Thread: Hello everyone
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Unread 09-11-2012, 06:37 PM   #51
Tryntryagain
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Posts: 3,249
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Thank you R Lee. No i have not got a support group at this time. In the last 5 years i have set up 3 AA groups, 4 peer support groups, 4 "open groups", and became a "recovery champion" for the National Tretament Agency. This afternoon i spoke with the author of "walking the line" which raises the concerns that Service Users that become engaged in the provision of treatment services after many years within them, are now "being left to fend for themselves" when and if relapse occurs. He describes it as, "the service user has now been promoted from their peer support network and yet the proffessional suits around the table will not recognise the well being of the SU in recovery. They are stuck between a rock and a hard place" It is a very real issue. This is where i am. All treatment services within a whole swathe of the Country have hands on experience of my work. I have addressed at Government level Commissioners, treatment providers and the agencies from the Dept of Health, NHS and Social Services on many occassions. At the beginning of this year i was invited to "set up" treatment programs within women's prisons and YOI. (Youth offenders institutions). It involved meeting all the prisoners who wished to be involved, talking with them, getting their thoughts around what treatment they felt they needed. It was very much a person centred, needs led program that is running succesfully as i write. It involves both abstinence based programs, (12 step) and harm reduction programs. (CBT etc) SMART came around and i worked together with the Americans so that the availability of SMART was taken seriously by treatment providers and commissioners alike. That has been succesful in that SMART is now a major player in treatment services in my Country. I am regulaly on the television and radio around these issues and up until recently was the "go to person" for radio interviews and articles. My titles in the last 18 months have been service developement officer, independent consultant, recovery champion, theraputic facilitator and community welfare co ordinator. I also run music therapy groups and i am also an acupuncturist and have had used it for various agencies to help support alleviate suffering.

So why tell you all this? Bigging myself up? Most certainly not. I am simply trying to express what a terribly difficult set of circumstances i find myself in. It is virtually impossible for me to access any support, that is something the author of the report "walking the line" was absolutely alluding to. This is not in my head. All service providers have flatly refused to support me. That is not a perception, it is a fact. My GP has refered me onto a specialist psychiatrist "as a last resort", if i get an appointment it will be at a place that i was involved in their clinical governance. If i attended any AA meetings within 100's of miles radius it would shock many. It is also massively difficult to go back into a treatment services where i have been instrumental in shaping those services.

So this pathetic creature that is writing now is mighty, mighty stuck. It is why i said in earlier posts that i was "hiding". It is why it was such a massive mistake to try to go and get some work done.

Where am i when i need me?

I am utterly lost. I have a feeling that i have no "reference point". I have no "return to factory settings", i am scaring myself in where my alcohol addled mind is leading me. I feel as if i am drowing with nothing to hold onto. I honestly think after all these years of work, (not to mention 20 years of prior treatment) i have lost the battle against my own demons. I see no way out.

Be peaceful, be healthy and be strong. Loveness to all.
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