016, 01:36 PM   #1832
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What would your core values be Millie? I might try to do this....i think mine would be creativity, kindness & peace.

Hope your morning (?) is going well! x
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Unread 11-30-2016, 02:18 PM   #1833
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That's a very good question.

From the site's very helpful list, I can probably narrow it down to five: meaningful work, kindness, learning, humor and authenticity. Though creativity and achievement are very important to me too. And compassion. and growth. Gyah!

Clearly I need to give it more thought.
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Unread 11-30-2016, 02:23 PM   #1834
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haha yes i tried to keep mine to three

I wasnt sure how to go about it...they suggest writing how you have kept to your core values each day right?

Maybe i can do it in my journal here. Im crap at keeping written things up on paper!

x
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Unread 11-30-2016, 02:31 PM   #1835
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That was my understanding. I figure something short (hence me mentioning my line-a-day diary) will be the most sustainable.

I definitely need to take the time to narrow down my list first.
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Unread 12-01-2016, 01:51 PM   #1836
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Good morning.

On a bizarre post-race-endorphin-fueled whim the other day I messaged a very accomplished music colleague whom I've never met (we're friends on Facebook, but that's all), and asked this person out for coffee. I actually didn't chicken out, and we went out for tea yesterday. I was so nervous. It was fine, of course, and really really put some things into perspective for me. Musically speaking, this person is literally as successful as you can be in this town. But the grass isn't always so green once you stop looking through the window of your own preconceptions and open the door. It made me a little sad, really.

BUT. The perspective thing is important, and I'm taking that deeply to heart. I'm genuinely thankful (now) I didn't take the same path, after having years of tentative regret.

This morning I woke up with the tiiiiiiniest bit of lightness. First time since the election. I actually woke up in the middle of the night and felt this, and reminded myself, "oh yeah, you're sad." Which is an "I am" statement, and it was trying to get right in there! I realized in my sleepy state that it was a self-fulfilling statement, and a destructive one at that, and allowed myself the permission to be hopeful for a minute. That tiny little sliver of light is still here this morning after waking up, thank goodness.

I don't know if it's the added vitamin D, or the exercise, or eating super healthy food, or the combination of all of it, but it's sooooo nice to wake up thankful again, and be able to see a little blue beyond the clouds.

Hope everyone is having a good day.
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Unread 12-01-2016, 03:11 PM   #1837
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Hey Millie, sounds like it was a very good time to meet your friend. Do you think that realisation added to your new found light?

I certainly understand fully, that destructive sentence you said to yourself. I do it all the time and it sets me back so much.

If i start to feel better, a more powerful voice tells me not to be silly, im sad...

Good job on battling against that. I suppose recognising it is also a big step.

Any plans today? Work? you off to the cabin this weekend?

Love to you xx
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Unread 12-01-2016, 03:35 PM   #1838
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I do think that was a bit of it. Maybe it helped me shift back into thinking of us all as individuals with our own experiences, rather than carrying the weight of the whole country in my psyche.

That destructive thought -- "I am" and "I am supposed to be" (which is just as bad!) -- those are not allowed with me in that way, and I was actually shocked that in a half-asleep state it snuck back in. I know I preach this a lot, but getting rid of that kind of self-talk by consciously and adamantly changing the conversation has changed my life. I'm not a pro at it, but practice is helping so much.

And yep, today is work and later the gym and making a yummy dinner. We will indeed probably head out on Saturday to the cabin, just for an overnight. It's supposed to be very very cold next week, so we need to turn off the water so the pipes don't freeze, and that kind of stuff. Won't be able to go back till Christmas, so gotta get that stuff done. And it's supposed to snow there on Sunday, so I'm hoping we can get back!
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Unread 12-01-2016, 04:57 PM   #1839
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Hey Millie!

Why those things happen to us, that strange but oh-so-welcome rush of positivity and good cheer, I surely don't know. Is it all brain chemistry, changed/improved by the nutrition, the exercise, et al we engage in? Of course that's part of it, maybe all of it. Sure, could be.

But then, IDK, there is, I believe, something more mystical, if not supernatural, that, when we're in that "right place," touches us. I don't know, though it really does "feel" like this is so. I mean, we can't be ALL chemically induced (i.e. brain chemistry) can we?

Well, whatever the cause, really good to hear that you've moved past the shadows, if only just. Sounds like you're still moving forward. Great, Millie!

At your cabin, remember to bundle up! Of course, you know this. Though I do enjoy the cold, wet weather, I freaking hate to be cold. As in all-shivering cold. Brrrr!

At the same time, I bet it's so damn pretty, probably gorgeous, that it hardly matters how cold it is. Still, take blankets. Ha!

You do take the original Millie with you, right? I also bet she loves it!

Be safe and have way too much fun!

best,

sam
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Unread 12-01-2016, 05:38 PM   #1840
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Oh yes, blankets. And a very effective wood stove, and..... wall heaters. For being such a tiny, modest place, it's well-equipped for cold.

Thanks, Sam.
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Unread 12-01-2016, 06:28 PM   #1841
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SNOW i hope it snows here soon, not seen any yet. wrap up warm!

xx
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Unread 12-02-2016, 10:25 AM   #1842
R. Lee
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Progress not perfection Millie.
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Unread 12-04-2016, 07:53 AM   #1843
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Good morning dear Millie. Bright blessings to you.

I should imagine you are on your way back from the cabin today....did you remember to turn the water off??

You are on a fascinating journey. A journey that you have molded and made for yourself. Your musical gift always shared with such modesty, infact you share you with so much much modesty.

It does not fool us dear girl, we know quite how special and talented you are. How i would love to hear you play. You talk of contacting an accomplished musician, i rather suggest you are cut from the same cloth.

I do hope you have had a wonderful weekend.

Be peaceful, be healthy and be strong. Loveness to you my dearest Millie
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Unread 12-04-2016, 12:30 PM   #1844
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Hi sweet Millie, glad you went to cabin and I was kinda near you.
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Unread 12-04-2016, 03:12 PM   #1845
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Yes Millie how has your trip been? Any snow? xx
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Unread 12-05-2016, 05:49 PM   #1846
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Hope you are ok Millie, just checking in on you xx
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Unread 12-06-2016, 06:00 PM   #1847
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Hi everybody.

Got back on Sunday, and had just a tiny dusting of snow on Monday, already gone. Didn't cause any trouble at all. When it snows more than an inch here, the whole city essentially shuts down. We get lots of midwestern transplants here -- Michigan, Minnesota... they think we're wimps for not driving anywhere with even the lightest snow. "We're from Michigan, where it really snows!" they say. "We have four-wheel-drive!" they say.

And theirs are the cars that we find stuck at the bottoms of all the hills until the snow melts. Theirs are the SUVs that we see pinballing off curbs sliding backward... Seattle is a giant series of hills, and people just have to learn for themselves.

So after I'm all done with playing the Nutcracker in a few weeks, it can snow all it wants and I'm happy to be holed up with my electric blanket at home. But not till then.

It's so cold out, but a gorgeous sunny day. Got to spend some time with a good friend this morning, and it cheered me right up. So glad to be alive today.
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Unread 12-06-2016, 08:54 PM   #1848
lostdog
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Oh it's so pretty where you live. I was at the Portland airport and this guy was playing the nutcracker. It is lovely. I'm getting some good Mexican food near where I live. Best area in the state. Have a good weekend and day tomorrow.
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Unread 12-06-2016, 09:34 PM   #1849
LeighAnnie
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Unread 12-07-2016, 10:39 AM   #1850
Alexis
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Im hoping for snow soon, it makes me giddy haha

How you feeling today? xx
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