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Unread 01-07-2017, 05:09 AM   #41
soapdish
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Posts: 371
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Hi

I'm sorry you had to go through this too.
I'm just sad, worried and scared. I have had panic attacks all my life and I know how to ride them out when they come. But this feels different. It's more like genuine fear. The wind was rattling the window and I turned to jelly. From one perspective I feel strong and calm. I don't feel in danger of returning to drinking. I feel positive but then something like the wind rattling the window just sets me off suddenly even if I've been distracted and not self-talking meanly. So I think it's just due to stress and being in tbe house.

I want to move on but there are real practical matters that are stopping me. It's like there's a big raincloud overhead and I have to keep checking the sky for the thunderstorm.
I got a letter on Thursday from the court saying that I haven't nominated a defense lawyer and that I have 20 days to view the legal briefs and build a case in opposition of the case being archived.
So I don't know. What does that even mean? Why do I need a lawyer? How is going to look at some legal documents going to be vonstructive?
So what do I do? Get a lawyer, press charges, let this drag on for months and take over my life. To what end? To make sure he gets sent away for a while? It feels so cruel and wrong.
If I just ignore it he could be out in a month. I really don't think a month sober is enough for him. It was forced sobriety too. Not exactly his choice. I don't know. He might be very angry too and come back to hurt me.
How can I know? I don't know what to do. I am just waiting.
I think I should stay informed about where he is but I don't want to get a lawyer and go into the jungle of the Italian legal system.
So that's all really. Rather repetitive. Just the arrival of the letter dragged up the reality of the situation.
Thanks
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