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Unread 08-13-2015, 05:15 PM   #1
Gracie1502
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Hello, I thought I should post since I have been reading and it is only fair if I share as well. Alcohol has always been a huge part of my family. My Mom is Italian and my Dad is Irish. Growing up was always like a never ending party of lots of relatives, food, music and drinks. I never drank in high school and really only started to drink in my second year in college. After college I continued to drink; however maintained a great job. Actually I have always maintained a great job and I am completely Type A personality and slightly OCD. Christmas cards are done 2 months in advance, presents are bought and wrapped by October, I am a super planner and I am always the one to organize. If you asked anyone who knows me they would never think I have a drinking problem, well except my husband because he sees it. I donít go out to bars, no clubs, no hard liquor, just wine. I donít drink when I get up, I donít drink at work, never would do that, but come 6 pm after a long day I will start and finish a large bottle of wine. I will wake up the next morning and will not remember who I talked too, who I texted, what I posted on FB. The scary part is most mornings I wonít even feel like crap. Maybe foggy, but never like a real hungover, and I think it is because my body is use to it. I take Lexapro for anxiety and when I have drank too much wine the next day I will feel off, very off, to the point that I canít be in a store or a restaurant. I could eat at a place outside, but being inside will just make me feel like I am going to flip out. When my first husband and I were nearing the end of a 12 year marriage I went to my parents and told them I thought I was an alcoholic and they just laughed and said no youíre not, you are fine. So life when on and I got divorced, for reasons other than drinking. My second husband had a drinking problem, but I did not realize it until it was way too late. 9 months pregnant and he is coming in from an all-night drinking fest. The funny part now looking back I never really drink that much around him, maybe because I saw the damage it was doing to him. (And I never drank pregnant) So two years later and a small daughter I divorced him and moved on. Now I am married, I know again, but this one is the keeper. We have been together for 6 years, only got married in October. He does like to have drinks, however he knows if he has one he will have more so he can self-control himself and wait until a party or a weekend, I canít. I think about having wine, like in the afternoon, knowing I will be home soon and I canít wait for that first glass. And I am super productive, making dinner, hanging out with my daughter, cleaning the house, feeding cats, watering plants, selling stuff on EBay, I just keep moving and the wine keeps flowing. I play tricks with myself too; if I buy wine in the box then I never really know how much I drank in a night. I reward myself for a good day, a bad day, itís the weekend. I have tried to stop, after having a bad hangover. I tell myself and my husband I am going to stop, just do it on the weekends and within 2 nights I am drinking again. I wonít eat as much dinner at night so I will get a quicker buzz. I donít think I am depressed and my life if full; family, activities, pets, workÖso I have to figure out the triggers. So that is what brings me to here. I drank a bunch on this Sunday, not more than usual and when I woke up on Monday I was foggy. Went to work and had a great day as always. But something in me said it has to stop. I did it for 9 months 8 years ago, why couldnít I do it now; so I googled online help groups. When I was married to #2 I actually went to Al-Anon meetings to learn to deal with him so I am ok with expecting help. I really feel like it is part of my genetic make-up. My parents and sisters drink every day, beer and wine. So my last drink was Sunday night and I am on day 4 now. I have read all about Millie and Alexis. I learned so much from all of your posts! The encouragement and advice given by Gmasusie, Millie, Alexis, R. Lee, Saint, Jditoday, Lostdog and Tryntryagain has been so helpful on my journey. Thank you for allowing me to be a part of this group. XOXO
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Unread 08-13-2015, 05:55 PM   #2
Millie
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Welcome, Gracie! Good for you for being on Day 4, first of all. You're off to a good start.

You know of course, you'll need to find the self-talk that works for you, and in my case, I have to change that up depending on the trigger. I'm learning this.

Is your husband willing to not drink around you? That kind of support can be very important.

As you've seen, this is a great group of people, full of support and non-judgment. Thanks for sharing your story!
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Unread 08-13-2015, 07:06 PM   #3
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Hi Gracie, when you drink what are you after? You say you take an antidepressant, so you may be self medicating and you are aware of drinking too much. If you take the alcoholic test, you can't control it. Well if so, you are in a good non- judgemental place. Take one day at a time and think thru that first drink. Think how you will feel, the black outs and then do that everyday to quit.
Welcome, I support you with a kind approach and would luv for you to be happy and quit drinking if you want to. Best wishes to you.
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Unread 08-13-2015, 11:59 PM   #4
gmasusie
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Gracie, I drank like you are describing for 50 years. You don't have to do that if you don't want to. I wish I had quit much sooner. I would have had more of my life with Monty if I had. I hope you will, but only you can make that decision. If you do, we support you. Four days is about over the first major obstacle!!!!! If you can do that, you can stay stopped if you want to. Best wishes to you. Love, Susie
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Unread 08-14-2015, 12:14 AM   #5
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Gracie,

Welcome and congrats on 4 days! You are the only one that needs to be certain you have a drinking problem. Once we own it, accept it, and want to change, really want to change we can move forward.

Think sobriety. We move towards and become that which we think about.

Keep working it!
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Unread 08-14-2015, 05:09 AM   #6
Alexis
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Hello Gracie and welcome to the greatest family

I understand how it must of felt telling your parents you were an alcoholic..to me, it is confusion! I find it hard to accept anyway, my friends say I am not an alcoholic, I feel like I'm putting it on, making it seem worse than reality, so I often drink more.

Like Saint says, only we can accept it. And really, it only matters how we feel because it is only is who can stay sober!

Congrats on 4 days and im glad really my posts has helped in some way.

Hoping you stay around!! Love & peace xx
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Unread 08-14-2015, 09:34 AM   #7
jditoday
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Gracie,

First of all welcome!

You have found yourself a pretty ok group of folks to fall in with. I have only been here for a minute or two in respect to the rest of these fine folks, but they are pretty good about taking people in that need the support to travel down this sober road. (Pffft, they took me!)

You said that you are on day 4. When I made my first post here, I had never made it past day 4. I have full on night shift brain going on and I'm trying to remember where I am now...9 I think. I'm pretty sure. It could also be 8 or 10. LMAO, I'm gonna have to look after I get done rambling here! NONE THE LESS...the kind words, advice and the never ending encouragement that comes out of these fine individuals is what helped me get past day 4, along with a pretty good amount of grit on my own as well. I will say I couldn't have done it without them.

So make yourself comfortable, and well, let's talk about stuff and not drink, sound good?
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Unread 08-14-2015, 11:14 AM   #8
R. Lee
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Gracie, Welcome to the site. We have as you know a great group here.

If you think you have a alcohol problem then you probably do.

Congratulations on 4 days sober.

You have been around absorbing what we have been sharing so you are already in a good place in your sobriety.

I have to break my sobriety into 24 hour segments. I have to keep my program of recovery simple. I think through that 1st. drink. I have a sponsor that is a recovered alcoholic. I hope I will call him or another recovered alcoholic before I drink & of course I come in here most every day to make suggestions.

You can do this. Stay the course. You are worth it.
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Unread 08-14-2015, 11:21 AM   #9
Gracie1502
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Good Morning! Thanks for the warm welcome. Today is Friday and I have not had a drink since Sunday night, though the urges have been there. Not sure what I am after when I drink, I really feel like it is a habit. I get home from work and pour a glass of wine, so now when I get home it is green tea. My craving for sugar is crazy! I have never been one to eat sweets, but this week I have been eating them. From what I researched that can happen and I just need to monitor my intake. My Husband is so proud of me. He has no problem not drinking if that will help me. When I get the urge I just keep repeating in my mind, talk through the first drink. I remind myself how good it feels to wake up not feeling like crap and remembering what I did the night before. Thank you for your kind words. Sunday will be the toughest day. I usually cook a bunch of food in the afternoon for the week and drink while I do it, so if I can make it through Sunday I should be ok. Just take it day by day and keep my mind occupied.
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Unread 08-14-2015, 01:12 PM   #10
gmasusie
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Just keep talking to us, Gracie. We will be here.
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Unread 08-14-2015, 01:25 PM   #11
Tryntryagain
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Good afternoon Gracie. Bright blessings to you.

Well done in these last few days. Stopping drinking, taking those positive steps are not half as easy for some as others may think or suggest.

It is about having your head and heart singing from the same Hymn sheet. Difficult to do, but when we accept our limitations, as well as our strengths, that is a jolly good foothold on the ladder that lifts us out of oblivion, just 1 rung, and 1 step at a time.

Here you will find the most loving, compassionate and understanding folk that will not judge, moreover lift your spirits where they can, and imparting strength when it may be needed.

Welcome to this quite beautiful and eclectic family.

Be peaceful, be healthy and be strong. Lovenes to you Gracie
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Unread 08-14-2015, 02:13 PM   #12
R. Lee
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Gracie, Congratulations on 5 days sober. You are doing very well.

Try not to make Sunday your trigger. Treat it just as any other sober day.

Have a great day.
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Unread 08-14-2015, 03:09 PM   #13
Saint
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Gracie,
You don't have to cook for the week...order out if you need to.
We often do things out of habit, boredom,etc. Break the routine, change things up if it will make Sunday easier for you.

Think through that drink. Talk with your husband about Sunday. Maybe he can join you in the kitchen?

Keep working it!
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Unread 08-14-2015, 06:34 PM   #14
Gracie1502
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Thanks again for all of your kind words. My day is almost over at work and I plan on going home and playing on EBay. I buy things at thrift stores and then resell them, fun little hobby that gives me some mad money! Today the craving for sugar has crazy! Has anyone else experienced that?
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Unread 08-14-2015, 08:09 PM   #15
jenm
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Hi Gracie, Welcome!

I have been around this place for a minute but have recently (this past year) gone back to drinking. I got a few days and then did it again. I am on day 2 and I am grateful. I always have experienced a huge sugar craving after I get sober. I have been blessed to put years of sobriety together (until this year) so I know that life only gets better. It really does. In my own experience, I will do whatever it takes to stay sober. If I eat ice cream each day, so what. I have to make sobriety the #1 thing in my life - as soon as I put it behind anything else, obviously, the results aren't good.

I'm really proud that you haven't had a drink since last Sunday. That's awesome! Pretty cool family around here, stick around. Jenm
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Unread 08-14-2015, 08:12 PM   #16
R. Lee
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Great job Gracie.

Congratulations on another sober day.

Have a great evening.
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Unread 08-14-2015, 09:14 PM   #17
Alexis
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Gracie, if you make it through sunday? You WILL make it through Saint had a good idea of asking your husband to help out in the kitchen, maybe one of your kids?

I understand the correlation between cooking and wine / beer though. I try and just treat myself to a fizzy drink because I don't have them at home much. Or listen to my music turned up so I can dance a bit and get lost in my thoughts.

Did you see Millies way of plotting her sober days? A smiley face on the calendar - we should all do that!!

Peace and love Gracie xx
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Unread 08-14-2015, 09:16 PM   #18
Alexis
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Oh and the sugar thing? I know it's not as fun as sweets or booze but a fruit platter will help! Plus it's good for you.
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Unread 08-15-2015, 03:20 PM   #19
Gracie1502
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Hello! last night was not so bad. I ate a bunch of lollipops, but I am going to try the fruit thing today. Woke up and felt good. I just need to work through tomorrow, but maybe changing up the routine will help.
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Unread 08-15-2015, 03:40 PM   #20
Millie
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Good job, Gracie! I've found that any change in the routine helps.

Have a great day!
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Unread 08-15-2015, 04:49 PM   #21
Saint
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One day down one to go. Think it through..

Saint
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Unread 08-15-2015, 04:49 PM   #22
jditoday
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Change of routine is a tough one. It was for me for sure. I used to get home from work and head right for the fridge for a beer. Popping that cap was my off switch. I havn't found a proper off switch just yet, but now I still go to the fridge for some water, and head right to the computer to read up on how everyone is doing and to post a few words about myself here. It's working so far. Keep strong, you are doing awesome!
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Unread 08-15-2015, 09:43 PM   #23
R. Lee
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Congratulations on another day sober Gracie.

Keep doing what you have been it works.
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Unread 08-16-2015, 12:25 AM   #24
jenm
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Gracie! Great job! One day, one hour, one minute at a time is how we do this thing.

I work (right now at least) in the restaurant business. I serve alcohol to people but it really isn't a trigger for me. After work, especially on an empty stomach, is my problem. The truth is, it doesn't matter what I do for a job. If I plan on drinking, I'm gonna. I used to be a high school teacher and have also been a counselor. As we have found, alcoholics will find a way to drink no matter what.

Right now, I HAVE to keep myself accountable to someone else many times a day. Supportive friends, my mom (Nan), friends from church, even my 3 boys who I raise by myself! Well, not really my littlest boy, but my other ones.

I know that Sunday is a big trigger day for you....get a plan in place! You can do this. Even if you need to post here 84 times. We are all in this together! Take care, Jenm
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Unread 08-17-2015, 05:31 AM   #25
Alexis
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How are you Gracie? How was your Sunday? xx
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Unread 08-17-2015, 10:40 AM   #26
Gracie1502
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Good Morning! Sunday went well. I kept very busy and had my daughter help with cooking so that broke up the routine. Did not have a drink; however I really would of loved one! Leaving for vacation on Wednesday for a week, going camping. Thanks for the support.
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Unread 08-17-2015, 11:29 AM   #27
R. Lee
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Gracie, Great job. Keep it up by thinking through that 1st. drink.

Have a great day.
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Unread 08-17-2015, 11:42 AM   #28
lostdog
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good job, have fun camping and relax and think of all the positive things in nature and your life. close your eyes and enjoy the birds and wind sounds.
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