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Unread 12-23-2016, 01:01 PM   #14
Sam Bailey
Senior Member
Posts: 1,630

Hello Soapdish,

I don't want to add to your pain, or your confusion. Yet if I don't speak honestly then I AM adding to your suffering.

So, let me say:

You are trying so damn hard to render your boyfriend the innocent party in this terrible, maybe deadly, drama that you're blind to the truth. He hurt you, Soapdish. Physically and emotionally. WHY shouldn't he face up to that truth?

Somehow, I suspect, you feel that if you hurt yourself badly enough, everything will be cosmically okay. That is not true.

I have experienced your story on many levels. Never does it work to absolve the abuser of his deeds.

In order for him to get well---and in order for the two of you to stand a freaking chance in life together---HE must face the consequences of his actions---and you must be willing to tell the truth that HE did some pretty damn bad things to you.

Any way but the right way will fail.

You don't have to spend a bunch of money in therapy, nor do you have to sit and listen to some preacher, if you don't want to do that.

Al Anon is a free organization made up of people JUST LIKE YOU, people who have experienced, or are experiencing, the alcohol related problems of addiction in a family member. They know what you're facing...and they know, first hand, just how hard it is to place the blame where it belongs....which is on him, not you.

They know this because they went through it, just as you're going through it now.

I wish you the best, Soapdish, in whatever choice you make.

sam b
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