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Unread 12-26-2016, 11:30 AM   #19
Senior Member
Posts: 371


Thanks for checking in on me.

I think I have known for a long time what I needed to do but having the courage to do it is another matter.

The last two days have been very hard but today I am perkier. I let myself become so rundown over the last few months that I am anaemic but the iron pills and Marmite are kicking in and now Christmas is over I am more relaxed.

Yesterday was a struggle. My dad kept asking me if I wanted a glass of flipping Champagne!

But I didn't. I just put some apple juice in fizzy water so my glass looked the same as theirs 😉

Christmas is always hard going and I admit I went to the shop on Christmas Eve purposely to buy some booze to 'take the edge off' but when I got in the shop I just bought some cat treats and came home. I am so glad. Returning to drink isn't gonna help anybody is it now?

I am sad for me and for him. But I also feel a sense of relief and hope.

I will be honest and say that there is still a long way to go. If I see him I don't trust myself to remain firm, so I must not see him now.

It's good that I am in England with my parents, distracted by their obligatory Christmas cheer.

This forum has been a real help. I mean the people on this forum have been helping me so much. I can't thank you all enough. I have been reading others' stories and I see I did the right thing: the only thing. Domestic abuse forums were not helpful when I reached out. They tend to demonise the alcoholic, but this place has helped me accept that my situation is tge result of an illness and a two-way tango. Him, his addictions and my addiction to him. I the enabler for so long. Too long.

I wrote months ago on another thread. I knew then I was on a slippery slope. He was on his last last chance and he knew it. Maybe it was indeed a cry for action. I will never know but we hit the end of the line and even if he is probably going through withdrawal alone on a cold hard prison floor, the cycle HAD TO be broken.
I will always have a sadness in me because it is sad. He is so young and so lovely when sober. But it was the only choice left and I don't need to be afraid in my own home anymore.

How are you people getting on?

I admire you all and I'm thinking of you (even if my posts are all about me, myself & I).

Big big hugs
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