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Unread 10-17-2014, 08:29 AM   #1
livingsober
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I am so sorry, somehow I lost livingsober's first post in moving all the posts to a new thread.

Nancy
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Unread 10-17-2014, 09:13 AM   #2
livingsober
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Hi all,
Have I scared everyone off? Just a bit about me. I've been drinking for 15 years now. I first started when my youngest was about one. My grandmother died at the same time who was my only real family. At the same time my marriage collapsed. So i started drinking alcoholically. After that was a whirlwind of psychiatrists which did nothing to help. One made me go to the gym everyday; still no help. I spent a few years in and out of a private psychiatric hospital. This was due to my exhusband who kept locking me up and eventually used this to take my kids away. Two years later I met my expartner who was a great guy. No locking me up. But he proved to be domestically violent. So violent I was too scared to drink in case he bashed me for it. Anyway we broke up and I am still struggling with the grog.
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Unread 10-17-2014, 09:21 AM   #3
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Hi Livingsober!

You have not scared anyone off. Many of our stories are very similar. Alcoholics who cross that invisible line into "needing" the drink and when it becomes our main thought - we are all here.

The good news is that you do not have to drink today. I'm just starting my day and I think that is a wonderful idea!

And Tryn - I am so very very proud of you. You are handling life as it comes and you are thinking through the first drink. Yay! Jenm
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Unread 10-17-2014, 09:21 AM   #4
Tryntryagain
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Hello Living Sober. Bright blessings to you.

You are most welcome into this family. Everyone here has an immense understanding and experience around finding sobriety, sustaining sobriety and enjoying sobriety. You have come to the right place. Here you can unravel your problems, share your worries and your joys, and tell us a bit about what brings you to this amazing family.

You say you are unable to help yourself? You just have my friend! Reaching out is the first step on a journey of understanding. It has its up and downs!, but it a journey so, so very worthwhile. Finding support is a very sensible thing to do when we feel confused and a little bit lost.

The way i went about it was i started a thread of "me", so that i had a place to come and rant, share, ask for help and courage, express my fears, and then listen to all my Brothers and Sisters here, who between us all, will understand where you are.

I too have "been in" countless residential rehabs, although none were successful. I hope this makes sense, but at those times i "wanted to want to stop", i didnt deep down really, really wanted to stop. I wanted my cake and eat it. Literally, when i eventually ended up on my knees, i looked deep into me, (rather than others looking into me), and i knew, i wanted to, really wanted to, stop drinking. I realised that for all the rehabs and therapy, there was always 1 missing component that i could never work out. Now i can. I wanted to do both. It is not possible.

The fact you are here means you can do this. Sure you can. R Lee and Saint taught me to "think through the first drink"...it really, really works. If you are tempted, try that.

1 thing you can go to bed knowing tonight, you are so very, very welcome in a family of zillions who are here to support your journey.

Be peaceful, be healthy and be strong Living Sober. Loveness to you. Loveness to all.
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Unread 10-17-2014, 09:27 AM   #5
Tryntryagain
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Just missed your post there Jenm, thank you so much.

Indeed, when R Lee says we can not control outcomes, it really is a valuable concept to take on board. It does not mean at the time it feels any better, but it helps that little important bit, that wisdom stands in the way.

Be peaceful, be healthy, and be strong. Loveness to you Jenm
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Unread 10-17-2014, 09:41 AM   #6
Tryntryagain
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Hello again Living Sober. Bright blessings to you.

I have just read your last post and it sounds like you have been through some really challenging times. I can hear that you have experienced much personal fear, and when people are "bashed", the bruises fade fast, but we get bashed up inside as well.

If you can try and find ways of looking ahead, and keeping things nice and simple. As far as is possible try to put your sobriety as number 1 priority and i am sure you will find all else more managable. Keep your support structures going, and take things a day at a time, or if need be 5 minutes at a time.

You can do it.

Be peaceful, be healthy and be strong. Loveness to you Living Sober
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Unread 10-17-2014, 11:11 AM   #7
R. Lee
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lovingsober, Welcome to this site. You have been through some tough experiences.

I drank for 42 years. I could not get sober on my own. I needed a support group of recovering alcoholics to maintain any kind of sobriety. I have a sponsor & phone numbers of recovering alcoholic to call if I have the urge to drink. I call even when life seems to be too much for me to handle. I also use the forum. It is a great way for me to get outside myself by helping others here. I also can dump my problems here. A problem shared is a problem cut in half.

You can do this. Think through the 1st drink, stay in today, keep it simple. You only have to stay sober today.

Good luck. You can do this if you make sobriety the no. one thing in you day.
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Unread 10-17-2014, 11:28 AM   #8
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Livingsober,

The only disadvantage to this site is that we all check in at different times, so you won't always get instant feedback.

On the other hand, the quality of the feedback is top notch with makes up for the delay.

Listen to RLee; he knows of which he speaks. Also Saint, Jenm, Nan, Tryn, Michael, and all the rest. We are in various stages and lengths of sobriety. Some are not there yet. I was here for over a year before I quit drinking. Believe me, it was a year well spent, except for the alcohol. I wish now that I had written more and lurked less. It might not have taken a whole year. But I seldom missed a day of reading about others' journeys, and I learned so much.

Like RLee, I had to go to a support group of other alcoholics face-to-face to reinforce what I was learning here. The strength I have gained is amazing! I can't believe I had to wait until I was 66 years old to wake up!

I hope others are smarter and quicker than I, and don't have to resist the joy of sobriety as long as I did.

Oh, dear. I'm getting maudlin. A lawyer in my support group says women ruin the group because they want to talk about their emotions. Oh, well. There are many more men than women in our group, so I guess they do not all agree with him. Also, he keeps coming.

Oh, dear. I am rambling.

Love to all, Susie.
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Unread 10-17-2014, 11:37 AM   #9
gmasusie
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Thanks, Nancy B., for starting a personal thread for Livingsober. You always have such good judgment. It's comforting to know that "Big Sister" is watching over us.

Jenm! I just realized you don't have your own thread. Maybe you did at one time, but I didn't see it. I don't mean to pry, but you mentioned you're facing a tough situation soon. You know that we all are with you in spirit. If we can help, let us know.
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Unread 10-17-2014, 11:40 AM   #10
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Quote:
Originally Posted by gmasusie View Post
Thanks, Nancy B., for starting a personal thread for Livingsober. You always have such good judgment. It's comforting to know that "Big Sister" is watching over us.
Thank you Susie! Unfortunately I lost livingsober's first post in the move! Yikes. Hopefully she'll repost it.

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Unread 10-17-2014, 04:25 PM   #11
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Hi Nancy and welcome, I'm kinda new to. Everyone is very welcoming and supportive. The posts are so worth it to read. They get me through each day.
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Unread 10-17-2014, 07:46 PM   #12
livingsober
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Hi all,
Thanks so much for your kind words of support. I was in a bit of a blackout last night but had spent the afternoon reading the thread 'HockeyGirl'. I feel very ashamed. Maybe I just hate admitting I have a problem.

I'll give you a bit more of my story...I lost access to my daughters because I went to my ex-husbands house drunk and smashed a bottle against his window. He tried to get a DVO on me but didn't succeed. Instead he moved them away so I have no idea where they are living.

I smashed up my car leaving a bottle shop and drove up the street with the front bumper bar underneath the car. I then went to another drivethrough and was told to get a taxi home. The car needed a tow truck to get it home.

I was a regular at the bottle shop next door until it closed down.

I caught pneumonia in the middle of a binge and was rushed to hospital. I spent 10 days there and had terrible hallucinations due to withdrawals.

I just want to get sober.
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Unread 10-17-2014, 08:29 PM   #13
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livingsober, Your story sounds so much like the rest of us. I did this kind of thing for 42 years. I was 2&1-2 shy of 61. I had gone through 3 marriages while I lived in MI my children were raised in CA, before I cried out for help.

Think through that next urge. Do this 1 day at a time. (That is what kept me from trying again, because I could not imagine being sober for the rest of my life) keep it simple.

Check in here every day to help others. You can do it.
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Unread 10-18-2014, 02:26 AM   #14
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I had my last drink this morning. Now I just have to get through the withdrawals and then not relapse.
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Unread 10-18-2014, 06:12 AM   #15
Tryntryagain
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Good morning Living Sober. Bright blessings to you.

I am so glad for you that you are able to feel you can stop now. I am mindful you mentioned withdrawals, and i am concerned for you. Have you been able to discuss this with your Dr? I do not know the extent of your drinking, so if at anytime during your very early stages of not drinking, you do not feel "right", please reach out for some help.

My first day i sipped a glass of water regularly. If you can eat a little something that would be helpful. I took each hour as it came, and kept remembering why i wanted sobriety. Be kind and gentle to yourself, this is a new chapter, a wonderful new beginning as every new day is. 1 day at a time. If you can find a group over these comings days i am sure that will help you alot. If you can let all your feelings out here. All of us understand where you are today. Don't be afraid, a whole family is here to support you.

Be peaceful and stay strong. Loveness to you Living Sober
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Unread 10-18-2014, 11:35 AM   #16
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If you have access to a computer, check alternative ways to withdraw from alcohol. Several sites recommend herbs and nutritional supplements which can ameliorate the physical effects of withdrawal. If you start having symptoms beyond feeling a little shaky, insomnia, etc., go to urgent care or the ER right away.

Tryn's suggestions are good. I got a good novel and just immersed myself in it. OJ or honey are supposed to ease the body's desire for the sugar.

Good luck and keep in touch! We are all here to support you.

Love, Susie
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Unread 10-18-2014, 01:30 PM   #17
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LivingSober, Hope you are doing well today. Alcohol withdrawal is dangerous if it is severe. If you get severe symptoms, you need medical help to withdraw. I know someone who had a seizure, aspirated and passed away. I'm not trying to scare you, but care for you.
This is a great site and we are all here for you. Also, there is a website for women called WFS, it has a lot of good reading material and support, too. I like this site the best though. Let me know if I can help you in anyway as I always learn from others.
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Unread 10-18-2014, 08:30 PM   #18
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livingsober, Thanks for the truth.

Think through that next drink. You do not have to drink. Take that urge to drink 1 minute at a time if you have to.
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Unread 10-18-2014, 10:24 PM   #19
livingsober
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Hi all,
Thanks so much for your support. I went to the doctor and got some valium to help with the withdrawals. Its the only script I'll get so I'm using them sparingly. I managed to get through the night. Its been about 24 hours since my last drink now. I've done a bit of reading, some light work in the garden and chatted to a neighbour. I am feeling pretty shaky and a bit panicky though. I'll have to find something to do to occupy my days now as my whole life revolved around getting that next drink. There's lots of wisdom on here. I'm planning on going back to Aa again. I'm feeling proud of myself that I made it through 24 hours.
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Unread 10-18-2014, 11:36 PM   #20
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Although everyone is different, the first 24 hours were the worst for me. I hope the same is true for you. Having made it this far, don't give up! Good for you for getting support from your doctor. For me it took this site AND AA to get stopped and stay stopped.

Good luck! Remember what you have to lose on the one hand and what you have to gain on the other.

Listen to the old timers around here. They have the wisdom that keeps us all sober.

It also works because we all support each other.

Love, Susie
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Unread 10-19-2014, 02:32 AM   #21
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Livingsober,

Congrats on your 24 hours !!

Be kind to yourself as you start down the path of regaining your life back. Addiction is a disease. Learn about your disease and find ways to stay sober that work for you. Some form of support is usually helpful whether it be counseling, peer support etc. It helps to have people that understand what you are going through.

Remember you don't have to reinvent the wheel here. We've all been where you have. No need to go through this alone. Read the posts here and learn about addiction.

You have taken a huge step in regaining your life back. Congrats on believing in yourself once again!!!!!!
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Unread 10-19-2014, 11:27 AM   #22
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Congrats LivingSober, at first your habits will tell you to drink , but get a plan in place and a new hobby and do that to distract yourself, Much Support and you can do it!
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Unread 10-19-2014, 11:59 AM   #23
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livingsober, Great job on your 24 hrs of sobriety. I never had to D.Ts. be careful if you start to go through them. If the start get medical help.

Think through that 1st drink.

Keep adding on to your sober time 1 moment at a time.
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Unread 10-19-2014, 06:52 PM   #24
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Hi all,
I've woken up and its day 2 for me. I see a psychologist for counselling. He said to me that I didn't know what real drinking was! That almost gave me a clear sign to keep on with it. He sees a guy who is totally yellow from liver damage and drinks nonstop and is in and out of hospital. Theres no way I want to get to that stage hence stopping drinking now.
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Unread 10-19-2014, 09:18 PM   #25
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livingsober, Get rid of this quack!! We all drank some what different & we know what an alcoholic is. He has more drinking to do & we have had enough.
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Unread 10-19-2014, 09:51 PM   #26
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Hi all,
I'm finding it hard today. I did a bit of gardening but have really bad shakes at the moment. Dreaming of having just one to take the edge off. Thats what I hate the most about withdrawals. I know it won't work though. One will turn into a bottle or two of wine. As someone said (sorry still can't remember names) I'm thinking through the first drink. I guess I'll feel much different after 5 days or so.
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Unread 10-19-2014, 09:54 PM   #27
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Hi Lee,
That's funny I was actually thinking that. I don't need anyone around to give me an excuse to drink and ultimately end up half-dead or in the coffin even. I'm due to see him next week. Might have to cancel.
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Unread 10-20-2014, 02:25 AM   #28
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Livingsober,
I can't believe your psychologist said that!! At the least it is a very insensitive comment to make. Completely irresponsible to, in not so many words, minimize your addiction to alcohol. As Lee mentioned we may have different patterns of drinking but when you can't stop at one drink I call that addiction. And addiction only gets worse over time. I experienced it with my drinking.

Keep posting, keep thinking and working towards sobriety. Make sobriety the most important thing in your life and do what it takes to stay sober. Having someone close by that understands what you are going through can be invaluable in early sobriety. Hang in there!!

Saint
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Unread 10-20-2014, 10:02 AM   #29
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Good afternoon Lost Dog. Bright blessings to you.

Goodness gracious me!! What an extraordinary thing for a professional person to say to someone. I'm aghast! I think it is fair to say that i have had some dodgy advice myself in my time, although the bottom line is that Lost Dog has decided that the time has come to move forward, to put the drink down, and enjoy the life that is sobriety. As i did, i have no doubt you will have all manner of pathways and advice offered to you, i went down the road of taking it all on board and it got ever so confusing. I kept hearing this "keep it simple", but everything seemed to be so very confusing.

At this time Lost dog, there are 3 things you need. The desire to stop drinking, take each 5 mins, 30 mins, and hour, a day at a time, and by kind to yourself. (Try and eat, breathing excercises, fluids, water is best, and share with those who can understand).

Otherwise i only want to support all that Saint has shared.

You are in my thoughts Lost Dog. Keep focussed.

Strength and Loveness to you Lost Dog.
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Unread 10-20-2014, 10:03 AM   #30
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I do apologise Living Sober!!!!!!

I got confuddled with names myself!!!

I meant all of that to you Living Sober.

Loveness to you.
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Unread 10-20-2014, 10:16 AM   #31
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Do you know LivingSober, I have heard that line spoken to a binge alcoholic once before. I was like ok, now they'll never quit drinking, and they are in my family. That person remained in denial, you are not and you are doing so well. Keep it up!
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Unread 10-20-2014, 12:12 PM   #32
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livingsober, Watch out for the D. Ts. Think through tht next urge. We all have had or still do have those alcoholic dreams.
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Unread 10-22-2014, 11:27 AM   #33
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Hi LivingSober!

You can do this. One drink will not just take the edge off, it will set you off and running again, right back to the place where you were when you very first posted. It absolutely will. You know it, I know it, we all know it. Because we have been there!

I am sorry that your therapist said something so completely inappropriate. Don't use it as an excuse. In fact, there ARE no excuses. None. My brother 'was' that yellow person dying from liver disease - a direct result from drinking. At barely 41 years old. It is a very ugly, awful disease and I saw every bit of it firsthand. He was near death, but thank God he received a life saving liver transplant a few years ago. I'm very sad to say that he continues to drink. This disease never ever gets better, only worse, and the choices for the person who continues to drink are jail/prison, institution, or death. I do not want to go there today, and by God's grace I don't have to.

Please check in with us as much as you need to, no matter what. You can have your life back, you really can! One day at a time. Take care!! Jenm
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Unread 10-22-2014, 12:26 PM   #34
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Jenm,

Such wisdom from someone so young. Experience is a better teacher than longevity. You have experienced way too much, but that is what makes you such a great support to the rest of us. Thanks.

Livingsober: Let us hear from you. This is a long and winding road, but it is a lot easier with us (who have been there) beside you. That's MY experience.

Love, Susie
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Unread 10-23-2014, 10:14 PM   #35
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Hi all,
Its day 6 for me today. The sleeping hasn't been that great the last few nights. I've been finding it hard to settle down. Last night I woke up in the wee hours of the morning having a panic attack. I haven't had a nocturnal panic attack for over 15 years. It was a little scary. I stayed up for 2 hours and read a book until I could calm down.

Other than that its been great..no hangovers, more money, eating healthy food, talking to neighbours etc. I'm starting to feel so much better physically; it makes me wonder why I didn't do this years ago. I wish I had got this years ago. The guilt and shame has all but vanished as well.
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Unread 10-24-2014, 11:09 AM   #36
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Good afternoon Living Sober. Bright blessings to you.

I am so glad that you are feeling alot better. Jenm hit the nail on the head.

The feelings we all don't want, as you expressed, guilt and shame have all but vanished is so good to hear. Although life can be so much ups and downs, always be aware thoughts and feelings you used alcohol to get away from will still happen in the journey of life. That is just life. The right attitude as Saint often says, is so important. Attitude can be about focus on a goal, something you want so much because of the benefits. The most wonderful part of this family is those enjoying, albeit with its constant "badgering", sustaining sobriety is a different challenge to trying to find it.

The period of these few days can appear to be so confusing. Bits of your noggin, (head/brain) that are now "wanting a piece of you". It is both exciting and scary. A useful way forward would be when parts of you want pieces of yourself, try and find peace within yourself. I am learning that they go together well.

Re why didn't you do this years ago?...You were not ready. To define "ready" would be to ask every alcoholic in the world what made them make the choice to start a dry day, a day at a time, and become sober?, however many alcoholics there maybe in the world, i would get as many answers.

Once you have stopped, keep reaching out, and keep getting the support you need. It can be from outside sources, friends and whatnot, but ultimately at this time, being ones own best friend works.

R Lee has communicated to me on so many occasions how reaching out to others is also an integral part of recovery. In a way that supports those in a place we once were. I have been so lucky in that you have helped me on my journey, and so many others. The gift you have for supporting and giving to others, i think will be an influencial part of your day at a time recovery.

Be Peaceful, keep being strong. Loveness to you Living Sober
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