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Unread 07-09-2016, 12:05 PM   #1
Knittingnana
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Angry Newbie

Hi everyone
It's taken me a while to pluck up the courage to ask for support but here goes.
I'm a 68 year old woman, married with grown up children.
I should have more sense at my age than to continue drinking myself senseless on a regular basis.
Over the years I've embarrassed myself and others by my drunken antics. I've felt disgusted with myself on many occasions and this is yet another day of remorse.
I was at a friend's funeral this week and he died of liver failure so I don't want to go the same way.
I don't drink every day. Maybe twice a week, but when I do, I can drink a full bottle of vodka just like it was lemonade.
I have had many memory blackouts and it has got to stop.
My problem is that once I have one drink, I have to carry on until I've more or less finished the bottle.
My hubby works away a lot and I feel very lonely. I tend to drink to block out my depression but as we know, it can make it worse.
I keep promising myself to get a bottle and only have two or three drinks but that all goes out the window suddenly.
He has no idea of the quantity of alcohol that I consume but he has always lectured me on my drinking.
Thank you for taking the time to read my post and please remind me that I'm by no means the only female to feel this shame, disgust and hope for a clean future
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Unread 07-09-2016, 01:18 PM   #2
Tryntryagain
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Oh....how wonderful!...

Good afternoon Kinttingnana. Bright blessings to you.

It will not feel it, yet you are in a really good place. You've had enough. Enough of the whole shebang.

The illness, the guilt, the chaos, the rows, oh my....it is truly awful.

Here is an incredible family. We have all been where you have been, some of us still plug away at the demons inside us. You are choosing another pathway. The one thing we all do here, is try and find the other way. Away from alcohol and destructive behaviour for us. It is not easy, yet many here will tell you heartwarming story's of what it is like when sobriety is found.

Welcome, welcome Knittingnana.

A place were no one judges and we all just try to love, care for and guide each other at times we all know and have been to.

There really is a brighter tomorrow. One thing i will say is that as an alcoholic from dear ole Blighty, i notice the same thing as happened to me. I thought no one had a clue i was half pissed most of the time...i only remembered....the times i could NOT remember.

I feel for you, i want to reach out to you, i hope i have, this is a really, i mean really good place to get your head together. And no, you are not the only woman, you will not be the last. You are a human bod who is choosing to move in a different direction.

It is times like this you must feel so weak.

May i say from a lot of experience, the fact you have found the courage to share what you have, tells me, you are coming from a place of strength. You are strong.

You can do this.

Be peaceful, be healthy and be strong. Loveness to you Knittingnana
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Unread 07-09-2016, 01:51 PM   #3
Knittingnana
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Thank you for your words of inspiration. Xx
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Unread 07-09-2016, 03:08 PM   #4
Sam Bailey
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Hi K Nana,

Welcome!

My keyboard is messed up. No spacebar. Pain in the butt. Repairs to come.

Please stay around.

Life can get better, it surely can!

best,

sam
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Unread 07-09-2016, 03:21 PM   #5
Tryntryagain
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Good evening again Knittingnana. Bright blessings to you.

Our dear Sam is the embodiment of all we are.

We try each day at a time to find our way, accepting the stuff that is not working for us, taking wisdom and strength from that......(they may feel like "failures" now...in the future they turn into little diamonds of learning and growing)....and another thing...(Tryn is always full of "other things").....

I know some breathtakingly fine women in this family, (i call them my sisters), and some are of your age. It took me a year or 2, before i realised.

Why?.....Because, (never start a sentence with "And, or because")...BECAUSE....this family does not judge, at last that chaos and awfulness we thought we were on our own with, we are not.

You need never feel alone again.

I know it is my dear ole Blighty time, and i know you live in the big place. You watch....wait for my other brothers and sisters to get wind of this. You will find many, many come to your side.

When i wrote the letter you have written a few years ago, my Dear R Lee and my dear Saint simply said to me...."think through the first drink".

They kept saying it, and say it to me to this day. Now when i go about my business, i may do many things, yet i always think through the first drink. If i do not...i will blow it.

We know what happens...when that happens eh?

So, in the unlikely event there seems no way forward, if you want your heart warmed, a smile on your face again in circumstances all would think impossible, come here. All you need are Sams words, and that smile will last you long enough until the next one.

Trust me!

Be peaceful, be healthy and be strong. Loveness to you Knittingnana.
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Unread 07-09-2016, 05:51 PM   #6
Knittingnana
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Thank you everyone for your support. I'm feeling quite proud of myself tonight. Was at a cousins for dinner and refused all offers of alcohol. I was open with them about stopping drinking and they were supportive of my decision. Once again though, they didn't realise that it was becoming a problem for me.
We then went on the the cinema after dinner and I'm now home and feeling stronger already.
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Unread 07-09-2016, 11:19 PM   #7
lostdog
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that is good, when you break that habit of drinking and resist those urges, I think it gets somewhat easier, but always be vigilant and think through the first drink. It helps, welcome to the group here.
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Unread 07-10-2016, 11:04 AM   #8
R. Lee
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Knittingnana, Welcome to the site. You sound like one of us.A person with a drinking or even an alcoholic. It does not matter how much or often we drink it matters what happens when we drink.

If you want to stop maybe try thinking through that next drink. I drank for 42 years to the age of 61. I had given up on myself because when I would quit I would always fail & go back drinking. Now I think through that 1st drink sometimes just getting through the urge. I never worry about drinking tomorrow because at 72 I don't know if I have a tomorrow. This is a easy concept but not easy to do.

Come back & share more telling us how you are doing. Don't give up the fight, you are worth a sober life.
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Unread 07-10-2016, 02:37 PM   #9
Millie
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Hi! You've made a great decision in coming here, and in confronting the problem.

And you also made a great decision in not drinking when offered! Sounds like you're off to a great start. Stick around here and you'll find some of the kindest, most supportive people in the world. We all have different experiences, but we all know that hold a chemical can have.

Have a great day!
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Unread 07-11-2016, 12:51 PM   #10
Alexis
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Hello, Welcome to the family

How are you getting along? Good or bad, come talk to us, it helps xx
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Unread 07-13-2016, 07:14 AM   #11
Tryntryagain
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Good morning Knittingnana. Bright blessings to you.

As our dearest Alexis wrote, pop in when you can and let us all know how you are doing. It takes courage for sure when shit is hitting fans and we can feel somewhat lost and lonely. You are not.

I am not suggesting that you are struggling, yet this family knows how important it is to keep reassuring that should those times be happening, that is what we are all here for.

Look forward to hearing from you soon.

Be peaceful, be healthy and be strong. Loveness to you Knittingnana
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Unread 07-16-2016, 03:08 AM   #12
Knittingnana
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Hello everyone. I'm doing well at the moment thank you. A full week has passed without even thinking about drink. I bought a book by Allen Carr. The Easy Way Fir Women To Stop Drinking. Read it in one sitting. Not too sure if it has helped per se but a lot of it rang bells in my head.
Thank you for your support.
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Unread 07-16-2016, 06:26 AM   #13
Alexis
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Congrats on the week keep talking when you need to xx
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Unread 07-16-2016, 11:27 AM   #14
R. Lee
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Congrats on 1 week sober. Keep it up.
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Unread 07-16-2016, 01:38 PM   #15
Millie
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That's wonderful! Please feel free to let us know how you are any time.
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Unread 07-25-2016, 02:08 AM   #16
Rockinsteady
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I've found certain books to be helpful too, and I don't know if you mentioned it already so I apologize if I'm being redundant, but I wonder about your user name...I'm guessing you knit, and I wonder if you find that to be a good distraction when you need one. I do cross-stitch and that often helps me keep my hands busy (versus picking up a bottle, for example) and also just helps me relax. Plus, knitting produces useful stuff that can keep you and your family and friends warm! Talk about giving to others! Is your hobby helpful to you in fighting drinking urges?
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Unread 07-25-2016, 08:46 AM   #17
Knittingnana
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Yes, I'm currently knitting baby coats. It's not that I sit here craving a drink, it's just that when I'm south shopping, the booze cries out to me. Then when I do take it home, I have to binge drink it.
I actually went out with friends for a meal last Fruday. I wanted to prove to myself that I could have one drink and stop.
I ordered a long vodka and it lasted me for three hours without the usual craving to slug it down and have more.
So, apart from my one drink on Fruday, I haven't had any other booze since 8tg Juky and certainly don't feel the need right now.n
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Unread 07-25-2016, 09:45 AM   #18
Alexis
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congrats keep it up and talk to us when you need! x
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Unread 07-25-2016, 11:27 AM   #19
R. Lee
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Knittingnana, Good luck on your controlled drinking.
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Unread 07-25-2016, 03:59 PM   #20
Millie
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Good job. It's a bit of a risky game, trying to prove that we can only have one...

I've been able to do it sometimes, sometimes not. And I actively analyze what triggers the decision to drink, and its potential effect on whether I stop or not. Thankfully I don't feel the urge to experiment very often. Like I said, it is risky. We are all different, with different issues, different results... whatever works for you!
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Unread 07-25-2016, 04:07 PM   #21
lostdog
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best wishes, on the subject of controlled drinking, I think it is difficult for an alcoholic, it may enhance the desire for alcohol later down the road, and cause bingeing or sadness of not being able to drink more? but I wish you only the best! let us know how you are doing and if I can help you in anyway.
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Unread 07-26-2016, 08:46 AM   #22
Tryntryagain
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Good afternoon Knittingnana. Bright blessings to you.

I hear what you say Re seeing how you go in controlling your drinking. I tried to do that for many years. I did very well to be fair, yet the thing with alcohol is that if i went out 5 times, i could do it for 4 of those occasions, on the 5th my desire for alcohol would eventually "overtake" my desire to control it. When it did, it made the other 4 times, kinda pointless to be frank. The times i would completely lose it became more and more frequent. Eventually i could not control it all.

Please do not forget how you found us.

I really do wish you well with your pathway forward as one thing i do know is that it is different for all of us. Please keep coming here and telling us how you are getting on.

Be peaceful, be healthy and be strong. Loveness to you Knittingnana
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