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Unread 08-07-2008, 01:13 PM   #1
mendela
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Hi All, Update on my son. I called the jail and learned that he was released August 1st. I have not seen or recieved a call from him. So he is on his own, have no knowledge where he is or how he is. I am trying to think of this as a positive thing as he may have gotten into a program to get serious help and at this time he can not get in touch with family. It will be a tough time for me as I have always known of his wereabouts. God be with him. Marilyn
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Unread 08-07-2008, 04:29 PM   #2
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Hi Marilyn,

I also hope and pray he has found a program to help him. I think you mentioned he would not be on probation? I was hoping that with probation he would have to be accountable to someone. Did you ever hear from him after the attempted call from jail?

I admire your resolve, it takes more strength to NOT give in and give him money, than to fix everything for him. I do hope you hear something encouraging from him soon, until then you are all in my prayers. Take care Carly
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Unread 08-07-2008, 06:21 PM   #3
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Hi CarlyO,

No I have had no contact at all with him since that call. I don't think he is on probation. The jail just said he was released Aug.1st, early for good time served. I have called his father since I wrote you and he said that he received a collect call a few weeks back and Mike said he was going to try to get into a program through Red Cross or Salvation Army. I never heard of them but my hopes are that he has gone into a program and can't contact family right now. I do thank you so much for your prayers and words of encouragement, because I do have reservations on if I did right in not going to visit him and giving him money. Take care. Marilyn
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Unread 08-10-2008, 01:42 PM   #4
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Hi Marilyn,

NOW I see where you wrote this! Sorry, I responded to you on the other thread. Maybe we should try and keep it here from now on, since this thread has your name as the author, huh?

Anyway, I won't repeat what I already wrote. Just know that I'm thinking about you and Mike and hoping that, in the end, everything works out well.

Take care,
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Unread 08-11-2008, 10:50 AM   #5
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Hi Marilyn,

I do hope he got in with a program, most homeless shelters do not allow drugs or alcohol, in that they are able to receive much needed funding to provide Mental Health/Substance Abuse programs for the residents. I am wondering who he puts down as an emergency contact person on his paperwork wherever he is?
If he has a caseworker at a shelter or other program, someone should be contacting you to let you know he is ok, Does he receive any type of benefit? Food stamps, social security etc...? You can always contact Adult protective Services to see if they will help you out.

Let's hope that he is busy working a program and will be contacting you very soon : )
Until then, sending thoughts and prayers to you and your family, Take care - Carly


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Unread 08-11-2008, 12:30 PM   #6
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Hi All, I am sorry I have written on the other thread Mom of Alcoholic Son. I will move to here in the future as this has my name as Glennda says. Thanks, Marilyn
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Unread 08-12-2008, 10:34 PM   #7
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Hi All, Well here is the newest news, I got a call tonight at the Detox center saying that Mike left! No word to anyone! The nurse said she was evaluating him to give the release to go to the Serenety House tomorrow but felt because of his depresion and threats of suicide he should go back to the hospital for a professional evaluation and I guess he just left. No word from him, I have notified his father in Vermont. We just wait for now I guess? Fear Anger all rolled up into one big emotion. Keep praying and listening for us all. Thanks, Marilyn
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Unread 08-13-2008, 10:46 AM   #8
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Good Morning All, The saga goes on-----------I called te detox center to find out if they felt Mike was a danger to himself or others and low and behold Mike was picked up by Vermont police and brought back there but put in a different area of the building. The nurse said he was intoxicated and the police brought him there and once he was sobered up he was free to go! The rules there are you have to wait 30 days before you are considered again. Well what happens now I really don't know as always it is up to Mike to live or die. What his decision is I really have no idea. God help us all. Marilyn
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Unread 08-13-2008, 04:44 PM   #9
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Oh Marilyn, I was hoping so that you would all catch a break and he would get with a program and stick with it.

I am guessing they have the 30 day rule because there is a waiting list for people who want treatment. We cannot make them want it, so I if you have a support group,or counselor, now would be the time to lean on them to get you through this.

I wish I had an answer for you, I really do, your family is in my thoughts and prayers, thank you for keeping us posted, I know this is not what any of us had hoped would happen. I pray he is ok - where ever he is. Take care of yourself Marilyn, Carly

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Unread 08-16-2008, 10:31 AM   #10
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Oh Marilyn,

What a mess, huh? I had so hoped that he'd "get it" this time. I'm so sorry.

Well, what now? I guess all you can do is take care of YOURSELF while you wait for him to have an epiphany. Are you doing that? You don't talk much about what support systems you have in place for you. Please, please find SOMEONE that can help you along.

You know we're always here for you. Please keep posting and giving us updates. Stay strong.

Take care,
Glennda
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Unread 08-17-2008, 08:05 PM   #11
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Marilyn, I'm sorry to hear that. Please let us know how you are.

Prayers.
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Unread 08-19-2008, 06:41 AM   #12
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Morning Marilyn,

I'm thnking about you and Mike today and sending healing, loving thoughts your way. I imagine you're trying NOT to think about him...or at least that would be MY strategy. I like to sometimes pretend all is well when the reality is just too painful and uncertain. That way, I can make it through my day. However, this IS NOT a very good coping mechanism so I hope, for your sake, that you're NOT using the "Glennda technique". Did you find a support group, counselor, therapist, etc.?

When you can, please stop in and let us know how you are.

Take care,
Glennda
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Unread 08-19-2008, 12:14 PM   #13
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Hi to you all! Your words and thoughts and prayers are very much appreciated. I am deep in thought with work and getting through each day. I do have some alanon meeting places to go and lots of support from family and friends and co-workers. It is a waiting game now as until word from him or someone there is nothing I can do. I have been told too many times that he is an adult and needs to help himself, don't enable him. Well this time around he hasn't ask for anything! that is the worry that he has given up! My prayers are many and thoughts are positive! Thank you for writing, will keep in touch. Thanks again for caring. Take Care, Marilyn
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Unread 08-19-2008, 10:35 PM   #14
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Hi Marilyn,

I'm so glad you checked in. I've been thinking of you and your son all week, wondering if there was any news...guess not, huh?

I'm relieved to hear you have meetings lined up and family and friends to support you. I'd hate to think you're trying to do this alone. So now we all wait...

Stay strong and take care,
Glennda
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Unread 08-20-2008, 10:07 AM   #15
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Hi All, Well I took the initiative to check out a shelter in Vermont and low and behold I found out he has been there. Now the issue is do I drive to there and wait to see him and talk with him or just go to see him. Any suggestions or thoughts please share. I feel happy to know he is alive but don't really know if he knows what to do. Thanks for listening. Marilyn
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Unread 08-21-2008, 03:04 PM   #16
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Hi Marilyn,

If it is not too far of a drive and you feel that you are emotionally prepared, then maybe seeing him face to face will help both of you. I worry that if he does leave again and go MIA, you might regret missing the opportunity to see him. That would be my concern. I am just happy for you that he is someplace getting help, I really pray it all goes well. Take care, Carly
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Unread 08-21-2008, 03:50 PM   #17
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http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/23/23_11_52.gif Hi Carlyo, Well the ride is 2 and half hours one way! However the distance doesn't bother to bad it is just that I need to catch him going in or out and the hours are 6 AM or 4PM, the rest of the day he is on the streets. I thought maybe like I did before try to catch him if not then leave a message on a bullatin board if they have one. I also feel better that searching out a place to stay even if it is only 14 days it shows he wants to live! What do you think? I will keep in touch. Thanks again for your words of encouragement. Take Care, Marilyn





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Unread 08-22-2008, 07:16 PM   #18
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Hi Marilyn,

Wow...nice "smileys"...and now WE can have 10,000 smileys too if we just click on the link? I may try it...

Yeah, I'm with Carly on this one. If it were me, I'd make the trip just to see him face-to-face and get a better idea just where he is in the "recovery process". Phone calls and letters can only convey so much information and it's easy for him to misrepresent himself with these mediums. Not so when your standing right in front of him. If you're emotionally prepared, feeling strong and want to know the "truth" of the situation, then by all means, plan a trip to see him. It may make you both feel better.

It sounds like he might be hard to pin down though. Can you take the weekend to make the trip and stay in a cheap motel? That way, you could drop in at the shelter at different times of the day until you catch up with him.

This is just my opinion and certainly you must do what your heart tells you. Let us know what you decide and how it turns out, please.

Take care,
Glennda
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Unread 08-23-2008, 12:39 AM   #19
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Hi Marilyn,

I also love the smileys ! Very Cool !
I am thinking that his counselor or the manager of the shelter would help you make arrangements to see him, that is what they are there for. I am fairly certain, they should be working with him on a plan, I would imagine they would welcome a family member's visit, the more they know of his history maybe from you, the better they can develop a successful plan.
I do hope this is a good place he is in and that they are REALLY working with him. Call the manager , see what they can suggest and if all else fails - call the Director of the shelter. That may get some answers.

Good luck and hang in there Marilyn, take care - Carly
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Unread 08-26-2008, 09:20 AM   #20
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http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/23/23_33_15.gif Hi All, I went to Rutland Shelter yesterday to find out that Mike had not showed up Saturday night and they felt he was drinking somewhere. A woman there qustioned a few people and learned Mike possible whereabouts on the street. She offered to lead me there and then I could talk with him. So we drove around the area and I spotted him sitting on a park bench talking with someone, I beeped my horn to stop the person helping me and we walked over to Mike. He looked surprised to see me, she left us alone and the person talking with Mike left. Mike looked tired, he had a big can of beer in a bag drinking it. He talked with me but we just kept going over what does he want to change to live a productive life. He said I was too serious about his condition and he slipped Saturday and felt he was respectful not going back to the shelter because he knew the rules. We made a few calls to the Detox center, however they said he didn't meet the criteria, whatever that means. The rehab in Mass. was always busy when we called, I need to check the number I think! Mike said he looked for work and may work at the upcoming Fair in Rutland.

It was so tiring to keep going over and over what I wanted to see him do with his life and how he saw things. He feels free, however doesn't like sleeping outside. Go figure! I gave him a calling card and said you know where to reach me and any of the family, we love you and are willing to help you once you want to help yourself. Oh! a interesting thing he asked, "Was his inheritance still in tact?" As he then had Hope and Faith! Would I call his father to find out, I explained I knew nothing about what his fathers wishes were. I let him use my cell phone to call his Dad but nothing was mentioned.

Well I felt good I saw him even in his condition, however, I left feeling empty that he would be on the street again that night. It is getting colder at night now up here in New England.

Around 10PM the phone rang my heart skipped a beat, just maybe he was ready! It was my grand-daughter who turns 11 Thursday, she said Grammy I saw Uncle Mike! I said where she said by Wal-Mart in Rutland, where I had seen him earlier. My daughter-in-law had driven there to shop for school things and the grand-daughter spotted him walking. So if exposure to family in one day doesn't make an impression I really don't know what will! Keep the prayers and good vibes going. There is still hope I feel. Take Care! Thanks for letting me share with you. Marilyn





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Unread 08-28-2008, 04:01 PM   #21
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Hi Marilyn - I was out of town so I missed this ! Wow ! You did it and what a coincidence that his neice saw him the same day ! I am glad you still have hope and at least you know you tried, gave him the calling card.

Yes, the whole inheritance issue is interesting. Do you know if someone will be in charge of it and on the condition he stay sober? I have seen this done before, as family members know that the money will be gone in a snap and worse it may be their demise, so they set it up with a trustee, and all of the conditions have to be met in order for the beneficiary to get any money, ( proof that they are not drinking, proof they are working a program, holding down a job) and then they usually get a monthly or quarterly allowance. That may get his attention.

I hope you are doing well and taking care of YOU : ) Hang in there and sending thoughts and prayers to you and Mike. Carly
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Unread 09-11-2008, 07:50 AM   #22
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Hi Marilyn,

I've been thinking of you and Mike all week, wondering, what's the latest in your ongoing saga?

I'm sorry I haven't been able to stop by much since school started. I'm learning a new teaching job while simultaneoulsy taking 2 classes myself, so I'm WAY short on time. But I still of think of you often and wonder how you're holding up.

I notice you haven't been around much lately either. Have you seen Mike since the episode on the park bench? Did he make it back to the shelter? And what's this story about "inheritance money"? THAT sounds like a double-edge sword.

I hope things are going well for you, and Mike is slowly coming around. I look forward to an update from you when you get a minute.

Take care,
Glennda
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Unread 09-12-2008, 11:16 AM   #23
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http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/36/36_1_67.gif Good Morning CarlyO and Glennda,

How exciting for you Glennda, teaching position and taking classes how adventurious of you. Best of luck to you! Thank you both for your concern. I am in a holding pattern right now, haven't heard a word from Mike or anyone about him. I don't know if he is in Vermont still, I am tempted to take a ride and look around, but I feel it will upset me more that I either don't see him or I do and he is still refuseing to get help. I stay busy with work and other family members getting through each day. Monday will be three weeks since I saw him. I do read the many thread each day on this site so I know I am not alone struggling with a love one having this disease of Alcoholism. We keep hope and lots of prayers going for the families afflected. Thanks again. Take Care. Marilyn





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Unread 09-12-2008, 10:01 PM   #24
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Marilyn, thinking of you. I hope you get word about your son soon.

Prayers.
Nadia
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Unread 09-16-2008, 08:15 AM   #25
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Nadia, Thank you for your note and prayers. Haven't heard a word. I keep praying and hopeful the phone will ring and I will answer to hear his voice saying "Hi Mom". He is in God's hands right now. Take Care, Marilyn
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Unread 09-16-2008, 09:37 PM   #26
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Hi Marilyn,

I am sorry you are in limbo, please keep taking care of yourself, you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. I hope you get some news soon. Take care - Carly
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Unread 09-30-2008, 08:17 AM   #27
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Good Morning to All,

Since I last heard from Mike when I saw him in Rutland, which was Aug. 25th I had not heard a word. Little to say I have kept myself busy with work and family and reading all the threads on this site. Well I got this idea to call the local police in Rutland Sunday 28th to ask if they had seen or heard from Mike. The answer was no, however the woman who answered asked how I could be reached and she would put out word to the other officers to tell them to have Mike call me. A real nice jester I thought, especially with the more serious things going on in Rutland. Well around 10:30 P.M. Sunday a officer called me and said he had picked Mike up with a double point alcohol level and brought him to the detox center where I had brought him back in August. The Officer said he asked him if he wanted him to call me to let me know that he is alive, Mike said please do and the Officer said he would call me when he was sober. I called the Detox Center around 7 AM Monday the 29th only to hear he met the release requirement of the blood alcohol level and left around 3AM! I haven't heard a word from him. Talk about mixed messages I don't know if he is so out of it that he has given up on trying to straighten out or he hopes I will come looking for him.

I am sitting tight right now, as work is demanding of me being there. I keep my prayers going and the hope that things will change for the better. This coming weekend we may be going to a friends camp near Rutland so I may take a trip around the streets. Any suggestions or thoughts anyone may have will be greatly appreciated. Thanks for all your caring and support it is such a life line to open my computer each day and read that all of us have our demons and still keep on going. Take Care, Marilyn
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Unread 10-02-2008, 01:30 PM   #28
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Hi Marilyn, Thank you for updating us, though I wish they had not let him out or referred him back to a facility. I am praying for you and Mike. I hope work gives you an outlet and keeps your mind off of worrying. Hang in there Marilyn, we are all pulling for you and Mike. Take care , Carly
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Unread 10-21-2008, 09:00 AM   #29
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Hi All, Well it has been awhile since I last wrote. There hasn't been any news until this past Friday night. I received a call from my son Mike, it was all of a few minutes. He cussed me out for calling the police to find out where and how he was. Said that they were harrassing him about calling his Mom to say where he was and how he was. Why did I do this, I simply said I was concerned and worried about you. He said well I am here which is Rutland, Vermont and you don't financially help me so you don't need to know anything! then hung up. Well I was hurt and mad that he didn't give me a change to respond. I had a good cry and then pulled it together and said I get it! I need to pull away right now and let him be in God's hands. I know it is the disease of alcohol that is speaking but the hurtful words are so toxic. Keep Mike and I in your thoughts and prayers. Take Care. Marilyn
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Unread 10-21-2008, 01:00 PM   #30
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Hi Marilyn,
Thank you for letting us know how you are doing. I am sure that was painful to hear from Mike and I am glad you know that it was the alcohol and his unhappiness with himself talking. I believe you have done everything humanly possible to help him, you can only do so much, go with what your heart and faith tells you to do.
Yes, you and Mike are in my prayers, take care of yourself, Carly : )
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Unread 10-21-2008, 01:43 PM   #31
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Hi Carlyo, Thanks for replying to my message. You are so prompt to alot of us in your thoughtful and caring words. They mean so much to me, I will survive this disease of alcohol that has afflicted my family. As each day passes I feel that things will get better. Thank you for your prayers. Sincerely, Marilyn
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Unread 10-22-2008, 12:38 PM   #32
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Awww Marilyn Thanks : )
I know you help so many people by sharing, we have many people who read but do not post and I believe they have learned a lot from you and what you have been through with Mike. I hope you and your husband are finding peace through the support system you have and glad that you are feeling hopeful - again, thank you for your kind words. Take care, and sending prayers your way - Carly
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Unread 10-29-2008, 01:21 PM   #33
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Hi All, I finally got a call from Mike! First he apologized for hanging up on me, which I thanked him. He asked how I was, and I asked him how he was, the answer from him was O.K. He then asked what was going on for Thanksgiving and I told him we are having dinner with family. He then said was he invited? I said you are always invited you are the one that is either in jail or among the missing in years past. I know he said but I would like to come this year. He will check on bus transportation. Well I checked and there is no bus out of Rutland Vermont so we will see if he calls again to tell me that and how he plans to get to New Hampshire. I asked if he was staying with someone and he said yes but also still camping out, also a friend was going into Serenety House soon. I then asked him if he was handling his addiction alone and he said yes. I told him once again all the family would be behind him if he would comit to a program of some kind to get him off the street and to stop the drinking. He just said I know! We ended the call with I love you, will call again soon. We will see! Thanks for reading and caring, it certainly gets me through this up and down feelings about Mike and where he is at. Take Care All. Marilyn
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Unread 10-29-2008, 01:33 PM   #34
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HI Marilyn,

Glad that Mike called you and apologized, he needed to do that.
If he calls and says there is a bus that goes to your town and send some money - well you know what he is doing. If he calls and tells the truth, then ask him if he can get a ride with a friend.
You sound like you are on top of things, he knows the rules for visiting, no drink, no drugs. I hope he truly misses you all and wants to see the family.
I am happy for you that you heard from him : ) Hang in there and take care, Carly
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Unread 12-03-2008, 10:58 AM   #35
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Hi All, Hope all had a wonderful Happy Thanksgiving. Mine was to say the least eventful! My X called the morning of Thanksgiving to inform me that Mike's brother Dan had picked him up in Rutland to come to dinner at my house. He felt that Dan doesn't need to help Mike he has his own family to care for. My X is done helping Mike and he is not welcomed there at all! and I should also say no to him in helping in anyway. Long story short, My sister her family and Dan and his family and Mike came for Thanksgiving. Had a wonderful dinner! After the dinner, all hell broke lose, My husband began to question Mike as to his plans where was he staying and he wasn't going to stay here. Seems Mike was going to go to a interview in Claremont, NH on Monday and he didn't have a plan to get there, or he did thinking his Dad would have him stay there and drive him to the interview at Wal-mart. His father didn't offer and my husband assumed he probably would ask me, which he never did.

So after badgering Mike for a lenghthy time everone got angry and I cried thinking how sad it was that this was happening when I was so happy to see my boys together. Dan and Mike left and Dan brought Mike back to Rutland where he has been for the last months. I have not heard a word so I don't know if Mike is alright or not.

I realize we have done alot to help Mike financially and emotionly in the past 20 plus years and he still seems to chose to drink and not seek out professional help. However I really feel it was uncalled for when his father and step-father came down on him when he appeared to just want to be with family for Thanksgiving.

Once again I wait for the phone to ring and I hear Mike's voice and pray that he is alright. Thanks again for all your words and encouragement. Take Care, Marilyn
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Unread 12-03-2008, 03:36 PM   #36
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Hi Marilyn,

I am glad to hear from you though I am so very sorry that happened. I understand what you are saying, you were happy to just see Mike, Mike - ( I hope) sincerely wanted to be around family, possibly with no agenda other than to see a kind and loving person, if he has been on the streets the past months.

I suppose everyone has their own saturation limits, possibly your X and other family members have reached theirs and just do not know how to handle Mike's lack of motivation for help. So they reacted that way. But I know a Mother's / Parent's love is so powerful, I am sure it meant so much to have your kids all together under one roof! : ) I am happy for you that you at least had a few hours with him.

We have an active A. in my Husb . family and during holiday events we have a "truce/time out " so to speak, he knows if he wants to attend, he cannot ask for money, cannot drink/drugs ( we do put our purses, valuables up ) to head off tempatation, and just enjoy the day, no one mentions treatment, or "what are you going to do with your life? " type comments. Is it Denial ? Maybe, but for my husb family, and the A's Mother, holidays are very important to them , being with family, friends, as long as he is respectful, we have found that this works as he ususally shows up, gets a good meal, sees family and then is on his way.

Oh Marilyn, It is a shame this happened after such a nice Thanksgiving dinner. Probably, those that got upset are fed up, they do not have the same unconditional love that you do or the capacity to put their frustrations aside for a few hours.
I guess you have to weigh the pros and cons, is his presence so upsetting to everyone ? or was it that they had not seen him in months and this was their opportunity, in their minds, to talk some sense into him?

Maybe - If you are certain Mike was truly there to be around family,and that it is not upsetting to the entire family to have him present, talk with the others about having "a day of truce" - if it means so much to you. If Mike wants to come for Holiday/Christmas meal - that Mike will be aware of the rules and the family needs to abide by them as well.

I pray you hear from him soon, he is probably hurt and may take a few days for him to call. The Holidays can be a very difficult time for all involved, I hope you all can find an appropriate solution and that you can find some peace of mind.
Please let us know when you hear from him - and take care of yourself - Carly
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Unread 12-09-2008, 11:18 AM   #37
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Hi Marilyn,
I am new to this site, so let me introduce myself. My name is Wendy and I am also the mother of an alcoholic son, Alex, who is 24 - we live in North Carolina. I've read this string from top to bottom and I am so moved and sympathetic to what you are going through. Trust me, I've been there. Please do not give up on Mike. I was at the same point you are 2 months ago when I finally threw my son out of the house. He called me a week later and was ready to get help for the first time since he was a young teenager and his problems started. We went through about 10 years of living hell with him. In addition to alcohol, he also has a major drug addition (mostly marijuana and prescription pain killers, but occaisionally meth & cocaine as well). He has had 2 DUI's and numerous (felony) drug charges which have cost us a fortune in lawyer fees, etc. just to keep him from going to prison. I know now just how much I was enabling his habits by wanting to help. Once I said I was through and he knew I meant it, he finally came around. He checked himself into a treatment program mid-Oct, got out mid-Nov. and has been attending AA meetings everynight since. He's been sober over 60 days now and I've never been so relieved. We know how easily he could relapse, so I still pray everyday that he stays on track. I'll add your son to my prayer list in hopes that he does the same one day soon. Hang in there and know that you're not alone in this battle.
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Unread 12-09-2008, 11:49 AM   #38
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Hi Wendy,
Welcome to the site, it is a wonderful place to vent and get some encouraging words and sincere thoughts and prayers by all. Yes I have many more years with Mike dealing with the roller coaster of his life style. I now wait to get some word about where he is and is he alright. Is your son living at home with you? How does his father react to him and his addictions? The enabling is the hardest part for me as I am weak and I want so much to protect him and keep him safe as many of us that have loved ones with addictions. I never lose hope and faith that he will soon find his way back to a happy lifestyle that includes all the people who love him. A friend of mine just e-mailed me a Dr. that has found relaxing pill that may be a cure for alcoholics, it was on Good Morning show this AM, I haven't read it all yet but check it out. I pray for you and your son that he will continue to find peace and sobriety. Thanks for your prayers and keep your faith as we all need to know that there is a higher power that will find his way to give us only what we can handle. Marilyn
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Unread 12-09-2008, 01:25 PM   #39
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Thanks for the reply Marilyn.
Yes, my son is living with us right now. He's been working at the same place for almost a year now (that's a first), so he's going to stay with us for atleast another year so that he can pay his rehab bill and a lawyer fee that's still pending. His insurance only covered his rehab for the first week (what a joke) so he left there owing almost $7,000. There's no way he can afford his own place now and pay this too, but Mom's not helping this time. As for my husband, he is Alex's stepfather but has raised him since he was 2. There were times that our marriage almost fell apart over this entire ordeal. He would come down hard on Alex and I'd always find some excuse for his behavior - as only a mother can I guess. Of course, this caused many arguments between us. I must say that since Alex has been clean these past couple of months, my husband has been extremely supportive of him. But, I know if he were to relapse, we'd be back in the same boat. Also, Alex has a 4 year old son that lives with us too. His mother has even worse addiction problems and lost her parental rights about 2 years ago. Alex was given custody and I think that has been a huge part of him finally wanting to get his act together. He knows that we are crazy over "Little Alex" and would raise him ourselves if necessary, but he really wants to make a life for himself and his son. As I said before, I just pray that this will continue to inspire him to keep it together.
Oh, I heard about that new drug as well so I read the article online (Good Morning America). It seems that there are mixed reactions to it. Some folks are saying that you're just trading in one addition for another. But surely it doesn't have all the side affects of the alcohol, so I think it's definitely worth checking into. I wonder if the folks that are criticizing it have ever had to live with an A ???
Please keep us posted on the status of your son. In the meantime, keep your chin up as best you can and remember to take care of yourself.
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Unread 12-10-2008, 01:25 AM   #40
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Hi Wendy , Welcome to the forum and thank you for sharing your experience, strength and hope with us. I do hope your son continues to do well on his journey. I will write more later as it is getting late, but so glad you are here!
take care, Carly
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Unread 12-24-2008, 07:56 AM   #41
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Merry Christmas Happy Healthy 2009 to All,

I pray everyone is looking forward to a Happy Holiday with Family. Wendy is your son Alex still doing well? I pray for everyone that this awful addiction will give peace.

My situation is the same, I have not heard from my son Mike. I called the police in Rutland and the last encounter they had with him was Nov. 29th, picked him up for intoxication and released next day. They will keep an eye out and call if they see him. Rutland police are so wonderful, have such a compassion for everyone.

My other son Dan is having serious marriage problems with financial worries and emotional.

To sum up this is not the best family Christmas. However, I have faith and a lot of hope that things will get better. I do wish that all having some difficult times right now will find some happiness and greet 2009 with lots of love & hope. Take Care All!
Marilyn
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Unread 12-26-2008, 10:14 PM   #42
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Marilyn,

I am touched by the sadness in your expression of faith. You are not alone, when many others may find sadness as well, within an assumed joyous time.
I believe you will manage as best you can and I hope you find some peace and beauty
in this holiday. Even if it is a reminder of your own resilience and caring.

Merry Christmas
And wishes for a lighter load in '09

Jerryg
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Unread 12-28-2008, 06:09 PM   #43
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Greetings Jerryg,
Thank you for your wishes for a lighter load in 2009. I want all to know my son Mike called a short time ago and he was intoxicated. He kept saying he loved me. He asked how was Christmas and I told him the truth it was the woarst I had ever had and now he was calling drunk to say hi. He asked about his Christmas gifts and I told him his grandmother had sent a check, he then said what about Dad, I said I don't have any idea. I said we had thought to get a go phone for him so he could keep in touch. Well he felt a Wal-Mart card would be better.

He said for work he was ringing the Salvation bell, staying here and there paying a small of rent to a friend sometimes. I also told him that the New Hampshire Cost Containment had sent a notice about him not paying on the lawer fees. He said Oh I forgot about that send it and I will pay them so I won't go to jail. The address he gave is General Delivery, Rutland, Vt. That was about it. Now I wonder if I should send his money when Alanon always says don't give money. What is other thoughts about this?

I am hanging in there. Looking forward to a better year ahead. Take Care! Marilyn
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Unread 12-30-2008, 10:49 PM   #44
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Hi Marilyn,

Thank you for keeping us posted - I am out of the loop as I have been out of town. I am sorry this was not the best of Holidays, I think the times in general , the economy stress, are wearing on all of us.
Mike called - a relief I am sure, to know where he is. Though I suspect he was curious about what funds/gifts may be availed to him. Marilyn - I hope if you send him the money he will use it wisely.
I pray he gets sick and tired of being sick and tired and will seek help , it must be getting to him.

Most of all , I hope and pray you can find some peace and serenity, I wish you a Happy New Year Marilyn ! Take care - Carly : )
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Unread 02-02-2009, 01:17 PM   #45
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Hi Mendela, I read several of your posts. The story is so familiar. My son is 39 and has been an addict for 23yr. Always homeless, always entering a rehab, always relapsing, always sorry, always evasive...vile when using and "a young boy" when he tries to be straight. I was married for 36yrs- we divorced 5 yrs ago. It is difficult to travel this road alone but I am relieved that my ex has no imput with my decisions. He is a controlling , arrogant, pompous fool with lots of money to make him credible. This is my first visit to this site. I hope others are interested. In peace, Joyce
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Unread 02-03-2009, 07:03 PM   #46
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Welcome Joyce, I can also relate to your story. Yes the young boy is the way I feel when he is straight, he plays on my feelings and just this past week I heard from him asking me if I could file his taxes on line so he could get $36.00 for earned income credit. He has only worked in 2008 for day labor and the salvation army during the holidays. He was suppose to call this week to give me the information to file for the $36.00, haven't heard a word. Each day I worry but as you we have spent alot of years hopeful the behavior would change only to be hurt that it remains the same. I have been divorced over 20 years from his father and he too was controlling and arrogant. He feels his son has made his own bed and must be responsible to take care of himself. I however keep the faith and hope that things will change. As parents we want our children to be happy and have a better life than ours. Trying to understand the disease and why they are so hurtful to the ones they love is probably the hardest part. After all our love for them is unconditional and theirs is so destructive. Do you know where your son is? is he working at all? Do you have a support system to take care of you? Joyce believe me the worry can absorbe your life so much so you live in constant quilt and depression. Take care and keep in touch. Prayers are with you. Marilyn
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Unread 02-03-2009, 08:35 PM   #47
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Hi Joyce,

Welcome to the forum and thank you for sharing and let us know if we can help you - or just "cyber -listen" when it gets tough.
Has your son ever tried any type of residential /long term treatment? Just a thought I had, but I am guessing you already have tried many options.

You and Marilyn are both so eloquent in describing the struggle, the pain you feel for your children, yes, they are grown, but I know they will always be your "boys". I am certain you have helped many people who read
this forum

I hope you are taking care of yourself, hang in there and keep us posted.
Be well, Carly

P.S. Hi Marilyn, as always thank you for sharing, I hope you are doing well, sending good thoughts and prayers to you and your family Take care, Carly
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Unread 02-04-2009, 01:52 PM   #48
mendela
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Hi CarlyO, Things have been quiet at the moment, don't know if that is good or bad. I do have a phone number now to reach Mike, however, I avoid calling to often as I am giving him lots of space this new year. Still worry no doubt! but do try to keep busy and pray alot. I do enjoy offering my experiences to others that are going through worry and despair for their loved one. We struggle with so many emotions at once and I believe that is what makes us so angry that we can't fix it! This past week a co-worker died at home from complications of retaining fluid. She was only 66 years old. She had retired 3 years ago to enjoy life with her husband of 46 years. Life that is cut short really makes you look at things differently.
Thank you for your kind words and prayers. I certainly need them as others do. We all carry our burdens in many ways, but I have been told many times we are only given what our higher power feels we can handle. It certainly seems heavy sometimes. Take Care! Marilyn
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Unread 04-10-2009, 10:26 AM   #49
mendela
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Hi To All, I have good news about son Mike, he is in a rehab. Serenity House in Vermont, went in April 6th. will be there for 21 to 30 days, which he has done before. However, he went on his own no family brought him. I pray that he will continue beyond 30 days with support so he doesn't relapse as quick as in the past. It has been a long 2 plus months with no word, which I let him know was awful of him to do to family. I told him that news had reported finding dead bodies with no identification and are thoughts where is it Mike. His only response was he was sorry but didn't want us to know he was on the skids again.

I have been reading many of the threads and I send prayers and thoughts to all of you that are struggling with addiction of a loved one. Sending best wishes for a Happy Easter and a peaceful one. Thanks for listening and being there for me. Take Care, Marilyn
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Unread 04-10-2009, 08:01 PM   #50
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Hi Marilyn,

I can only imagine how happy you are that your son has a chance at a new life. I'm not religious at all, but Eastertime and your son's chance at a new life?...... maybe there aren't any coincidences.

For what its worth, please tell your son that I used to drink compulsively and abuse drugs daily. Today I have a life I never thought possible for me. I owe it all to the program of Alcoholics Anonymous and the sober members of that fellowship. I know of no sober living place, sobriety house, rehab facility, etc., that doesn't utilize the program of AA in some way. I'm sure his facility will expose him to the program.

Also tell him for me that there was a time when I was newly sober when my problems seemed crushing, that I would never get out from under them. Today, I still have problems occasionally, but they are not crushing. If the problem is difficult, I rely on the God of my understanding for direction and peace. In other words, I'm not alone any longer. Best of everything to him and you. Dave
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