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Unread 01-07-2017, 05:09 AM   #41
Senior Member
Posts: 371


I'm sorry you had to go through this too.
I'm just sad, worried and scared. I have had panic attacks all my life and I know how to ride them out when they come. But this feels different. It's more like genuine fear. The wind was rattling the window and I turned to jelly. From one perspective I feel strong and calm. I don't feel in danger of returning to drinking. I feel positive but then something like the wind rattling the window just sets me off suddenly even if I've been distracted and not self-talking meanly. So I think it's just due to stress and being in tbe house.

I want to move on but there are real practical matters that are stopping me. It's like there's a big raincloud overhead and I have to keep checking the sky for the thunderstorm.
I got a letter on Thursday from the court saying that I haven't nominated a defense lawyer and that I have 20 days to view the legal briefs and build a case in opposition of the case being archived.
So I don't know. What does that even mean? Why do I need a lawyer? How is going to look at some legal documents going to be vonstructive?
So what do I do? Get a lawyer, press charges, let this drag on for months and take over my life. To what end? To make sure he gets sent away for a while? It feels so cruel and wrong.
If I just ignore it he could be out in a month. I really don't think a month sober is enough for him. It was forced sobriety too. Not exactly his choice. I don't know. He might be very angry too and come back to hurt me.
How can I know? I don't know what to do. I am just waiting.
I think I should stay informed about where he is but I don't want to get a lawyer and go into the jungle of the Italian legal system.
So that's all really. Rather repetitive. Just the arrival of the letter dragged up the reality of the situation.
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