hey been a while

[rogan]

Hi there,

I haven't been on the boards in a few months, I wanted to say hi to Nancy and everyone else.

I'm back, and will try and stay on the boards more regularly. I just started cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) in an effort to improve my life and wean myself off of subutex. I'm on 4mg and can't seem to break through this (yup, Nancy, still in the same spot!). I moved away from one country where I was abusing cocaine (in addition to taking my regular dose of subutex, in all legality) and now live abroad. The plus: I haven't used cocaine in two years.

Anyway, I'm not out of the woods yet. Subutex is a cross to bear, a huuuge drag. As my former sub doctor said, sub patients tend to self-stigmatize about their subutex dependence.

I feel like people in the street can tell that I'm something, they glare at me, or just look at me with curiosity. Anyway, it's hard to be part of the normal world when you feel abnormal. And I want to feel normal again. Plus, the subutex took my appetite to new heights and I gained weight. Yes, I really feel that the two are linked. If I cut down on the meds, I lose my appetite..

Anyway, that's me in a nutshell. I hope everyone here is hanging on, tomorrow's another day, don't forget.

Rogan

PS: by the way I heard that NPR did a program very recently about subutex, saying that it's getting hard for patients to get it legally as the black market around it has really blossomed and doctors are turning away patients not wanting to be involved with this type "crowd" -- any truth to it? I felt really bad for people trying to get their medications in all legality and feeling the pressure. I feel very lucky to live in a country where not only medications are plentiful but they are also cheap (those Euros, they've got it all figured out). That said, I aim to be med-free.. don't want to take anything.. I don't believe in pills.

[NancyB]

Hi rogan, nice to 'see' you. I'm glad you've started CBT. I think it will help with changing your behaviors so you'll be able to taper down and off of the -tex. Hopefully it will also help you to feel normal and not like people are staring at you. Some people do stigmatize themselves about Suboxone treatment. They feel it's replacing 'one drug for another'. Which it isn't. Focusing on what addiction is (uncontrollable, compulsive behavior despite negative consequences) and making the behavioral changes to stop that behavior may make things easier to accept.

Thinking of it for what it is, a medication for a medical problem, may also put a different perspective on it. It is only to stop cravings and withdrawals so that the person can work on him/herself not burdened by those cravings and WDs. There are people who do become addicted to Suboxone because nothing has changed and the behaviors continue - but that isn't the fault of the medication - the person then needs to look inside and make the necessary behavioral changes to be successful.

But enough of that. I hope you're happy overseas - did you find a job that you like?


Nancy


Also, here's the article rogan referred to:
http://www.npr.org/blogs/money/2012/...s-addicts-quit

To answer your question, yes, we've seen people buying Suboxone on the streets because they can't find a treatment slot, or a doctor who isn't charging outrageous amounts of money. Getting rid of the limit would change a lot of that.

[rogan]

Dear Nancy,

thank you for your kind and measured response, as always.

I've had difficulty finding work. I just turned 40 and without any advanced skills it's really difficult to find proper work. I took up a nighttime job (no, not that kind , just started working this month again after ... 12 months of being unemployed! Because I no longer spend my money on cocaine or whores I usually have some ducats in my pocket nowadays. Got me a dog.. And, rejoining the work force was, even though it's not the best job ever, a great feeling. After all these failed job interviews I was literally starting to feel like society at large no longer trusted me -- I was feeling the pariah syndrome.
Just started to write a novel... for the love of God, let me complete this one.. (fingers crossed)

how are you? How's life? Are you one of us, or formerly of us?? I'm curious, though I suppose it doesn't matter... you're a pillar of this online community either way, I know that when I come back here and I post something I've come to expect and rely on your posting a response.

Best,

Rogan

[theswan]

Welcome back.

Why so hard on yourself about being on suboxone? I was on a couple of years then tapered slowly, had near zero WD from it and stayed off over a year. I knew that because of my pain issues, I'd take it again just did not know how long my back/hip would hold out to. So I went back on at a lower dose and worked up to a dose that works for me. (2mg QID) It does help a lot with pain and I have very little side effects except constipation at times.

I think that you may have overblown the way you act/look on suboxone. Folks around me never suspected when I was on or when I went off (and back now).

Anyway good look tapering just go slow but realize that one can hardly compare our degree of functioning on suboxone to the merry go round of addiction.

By the way, so sorry you had that "instant WD" thing by taking the sub too soon-You are my hero for going to work that day! I doubt I'd be able to get out of bed!

Glen