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Unread 06-21-2013, 08:09 PM   #11
Senior Member
Posts: 427

I am very sorry for your loss. It sounds as though your mind may be playing tricks on you. When a girlfriend/boyfriend break up - usually one person can only remember the "good times." There is a reason a couples break up.

With the loss of your brother - it almost sounds as though your mind is trying to only remember "good times" and put you into a guilt mode - although you seem to be waging a good battle against that. Checking in with your wife, posting on this board - I think it is all good. It will force your mind to acknowledge the not so good times with your brother.

I also think that you are smart. You can only contribute to 1/2 of the relationship. Your brother didn't hold up his half - in many ways. You were smart. You didn't keep going back to him over and over thinking he would change.

My guess is that if your brother called you, said he was in rehab, and that he cared about you and wnated to make amends... you would have been right there to be supportive of him.

Please don't let your mind play tricks on you. I've posted this before, but it wouldn't have mattered if you would have called him daily and begged him not to drink... NOTHING you do/could have done matters. The only person that can stop a drunk from drinking - is the drunk.

You sound like a supportive brother who had enough respect for himself to not allow himself to be abused by his brother. I think you are mourning what "could have been" and not necessarily what was. I don't know why our minds do that to us - but I have observed it happening with many people when a relationship ends.

You valued him for his good parts. You refused to be abused by him.. and even though I don't know you - I"m willing to be a great deal of money that you would have been right by his side walking him into rehab if he would have called you and asked your for help.

Please be kind to yourself.
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