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Unread 08-13-2015, 04:15 PM   #1
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Hello, I thought I should post since I have been reading and it is only fair if I share as well. Alcohol has always been a huge part of my family. My Mom is Italian and my Dad is Irish. Growing up was always like a never ending party of lots of relatives, food, music and drinks. I never drank in high school and really only started to drink in my second year in college. After college I continued to drink; however maintained a great job. Actually I have always maintained a great job and I am completely Type A personality and slightly OCD. Christmas cards are done 2 months in advance, presents are bought and wrapped by October, I am a super planner and I am always the one to organize. If you asked anyone who knows me they would never think I have a drinking problem, well except my husband because he sees it. I donít go out to bars, no clubs, no hard liquor, just wine. I donít drink when I get up, I donít drink at work, never would do that, but come 6 pm after a long day I will start and finish a large bottle of wine. I will wake up the next morning and will not remember who I talked too, who I texted, what I posted on FB. The scary part is most mornings I wonít even feel like crap. Maybe foggy, but never like a real hungover, and I think it is because my body is use to it. I take Lexapro for anxiety and when I have drank too much wine the next day I will feel off, very off, to the point that I canít be in a store or a restaurant. I could eat at a place outside, but being inside will just make me feel like I am going to flip out. When my first husband and I were nearing the end of a 12 year marriage I went to my parents and told them I thought I was an alcoholic and they just laughed and said no youíre not, you are fine. So life when on and I got divorced, for reasons other than drinking. My second husband had a drinking problem, but I did not realize it until it was way too late. 9 months pregnant and he is coming in from an all-night drinking fest. The funny part now looking back I never really drink that much around him, maybe because I saw the damage it was doing to him. (And I never drank pregnant) So two years later and a small daughter I divorced him and moved on. Now I am married, I know again, but this one is the keeper. We have been together for 6 years, only got married in October. He does like to have drinks, however he knows if he has one he will have more so he can self-control himself and wait until a party or a weekend, I canít. I think about having wine, like in the afternoon, knowing I will be home soon and I canít wait for that first glass. And I am super productive, making dinner, hanging out with my daughter, cleaning the house, feeding cats, watering plants, selling stuff on EBay, I just keep moving and the wine keeps flowing. I play tricks with myself too; if I buy wine in the box then I never really know how much I drank in a night. I reward myself for a good day, a bad day, itís the weekend. I have tried to stop, after having a bad hangover. I tell myself and my husband I am going to stop, just do it on the weekends and within 2 nights I am drinking again. I wonít eat as much dinner at night so I will get a quicker buzz. I donít think I am depressed and my life if full; family, activities, pets, workÖso I have to figure out the triggers. So that is what brings me to here. I drank a bunch on this Sunday, not more than usual and when I woke up on Monday I was foggy. Went to work and had a great day as always. But something in me said it has to stop. I did it for 9 months 8 years ago, why couldnít I do it now; so I googled online help groups. When I was married to #2 I actually went to Al-Anon meetings to learn to deal with him so I am ok with expecting help. I really feel like it is part of my genetic make-up. My parents and sisters drink every day, beer and wine. So my last drink was Sunday night and I am on day 4 now. I have read all about Millie and Alexis. I learned so much from all of your posts! The encouragement and advice given by Gmasusie, Millie, Alexis, R. Lee, Saint, Jditoday, Lostdog and Tryntryagain has been so helpful on my journey. Thank you for allowing me to be a part of this group. XOXO
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