Thread: What a mess
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Unread 06-24-2013, 04:03 PM   #24
OHIL
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Jenm, R. Lee, Tryn, Hawaii - Thank you all so much for sharing your thoughts and prayers with me. I thought we might have made some progress but alas, no. She is in the same state as she was 6 mos ago. She was calling me several times a day to tell me about her life to the point it was interfering with my work and I couldn't focus on anything else. I told her I loved her but I needed to take a break. I'm trying to remember not argue with anything, to encourage her when she makes a good decision, to not get drawn in, etc. like Al Anon recommends. I tried to keep the actual voice communications down to a minimum in order to keep my frustration down. I told her I needed a break and she said she actually understood that. She even praised me for following the Al Anon guidelines. But...she lives in such a fog, she doesn't realize it's only been 12-14 hrs since she last called or texted me. If I don't answer her call she leaves more and more dramatic voice mails. I accidentally called her when I was trying to listen to a voice mail she left and we talked yesterday. She asked why i wasn't answering her calls and i reminded her i had set some boundaries. It quickly escalated to her badgering me for abandoning her and expecting her to be "perfect" because I suggested she call me when she had some progress to share. I guess that was the wrong thing because she went on and on about her living 24 hrs at a time and my lack of caring. I asked if she had gone back to AA and she said no....but she could do that. She says the same thing over and over but doesn't ever follow through. She wants "credit" for trying and I want to encourage her but her trying only consists of a day or two at most. When she asked if I was going to see my grandson who was in town with his dad, I said maybe for a couple of hours if her ex and I could work out a time. She blew up at me, demanding to know why she wasn't aware of this? I told her I didn't need her permission to see him with or without her. I told her these arguments were exactly why I wanted to put some space between us and she hung up on me. She sent me several texts saying shed talk to me when she was "perfect" and to have fun with her son. She texted to say she was still my child and that was the only relationship she was looking for from me and I slammed the door in her face. Her final text said she felt like she grew up without a mom for half her life so she didn't guess she needed one now. (She chose to stay with her alcoholic father from age 9-15 following the divorce.) She now blames me for "leaving" her there, despite battling her dad in court for 5 years to get her back.
I know this is all the alcohol talking but it's painful to hear nonetheless. I know you are all correct; I must let her go in order for her to have a chance to make a different decision. It's apparent to me that as you said Jenm, she will use me as her reason to stay in the same spot from now on. I pray God grants me the strength to get through this.
Thanks again to you all. I keep you all in my thoughts and prayers for continued success in your struggles. Keep doing the good things that you do, you bring hope and light to those of us who are in a dark place. I hope one day I'll be able to give back as you have so generously given to me and others here.
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